January 30th, 2016
Shawn's POV
"Brother!" I heard and woke up abruptly. "Are you sleepin'?" Skye asked sittin' beside me on my bed.
"I was." I chuckled.
"Good, because I didn't wanna wake you up or anything." She said sarcastically. Usually I would be upset, but I can't even be mad at her. Before I could respond before Syer walked in.
"Bro! You sleep or no?"
"No, he's awake." Skye answered for me.
"Daddy is makin' breakfast." Syer said sitting on my bed.
"Get out of his face." I heard Carla's voice. I looked up and she was standin' in the door frame. "Let him wake up fully. Goodness gracious."
"His eyes are open." Syer said.
"What are we doin' today?" Skye asked.
"Let's ball!" Syer answered excitedly.
"No, no. We did that last time. Lets do something else." Skye said.
"We could watch movies in the theater!" Syer suggested.
"I like that idea." I covered my mouth and yawned.
"Theeeeen we could ball." Syer said.
"Aight." I agreed.
"Shawn, breakfast is ready, if you feel like gettin' up." I nodded my head, stretched them got up from the bed.
"Bro, daddy is makin' breakfast burritos." Syer said.
"Do you like breakfast burritos?" Syke asked.
"I love them."
"Good because daddy makes the best ones."
"I know he does."
"He used to make them for you, too?" Syer asked.
"All the time." I followed behind Skye and Syer downstairs to the dinin' room. Sheldon was settin' the plate of burritos on the table.
"Good morning, son." Sheldon greeted.
"Mornin'." I replied.
"What are the plans for today?" He asked.
"We're gonna chill in the theater." Syer answered.
"Then play ball." Skye added. That's exactly what we did after we ate breakfast. We went straight the movie theater. It took us a minute to decide on which movies to watch, but we eventually came to a mutual decision. When movies got borin', we went to the gym to play a few games of twenty-one and HORSE. It wasn't serious at all. We joked around the entire time.
I went up to my room to shower and stuff once we were finished. I was looking though my bag for toothbrush when I heard my phone ring wit' a text message. I grabbed it from my bed and saw that I had hella text messages and couple of missed calls.
"What the hell.." I said quietly. I couldn't read any of them because I didn't have my "preview" on. I unlocked it and opened my messages first.
Received from Lajoy: I heard about what happened. I just wanted to tell you that I'm always here if you need a shoulder to cry on. Stay strong.
"Stay strong?" I questioned. "What the hell is she talkin' about?"
Received from Dakota: Hey, brother. I hope you're doing alright. 😪🙏🏾👼🏾I'm praying for you and the family.
Received from Danny⛹🏾: Keeping you in my prayers S Dot. Whatever you need, Dot family gotchu, bro! 🙏🏾
Received from Kyla: I'm always here if you need someone to talk just to get your mind off everything.
Received from Lance🏀: I'm sorry about your loss, bro. Keep ya head up, S Dot. 😔
Received from Nathan: My condolences, bro. Stay up, fam.
"Condolences?! What the fuck..? Is this a joke or something?"
I didn't even bother to read the rest of the text messages. I was confused as fuck and was panickin'. The only person I could think of is my Granny, so I called her.
The phone rang and after the fourth ring my heartbeat sped up. Why she ain't answerin'? She always answers!
"Hey, Grandson!"
I sighed in relief. "Oh, thank God!"
"What's wrong with you?"
"It's not me! It's everybody else."
"What are you talking about? What's going on?"
"I was chillin' wit' Syer and Skye for a minute so I left my phone up in my room. When I come back, I have all these texts messages and missed calls!"
"You're very popular." She laughed. "You should be use to it."
"Nah! The homies are sendin' me their condolences!"
"Condolences??"
"Yeah! That's what I'm sayin'. Tellin' me to stay strong- and keep my head up. Crazy stuff."
"How many text messages did you get?" Curiously she asked.
"Granny, they blew my phone up! I got like forty something texts. And like fifteen missed calls. I thought it was you, but everybody is trippin, clearly."
"Did any family text you or is it just your friends?"
"Just the homies."
"Did BB call you or text you?"
"I don't even know. Why you ask?"
"Check to see if she did." I pulled the phone away from my ear and put the call on speaker. I scrolled down to BK's thread and saw that she hadn't texted me. I checked my missed calls and I had zero from her.
"Nope."
"What about Ty?"
"Nah."
"Hmm. That's odd."
"What's odd? The fact that everybody blowin' my phone up, trippin'? That's hella odd."
"First of all, you better watch your mouth, boy." She threatened.
"I'm sorry, Granny but this is just throwin' me off."
"Clearly. I was going to say that it's odd that all of these people have reached out to you but your best friend, girlfriend, or your family haven't?"
"Because they're not weird. The homies gotta be playin' some sick joke."
"They would do something like that?"
"They're childish. I wouldn't put it passed them."
"But this is serious. I don't know much about your homies, but I don't think anyone would go the length of sending their condolences."
"So you think somebody I know died? For real for real."
"Yes. People prank but not about death, Grandson."
She's right about that. But who died?
"Where's TyTy?" I asked.
"He went to his girlfriend's house earlier."
"Have you talked to him since?"
"Yes. He told me that he would be home late because they're going out somewhere."
"So, TyTy is good. Who else is there? The homies wouldn't know if something happened to someone in the family."
"I don't know. Maybe you should call Bey."
"Uh, why?"
"Because she might know something or she can find out for you."
"But she would've called me or something."
Granny sighed. "Will you just call her?"
"Fine."
"And call me right back when you hang up, okay?"
"Okay." I ended the call wit' Granny and called BK like she told me to. It went straight to voicemail. She probably turned her phone off so that she could focus on whatever it is that she said would do while I'm away.
I called my Granny back to let her know that Bey's phone was goin' straight to voicemail.
"That was quick." She answered after the first ring.
"Granny, her phone is goin' straight to voicemail. It's probably dead or something."
"Oh, maybe. Call her sister?"
"I don't know her number."
"What about that boy she's always with?"
"Kenneth? I don't know his number either."
"What about social media?"
"Nope."
"Go find him or her sister on Facebook or something."
I chuckled. "I don't think it's that deep, Granny."
"It is that deep, Grandson."
"Because her phone isn't on?"
"Yes. You have tons of your friends sending you their condolences and you don't know why. This isn't a game. Something clearly has happened to someone you are close with. You can call Ty and see if he knows something if you can't get in touch with Bey or her friend or her sister."
"I'll call Ty."
"Good. Call me back." She hung up before I could respond. I called him right away so that I get this outta the way.
"Ayo!" Ty answered happily.
"Wassup, nigga?"
"Nothin'. Waitin' on my girl to finish her makeup and shit so we can go eat. What's good wit'chu? How's it goin' in New York?"
"Shit, chillin. Tryna figure out why niggas from school sendin' me their condolences."
"Tryna figure out why? Nigga, somebody died! Who? You aight, bro?" He fired questions at me.
I chuckled. "I'm confused 'cause ain't nobody die."
"Nah. Somebody did if you got people hittin' ya line about condolences. You talked to Granny?"
"Yeah, Granny is good. That's why I'm confused."
"What about Bey?"
"I tried callin' her but her phone is off."
"Off? Like she turned it off or 'she ain't pay her bill' off?"
"Like she turned it off."
"Oh. Her shit prolly died or something."
"That's what I was tellin' Granny."
"What she say?"
"To find her, her sister or her best friend because she might know something."
"Yeah, her nosy ass." He laughed.
"For real."
"But I'ma ask around and see what's good, aight?"
"Fasho, good lookin'."
"I got'chu." I ended the call wit' Ty and called my Granny back.
"So?" She questioned anxiously.
"I called Ty and he said that he's gonna ask around."
"Oh, good. Well, in the meantime, I'm going to drive her house and see if she or her family is home."
"Granny, you don't have to don't have to do that."
"Yes I do." She said for a matter of fact. "I'm about to pull out the driveway. I'll call you back, baby."
"Okay."
I called BK again but it still went to voicemail. Let me see what her Twitter and shit lookin' like. She hasn't posted anything since yesterday when she dropped me off. She stays on Snapchat! Her charger [must] be broken.
As I as scrollin' down my Instagram feed, Granny called me back.
"Hello?"
"Well I'm here, and I don't see her car on the street or in the driveway. There's actually no car in the driveway."
"Did you knock on the door?"
"I just did. It doesn't seem like anyone is home." Granny knocked on the door and wait for someone to answered, but no one did.
"Do you know where her friend lives?" Granny asked.
"No."
"Did you find their Facebook pages?"
"They don't use it. Bey hasn't posted anything since she dropped me at the airport."
"And you don't know anyone that might know where she is?"
"I don't have anybody's phone number or anything."
"Where does her mom work?"
"I don't know." I said feelin' helpless. I mean, I'm sure she's just chillin' at Kenneth's house. I just don't know where he lives and I don't have any contact information for him.
Granny told me to keep tryin' but there's not much that I can do right now. I didn't want to text anybody back because I legit felt like it was a sick joke. I didn't have time for that. My girl is missin' in action right now. That's what I'm worried about.
Like I intended to when I came upstairs, I took a shower, brushed my teeth, and got dressed. My phone rang as I was puttin' my socks on. It was TyTy.
"So wassup?" I asked.
"Bro." He said kinda distantly.
"What's good, bro?"
"..It's Bey."
"Bey what?" Confused, I asked.
"Its Bey. She's the one that everyone is talkin' about." Instantly, my blood boiled! Why does everybody keep playin' jokes on me and shit? My girl is off limit for all jokes, my nigga. That's crossin' the fuckin' line.
"Nigga, don't even play like that!" I snapped. "I know y'all got that friendly beef goin' on, but don't play wit' me, aight? That shit ain't fuckin' funny!"
"I wouldn't fuck wit'chu like that. You know me better than that, bro."
I kissed my teeth and rolled my eyes. I'm tryna find out where my girl is and why everybody's trippin. And this nigga wants to play fuckin' games. I don't have time for this shit.
"Nigga, on some real shit. Why is everybody blowin' my phone up?"
"Bey was hit in a-"
"Aye! You deaf, nigga? Stop playin' me, Ty." I warned him. That's my nigga, but if he keeps playin' wit' me, I'ma rock his shit when I get back.
"I'm not playin'! I told you that I would find out what was goin' on, and I did. I asked a few different people from blocks and shit. I called this nigga that stays around the corner from this other nigga that goes to Crenshaw. He couldn't really say much 'cause you know how that shit goes-"
"So what he say?!"
"You gotta chill bro, and let me tell you, aight?"
"As long as you're done playin' games. What's good?"
"You my day one nigga, so you know I got'chu. You know I ain't gon' fuck around when you stressin' 'bout some real shit. So just let me tell you what I been told by a few people. Aight?"
I sighed. "Go head."
"Niggas sayin' that Bey was shot in a drive by yesterday."
"Naaah, bro." I shook my head not believin' a word he said. "Whoever you talked to is lyin'! Bey went home after she dropped me off."
"I'm sorry, bro, but it's more than one person tellin' me this. Everybody sayin' the same thing."
"Everybody is lyin', my nigga! Bey told me that she was gonna chill by herself and do something constructive." My heart started beatin' faster and I was gettin' hot! My stomach turned makin' me feel nauseous. I was gonna throw up any second.
"She must've changed her mind, bro." Cautiously, he said. "She was chillin' on the block wit' her friend when some niggas from Hover rolled up and you know.. wrong place at the wrong time."
"Nah, bro. That's not true! Bey wouldn't even be on the block! For real for real, tell me what the fuck is goin' on." I said gettin' angry. My girl didn't get shot! Ain't no fuckin' way anything happened to her! I don't know where she is but I know that she's good. She's safe.
"Shawn, Bey was in the Jungles, blood territory, and niggas from Hover Crip pulled up."
"Everything is all good! I was just wit' her yesterday!" I saw her yesterday! We were [just] chillin'. Everything was all good. It's been good since day one. I mean, we had one or two bad moments, but everything was all good for the most. There was never a dull moment between us. Always playin' against each other. Crackin' jokes. Eatin'. Laid up under one another. We were just together yesterday and it was all good!
The thought of anything happenin' to Bey was fuckin' me up. I never want her to be in pain, not even for a second! I don't wanna lose her to anything- especially not over gang retaliation bullshit! That has nothin' to do wit' her! Even if it did, I still don't wanna lose her. I can't lose her! She's literally the best part of my life! That girl is my whole entire world.
"Bey got hit a few times-" Hearin' those words was several hard punches to my stomach- my heart.
"No she didn't, man." I said quietly as my vision blurred. Tears filled my eyes and immediately fell down my cheeks. I felt angry, confused, frustrated, sad, and literally sick to my stomach.
"Stop playin' wit' me." I told him.
"Her friend tried to help her but it wasn't much he could do." His voice trailed off.
"TyTy, don't tell me that shit, bro!" I exclaimed.
"Don't tell me that shit!!" My voice cracked a bit. I wiped my face but it was pointless. As soon as I did, more tears streamed down my cheeks. Bey got shot in drive by, and I wasn't there to protect her! Or help her at the very least.
I should've stayed home! She wouldn't have been in the in Jungles. She would've been chillin' wit' me. Or I could've asked her to come to New York wit' me. She would've been safe and outta harms way.
"I'm sorry, man." TyTy said. I didn't even know what to say. There's was nothin' that I wanted to say. I was tryin' to wrap my brain the fact that my girlfriend was shot in a drive by and...
died..?
What the fuck???
"Man.. Fuck!"
This doesn't feel real! This can't be real!
"Shawn.." TyTy called. "I don't know what her condition is. Nobody does. Niggas just talkin'. All we know is that she got hit and was rushed to the hospital."
"Aight. Thank you."
"I got'chu. Hit me when you can."
"Fasho." I said then hung up to call my Granny.
"Hello?" She answered right away.
"Granny." I called softly then sniffled and wiped my eyes.
"What's wrong, baby?"
"Bey got shot." I said tryin' not to cry, but I failed. Miserably.
"Shot...?" She questioned. "Are you sure? Who told you this?"
"TyTy. He asked around and everybody told him the same thing."
"Which is what?"
"That Bey was in the Jungles and was shot in a drive by. Ty said she got shot more than once."
"Oh, baby." She sighed. "I'm so sorry."
"I wanna come home." Sadly I told her.
"Baby, I don't think you comin' back is-"
"TyTy said nobody knows her condition. All they know is that she got shot."
"Okay, I see. The word traveled around and the story changed a little?"
"Yeah."
"Well, baby, you have to wait until your flight on Monday."
"I can't stay here not knowin' if my girl is still alive or not."
"I understand that, baby, but there's not much that we can do right now."
"Can't you talk to your friends from the airline or something?"
"That was a one time thing, sweetie."
"Granny.." I don't wanna stay here. She has to do something! I need to figure out if my girl was still me. I can't do shit here in New York.
"I know you're hurting and losing your mind wondering, Pooh. I can do a lot of things, but I can't get you plane ticket home tonight. I'm sorry. What I can do is try my best to find out for you, alright?"
"Yeah." I wiped my face.
"I love you, baby."
"Love you, too."
"It's gonna be alright-"
"But Granny, they said she got shot more than once!" I panicked. Bey gettin' shot and the possibility of her not makin' it really started to sink it. I tried so hard not to bawl, but I did. I couldn't help it. Not knowin' if she was dead or alive made it worse.
"Stop crying-"
"She said that she was gonna stay home! Why was she over there?? Why did she have to get shot?!"
"I don't know, baby, but you have to stop crying and pray." I wanted to stop cryin' so that I could pray, but I just couldn't. Granny prayed for Bey, her family, and me while I... cried. She stayed on the phone until I stopped. When I hung up wit' her, I was so angry! Angry because someone actually hurt her! I'm on the other side of the country, not there to help her. I couldn't do shit until Monday!
"What the fuck!?" I said kickin' my bag. It flew across the room and my clothes fell out. The bag crashed into the media stand, sendin' flower vase down to the floor. It shattered and water spill on the carpet. I balled my hands into a first and screamed. It sounded exactly how I feel. My fist drew back- ready to punch the wall, but someone grabbed my arm mid swing. I turned around to see Sheldon. He looked so concerned and worried.
"What's wrong?" He asked. "Why are you crying?"
"My girl got shot," I started to cry again. "and I don't know what's goin' on.." I said hopelessly.
Sheldon didn't even say anything. He just pulled me close to him and hugged me. And surprisingly, I didn't snatch aways like I thought I would it happened. But I hugged him back and my forehead rested on his shoulder as I cried.
"I can call a few people and get private plane here for you as soon as possible."
"Thank you." Despite my girl bein' shot, I felt a bit of good because my Dad was actually huggin' me. After twelve years, he's finally present when I needed him.
"No problem." Just like he said he would, my Dad called whoever needed to. I wasn't really payin' attention because all I could think about was my girl.
God, I hope she's okay.
"It's gonna take an hour to get here but the car will be here in about thirty minutes."
I nodded my head. "My bad about the vase-"
"Don't worry about it. Get your stuff ready. I'll be downstairs waitin'."
"You're comin' wit' me?"
"Only if you want me to."
"That's coo." My Dad nodded his head then left room. I grabbed my clothes and everything else that fell from my bag and put them back. When I finished cleanin' the glass from the vase, I heard my Dad yellin' my name. I said my goodbyes to my youngins. I hate to leave them but I gotta see about my girl. I'll come back soon and do it over.
The entire flight, I thought about Bey. It drove me crazy not knowin' if she was okay or not.
When we landed there was already a car here to pick us up.
"Where do you wanna go?" My Dad asked me when got inside.
"Home. Nobody is at her house and I don't know where he brother lives." It was supposed supposed to be a fifteen minute drive it turned out to be a thirty minute because of traffic. Sittin' the car movin' hella fuckin' show, I was ready to get out and [run] home.
We pulled up and I saw that my Granny was gettin' outta her car. Before the driver could stop the car completely I was hoppin' out.
"Shawn!" Granny's eyes widened. "What the-... how'd you get here? And so fast?"
"My Dad got a private plane."
"Ohh. Wow." She briefly looked at him. They greeted each other.
"Where you comin from', Granny?" I asked.
"I called you but you were apparently on the plane. I called Bey's church because I figured that he would know something-"
"What he say?!"
"She's okay."
Oh, thank God.
My girl is alright after all! Suddenly, I felt so much lighter. Like a ton of weight has been lifted from my body.
"But Shawn-"
"Where is she? What hospital is she at?"
"She's at MLK-"
"Thank you, Granny!"
"You're welcome, baby, but I need to talk to you."
"We can talk later." I rushed. "I gotta go see Bey."
I rushed back to the truck and my Dad was right behind me. He told the driver where to go and he put it in the GPS. I know that I t wasn't a long ride at all, but it felt like it. I'm so happy that she's okay, but my heart was still racin'.
When we finally pulled up, I practically jumped outta the trunk and ran inside. Only to get stopped by the long visitors longer line. My Dad said that he would wait for me downstairs to give me my space wit' Bey. That's was fine wit' me. I rushed to the elevator and pressed her floor. When the doors opened, I power walked to her room. It was closed so I knocked.
"Come in." I heard and walked in. There Bey was, sittin' up in the bed in the gown. Her left arm was in a sling. It looked like she was wearin' a cast. The blanket was coverin' it some so I couldn't really tell. She had an ivy in her arm. I could tell that she was in a lot of pain. Obviously she would be after gettin' shot, but it wasn't even that. Her pain wasn't physical which scared me. BK tends to mask whatever she's feelin', but right now, she wasn't even tryin' to. And that's understandable.
I'm so grateful that she pulled through. Not even just for my pleasure but she's only eighteen years old. There's so much that she wants to do and accomplish. Her future is so bright. I don't want her life and dreams to be cut short for any reason.
Bey looked so surprised to see to me. Surprised but happy. "Hey." She quietly greeted.
"Hey." I stepped in further and saw her mom and sister sittin' the corner.
"Hello." I said to them and they both waved.
"Can y'all give us a moment, please?" Bey asked her mom and sister then took a deep breath.
"I'm gonna take your sister to get something to eat then go home so we can shower and whatnot." Her mom said. "Then we'll be back."
"Okay." Bey took a breath. On their way outta the room, her mom softly smiled at me then tapped my shoulder. Solange held out her fist for a pound. When they were gone, I walked all the way to Bey.
"I would hug you," I stood right next to her bed. Her bed was adjusted a lil bit so she sit up comfortably wit' her few extra pillows.
"but I don't wanna hurt you." I said gently grabin' her hand.
"It's okay." I leaned down to kiss her lips. Our lips touched and it was the best feelin'. We held onto to the kiss, cherishin' the moment and feelin'.
"You didn't have to cut your trip short-"
"What? You're in the hospital. Of course I'm gonna be here. I would've been here last night, but I didn't find out until this mornin'."
"I'm sorry. I should've called you, but I got outta surgery and been in and outta sleep since."
"It's fine."
"Did Matt tell you?" I shook my head.
"No." I couldn't even be mad at him. It's not like he has my number or any way to contact me.
"How did you find out?"
"Everybody knows. Literally, the whole city knows. People that don't even really know you texted me tellin' to keep my head up, stay strong, and givin' their condolences."
"People think that I'm dead?"
"Yeah. I was confused as hell! I called my Granny- thinkin' something happened to her. She didn't know anything so she was askin' me questions. Then she told me to call you, but your phone was straight to voicemail-"
"It's been dead since. I'm just now chargin' it." She confirmed. I nodded my head in response.
"I called Ty to see if he heard and anything so he asked around and he told me."
Bey nodded her head. I'm so relieved that she made it. I really wanted to hug her so tight. I leaned down to kiss her forehead. When I pulled back she puckered her lips for a kiss. I didn't hesitate to plant my lips on hers. I pecked her three times, one right after the other. The fourth peck was harder and much longer than the others.
We pulled away and stared at each other for a brief moment. Just and hour ago I thought she was gone, but here she is. It was such a relief to look into her eyes.
"So, how are you feelin'?" I asked.
"I'm alive. That's what matters, right?"
"I'm grateful for that."
"Me too." I could hear the sincerity in her voice and see it in her eyes.
"What did the doctor say?"
"I loss a lot of blood, but Matt and Solange donated theirs-"
"Y'all have the same blood type?"
"I guess so." She gasped and took a deep breath.
"You okay?" I asked referrin' to the deep breaths she keeps takin'.
She nodded her head. "I think Matt is type O. They can donate to anybody."
"Oh, true."
"They removed my spleen-"
"Don't you need that?"
"Not when it's ruptured. My shoulder is fractured, I have nerve damage. The bullet in my back was an inch away from my spine. I was very close to bein' paralyzed-"
"But you're not and that's a blessin'."
"Might as well be."
"Why would you say that?"
"Because I'm not goin' to USC."
I frowned. "What are you talkin' about?"
"I have a tremendous amount of nerve damage."
"What does that mean? What happens now?"
"It means that I need physical therapy. When my wounds heal, after my stitches get removed, I'll start."
"So it will be okay." I said realizin' that she really be just fine.
"No, it won't."
"Babe, you have to give it a try first."
"The doctor said that it might not be enough to get me to play again- that it's a very slim to none chance that I'll be able to play again."
"It may take you a couple of months to heal and recover. You'll sit out the rest of this season. You've already gotten into some schools, so that's fine."
"Yeah, but none of them are USC. I've dreamed about goin' there since I started playin'."
"I know." I said sadly. "Maybe you could transfer after freshmen year?"
"That's [if] I get to play at all, but I won't."
"You will."
"I won't." She said feelin' discouraged.
"C'mon, babe. You gotta be a lil bit more positive."
"Easier said.." She took a breath. "than done. My balance will always be off a little. I'm gonna need cane to get around."
"You could double up on the therapy sessions." I suggested.
"I could. It depends on how much it costs."
"Shouldn't your insurance cover it?"
She shook her head. "Not all of it. It never does."
"I'm sure you have saved enough for extra sessions."
"Maybe but it's more than learnin' how to walk again. My shoulder is jacked up, too. And my lungs.. everything is just messed up." She took another deep breath.
"What's wrong wit' your lungs?"
"Somehow.." She paused and took a deep breath. "One of the bullets hit my lung on the way out."
"How?"
"You know bullet travels. I guess when I fell to the ground.. I don't know."
"That's why you keep takin' breaths?"
"Yes. I have to have breathin' treatments."
"How often?" She took a deep breath.
"Every thirty minutes. I have to do that and move my legs. Something about muscle memory- nerve memory. Something like that."
"The nurse helps you?"
"Or my doctor."
"So when do you get to go home?"
"When I can walk on my own and my lung capacity is back up."
"What? You have to stay here?"
She sighed. "Yep. This is my new home."
"Why?" I knew that she would have stay a few days because of the surgery. But she had stay here until she heals and recovers? I thought people went home afterwards? I guess everyone is different.
"I can't walk. I can't even put my hair into a ponytail."
"What about school?"
"My Mom went to my school today and withdrew me and enrolled me in some type of tutorin' program."
"That was quick."
"Yeah, it doesn't take that long. I don't want to fall behind. If I can't do anything else, I want to at least graduate on time."
"Bey, do you want to play basketball?"
"Did you hear what I just said?"
"I heard you. Did you hear what I just asked you?"
"Yes, but-"
"Beyoncé, do you want to play basketball? Yes or no?"
"Yes. You know I do."
"Fuck what these doctors are talkin' 'bout, babe. They don't know shit."
"Uuh, they went to school for this. They know more than us."
"They know what they've read in a medical book or whatever, witnessed a few cases like this and think they know everyone's fate. Nah." I shook my head.
"I believe them."
"I believe in God, and so do you."
"He-"
"Please don't lose your faith because you're in pain right now, babe. You gotta keep your faith more than ever right now."
"I guess."
"Don't guess. The only real doctor is God. He's the real healer and savior. He has the final say. Not these fools."
"But-"
"But nothin', babe. You love ball. You have to pray and meet God halfway. Wit' prayer comes work. When you start your physical therapy, you gotta work extremely hard. You have to keep the faith."
She sighed. "Okay."
I leaned over to kiss her lips. "I'm so happy that you're okay, Bey. You really scared me."
"I'm sorry."
"What we're you doin' way over there? You know shit had been hot over there lately, babe. That's blood territory."
"I know, but we were wearin' white."
"Is he okay?"
"Yeah. It was only me that got hit."
"Only you?"
"Between me and him. Other people we were hit."
"What were y'all doin' over there?" Curiously I asked. Bey didn't say anything. She just looked. She looked at me like she was guilty of something and was too afraid of admittin' it. That look on her face and her silence, it bothered me. I furrow my eyebrows at her as I tried to figure it out myself since she clearly wasn't gonna tell me.
It happened durin' the day, so she wasn't at a party. She wasn't there to fuck wit' another guy. It's nothin' but Slobs niggas and kids over there. Plus, I know she wouldn't cheat.
So why the fuck was she over there? She looked away from me. I wanted her to look at me because her eyes usually give everything away.
But she didn't.
I thought back to the conversation we had at the airpot. It made sense!
"Bey.." I called. I was afraid of my suspension bein' true, but tellin' by the look on her face. It was.
"Tell me that you didn't."
"Shawn-" Frustrated, I blew my breath and shook my head.
"So you got mad at me for tellin' you to stay outta trouble and worried about my trust for you only for you turn around do the very thing I thought you would you?"
"I made a mistake-"
"Beyoncé, you could've died!"
"But it was a drive by. I wasn't shot by the people I was deliverin' to."
"And you think that means something?"
"I couldn't-"
"The fact of the matter is, you should have quit and meant it! You shouldn't have been over there at all!"
"I know that now-"
"Now? Not when we talked about all the possibles outcomes of this shit? It took you gettin' shot for you to finally realize that shit is stupid and dangerous??"
"I'm payin' for the decision I've made. I can't play ball. I can't even walk right now. And you." She titled her head slightly to the left and pouted. "If you didn't trust me before, you really don't trust me now."
"I told you that I didn't want you to be one of those people." I sadly reminded her.
"I'm not." She said tryin' to me convince wit' her eyes but it didn't work.
"You're lyin' in a hospital bed right now, BK. You were shot three times. You almost died."
"I know but you're not gonna lose me to this-"
"How am I suppose to believe that? You lied to me." Disappointedly, I told her.
"Shawn, I didn't lie to you." She tried to convince me again. It wasn't gonna work.
"What do you mean you didn't lie? You told me you were done wit' this shit because you didn't want to risk your life and your chances of goin' to college. You looked in my eyes at the airport and told me you had already given me your word."
"I didn't lie. I did quit, but.." She paused.
"But what? Did someone hold a gun to your head or something?"
"No, but.." She closed and opened her mouth only to close it again.
"But what?" I asked.
"Nothing. I've already made a fool of myself. I'm not gonna add to fuel to the fire. You don't trust me anymore and I understand why. There's no point in answerin' that question."
I pulled the chair up to the side of her bed and sat down. I grabbed her right hand wit' my left and softly runnin' my thumb across the back of it. We sat in silence for a little while. Lookin' around at everything except each other.
"Shawn." Bey called timidly and I looked at her.
"Yeah?"
"What does this mean for us?"
I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck wit' my right hand. "I don't know."
"Can you just be here for me, please? I don't care if it's just as a friend. I feel like everything is slowly crashin' down, and.." She paused. I saw the tears formin' in her eyes. She covered her face and immediately bawled. I'm disappointed that she went back on her word and ruined the trust I had for her. I hate that we argued this exact thing at the airport. As much as I don't like BK right now, I hate to see her cry- I hate to hear her cryin'! I can't stand to see her in pain. I feel so bad for her and wanted to hug her. But I can't, not like I want to. I don't wanna hurt her shoulder anymore than it already does. I just gently and slowly ran my thumb across her hand. I tried to soothe her. It worked a little bit. Her cries somewhat softened.
I don't believe Bey when she says that's really done wit' this drug shit She told me that before but here we are. She knows better than anybody what trust means to me! The only thing I'm sure of is that prior to our friendship, she probably would have blamed someone else for what she's done. But she didn't. I don't know if she's really done for good, but she's takin' responsibility for her actions. Sadly, it had to come to bein' shot, but it's good that's she ownin' up to her mistaken. That's something that I can respect even if the trust is rocky.
This shit is weird. I don't trust Bey but I don't want her to be one of the people I lose. Not to this drug business, drive by's, jail, or any of that shit! I don't wanna lose her at all, especially not by me runnin' away from her. I don't trust her but I can't do that.. I know first hand what it's like to have a loved one run away from you when you need them the most. I can't bring myself to do that. Not to Bey of all people.
"Can you stop cryin', please?" I asked softly standin' up.
"I just-" She was gonna say a mouth full in one breath. I had to stop her.
"Take a deep breath." I said wipin' her face. Bey closed her eyes and breathe in then breathed out deeply. I kissed her forehead and her eyes opened.
"I don't want you to leave me." She quietly confessed lookin' into my eyes.
"Stop cryin'." I wiped her face. "I'm right here."
"Here as just my friend?"
"Bey.." I said not knowin' what I wanted to do as far as our relationship.
"Tell me. Are you just my friend?"
"I can't be wit' someone I don't trust. You know what trust means to me. You know better than anyone."
"I don't get a second chance?"
"I don't know, Bey." Sadly, I answered.
"What's not to know?"
"I don't wanna be lied to again. I know you've learned your lesson, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you won't do this again. You said that you liked the trill of it. That would make you go back again."
"I don't like bein' shot. The shit hurts! I liked the trill but not that much. It's the worst pain I've ever felt. When I was layin' on the ground, tryin' so hard to breathe." She took a deep breath.
"I thought that I was gonna die." She said as tears fell from her eyes. I gently wiped them away.
"I just knew that I was gonna die. I regretted it as soon as I saw the truck pull up. I regret it more now I know I can't do anything. I can't even go to school." Bey closed her eyes and started to bawl. It broken my heart to see and hear her pain. But I had to let her cry, she had to let it out. When she was finished I wiped her face dry.
"Can I gain your trust back? Please?" Bey asked. I opened my mouth to answer her but there was a knock on the door. I thought it would be her nurse or doctor, but it was the man I hated the most.
Big L.
My jaws clenched tight just as my left hand balled into a fist. I wanna knock his ass out for even contactin' Bey after she quit. She loves to mention how good of a person is he and how he always has her back. But he doesn't! If did, he would've left her alone and let her really move on from deliverin' his drugs. This nigga ain't shit. I don't care what he's done for her in the past. Fuck this nigga!
"You good?" He asked steppin' furtherin' into the room.
"Yeah, I'm not dead, so." Bey answered. "I have your money at home. I'll-"
"Don't even worry about it." He shook his head. "Keep it. What did ya doctor say?"
"Fractured shoulder, inch away from spinal, nerve damage. I need physical therapy."
"But you can still ball though, right?
"Nope."
"Damn.." He closed his eyes and shook his head. "I shoulda just left you alone." He said "feelin' bad".
"It's fine-"
"You know I'ma get these niggas that did this to you."
"Please don't." Bey shook her head. "Don't take somebody's son or brother from them. I don't want this for anybody- not even for my worst enemy." Damn. Even at her worst, Bey still found it somewhere inside of her to empathize wit' the ones that inflicted so much pain on her. Most people would be all for it. I mean, even I would want them get a flesh wound. Let the bullet graze their legs or something.
Her heart is too large for her body.
"It's not gonna get me back on the court." She added. "I should've been at school anyway."
"Well I'ma handle your medical bills and shit-"
"I have insurance. It's okay."
"Do you need anything? You know I got'chu."
"She needed you to leave her alone." I told him.
"Shawn-". Bey called but I didn't care. He needed to hear this shit.
"Nah, it's okay, Nic." He said lookin' at me. "Ya boy is right. You wouldn't be here if I left you alone."
"So you're gonna leave her alone for good?"
"She's outta my crew for good, but I'ma [always] look out for her."
"She doesn't need you to look for her. She'll be fine. Just leave her alone, man." I told him desperately.
"I'ma get these niggas-"
"She's askin' you not to. You don't have to retaliate. Just be a man of your word and leave her alone. She has her whole life ahead of her. Don't ruin it for your selfish needs."
"Aight, okay." He held his hands up in defeat. "I'ma leave you alone for real for real. Get well, shorty. Keep ya head up, aight?"
"Yeah." Big exited the room and Bey looked at me like she disapproved of me talkin' to him the way I did.
"What?" I questioned. "I don't like him and you know that I don't."
"He's good people, so I don't understand why you don't."
"What'chu mean you don't understand why? Good people? You're in a hospital bed! Partially because of him! I'm startin' to think he set you up."
"You and Matt are trippin'. He didn't set me up. Why wouldn't he take his money if it was a set up?"
"I don't know but this whole thing is sketchy. He needs to leave you alone all together. You don't need him to look out for you in any type of way. That nigga just wants you to pay him back. Niggas change but the game remains the same."
"He's good person."
I rolled my eyes. "If you say so. How much is it?"
"Fifteen hundred." I opened my mouth to tell her that she needed to give it back, but I decided against it. I know that she's gonna need it and that's probably why she made the drop in the first place. Plus, I'm not her father. I can't tell her what to do. All I can do is give advice and make suggestions. But even then, she doesn't listen. Beyoncé does what she wants to. No matter how many times someone tells her decisions aren't smart or helpful.
"What?" She questioned.
"Nothin'. You gotta cut all contact wit' him. Delete his number, the text thread, block him, delete him from the call log. Him and the people connected to him. Stay away from him, Beyoncé!" I told her sternly.
"I will."
"For real."
"I've learned my lesson, but you can delete everything for me if you don't believe me." Nah, I didn't believe her and I didn't feel bad about it. I gladly grabbed her phone to delete and block anyone connected to Big L.
I entered her code and went to her text messages. I deleted the thread wit' Big and the guys that worked for him. It wasn't hard to tell who they were. Next was her contact list, I opened it and blocked and deleted the niggas connected to him in any type of way. When I wasn't sure of who it was, I asked. I even deleted them her call log.
Shortly after, BK's doctor came in. She looked into her eyes wit' the small flashlight. She listened to her heartbeat and her lungs. Bey had her breathin' treatment and the doctor helped Bey move her legs. That muscle memory stuff, so her legs don't "fall asleep".
"Time to clean your wounds." The doctor announced. "I'm sure brother wouldn't mind waiting outside-"
"He's not my brother." Bey kinda chuckled.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. What's the relation?" Bey looked at me to answer the question.
"She's my girlfriend."
Bey smiled at me. "He doesn't have to leave unless its a rule or something."
"It's quite alright." She smiled and started to remove the dressing on her stomach. Bey had stitches from the end of her boobs to her navel. That's from the surgery. Damn. That's gonna leave a scar. She also had stitches on her shoulder and back. The doctor asked Bey a few more questions before she left.
"Thank you." Bey said to me. I didn't know what she was thankin' me for but it didn't even matter. I didn't even care to ask. I'm just so happy that she's okay.