When I got home that
night as my wife served
dinner, I held her hand
and said, I've got
something to tell you. She
sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt
in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know
how to open my mouth. But
I had to let her know what
I was thinking. I want a
divorce. I raised the topic
calmly. She didn't seem to
be annoyed by my words,
instead she asked me softly,
why?
I avoided her question. This
made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and
shouted at me, you are not
a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was
weeping. I knew she
wanted to find out what
had happened to our
marriage. But I could
hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had
lost my heart to Jane. I
didn't love her anymore. I
just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I
drafted a divorce
agreement which stated that
she could own our house,
our car, and 30% stake of
my company. She glanced
at it and then tore it into
pieces. The woman who had
spent ten years of her life
with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and
energy but I could not take
back what I had said for I
loved Jane so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in
front of me, which was what
I had expected to see. To
me her cry was actually a
kind of release. The idea of
divorce which had obsessed
me for several weeks
seemed to be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came back
home very late and found
her writing something at the
table. I didn't have supper
but went straight to sleep
and fell asleep very fast
because I was tired after an
eventful day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was
still there at the table
writing. I just did not care
so I turned over and was
asleep again.
In the morning she
presented her divorce
conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but
needed a month's notice
before the divorce. She
requested that in that one
month we both struggle to
live as normal a life as
possible. Her reasons were
simple: our son had his
exams in a month's time and
she didn't want to disrupt
him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me.
But she had something
more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her
into out bridal room on our
wedding day. She
requested that every day
for the month's duration I
carry her out of our
bedroom to the front door
ever morning. I thought
she was going crazy. Just to
make our last days together
bearable I accepted her
odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's
divorce conditions. . She
laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No
matter what tricks she
applies, she has to face the
divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had
any body contact since my
divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So
when I carried her out on
the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy
is holding mommy in his
arms. His words brought me
a sense of pain. From the
bedroom to the sitting
room, then to the door, I
walked over ten meters
with her in my arms. She
closed her eyes and said
softly; don't tell our son
about the divorce. I
nodded, feeling somewhat
upset. I put her down
outside the door. She went
to wait for the bus to work. I
drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of
us acted much more easily.
She leaned on my chest. I
could smell the fragrance of
her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman
carefully for a long time. I
realized she was not young
any more. There were fine
wrinkles on her face, her
hair was graying! Our
marriage had taken its toll
on her. For a minute I
wondered what I had done
to her.
On the fourth day, when I
lifted her up, I felt a sense
of intimacy returning. This
was the woman who had
given ten years of her life to
me. On the fifth and sixth
day, I realized that our
sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell
Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the
month slipped by. Perhaps
the everyday workout made
me stronger.
She was choosing what to
wear one morning. She
tried on quite a few dresses
but could not find a
suitable one. Then she
sighed, all my dresses have
grown bigger. I suddenly
realized that she had grown
so thin, that was the reason
why I could carry her more
easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she
had buried so much pain
and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached
out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the
moment and said, Dad, it's
time to carry mom out. To
him, seeing his father
carrying his mother out had
become an essential part of
his life. My wife gestured to
our son to come closer and
hugged him tightly. I
turned my face away
because I was afraid I might
change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in
my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the
sitting room, to the hallway.
Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I
held her body tightly; it
was just like our wedding
day.
But her much lighter
weight made me sad. On
the last day, when I held
her in my arms I could
hardly move a step. Our son
had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I
hadn't noticed that our life
lacked intimacy. I drove to
office.... jumped out of the
car swiftly without locking
the door. I was afraid any
delay would make me
change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Jane opened the
door and I said to her,
Sorry, Jane, I do not want
the divorce anymore.
She looked at me,
astonished, and then
touched my forehead. Do
you have a fever? She said.
I moved her hand off my
head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage
life was boring probably
because she and I didn't
value the details of our
lives, not because we didn't
love each other anymore.
Now I realize that since I
carried her into my home
on our wedding day I am
supposed to hold her until
death do us apart. Jane
seemed to suddenly wake
up. She gave me a loud
slap and then slammed the
door and burst into tears. I
walked downstairs and
drove away. At the floral
shop on the way, I ordered
a bouquet of flowers for my
wife. The sales girl asked
me what to write on the
card. I smiled and wrote,
I'll carry you out every
morning until death do us
apart.
That evening I arrived
home, flowers in my hands,
a smile on my face, I run up
stairs, only to find my wife
in the bed - dead. My wife
had been fighting CANCER
for months and I was so
busy with Jane to even
notice. She knew that she
would die soon and she
wanted to save me from the
whatever negative reaction
from our son, in case we
push through with the
divorce.- At least, in the
eyes of our son-- I'm a
loving husband....
The small details of your
lives are what really matter
in a relationship. It is not
the mansion, the car,
property, the money in the
bank. These create an
environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give
happiness in themselves. So
find time to be your
spouse's friend and do
those little things for each
other that build intimacy.
Do have a real happy
marriage!