"I like the M&M's one better."
"Mina?"
"I found an Oreo McFlurry on my porch. Clearly the M&M's one is better. I might let this go, but you better step up your game if you even want to think of apologizing. Oreo is not the way to this girl's heart."
"... Really? M&M's? Over Oreo?"
"I'm sorry, do you have an opinion on this, Parker? Do you have something to say?"
"Nothing at all. M&M's are wonderful. They're the best. Ever. I'm going to name my first kid M&M. Actually, wait, no, correction. My kid will be named M&M: No Connection To The Rapper. Just to make it clear that it's the candy I'm referring to. I bet they'll have a blast at school."
"You really should never be given the power to name anything ever. Seriously."
"I missed talking to you."
"Well that was your fault, if I remember. 100% Parker. 0% Mina. I mean, if I do recall. I wasn't the one being the asshole."
"I know. I'm sorry, again. Did I mention that I am the worst? Because that's a thing. That happened. And continues to happen. The more I speak, really. Which I never seem to stop doing. Gonna shut up now."
"I want you to know that I'm not interested in being treated like shit by guys who aren't worth it anymore. Not that I ever was before, but this time I'm serious. Like, Independent Women, Part 1 serious."
"I feel like Beyoncé would be very disappointed in me. I've definitely been demoted to Michelle in my Destiny's Child lumberjack cover band."
"Aren't you the only one in it?"
"I know. It's that sad."
"You deserve it."
"You deserve better."
"I know. But it's not even just me you have to convince anymore if you want me to eventually forgive you. Marie's going to be way harder to crack. I had to physically restrain her from mutilating your genitalia. And I say that as a warning, because who knows if she's going to try and strike again. I probably won't be there to stop her. She's very determined."
"Baxette will protect me."
"I feel like Baxette would take my side."
"Probably. Aw man, I want Marie to like me."
"You should probably start with the M&M's and then work your way up from there, big boy."
"Does that mean there's a chance?"
"Of what?"
"Of you forgiving me. Ever, I mean. Not now, but you know, eventually. If I work on it. If I prove myself. Because I want to, God, Mina, really, I do. I don't want to let this go. I don't... I don't want to let you go."
"..."
"Mina?"
"I can't hear you over the sound of you getting me an M&M McFlurry. Talk to you later. Bye."
***
is destiny's child still relevant? am i just making references all the children no longer understand? am i still trendy?