"You cheating son of a bitch!" I yelled, grabbing the nearest object and chucking it at Bucky. He caught the pillow mid-air and his face was cloaked in guilt, he opened his mouth, but I stabbed a finger at him. "No! Don't you try and say sorry!"
The tears were hot as they slid down my cheeks, and I was trying so hard to keep from collapsing to the floor and crying my eyes out.
I loved Bucky. I loved him so much. Yet, his best friend had to tell me what he did. Every piece of me wanted to believe that the video wasn't true, that the man in front of me wasn't the one who enjoyed his relapse into drugs and made out with some girl, but it was him.
Bucky ran a hand through his tousled hair and turned away. He sighed, "Steve, I'm sorry. I should've told you." I released a strained breath and shook my head, refusing to meet his gaze.
"I had to find out from Sam," I said, "Sam!"
"Darling—"
I snapped, "No! Don't you dare call me 'darling'! I can't even look at you, James." Bucky's shoulders dropped and he looked over my tear-streaked face, before I had enough of him being in this god forsaken apartment.
The same apartment I made love to him in.
And the same apartment I'd say goodbye to him in.
I lifted my gaze and kept my voice steady enough to say, "I thought you were better than that, James. You're still the same, and I should've known. To think that you would give up drugs and partying." I got up and grabbed the letterman hanging off the edge of the bed. "We're done. So, you can take all of your shit back, and don't even think of stepping foot inside my café."
Bucky was wide-eyed as I shoved the letterman into his chest. His eyes were glossy with tears and filled with hurt, his mouth hanging open, and by the look on my face he knew he lost me. Bucky swallowed thickly and nodded his head, his final word a breath of a whisper, "Okay."
And he was gone.
Bucky's P.O.V
"Sam, I need you to come pick me up." I sighed into the phone, glancing both ways down the slick street. I was perched on the curb, my bare feet resting on the wet asphalt, and I was huddled in my letterman to protect from the drizzle of rain that was making my hair wet.
My roommate asked, "Alright, man. Where you at?"
"A mile down the road from Steve's apartment..." I lifted my freehand and brushed my hair back, it was wet enough to stay in place.
"Okay, don't do anything stupid, Barnes." Sam warned.
"Don't worry, I've already done that." I ended the call and pushed my phone back into my pocket, staring down at my feet, and hunching deeper into my letterman.
Sam pulled over in front of me and I got to my feet, quickly ducking into the civic. The guy in the driver seat paused and stared at the wreck of a man sitting next to him, before shaking his head. I had my head leaned back against the headrest and when I realized the car wasn't moving, I opened my eyes and turned my head to look at Sam.
"What?"
"Dude, you get kicked off the team and lose your boyfriend in the same day." Sam rest his hands on the steering wheel and gazed out at the dark landscape, the windshield wipers sliding across the windshield every once and awhile. He looked back at me, "You fucked up, man."
I ran my hands over my face, before dropping them into my lap. "I know I fucked up, Sam. I just—Can we just head back to the room?" I clenched my jaw and stared blankly out the window, running the pad of my thumb against my bottom lip.
Sam pursed his lips and gave me another once-over, before he nodded, "Yeah, man." He kicked the Civic into drive and took a sharp U-turn. The red gleam of the brake lights disappeared into the furl of the heavying rain and clouds of exhaust in the January night.
Twenty-Four Hours Ago
"Hey, Steve! We got a table that needs a refill!" I looked up from entering a table's bill into a register, and Wanda came by with a tray full of empty glasses. She began to unload them into the tray of other freshly cleaned glasses by the drink machine.
I continued entering the numbers. "Okay, give me a minute. I have to finish putting this in." Wanda set her round-tray on a stack of them, before wiping her hands on her apron. She came over.
"It's Sam. He needs to talk to you." I paused and looked at Wanda, my brow furrowed. She waved me off, "Just bring him and Tony some beers, I'll take this over." I nodded and walked behind the bar, grabbing two beer bottles from the hidden ice chest under the counter, and began searching for the two football players.
Even if I had grown quite comfortable around Bucky's friends, nothing like this has ever happened. They usually made sure they were seated in my waiting area and that was about it. I have hung out with Sam a few times, when Bucky had to go off and do something, so I could deem the quarterback my friend. Sam had stopped his hopeless flirting months ago and it was more comfortable being around him now.
I found the two seated at a booth, eating their burgers, and gazing at one of the TV's showing the Thursday night football game. Sam glanced at me as I neared, and swallowed his mouthful of burger, before thanking me for the beer. Tony did the same.
I glanced around, before leaning on the table. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Sam and Tony shared a look, causing my suspicion to rise.
Tony grabbed his beer and sat back against the leather, he cleared his throat. "Wilson, I think it would be best coming from you." I stared at Tony for a moment, before the movement of Sam taking his phone out of his pocket caught my attention.
"Wait." I furrowed my brow, "What happened?"
Sam sighed, "You know how Bucky has been kind of skipping out on hanging out with you for the past six or so months?" His fingers paused in scrolling on his phone and my heart about stopped.
No.
He wouldn't.
He flipped his phone around and pressed play. The audio was mixed with blaring music and voices, but someone had video of Bucky taking a pill from a guy standing behind the couch. He placed it on his tongue, before a girl came into view and sat next to him. Bucky grinned and she pressed her lips to his, it was obvious he pushed the pill into her mouth. The video kept going and I knew Bucky was enjoying every moment.
I couldn't breathe. I could hardly think as I tore your eyes away from the phone, and lightly pushed the phone back towards Sam. He slid it back into his pocket and gave me his sympathy by grasping my hand. I squeezed his hand tight and let out a shaky breath, the tears still unable to come.
"I'm sorry, Steve. I hated covering up for him and he doesn't know that I planned on doing this." Sam slid out of the booth and took me into his arms, mumbling into my hair, "You deserved to know." I squeezed his solid form, before pulling away. Sam kept his hands on my shoulders and ducked his head to meet my gaze.
Tony piped up, "That video was from last weekend." Sam shot him a dark look and he raised his hands in defense, before forcing me to look into his eyes.
"Do you want me to take you home? I bet Bruce will let you go home early..." Sam offered, a gentle smile forming on his lips. I nodded numbly before I turned and began to weave through the tables to Wanda.
She just finished serving a table and turned to see the look on my face. Wanda lowered the tray and instantly wrapped an arm around my shoulders, helping me to the kitchens. I fought the tears burning in my eyes and as Wanda rubbed my back, I was focused on Bucky's promises.
"I'll never kiss anyone but you, darling."
"I haven't touched a pill in months."
"Steve, I promise you can trust me."
And the one that really tore me down the middle:
"You were the best thing that ever happened to me, darling. I'll never go back to that part of me."
They were all lies. Every crooked smile and soft kiss. All the nights spent in each other's touch. Every word he's uttered since that moment in that sorority house. It was all a game to him.
But, the question that kept gnawing a hole in my heart was: Did James really love me?
"Steve?" Wanda's voice broke me out of the suffocating thoughts and I realized she had led me to stand in front of my boss's office. She helped fix my hair, before asking softly, "Will you be okay?"
I spoke for the first time since Sam broke the news. "Eventually..." It was forced and I didn't believe it one bit, but as long as Wanda took that answer, I was okay. I had to hold myself together until I got back home.
Wanda had a sad smile on her face as I stepped inside the office, and Bruce's first words were, "What's wrong, Steve?"
I had to force the words out of my mouth. "Mr. Banner, you know—you know my boyfriend James, right?" He leaned on his desk and crossed his arms over his chest, his face attentive and grim.
"Of course. Him and his buddies always rack up quite the bill." Bruce attempted to joke, cracking a smile, but cleared his throat at the tears welling in my eyes. "Uh, yeah. I know him."
"He cheated on me. He's been doing it for six months."
Bruce shook his head and sighed, "I'm sorry, Steve. Tell Wanda to hang up your apron, and I'll have Patsy cover your shift."
I left the room quickly, and tugged at the strings wrapped around my waist. The apron came free and I handed it to Wanda as I snatched my stuff from the back room. It was getting harder to keep myself together, but I held strong as I walked out of the back of the café.
Sam pulled up to the curb with his navy blue F-150, and leaned over the center console to push the door open. I climbed inside the pick-up and situated myself, before Sam kicked the vehicle into drive. The sound of the heat on full blast was the only sound in the car as I stared out the windshield, watching the familiar landscape on the drive back to my apartment.
Sam broke the silence. "Coach Fury was thinking of kicking him off the team, you know." This was news.
"Why?" I asked quietly.
"He failed his drug tests and has been skipping practice." Sam stopped at a light and moved his gaze over to me. His eyes roamed over my features that were illuminated in a red glow, and little did I know he was slightly surprised that I hadn't cried once. Sam knew how much I loved his best friend, and he knew why Bucky took a liking to me. I was everything a guy could want.
Turning my head, I caught Sam's gaze and sighed, "I should've listened to Natasha."
His brows furrowed and his gaze redirected to the road when the light flickered green. I looked out the side window and explained, "She told me the risks of being with him and that he would end up cheating in the end...and she was right."
Sam's eyes snapped over to me at the sound of me getting choked up, and he saw the shimmer of tears in my eyes. He blindly reached out and I looked at his outstretched his hand, and I slid my hand into his. Sam squeezed my hand and I felt the first tear slide down my face.
24 Hours After
Tony's P.O.V
I hovered hesitantly outside the bathroom door, my fist lifted up to knock, and I shut my eyes. I could hear the sink running, but I knew what he really was doing. The almost muted sound of a really deep breath could be heard, and I clenched my jaw.
I knocked on the door and hollered, "Hey, man! I got a call from Clint!"
A muffled 'shit' came from inside, and the sink immediately shut off. I stepped back when the door flung open to expose the bloodshot eyes and dazed look of Bucky Barnes. Bucky reached up and wiped under his nose, squinting his eyes to gaze down at his fingers, before dropping his hand.
I screwed my face up and sighed, "You're really doing cocaine in the bathroom?"
"No?" Bucky looked offended and shifted so I couldn't see inside. "Why would—"
"Don't fucking lie to me, man." I snapped, shoving him back, and stepping into the bathroom. I laid eyes on the small baggy with white powder scrunched up on the counter. I reached out and snatched it, before Bucky could beat me to it.
Bucky pursed his lips and turned his head away, running his hands down his face, before moving to lean against the counter. He braced himself and tried to focus on his reflection in the mirror. I moved over to the toilet and lifted the lid, I emptied the drug into the toilet bowl, before flushing it down.
I crossed my arms over my chest when I stood back up. "You can't be doing this to yourself, Bucky. I know shit went down the drain for you, and you have nowhere to go, but you have to pull yourself together." I met my friend's gaze through the mirror and raised my brows.
"He was all I had, Tony." Bucky admitted, rubbing his eyes as they began to tear up. "And I have nothing else going for me, so what did you expect me to do? All I've known for the past three years is drugs, sex, and football."
"I'm not going to watch you go through this again."
Bucky's P.O.V
I pushed myself up and faced Tony, shaking my head and blinking rapidly as my eyes burned. I couldn't bring myself to look at my friend.
I was a failure. A fuck-up. A cheating son of a bitch, when put in his words. Tony only pulled me out of my destructive thoughts.
"Go call Clint, man. You'll want to hear what he has to say," He remarked, before he left.
I lingered in the bathroom for a few moments, before I forced myself to walk out. I moved over to my bed and grabbed my cellphone off the pillow, plopping down onto the mattress, before I called Clint back. I listened to the ring from the other line, lifting my fingers to my mouth and chewing on the skin around my fingernails.
"About time, Barnes." Clint greeted.
"Sorry, I didn't have my phone on me."
Clint scoffed, "Huh, I bet. Anyway, I saw Steve earlier when I went to go pick up Natasha." I perked up, but was quickly shot back down. "He's a fucking mess, Barnes. I di—"
"Thanks, Clint." I clenched my jaw and stared up at the ceiling.
"I wasn't finished," The other guy retorted, "I was going to tell you that Sam was there."
"Wait, what?"
"You need to calm down, man!" Tony raised his voice, gripping my shoulder, and yanking me back. I turned my steely gaze onto my roommate and Tony released me. "You can't go over to Steve's apartment and pick a fight with Sam. It isn't going to help anything."
"Fucking watch me, Stark." I seethed, reaching for my car keys again.
Tony moved in my way. "Listen to yourself, Bucky. You need help." I ignored him and tried to step around Tony, but he side-stepped to block me once more. I blew a breath out of my nose, before the sound of a phone ringing interrupted us.
I held my phone to my ear and snapped, "What?"
"Is that a way to treat your mother?"
My eyes widened and I quickly stammered an apology, adjusting my grip on the phone. I couldn't believe my own mother was calling me, which only meant she had gotten the news. It was only once in a blue moon when I got a call.
"Stop apologizing. I'm very disappointed in you, James. After Sam called me and told me everything, I—"
"Mom, I know what I did. I don't need to hear another 'I'm disappointed' speech."
My mom harshly snapped, "James Buchanan Barnes, don't you interrupt me." I flinched, and ducked my head.
I mumbled, "Sorry."
"Now, I was trying to tell you that your father and I think it's a good idea if you went to a rehab in Manhattan."
I was stunned. "W-What?"