Chapter SEVEN
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Once again I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep, the dream is always so vivid, it terrified me. Reading yet another book I waited for the sun to rise so I could move on with the day.
Around six I slipped out of bed and made my way downstairs. I started to make my breakfast when I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Oh, hey Kat." Hannah sleepily smiled at me. Taking a piece of toast from my plate she settled herself into the chair beside me.
She fidgeted in her seat and picked at the bread slowly, her eyes trained on making patterns on the table. "Do think Colin likes me?" She whispered softly.
Turning to her I watched as she kept her eyes down but she was blinking rapidly in order not to cry. "Of course he likes you!" I told her without thinking and she jerks her head up to look at me. "How could he not?"
She smiled sadly and nodded, "I think I just got used to the idea that I was going to be his mate but I'm not sure that I am anymore."
"If he's your mate, you guys are cute together." I told her, it was the truth but I didn't like the image forming in my head, "And if he's not that just means that your true mate is out there waiting for you. Don't get too hung up on him if you're not sure, okay?"
She was quiet as she mulled over what I had said. "You should ask mom about it though. I don't know that much about mates to begin with. I won't have one."
Hannah got a far away look in her eyes and nodded, "You're going to meet some amazing person at NYU and I'm going to be so jealous." She leaned her head on my shoulder and continued, "You're going to make tons of new friends and not to mention all the clubs you'll get to go to."
"Hannah." I smile at her slightly, "I'm not going to go to any clubs, do you even know me?"
Lifting her head to look at me again she spoke with a hint of sadness. "Don't spend every weekend hold up in your dorm room. Do college the way we would. Do it for all of us, Kat. Please try to have fun."
I nodded, I was going to be the only Anderson kid to go college so in a way they were living vicariously through me. "I'm going to miss you."
"Don't say that." Hannah scolded playfully, her happiness seeming to come through again, "You haven't even toured the school yet. What if you hate it?"
"I won't." I told her confidently.
After breakfast I went back up to my room to change, I had to go shopping so might as well start early so I could read sooner. I grabbed my purse, that only contained pepper spray and my wallet, and headed outside. As I shut the door I saw him. He was grinning up at me as he made his way on to the porch, his hair was a cute mess and his hands were in his pockets.
"I figured you were going to leave early." He laughed, "And I didn't want you to leave without me."
I stepped closer to him and felt a smile try to conquer my stony face. Colin was breaking my walls and I wasn't sure that that was a good thing. I blushed, I had hoped that I would get it all done without him. I didn't really fancy spending time with him but also, it's all I wanted. To be alone with him, to talk to him, to be a regular teenager with friends. A boyfriend.
Blushing a deeper red I followed him to his car. Once we were in the car I looked at him from the corner of my eye and he smirked, "Where to first?"
After I had told him where he began driving and I was suddenly hit with a woodsy scent that had my heart racing. Looking around the car I noticed that he had an air freshener and I lightly traced it as I read the scent.
"What scent is this?" I found myself asking him as the scent started to drive me crazy.
Colin shrugged, his eyes flickering from the road to my face and then to my fingers that were tracing his air freshener attached to his vent. "I'm not sure, some flowery scent my mom bought to make the car smell better from lugging my Hockey things around."
I bit my lip and retracted my hand, flowery scent? I didn't smell a flowery scent at all.
We parked in silence and then Colin looked over to me. "What are we getting here?"
Pulling out my list I looked it over but before I finished Colin snatched it from my hands and hopped out of the car. I stared at him for a moment before I jumped out of the car and ran to catch up with his fast pace.
"Hey. I was reviewing the things I needed." I told him crossly.
This only seemed to make Colin grin even more, reading the list with interest. "You sure need a lot of things, this might take all day." He seemed pleased and then beamed at me, "We should probably get lunch if you want to complete all of these." He gave the list back to me. It was a long list but did I want it to take all day? I wasn't sure anymore.
Colin grabbed a cart and insisted on pushing it. He walked beside me while looking around the aisle. I've only been to this store twice since I've lived here so I wasn't sure what aisles held what I was looking for. Which meant we were going to have to go down every aisle to find them.
Grinning to myself I picked up the first thing on my list. Maybe it wouldn't take that long after all.
An hour and a half later Colin was dancing in the rows to the music playing over the intercom while I tried to decide which shampoo I wanted. I couldn't help but be distracted by his confidence to dance in a store full of people, I guess it wasn't that full. We've only seen a handful of people the entire time we've been here but still dancing in public is scary in of itself.
I finally decided on one and placed it in the cart and allowed myself to giggle slightly at the guy in front of me. Colin opened his eyes at the sound and grinned, "Ready?" He laughed.
Nodding I followed him to the next row. We finished shopping at eleven thirty and Colin insisted that we get food. He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me into a restaurant. The hostess smiled, "Just the two?"
I nodded and Colin said, "Yes." with a note of finality.
Our waitress was sweet and she got our orders perfectly, she didn't even have to write it down which impressed me.
Colin gently nudged me under the table and I lifted my head to look at him. "What's your favorite color?"
Taken aback I stared at him but he continued to grin. "Um. Orange I suppose." I answered quietly, unsure.
His eyebrows furrowed together as he picked at his fries but he was watching me with great interest. "Like a deep orange or more of a light orange."
Confused by his question I shrugged, how do I explain it? "Like a sunset orange." I told him finally. The sky created the most beautiful colors that were just natural looking which made them better than all the other colors. I've never had anyone really know what kind of color I liked. Orange was usually good enough for anyone else.
"It is a really cool color." He nodded and I waited for him to tell me his favorite, he didn't.
"What's yours?" I asked.
He smiled, "Blue."
"Light or dark?" I questioned him just as he had to me.
"Like a blue gray." He smirked.
The lunch was filled with tons of stupid questions that seemed so important to Colin that he ask them. I even caught myself smiling on multiple occasions. I wasn't supposed to let him in, I wasn't suppose to be happy.
"Where to next Kitty?" He grinned as my mouth dropped open.
"Kitty?" I asked getting into his car. I've had the nickname before and I forced everyone to stop using it after I turned eleven. But Colin saying it gave me odd butterflies in my stomach.
"Yeah, your new nickname is Kitty Kat." He grinned proudly, "So where to?"
"The bookstore." I told him and he shook his head muttering something under his breath as he plastered a grin on his face.
As we walked into the bookstore I got lost. Colin seemed to wander off and I didn't seem to mind, I had the books to browse. Nearly two hours later, that didn't really feel like two hours, Colin was back at my side. He watched as I picked up a book and read the back cover before placing it back on the shelve. After I did it at least five times he laughed, "What book are you looking for?"
"I'm not sure." I shrugged picking up another book and doing the same thing. Colin stood by my side watching patiently as I finally picked my three selections.
Checking out I could feel Colin watching me from the door and I hid my face. He was starting to scare me with the feelings I was began to develop. I felt...safe.
It was Five when we got back to my house, Colin helping bring the bags inside. He could carry a lot more than I could so we only made one trip up to my room. "Thank you for helping me today." I told him when he let out a breath and sunk into the computer chair.
"It wasn't bad at all." He smiled, "Even when we spent hours in the bookstore."
"I get lost in them sometimes. I'm sorry." I blushed taking out the things from the bag so I could pack it in neat piles when I decided to start packing, probably tonight.
Colin let out a laughed, "I noticed Kitty, I told you. I didn't mind."
I walked to the closet and pulled out the luggage so I could hide my face from him and try to settle my racing heart.
"Are you going to pack now?" He asked getting up and moving to my side as I lifted the luggage onto my bed.
Nodding I took out the clothes that I've already pre-selected which were packed in neat piles on my dresser and I placed them into the suitcase. Colin watched me and laughed teasingly. "That was the fasted I've ever seen anyone pack."
"Thanks." I gave him a smile before I caught myself and looked to the new things before placing them into the suitcase as well.
"Kat!" I heard my name being called from downstairs, the door slamming behind them.
I let out a sigh and called back, "I'm up here!" But it wasn't nearly as loud as a yell. They could hear me anyway. Hannah ran into my room and stopped up short when she saw Colin back in my chair.
"Colin?" She asked, her voice unsure, "I've been calling you non stop."
"I'm sorry." Colin told her reaching into his pocket for his phone. He frowned at all the messages my sister no doubt had left him before he looked up to me. "I didn't know that you didn't tell them."
"Huh?" I asked turning to Hannah who had her eyes narrowed.
"We've been looking for you all day!" She nearly shrieked. "Kat, we've been so worried about you! After the whole Shane thing we thought that you.." I flinched when she said his name and that didn't go unnoticed, they both sent worried eyes my way. "I'm sorry." She whispered.
Shaking my head I cleared my throat, "It's fine Hannah, I understand." My voice cracked as my facade was waning. "I'll remember next time, tell the others that I'm okay. Please." Near the end my voice nearly inaudible and Hannah nodded quickly, pulling out her phone. She stepped into the hall to make her calls and Colin stood up, coming to my side.
"Kat." He whispered, placing his hand under my chin and my skin burned where his fingers lingered. His eyes searched my tear filled ones for a moment before he had me wrapped in his arms. Warm. Tight. Safe.
Tommy had the guys over later that night which meant that Colin was downstairs with them. It was weird to spend the whole day with him but miss him when he wasn't here. I've never had this feeling before and it scared me.
"Kat?" Hannah came into my room and sat on my bed. I put my book down and watched her but her face was expressionless. "I love you." She muttered and I saw tears forming her hazel eyes.
"I love you too." I told her carefully, my eyebrows pulling together as I watched her.
"I'm sorry I brought up..him." She hesitated as she watched me. I tried to keep my face impassive but the attempt was futile. "I know I shouldn't have, I was just so, so worried about you. You haven't been the same since."
Nodding to show my sister I understood she took a deep breath and started again. "I'm going to ask you something and I need you to be honest with me. Okay?" I nodded again, "Do you like Colin?"
My mind started racing, if I answered truthfully it will crush her but if I don't it I could possible crush me.. If she's asking this question does she already know the answer and just wants to hear me say it? Or does she just want to make sure that I'm not trying to wiggle my way between them.
She notices my hesitation and she smiles, "It's okay, Kat. I think he likes you more than he ever liked me. If he ever liked me." My face went scarlet as she told me this but I had to tell her how I feel.
"I do like him." I told her softly, "But I'm never going to get better Hannah. I'm going to be this sleep deprived, annoyingly intelligent, no good at opening up to people for the rest of my life. I'm scared of everyone and terrified to be alone. I'm screw up and I'm not going to get better, I'm just not." I shook my head, tears pooling in the corners of my eyes.
"I think I would have really like him, if we'd met before all this happened." I tried agin. "But I can't open up to him, Hannah. It's no use asking if I like him or not, I'm not going to pursue anything with him. I'm not ready and I don't think I ever will be."
Hannah's eyes were as misty as mine as she stares at me. She leaned forward and wraps her arms around me in a hug. My second hug today. "You're so strong Kat. Please don't say you're not going to get better, you will. It'll just take sometime. I promise." She pleads with me.
She left me alone with a promise not to hang out with Colin anymore. I've hurt her, I know I have. I shouldn't have told her anything. I hid under the covers and before I could stop myself, I was asleep.