"Well, I did it."
"And? What happened?"
"I was right. He was cheating on me. Got definite proof, so, at least there's that. The mystery has been solved."
"It was just a man in a spooky mask the entire time? There wasn't a ghost at all?"
"How did you know? A Scooby snack for you!"
"Actually though, how are you doing? You confronted him then? He admitted to it?"
"He didn't really have to admit it after I pulled up to his house and found him making out with some girl against his car. Wait no- his mom's car. It's a minivan. I don't understand the appeal here, but I mean, I was his girlfriend for several months so I can't really talk shit."
"Ouch."
"Yeah, but we talked after. Marie gave me a serious pep-talk before, and she was waiting in the car with a baseball bat, so I didn't let him turn it around on me this time. If half of what she said wasn't very, very illegal she'd make a great motivational speaker. Anyway, we actually had a really honest conversation. It was weirdly nice. We both admitted to not really being invested anymore, I gave him the finger for cheating on me though, he agreed it was a super shitty thing to do, and then we hugged."
"You mean all this time all I had to do was cheat on you to get a hug?"
"Shut up. I actually feel a lot lighter now. I cried a little bit with Marie when I got home, and we watched a bunch of Nicholas Sparks movies and ate an entire extra large pizza, but I think I've gotten it out of my system. For the most part, at least. I might miss him down the line, but for right now, I think I'm gonna be okay."
"That was fast. I'm a little disappointed, I thought this time you would be the pathetic one calling me from Fat Cat's bathroom soliciting conversation. It's not fair."
"You're still trying to convince me it was conversation?"
"I don't know what you're trying to imply but you're wrong."
"I want you to know that I'm rolling my eyes right now."
"Hot."
"You're ridiculous. But I don't know, I guess since we had our talk, and since we'd barely even been together for the past couple months, it was a lot easier. I'm still a little pissed about the cheating thing though. At least she was pretty hot."
"Are you trying to tell me this quickly developed into a threesome? Because if so, I'm very upset I wasn't invited."
"As appealing as it was, I'm not really into blondes. I'm sure Jackson and Beth will have tons and fun without me."
"What?"
"Hmm? I said they seemed like they were already having fun without me, why? You sound shocked. I thought we already established he was very much cheating on me."
"No... no, that's not it, it's just- Beth. That's... that's my ex-girlfriend's name."
"What?"
"I have to go. I'll talk to you later. Bye."
"Wait! Parker, what do you mean? What are you... wait!"
"..."
"Parker?"
***
i swear everytime i think i throw in a clever twist there's like 34892374893724 that have already guessed it in the comments