I sat on my bed, happily patching my jeans and talking to Trinity. She was on the top bunk reading a book about how to hunt. She hadn't exactly learned during her trance.
"So I heard about you and Carl..." she trailed off. I could tell she was grinning to herself.
"I keep telling everyone that nothing happened in the cave! Why does no one believe me? Honestly," I started to lecture before she cut me off.
"I meant that you were dating, geez," she told me. She was probably rolling her eyes at me.
"Oh, yeah. So that happened," I noted, smiling as I sewed up my jeans. It still made me jittery to think about him, which I hated to admit. I'd always been so casual around guys, certainly not like with Carl.
"When?" she asked loudly, almost teasingly, as she flipped herself over so she could see me. She hung off of the top bunk, her head peeking into my bed. Her long hair skimmed my knee lightly.
"That day when we were in the guard tower and it was raining so hard," I told her, trying to focus on my work to keep from blushing.
"What happened?" she asked, flipping herself back up to her bunk.
"Stuff! Now leave me alone!" I laughed. Trinity huffed audibly, but didn't ask any more questions. I'd always pretty much kept to myself when it came to family. I usually didn't share any feelings or sappy shit with friends until we'd been close for at least a year. I preferred to stay quiet and observe everything and everyone around me rather than question anything or trying to make myself heard, which was probably how I'd managed to survive thus far. Then again, I hadn't been a particularly happy person.
I eventually finished patching my jeans and wandered around before deciding to kill some walkers. It had stopped raining and warmed up a bit, so I just wore a pair of dirty jeans and a blood-stained t-shirt. I stepped out and squinted against the sunlight, trodding over to the fence and lazily grabbing a lengthy blade. I killed them one at a time, losing track of time.
I was practically sleep walking as I killed the walkers. I wasn't think about anything at all. Just repeating the motions. So when Maggie stepped up next to me and started killing walkers along with Glenn, I had to hide my surprise as I clenched my weapon tighter.
After a while, Maggie spoke. We talked about the new girl mainly. She was a subject for conversation, I guess. Something seemed to be up with Maggie. I figured she would tell me if she wanted. We chatted for a while, Glenn remaining oddly silent, until finally Maggie said what she wanted to say.
"So, I'm pregnant," she noted calmly, glancing over at me from the walkers. I had pretty much assumed that was what it was, but I tried to act surprised and excited. She didn't have a mother to squeal for her.
"Maggie that's fantastic!" I beamed, sticking my weapon into the ground and hugging her tight. She smiled, satisfaction and relief masking the anxiety that had been there a few moments ago.
"You think?"she asked, glancing over at Glenn. He smiled genuinely at her and when she turned back to me he gave me a thumbs-up behind her back.
"Yes! Of course I think so! Judith's going to have a friend! You're going to be huge!" I giggled. Maggie snickered.
"Let's try to forget about the whole huge thing for now," she joked,"Oh, and don't tell anyone. I've only told Beth and Sasha so far." I nodded, willing to respect her privacy. I wasn't going to get involved, but I wondered if she'd actually be able to tell Hershel.
My arms ached shortly thereafter, and I waved goodbye to Maggie and Glenn, throwing in a "Congratulations," before jogging up to the prison. I wandered around, searching for Carl. He was such good company. I really wanted to spend more time with him, although I was kind of concerned that he'd want to go further than we already had. No way was I going to, of course, but I didn't want that to be an issue.
When I found him, he smiled at me and stood from his cot, grabbing my hand. he shoved his journal under his pillow and lead me out of the room without saying a word to me. He walked me to the garden, where Rick was picking vegetables and weeding. It was kind of hilarious to see Rick wearing a sun hat and flowery gardening gloves, but I desperately tried not to laugh. Only a few weak giggles slipped past my lips.
"Dad, we're going northeast. Daryl knows how to get to where we are if you need us. We'll try to be back before sundown." he informed his father. I guess we weren't being so secretive about going outside the fences this time.
"Actually, you will be back by sundown. You're not just going to try. Take your gun and some water and food just in case," he ordered Carl, wiping sweat from his brow. Carl sighed and rolled his eyes, but complied to his father's wishes. I liked that he wasn't being such a bratty teenager anymore.He gave me a quick peck on the lips before running up to get the supplies, leaving me to be embarrassed with Rick.
Thankfully, Rick didn't seem to mind the kiss, but he did ask,"Now, Nikki, you won't let him try anything will you?"
I felt my face and neck tint crimson, but responded coolly,"Nah, I don't want to anyway. Good luck to him if he makes any attempts. He'll need it." Rick chuckled and nodded, looking back down to his carrots.
I wandered off to the hole in the fence, playing with the laces on my worn-out sneakers and making sure they were secure. Carl arrived and unraveled the rope from the fence, spreading it for me like last time. I stepped through and her followed. We ran silently to the forest and slowed to a quick walk when we were behind the safety of the foliage.
"Maybe when we get back that new girl will be awake," Carl suggested as we walked. He had an arm lightly around my waist, keeping his hands high enough to agree with mine and Rick's standards.
"I don't particularly want to get to know her while she's hungover," I told him, glancing over to grin up at his freckle-splattered face. I quickly adjusted his hat to show his eyes as we continued walking.
******
We went through the motions, grabbing the ladder, securing it, creeping down it, and hopping into the cave. I didn't slide this time, but Carl still held me. I giggled a little and allowed it, setting my arms around his neck and resting my head on his shoulder. I had to convince myself that it was not awkward and I should not be embarrassed. We stayed like that for a bit, swaying slightly, before creeping over to the back of the cave, hardly disconnecting ourselves from each other.
We sat down and Carl kept a hand on my waist, letting me know he was there. I couldn't believe Rick had let us go after the swirling rumors last time. I had purposely avoided Trinity and Beth. And pretty much everyone else, too. I really wanted to talk to him about Maggie. I knew his mom had died through childbirth and I figured we would really have to prepare. We couldn't lose Maggie. That would've been awful.
I kept Maggie's secret and thought about how cliché it was. Of course she was pregnant. What the hell kind of other interesting events could occur? The walkers were becoming more of a threat, but hopefully the winter would help. It certainly seemed to slow them down last year. I didn't want anyone to die. Then again, I never wanted anyone to die. These people at the prison were my friends. Trinity was my sister. Hell, Carl was my boyfriend. How could I stand to lose anyone? Why did I bother getting to know them? Everyone's going to die. The walkers just speed up the process. The walkers are almost heroes in this situation. Everyone I know and love will die and then I'll die.
"Whatcha thinking about?" Carl asked, playing with the hem of my shirt. I snapped away from my thoughts and ordered the brewing tears to leave my eyes.
"Nothing," I replied happily. I certainly didn't want to worry him. That would just make me more of a burden. He nodded contentedly and I held in a breath of relief. His internal lie detector hadn't gone off.
Carl released my shirt and leaned over to kiss me. Nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong, nothing's wrong. I repeated over and over in my head, the voice a whisper, as if Carl would somehow hear it. I forced myself to kiss back to make it seem as if everything was okay and I hadn't been sitting there thinking about how walkers weren't that bad. I had to be convincing.
I forced Carl farther up against the wall and moved to his lap, kissing more intensely than before. I guess you could say we were making out.
"I'll be right back," I said quietly, pushing myself off of him. He smiled shyly and nodded, trying to hide his heavy breaths. How could he kiss someone like that and still be embarrassed around them? I made my way up the ladder and found myself in the lush woods. I walked slowly and carefully over to a tree, maybe 30 yards from the cave entrance. The forest was dense enough to hide me from Carl's view. I crumpled to the ground up against the tree and cried. I buried my face in my arms and listened to my own thoughts.
Why the hell am I crying? What's my problem? I'm such a burden when I'm like this. Why aren't I just happy like normal people? I'm in an amazing position right now. I'm with someone who cares and I care about and I have a safe home and food and here I am crying like a little bitch. I can't believe I did that. I should've told Carl what was wrong rather than kissing him. He cares, he would listen to my dumb problems. But I don't want to scare him away. I don't know why-
But my thoughts were cut off by Maggie calling, "Nikki? Carl?" in a strange, frightened voice.
"Yeah?" I croaked,"Yeah?" I tried again, this time succeeding in talking.
"You have to come back to the prison... It's Rick,"
~Author's Note~
OH SHIT. WHAT'S GOING ON? I hope maybe that cliff hanger saved this beyond-sucky chapter.
I gotta secret.... Well not really a secret.... I GOT TICKETS TO SEE IMAGINE DRAGONS!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Sorry, hate to brag. But I had to. Any Imagine Dragons fans? Yes? No? Hmm...
Anyway, sorry this took ten million years to update.
I love all of my giraffes <3 Thanks for reading! Voting for my story would be cool... *hint hint*
I dedicated it to Nat because she's been bugging me for this chapter so HERE YA GO, YA JAVA.