By the time I made it back to school, I'd missed most of French, and Ms. Benoit wouldn't let me take the test in the last few minutes. I slunk to the back of the room, sweaty, red-faced, and angry. Not only was my magic on the fritz, I was failing French.
Not even Mills and learning about the Rhode Island colony could pull me from my distracted focus. I spent most of the class staring at my fingers and imagining I saw purple sparks. When Mills called on me to answer a question, I stuttered stupidly for an eternity before he chided me for not paying attention and moved on to someone else.
When my day from hell finally ended, I trudged out to Marie's car, praying she hadn't left me. As I waited by her gleaming red car, I wondered if she'd used magic to make it. When I turned sixteen, would I be able to snap my fingers and get a Porsche?
I stared at my fingers and groaned. I couldn't even summon a book; a car was a far-off fantasy.
Marie was alone when she deigned to grace me with her presence, and for that, I was grateful. She and I clambered inside and said nothing to each other for over half the ride home. But my face must've betrayed my mood, because Marie turned down the music and snapped, "What's your problem?"
"Nothing."
"Are you pissed off because nobody sang you happy birthday?"
I made a noncommittal noise and looked at my fingers. "So, magic."
"What about it?"
"You have it?"
I felt her side-eye from across the car. "What's your point?"
"I mean, do you have it like me, or do you have it like Nicole? She said you're a healer."
A pause. "Nicole's the only one who can't summon and conjure."
"Oh."
More silence between us. I ran my fingers along the leather on the car door and imagined how Marie might've created it. "So did you click your fingers and this car appeared or what?"
"Oh my God, Lexie, you're such an idiot," Marie said with a giggle. "You can't just make stuff appear. Don't you know anything?"
I bristled. "Considering no one had the courtesy to tell me about magic before two days ago..."
"I know, and it was so much fun to do magic around you," Marie said, twirling a lock of her hair. "You were such a moron."
I didn't take the bait.
"I can feel you practicing magic, you know. Wonder if Jeanie would want to know about it..."
"Come on, Marie, you know I can't control it."
"And why not? It's so easy."
"Oh yeah?" I said, lacking a better comeback.
Marie knew she'd won this round, and smiled smugly. "I thought you could do everything."
"I never said I could."
"Sure act like it."
"Well, I can't do this, obviously."
"Obviously."
We spent the rest of the drive in silence. I shouldn't have expected Marie would help me, but it pissed me off that she'd been so...herself. For once, couldn't my sister be a bit more selfless?
She parked in front of our house, and I couldn't get out of the car soon enough.
"Hey," Marie said, rolling down the window. "Tell Jeanie I won't be home for dinner."
"Okay."
She glared at me. "Don't you care?"
"Why would I?"
"Because...it's your birthday? Don't you want us to go out and have a big family dinner?"
I shrugged and marched into the house. After dropping my bag next to the staircase, I went straight to my room to lie down on, thankful for the quiet and the dark. I had homework, I had things to read and prepare for tomorrow, but I was drained. I wasn't sure how long I lay there, feeling sorry for myself. Eventually, a car door slammed below and the stairs creaked as someone walked up them.
Jeanie opened my door, looking not-too-happy. "Nicole told me you decided to take a field trip today," she said, before I could open my mouth.
"I didn't mean to," I said. "I was...trying to send something home and I ended up going home and—"
"And why were you using magic at school in the first place?"
"Because...because I don't know. It just happened?"
"Magic doesn't just happen, Alexis. Magic happens because you will it to. And obviously, you're lacking in the willpower department."
"Jeanie, my magic's gone! I don't know what happened to it—"
"Your magic isn't gone," Jeanie said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "But it will be if you don't quit acting out. There were two ground rules. What were they?"
"Jeanie—"
"What were they?"
I groaned loudly. "Don't use magic on another person, and don't do magic at school."
"And what did you do?"
"I...I didn't mean to!"
"You aren't listening to me, Lexie," Jeanie said. "Why were you even using magic at school? Especially when you have so little control over it."
I didn't have a good response to that. It was true some of my magic happened uncontrollably—the glowing fingers—but I'd made a willful decision to summon my book to me. Hindsight being twenty-twenty and all...
"We're going out to eat for your birthday," Jeanie said, sounding more like she didn't want to. "Where do you want to go?"
"I'm not really hungry," I replied, picking at my comforter.
"Fine, if you're going to be like that, we won't go anywhere." She slammed the door behind her and I jumped a few inches from the sound. I hated being the object of Jeanie's disappointment, and I hated it even more so because I felt caught between knowing the right thing to do, and needing to break the rules to sate my own curiosity.
A few tears fell down my cheeks, which I wiped away. Sitting around and crying wasn't going to do any good. I had the rest of the afternoon and evening to figure out what was going on with my magic. I had a really old magic book, too, so I snatched it off my desk before marching down the stairs.
"Jeanie?" I called but there was no answer.
That was a bit of a relief. Jeanie seemed on edge and might jump down my throat if I asked for her help. And if I were truly being honest with myself, Jeanie's track record with teaching wasn't the best. It was only thanks to Nicole's patience that I ever learned how to ride a bike.
She was the one I needed. "Nicole?"
No answer again. I knew I'd heard her earlier, and both her and Jeanie's cars were in the driveway. So where could they have—
"Oh yeah."
It was going to take me some time to default to remembering that everything inexplicable happened because of magic. I didn't want Jeanie to worry (or get any angrier at me than she already was), so I left her a note telling her I'd gone for a walk to clear my head.
The park was a little farther than I'd remembered, but it was actually a pretty nice night. Some part of me was hoping Gavon might show up again, either because the park was on his evening walk, or maybe because he took pity on me. How had he known I was magical? Was it just fate that he was walking around and came across me? Were there more magical people I didn't know about in this town?
The park was empty, so I plopped down inside the gazebo and put the book out in front of me. There was a voice in my head reminding me that Jeanie had expressly forbidden me to do magic unsupervised and in the open like this, but, then again, no one was around.
"Okay, Lexie," I said, gearing myself up. "Bring my sunglasses to me." I held out my hand. When they didn't appear, I frowned and said, "Come to me, sunglasses—"
To my delight, they appeared in a puff of dark purple smoke. But somehow, I knew it wasn't my magic that had summoned them. I looked up and saw Gavon behind me, a pleasant smile on his face.
"Seems a bit late for those, don't you think?" he asked, glancing at the dark sky.
"Well, I was..." I sighed. "I think I broke my magic."
He made a sound between a cough and a laugh. "What?"
I flexed my hand in front of my face. "It's broken. I can't spark. I can't even... I think I wished it away or something."
He looked as if I'd said something ridiculous, but was trying not to make me feel bad about it. He cleared his throat and smiled. "I think you've still got plenty of magic. Otherwise, you wouldn't be sitting here."
"What do you mean?"
"If you lost all your magic, you'd die."
"What?" I said, heart pounding.
"Relax." Gavon smiled. "You're a far way from that, I promise you."
"You can die?"
"If you use too much of your magic, yes. But, like I said, you look perfectly healthy to me."
"But I can't...I can't do anything. At least, not like this morning. This morning, I was..." I waved my hands around. "Yeah."
"Sounds like you've had an eventful first day as a magical," Gavon said with a small chuckle.
"Eventful? Setting my room on fire then transporting myself back to my bedroom isn't what I'd call...eventful." I slumped and pressed my cheek into my hand. "And now I can't even...I can't even bring a pair of sunglasses to myself."
"Well, I can assure you that your magic is perfectly fine. Maybe there's something else bothering you?" He blinked, then said, "I'm sorry, did you say you transported yourself to your bedroom today?"
I nodded. "I magicked this book to me—"
"Summoned."
"Summoned, yeah. At lunch. Then I tried to send it back home, and I ended up sending myself back with it." I frowned. "And when I called Nicole, she acted like...like I meant to do it! Like it was my fault and asking her to come get me was..." I blew air out between my lips. "And my aunt isn't helping either. She came home and yelled at me for using magic."
"Why'd she do that?"
I blushed. "Because...because she told me I wasn't allowed to use it at school, which I didn't—"
"But you summoned a book to you?" Gavon asked, although his query was much less accusatory and more amused.
"Yeah, but...I don't know." I picked at the table. "I just feel like this big gift got dumped into my lap and I'm trying to figure out what to do with it. And everyone's busy telling me I shouldn't use it, and I can't use it, and every time I do use it, something horrible happens. And..." I sighed and glanced up at him. "I'm sorry for venting."
"Sounds like you needed to." He tapped the table. "Might I offer a suggestion or two?"
I shrugged.
"First, I do want to assure you that your magic is perfectly fine. It's a little overzealous at the moment, perhaps due to fifteen years of disuse, but it's there." He pulled the primer closer to him. "Second, I think you'll find magic a little easier to wield once you understand the basic theories—"
"How?"
"Did you read the primer?" he asked.
My cheeks warmed. "I mean...I got through the first few pages..."
"Look here." He flipped through to the first chapter. "Read what this says."
I peered at the pages. "A Magical's best tool for spell work is a well-crafted mind."
"Now, what do you think that means?"
"It means that...you have to control your mind to control your magic," I said. "But I don't know what that means. Keep in mind, I have zero frame of reference for this."
He nodded, scratching his chin in thought. "Magic is like...another sense. Like breathing or hearing. Just as you learned how to process the words you hear without thinking about it, you'll learn how to process magic."
"One problem: I've been hearing since I was a baby, I've just learned about magic. And..." I shook my head. "It's starting to piss me off that everyone assumes because I'm 'so smart' I'll just...figure it out. I don't have the room to figure it out because I have Jeanie breathing down my neck and..." I closed my mouth when I realized I'd started ranting again.
Gavon, however, seemed unfazed by it. "I think you are suffering from the common affliction of the brilliant mind."
"Oh yeah?"
"Overthinking. You're trying too hard."
I shook my head. "So I don't try at all, and I blow up my nightstand. Now I'm trying too hard and I can't even summon my sunglasses?"
He seemed to consider for a moment. "To wield magic, you must focus on what you want and have the mental strength to do it. If you're too emotional and unable to focus, you can't perform magic." He pointed out another passage in the primer.
"Magic is but an extension of the Human Will, and it is as powerful as the mind it inhibits," I said, reading from the book. "So what do I do about it? How do I not overthink this?"
"Well, let's first start by taking a deep breath," Gavon said, placing his hand on top of mine. It was warm.
I took a short breath.
"Deep breath."
I inhaled deeply then let the breath out slowly. Some of the anxiety I'd been nursing in the pit of my stomach went with it.
"Good. Now." He placed a fallen leaf on the center of the picnic table. "Use your magic and pick it up."
I looked at the leaf and willed it to rise, scrunching up my face.
"Don't try so hard. Magic should be natural."
"Easy for you to say."
"Just relax."
I looked at him then looked at the leaf. I tried to relax, but kept thinking about all of the reasons why I couldn't make this leaf levitate.
"It's no use," I said finally.
"With that attitude."
I glared at him then set my chin on my arms, looking at the leaf. It continued to sit there, mocking me.
"Close your eyes and clear your mind."
I closed my eyes and, although it took me a few breaths, I was able to quiet the noise in my head. That's when I felt it—a hum of energy. It had always been there, but I'd been too distracted to see it.
"Now, tell your magic to levitate the leaf."
Feeling like an idiot, I released my hold on the energy. I felt the rough texture of the wooden picnic table, the delicate crunchiness of the leaf, the cool air as I lifted the leaf into the air.
"Alexis."
I ignored him, focusing intently on the image in my head.
"Alexis..."
"What?" I didn't open my eyes.
"You—"
"I'm trying to concentrate!" I snapped, finally looking. To my shock, the leaf was steadily floating in the air, just as I'd imagined.
"Wow," I said, reaching out to touch it.
"See, you have plenty of magic," Gavon said. "You just need to find the balance. Don't overthink it."
"What else can I do?" I asked, as the leaf twirled in the air.
"Why don't you read chapter two?" Gavon said. "You should probably start with the basics or else—"
The leaf spun faster and faster until finally bursting into flames. I nearly fell off the picnic bench.
"Okay," I said, watching the smoking ash drift to the table. "I'll read chapter two."