I scrunched up my nose with irritation, who on this world had removed my curtains? Sunlight was peeking through the slits of the curtains and that amazingly fell directly on my eyes. I felt hot. How on the earth has the morning rays a heat? I smacked my head mentally. If that was not sunlight then why I am feeling so hot?
I slowly opened my eyes to see the most adorable view in my life. Swayam was sleeping on me. His smell was all over me; his head was on my chest, whenever I take a breath his head was moving up and down along with my chest. His hot breath managed to make me feel hot. His body was radiating heat. I smiled at my previous thoughts. His one arm was on his side and with the other; he was holding me tightly against his body. His palm was pressed on my exposed skin of my stomach. If we were in this position few days ago then I would have pushed him out of the bed. However, today I felt different. He never moved from his side. In the last months, we shared the bed but never slept this close. A red hue came to my cheeks. I blushed furiously. He was not moving, might be still sleeping.
How we end up in this position on our bed? We were on the couch last time when I fell asleep. He brought us here. I grinned widely when I remembered how he pulled me and I end up on his top. I was busy in my thoughts when swayam stirred in his sleep. That was when those haunting memories of the last day's events came to my mind. I shouldn't be sleeping like this. I stirred in my position. I tried to loosen his grip, but he only tried to tighten it. I let him hold me for some time.
I couldn't stop my thoughts; I was thinking so wildly, I deliberately wanted to run my hands through his soft silky hair. My hands went towards his hair without my own consent. I did a small winning dance inside my head when my hands met his hair. Those were incredibly soft. I very slowly with a fear ran my hands through his hair. My nails started to massage his scalp. With closed eyes, I enjoyed the feeling of his hair against my palm.
I suddenly withdrew my hand when swayam slightly lifted his head. However, his next movement shocked me. He raised his hands, took mine in his, and placed it on his hair again.
"It feels so good, don't stop," he mumbled against my chest.
I smiled again, this time a wide smile. Today will be a good day. I was smiling a lot. Then there was a silence, it was not an awkward one, very comfortable one. I know swayam was awake.
"Swayam" I slightly called him.
"Hmm," He didn't say anything.
"Wake up, don't you have office today?"
"I don't want to wake up, just stay like this. It feels so good to stay so close to you."I didn't say anything; everything would go back once he is fully awake. I didn't want to keep any hope.
"Don't say anything that you will regret after some time."
"I will not, I want to stay close to you, I want to move on with you, I want to wake up every morning like this, not like you are on one side and I'm on the other side. I want to wake up by seeing your smiling face."
With that, he looked up and smiled, then went back to the previous position.
"What had happened swayam? You are behaving so different. This is not my best friend who I ..."
"Who you loved more than a friend" swayam completed my sentence though I was not going to say that.
My eyes were snapped open. I didn't know what to say as in reply for those words, therefore, I just kept quiet, even he didnt make a move. My thoughts were running so fast. How did he get to know this? Suddenly my eyes went to my diary that was on the top of my cupboard.
"Did you read my diary?"
He didn't reply for some time.
"Swayam" I urged.
"It will be a lie if I say that I didn't, I did check your personal diary but I did not read those. I won't do that. As far as I know you love to keep secrets."
With that, he woke up and went outside of the bedroom without looking at me.
I lay there. I was not embarrassed nor I was ashamed, but I was shocked. These years I successfully managed to mask my feelings, just in one day that mask fell down. I was happy that he knows my feeling now, but that scared me more than before. He won't love me back. Mine was an unrequited love.
Suddenly the doorbell rang which snapped me out of my thoughts. I woke up and went to the washroom to get ready. I took a long shower. I was not a shower thinker but this morning I couldn't stop my thoughts, those were roaming on swayam, jia and me.
There was lots of question in my head. I didn't expect he would react in this way when a situation like this comes; I thought he would shout at me, but he didn't, he just let me know that he knows my feelings. I hurt him. I should have shared my feelings. That was my entire fault. What had happened that night, all those was my fault. I should have stopped him. However, I couldn't. I cried, I cried in the shower, my tears were mixed with those water drops.
After a long thirty minutes, I got ready and went to the kitchen. I have to talk to him. When I reached the living area, I heard some noises. With very slow steps, I went there and peeked through the door but the next moment I wish I hadn't. There stood jia and swayam. Her cheek was red. Swayam was blazing in anger. I have never seen this side of him. Once he got angry on me but at this level never. Her right cheek was red and Swayam's hand mark was clearly imprinted there. I could feel the stinging sensation through my body just by looking at that red mark. I shuddered when Swayam's voice boomed through the house. My ears went numb.
"Just get lost," his index finger was pointing towards the door.
"But swayam just hear me once," She said with her sugar coated voice.
"I don't want to hear any of those excuses of yours."
"But please swayam, it was a just a misunderstanding."
"Yeah right. It was all just a misunderstanding."
"Haa. Let me clear it." Her voice had a hope.
I was amazed at her acting ability. She surely will win one Oscar.
"You are again mistaken Miss Jia Malhotra." Swayam voice had an authority.
I never heard such a powerful voice. Now I'm admiring my Swayam's voice. Idiotic Sharon just concentrates on the show.
"I said that I misunderstood everything, those every action of yours as love. I was a stupid to fall for those fake concerns, those fake care, and your fake love."
"My love was not fake swayam."
Urrrghhh her guts. I wanted to smack her head right and left.
"Dare you to take my name again, you don't have any rights to take my name with your that ugly mouth nor you have any rights to say that four letter word. You are a shame to those girls who die for pure love."
Awe my swayam. Stop admiring Sharon. He is hurt. I frowned, that b**ch hurt my swayam. I moved forward to give her a good lesson. However, I stopped when she took my name.
"Ohhh now you can only see Sharon. She was your everything, and only she will be..ohh god how that bi**ch changed my swayam."
Here we go again one more slap; her sarcastic face was a sight to see.
"I told you don't call her that." swayam yelled.
"Why swayam, why? Why are you behaving like this?"
"You are asking me why? You think I'm crazy. I was, I admit it. I was insane enough to fall for your fake image. Now I regret it."
"I know that sharon had poisoned your mind."
"It had nothing to do with Sharon, get that straight in your that small head."
"But swayam,..." jia tied once again.
"I told you to get lost; I don't have time to your fake excuse. So just, leave my Sharon and me alone. I am moving on in my life. I don't want you to enter our life again. If you ever try then I swear you will regret it."
At that moment, I know I have to stop them, so I moved forward.
"Swayam"
He looked up at me with those eyes, which drained all blood from my body. His eyes were red, blood red.
"Ohhh you were here eavesdropping our talk?" She insulted me.
"What are you doing here still? Just get out of my life." Swayam snapped again.
"Haa I'm going, I won't come back in your life again Mr. Swayam Shekawat. You stay happy with your life. I wanted fame, which I got easily from being your so-called girlfriend. I'm happy now with my new boyfriend. However, don't forget you are still not happy. And you girl ..."She turned towards me.
"Don't you dare jia" swayam dared her for what, I had no idea.
"Why? Are you scared? She has the right to know." Jia mocked.
"What?" I was confused.
"That is, you spoiled Swayam's life. Our relationship. He lied to you." jia's sound was unbelievably low.
"Lie? What lie?" I have started to break down. Even though I know, I have no right.
"Jia stop," swayam interrupted again."
Let me complete what I started." Jia was confident, and her confidence scared me.
"Let her speak swayam," I spoke this time.
"So now I can, right swayam? Jia was sarcastic.
He dropped his head. She took some time, but that was the long hour of my life. She was slightly rubbing her two palms together, and I was sweating.
"He had broken our relationship before your marriage. He came to me and asked for a break up to marry you. He kept you in dark Mrs. Shekawat. I have moved on very easily. It was like changing clothes for me, I didn't care. I never loved him. However, he was head over heel in love with me. Can you imagine what he went through those days of your marriage? No, you can't. Because you are a selfish girl who only cared about your life."
"Just stop and get out" Swayam roared.
"Cool down mister I am not going to live here lifelong and don't shout at my face. Goodbye."
Then she turned her back towards us. Before reaching the door, she once again faced us and said.
"One more thing I was not worried about your reaction, nor did me forgets the slaps and your little threat Sharon. Moreover, I was not a desperate girl who wants a guy's forgiveness for cheating on him; those were just acting to bring this girl here down. I came here for letting you know that you were the world's biggest stupid"
With that, she flipped her hair back and ran out of the door with shutting it with a loud noise. I stood there for more than a minute.
Swayam sat on the couch with his head in the palms. His hands were resting on his knees. I couldn't blame swayam for anything because, as much as I know he was wrong and more than that I was wrong too. I don't have the rights.
We both were at faults. We never took any step to talk. In that last six months, we lived like friends. We used to go for vacations, we watched movies together, we played a lot, and we talked a lot but never about these all. He kept his break up with jia hidden and I kept my feelings. I know why he didn't tell me about those. He knows that I would blame myself.I looked back and sat near swayam. Very hesitantly, I put my hand on his shoulder. He looked up with eyes full of tears. He was crying.
"Swayam"He didn't let me complete. He covered my mouth with his palm.
"Let me talk Sharon." I nodded.
"I'm sorry, I'm, for everything. I was at fault. I know. Jia was right I'm the biggest stupid to believe her. I didn't' think to lie to you, I was waiting for a right time to talk to you."
"In those six months, you didn't get a single right time." I chuckled.
"However, you had managed to hide your feelings for a longgg time." He winked at me.
I looked at him amused, just seconds ago he was crying now he is in playing mood, he really has mood swings. We stared at each for some time. Then he pulled me towards him and hugged me sooo tightly. I struggled to breathe, but his warmth was so soothing. We stayed there for a long time. We both didn't want to break the hug.
Nevertheless, every good moment has to end. Therefore, our little sweet moment ended. He pulled back, but he never left me. He cupped my cheeks with his hands and moved forward, I leaned to him. Everything stopped, even our breathing. When our lips were just an inch away, he pulled back with a small sorry but my instincts were fast, I pulled him close with his collar.
"I have waited for years for this moment. Don't move away swayam. Kiss me.
*Swayam*
"I have waited for years for this moment. Don't move away swayam. Kiss me."
I didn't wait, nor I let her wait. I crashed my lips on her. God her lips were so soft. That had a strawberry taste on it. Electrical shocks went through my spine. Even though I was in a relationship I have never kissed anyone before, so technically it was my first kiss still I managed to try it.
This is ecstasy. I was flowing, many emotions flew through me. She was at shock first, though she took the step she didn't think I would go with her. She took some time to regain her composure and then reciprocated. I didn't know what came to me I wanted her so close to me and that space between us irritated me so I slightly raised her from her place and placed her on my lap. Her hand immediately went to my shoulders. She held me tightly and my hands put her in the place I was holding her though her waist.
We continued our first kiss but our small cozy moment was broken by my stupid phone. I pulled back and looked up, Sharon was red, and she was blushing. I slightly chuckled. She sat there with closed eyes.
"Look at me Sharon," I said slowly.
"No" she shook her head.
"Please."
"No, I'm embarrassed."I laughed hard on that.
She kissed me and now she is embarrassed to look at me. I fell back on the couch with Sharon on my lap. We were still in that sitting position. With the impact, she opened her eyes, which was widely open.
"Thank you"
She scrunched her nose up in confusion.
"I said thank you for letting me live that moment. That was my first kiss, and that was incredible"
"Really?" Her eyes were out of her sockets.
"Why are you so surprised" now I was confused.
"I thought you have kissed many," she said as a matter of fact.
"What? You thought that low about me." She nodded her head up and down.
"It's not wrong to kiss."
When she told that, I wanted to kiss her again but I controlled me.
"Hmm and what about you?" I asked with a hope I wanted that was her first too.
"What about me?" She asked with a naughty smile.
"Was that your first kiss?"
"Why do you want to know?"
"Huh I told you about mine and now you tell."
"No" And she ran away before I got hold of her.She said no as in, that was not her first, or she was not going to tell me? With my confused thoughts, I laid on the couch, I put my hands over my eyes. I didn't want her to feel embarrassed that is why I came out of the room without looking at her today morning. I wanted to give her time as much as she wants. I wanted to hear her confession and I will wait for that.
"You have to confess too swayam," someone from inside told me.
***************************************
Days passed, their relationship became strong. They started to act a little bit like a married couple but still they were not completely. They used to sleep together, hug each other frequently, and wake up as like swayam wanted. After their kiss, there was some awkwardness between them. Sharon hasn't expressed her feeling much nor did he ask about it. They behaved like before, but there were changes, noticeable ones. They used to stare at each other for a long time and had small small moments. Even though many things happened, they didn't talk about it. Sharon thought swayam will take the first step and he thought she will, but they didn't take any step.
They know they have to talk, many things need to be cleared, but they were not ready. Sharon was not ready to see swayam regret, the regret of letting a silly girl play with him, he was not ready to let that hurt go. He hurt himself for hurting Sharon throughout the last years. He was scared to bring that night again in between them. He doesn't regret that day nor he dared to call that night as a mistake but taking jia's name was a mistake. He was not in his senses that night so he doesn't remember those any moments which sharon treasured. He was not ready to see that hurt again. They both had their own reason to stay away from those events, but one incident plunge them together to solve everything.
One day evening after coming from office swayam went to the kitchen to meet Sharon; she was making coffee for both of them. She was in her red sari, which she wore today to office. She was tired, since last days she was not feeling well. Morning sickness, weakness, weird kind of craving and all. She never liked cashew but since few days, she was craving for them. Cashew was Swayam's favorite.
"Sharon"She turned towards the door.
"Want coffee?" she raised her hand with a cup.
"Yes. Would love to, why are you looking so pale?"
"I don't know, I'm just tired. Will rest sometime then everything will be ok."He went towards her and took her hands in his.
"Sharon you didn't answer me till now" swayam asked with a cute pout.
"What answer swayam?" Sharon frowned.
"That day, was that your first kiss?"She gave a wide smile and told.
"No, that was not."
"Then, when was that? And with whom?" He was desperate to know. She blushed.
"Why are you blushing?"
"I'm not"
"Haa I can see that! now tell me." Swayam was little upset with the new info.
"It was on that night swayam, with you"
Blood drained out of his body. Earth slipped beneath his foot. He stood there dumbfounded. That night brought unpleasant feelings to him.
That was when something went through Sharon's head. She hurriedly went out of the house and came back after half an hour, she ignored Swayam's continuous calls and went to their bedroom and enter the washroom and took a pregnancy test kit from her bag. Swayam ran behind her. However, before he saw what she was doing she was inside the washroom. He waited, but she didn't come out. At last, he knocked.
"Sharon"
"Huh ha swayam"
"Are you ok?"
"Yes"
"Then come out."
"I'm coming."She came out and stood there without looking at swayam.
"What happened? What are you hiding behind?"
"Nothing swayam" she held that tightly.
"Don't lie, tell me"
"I'm pregnant." With that, she showed him the test result.
****