Chapter Three
Everything is different now
Another rainy day, another thunder threat and a headache that refuses to go away.
Jake’s visit yesterday didn’t make me feel better at all. He wants to get together with me again but I’m not interested in that anymore. I don’t know when I will be ready for a relationship again when the thought of it turns me off. I used to date a lot and I was waiting to get older so I could start dating Jake without having to hide it from Keith. He is just not the same Jake anymore and I am not the same Meryl.
I spend too much time thinking inside the house. At least it is quiet and everyone is at school. I spend my mornings watching TV without fighting over the channels and eating ice cream. If only ice-cream could cure my depression. It’s pathetic how sorry I feel for myself. Living like this makes me pay more attention to things I never noticed before.
I spend some of my time cleaning up the mess my dear family leaves behind. I have become their personal maid without them even knowing it. They don’t reflect over the fact that the house is tidier now. Well it is the least I can do to help. I used to be so selfish and mostly focused on my own life like no one else was as important as me. I was a star on the rise and had the whole world coming my way.
I need to stop thinking about it! I am tired of ramble the same things in my head day after day. I swear it is starting to drive me insane.
I miss my legs. I miss them terribly. Jake just made it worse by his stupid comment. What did he mean? Would I really be able to walk in Paxia? That is a question that really would make me change my mind about the whole topic if it is true. I’m afraid that I will start to believe in it and turn into some lunatic.
I giggle at my own thoughts. I really need to see my friends some more. I just need to go out through the door and down the road. I look at the door for almost half an hour. I am trying to find the courage to leave the house but I start shaking every time my hand reaches for the doorknob.
What if my fear never disappears? Will I be stuck in this house forever, never being able to go out on my own?
My throat is sore and I feel exhausted. A sudden knock on the door startles me and I quickly open it to find mom’s favourite neighbour on the porch.
“Hello dear!” Jenna greets me happily, wearing one of her long flowing dresses over her chubby body. Her hair is deep orange and completely untameable. “Where is my lovely little Dilly?”
Dilly comes running and jumps up and down excitedly while Jenna is putting a leash on her. Dilly puts her nose on my knee as goodbye before leaving the house with my neighbour.
Jenna is a housewife and always took care of our pets during the day and vacations. I am just happy we know someone who wants to do that favour for us. I don’t like when Dilly is on her walks, the house feels empty without her.
I roll back to the living room where I left the TV on and the news is airing.
“We find no explanation how a statue of that size can disappear in the first place without anyone noticing it. Our belief is that it is a part of Paxia now. The weirdest building disappearance was a leather clothing store five years ago when the whole shop was swallowed and the ground was left empty. This will be investigated more thoroughly…”
I change the channel so I don’t have to hear anything about it. Tomorrow, I decide, tomorrow I’ll leave the house.
-
The sun is actually shining and there are no clouds in the sky today. It feels a little weird to not have the thunderous clouds around, but I enjoy the nice weather while we have it.
“I want to go swimming.” The words leave my mouth before I can stop them. I think of the heated pool I used to train in when I was in the school’s swimming team. I miss going there. I miss competing with my friends after school.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea!” Mom chirps while reading her magazine. She turns her attention to me with a hopeful hint in her blue eyes.
We are sitting in the garden enjoying the spring. It is nice to have Mom for myself and I’m trying to avoid comments that will make her cry. Mom and I researched swimming a few weeks ago and found a special place where I can go. I’ve been pending with my will to go or not.
“So will you take me?” I ask hesitantly.
“Of course, I know how much you miss doing sports. Do you want to go right away?”
“Yes, sure,” I answer her and I feel the nervousness in my stomach again.
I am finally doing this; Mom has been waiting for me to make up my mind. She is just too kind to push me, but she always wanted us children to do sports and all of us are. I just happened to be a natural talent so I’m sure I will do well now too. Doing this means I will be moving on, starting a new chapter. Mom will have a daughter to be proud of again.
Mom drives us to the facility and I want to stay inside the car when we finally reach the parking lot. I both dread and look forward to learning to swim again. Mom called earlier so the instructors are waiting for me to take my first class with them. They had a free spot for me today so I feel lucky, but I am scared to meet them.
I can’t change my mind now. Life will not get better if I roll home and hide under a blanket. Maybe this is what I need so I finally can move on?
“Are you ready, Meryl?” Mom asks me seriously.
No! I will never be ready, how can I swim without legs? I force a smile and nods. I can’t say those words without making her cry again. “As ready as I can be.”
-
I feel a lot better after we’ve returned home. I don’t know why I was so scared, it felt wonderful to exercise again and I can’t hide the smile on my lips. I was mostly taking instructions and didn’t do much in the water, but that one hour is more than I have done since the accident that wasn't forced on me by the hospital.
“Thank you Mom, I feel so happy now,” I tell her and give her a hug in the hallway.
The others are eating dinner in the kitchen; we didn’t want them to wait for us. It smells like hamburgers and I’m really hungry.
“You did so well, Meryl. I’m so proud of you,” she sobs.
“Please, you can’t cry all the time. It’s only making you look older.” I try to scare her off with my harsh words but it doesn’t succeed.
“Shush,” Mom says. “I can cry as much as I want to. You’ll know when you get children.”
“Right, like anyone wants a girl in a wheelchair.” I roll my eyes and she just laughs at me.
“Of course they will. You are pretty and a brilliant man is going to scoop you up one day okay?”
“Well fine, but I refuse to start dating before I turn twenty,” I grunt. “I’m starving, let’s eat.” I hope she never brings this subject up again, like ever.
“That sounds like a great idea,” Mom agrees and we enter the kitchen.
“Merry! Merry! How did your first class of swimming go?” Tim-Tim yells jumping up and down in his chair. His good mood is contagious and I can’t help but feel more cheered up by him.
“Wonderful! I didn’t get eaten by any sharks as you can see.”
“Silly Merry!” Tim laughs. “Sharks lives in the ocean, not pools!”
“Oh, really?” I ask confused while scratching my head. Everyone is looking at me and then I notice we have a guest over. I roll over to my place and give him a smile. “Hi Jake, did you miss me that much?”
“Hi Meryl,” he greets me and I notice that his plate is licked clean from food while the others are still eating their first portion. “I hear you are starting with sports again. I like that idea.”
“I better make the best out of my situation,” I answer him. “Is this going to be your second home again?”
“Well, Keith’s room is better than mine and you all rock more than my parents. I swear they are impossible now. I am getting a place of my own after I graduate.”
His eyes are flashing black with annoyance when he thinks of how they are treating him and it is a bit scary to watch. I wonder what he went through while he was gone.
“Can someone pass me some burgers please?” I ask and I’m soon bombarded with bread, burgers, vegetables and hamburger sauce. I make sure to fill up Jake’s plate again and he digs in like he hasn’t eaten in days. Boys.
Dilly runs whining for some dinner and looks at me with big sad eyes. I sigh sadly back at her. We don’t feed her from the table, but that doesn’t stop her from trying.
“I can take a walk with you both if you want to?” Jake offers himself and I look at him a bit taken back.
“Why, thank you for the offer,” I answer him, glad that he offered himself so we can have another talk.
We leave the house a few minutes later and I just follow Jake wherever he wants to go. He is walking quite slowly and Dilly is enjoying herself in the sun. She is always walking proudly; she is a poodle after all.
“Keith said you don’t like to walk her alone since she must be unleashed and you don’t trust the cars,” he says to break the ice.
“Yeah, it sucks how everything is different now,” I mutter. “Did he forget to tell you that I never leave the house alone?”
Jake stops and looks down into my eyes with a worried expression. “No, he forgot to say that. Why don’t you leave the house?”
I shrug my shoulders at him. “I feel vulnerable on my own. It’s hard to explain. I try to leave the house but I start to panic. It is hard to leave the house at all. I don’t want everyone to stare at me.”
“How were you before the accident?” he asks to distract himself from scouting the neighbourhood. He’s so tense out here compared to in our house.
“Oh you know, devastated that you were gone. I couldn’t figure out why you would run away like you did. I learned to live with it and focused on sports mostly.”
We start moving forward again and Dilly is happily jumping around us, she is probably celebrating that I am taking a walk with her. I am too focused on Jake to worry about other people. I need to hear Jake’s story. I roll towards a bench in the park and he follows me to take a seat on it.
“Let Dilly run free for a while,” I command him. “There was a reason you took me out on this walk, just spit it out because I want to hear your story.”
He unleashes Dilly and we both watch her play. She finds a stick to bite on and plops down on the ground. At least the sun dried up the wet ground. I am just waiting for him to break the silence. It feels a little awkward to sit here with him after all these years.
“It’s weird how much you take for granted in life,” he starts saying thoughtfully. “I was mostly playing around, having fun with Keith. I had no worries in the world and I was happy. I didn’t have any plans on leaving, I would never have left.”
He clenches his fists and his eyes get hard again before he continues. “It was bad weather, but it only takes ten minutes to walk home from your house. One second I was walking on the road, the next I was somewhere unimaginable, in a place with faded colours, mostly black and grey. The wind, the air, the place itself was drawing me in different directions and it felt like I was going to shatter. It took a few minutes to understand where I was. Somehow I ended up in Paxia.” He looks deeply into my eyes and I shudder at the hardness in them.
“I don’t believe in Paxia,” I claim strongly.
“I’m happy you don’t and I hope you never will see that place,” he roars angrily. “It’s a dangerous place, Meryl. I had to be on guard every second to keep myself alive. I was picked up in a tribe and they taught me how to survive in Paxia. You know the rumours. They are fighting each other and you won’t find the reasons understandable because you don’t know how that world works.”
“It changed you,” I say to myself loudly. “How did you return from Paxia?”
“That is the weird thing, I don’t know. Just like I don’t know how I ended up there, I was just transferred back here. I don’t know why the Paxia laws are affecting our area; it must be some kind of wormhole.”
“Yes, it doesn’t make sense.” I gaze up towards the blue sky. Jake has never been a liar and I don’t know if I should believe him or not. I don’t think I want to believe that Paxia exists. “I’m glad you are home again.”
“Yeah, I can’t explain how it feels. I am leaving the area as soon as I can. I refuse to live anywhere near here anymore. It’s not safe. I recommend you to do the same.”
“Are you afraid you will be taken back again?” I ask carefully, unsure because of his sudden anger.
“The thought horrifies me,” he tells me honestly. “You should move away from this place too when you can. Find a good school for disabled as far from here as you can.”
“But you said I will be able to walk in Paxia, do I have to fear it then?” I retort, not happy by the suggestion to leave my sanctuary.
“Believe me Merry, it’s not worth it. You’d be spending the time there running for your life.”
The whole conversation makes me feel uncomfortable. I whistle to Dilly to come back and she obliges immediately. I’m not sure what to think about what Jake just told me, but I don’t like it one bit.
“Let’s head back, I don’t want to be out anymore today,” I declare tiredly. I don’t want to hear anything more about Paxia either, but I refrain myself from telling him that.