"Hi, this is Sophie. Sorry, but I'm far too busy being fabulous in Paris to bother answering your call. Leave a message and I may or may not get back to you. bye!"
"You may or may not get back to me? Charming, Soph. Do you ever get the feeling when the Fashion Weeks are going on that you and I are like ships that pass in the night? Always missing each other. I'm not sure I'm a fan of leaving you voicemails. Feels somewhat impersonal.
"Just out of sheer curiosity- what on earth is The Great Divorce of 1966?
"I ate an apple today. Just thought you may want to know that. So, yeah...
"Nola taught me a new word today. Well, not technically a word, but you know. NFI. Now, I'm not sure about you but I'm not familiar with this new term, so I asked Nola to fill me in. No fucking idea, she said to me. Being the responsible adult and her guardian until her two irresponsible parents come back, I sternly told Nola that she shouldn't curse because it's un-lady-like.
"Nola, being Nola, blinked her big blue eyes at me and told me, 'No, Uncle Dan. That's what NFI means. No fucking idea.' My goddaughter has clearly spent too much time around Duncan, her new classmate. He's a bad influence. I don't like him. You? I think you'd like him. He also taught Nola the word 'orgasmic.' Apparently, after a discussion with Duncan's nanny at the school gates, he only knows that word because his father is a food critic who loves to use that- can we call it an adjective?- to describe anything tasty.
"How was your day? Did anyone teach you naughty words? You better call me back, Soph. Without you, I'm just Dan. I don't like being Dan. I prefer Danphie. I NEED MY PHIE! So, yeah... call me tomorrow!
"I love you unequivocally."