Chapter Thirty-One
I didn't know what to say. The whole time I'd been in love with him and he was hating me. Did he hate me now?
"Wow," I whispered. I've been so blind. "That—hurt worse than I thought it would."
"Tally..."
I took a step back. "Stop calling me that."
"You're taking it the wrong way..."
I looked down at my feet to hide the tears that had to be evident in my eyes. "I want to go home now. Please."
My voice sounded so small, so unlike what I was used to hearing when I spoke. Then again I felt small. Everything I thought true was false. Everything I hoped for unknowingly would never happen. This was what it was like to have your reality shown to you. The whole time...
His fingers came into view as he tried to take my hand. I didn't know what I was doing but I reacted in a way I never had before. My feet shuffled me back and my hands and arms spread out in a surrendering gesture.
"Don't touch me. Just..." As I looked up at him, an unbidden tear trickled down my face. "Take me home. If you can't then please, tell me where to find someone who can."
"Sweetie."
The word was spoken in a soft, sympathy filled voice. I didn't need to look in order to know who it belonged to. At the same time, I felt another tug on my left wrist and the soft brush that usually came with the changing of the lines.
Again, I didn't need to look in order to know what was going on. But I did anyways. When I flipped my wrist over, I found the crimson knot gone. The line was disjointed and a sort of strangely done star had appeared. I didn't know what it meant and I didn't really want to know. But a few more tears trickled down my face and even my chin started to bob and quiver as it hit me.
Everything I'd been holding out for was a lie. I'd romanticized everything into being something it wasn't. And there was no one to blame but myself.
Long, pale piano fingers curled around my wrist gently and I was pulled into an unwanted hug. But I let him do it anyways because it was better than nothing and that was pretty much what I had.
*
He didn't understand what he did. That was pretty much clear as he tried to continue talking to me as Kells took me back to my room. Jesse kept trying to tell him I just needed space, that everything would be fine once all the information was allowed to sink in. What he wasn't saying but was clear between the lines was 'You broke her heart now it's time to leave her alone'.
But Cecil just wasn't getting it.
He followed all the way to the door of my room, only stopping because he couldn't cross the threshold. I'd never granted him access and for that I was grateful. Maybe I was thinking clearly on that one. Kells quietly closed the door even though Cecil told him not to.
"You were wrong," I said into the dim light of the room.
He sat down next to me with a sigh. "You've lost faith. It's easy for you to say that now."
"But it's true. He told me he hated me." I looked up at him. "How does that happen? I loved him the whole time and he hated me. Who despises me this much to..."
"No one hates you."
"That's not true. First they took my mother, then they took my best friend, and now, even after getting him back, it's not going to be the same. It's not going to be what I hoped."
"Our lives hardly ever turn out how we hoped in the beginning."
"I just—I wanted something good in my life. Something I could look forward to and for the longest time it was Cecil." More tears filled up my eyes. "I had this huge scenario in my mind, one I would play over and over at night until I fell asleep. I imagined that he would be there, the next day, to apologize and tell me it was all just a dream. That none of it was real. And then I'd finally be able to tell him that—that..."
"You love him?" Kells finally looked at me. "I know how that feels."
"It wasn't supposed to turn out this way," I sobbed, finally breaking down completely. "What am I supposed to do now?"
He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, pulling me in so I could lean against him. "Some people wonder why blind hope was in Pandora's box but I think it's quite simple. Hope can be the most devastating thing when it's lost or broken, especially blind hope. Because once the blinders come off and you see everything for what it really is, the picture can break you. But now, my dearest Epiphany, you have to move passed this. Find something else to look forward to."
"I thought you would tell me to stick it out, that I shouldn't give up."
"You are strong minded, in case you haven't noticed. I know that the only person you're going to listen to right now is yourself and everything inside of you is telling you to curl up in a ball and cry. Everything is telling you that this is it, that this is the end of the line concerning the possible future of you and Cyrus. I can't tell you to wait it out. I can't tell you that it will be worth it because if you don't believe it, than it will never be true."
I sniffled, my sobbing and crying calming down for the moment. I lifted my head and looked up at him.
"How long is too long?"
"In my opinion, there isn't a length of time long enough when it comes to love. Because in the end, it's always worth it if it's true."
I studied him and for the first time I noticed he didn't have any lines. Come to think of it, neither did Logios. But I distinctly remembered him having lines when he gave me my reading.
"You're wondering about the line thing now, right?" I nodded slowly. "It's all perception. I can change my appearance as much or as little as I want. When I'm out in your world, I need to wear lines. If I didn't, it would create mass hysteria and all the accompanying drama."
"Some people cover up their lines, you know. They have this spray, it's basically like makeup in a can. It lasts for a couple hours so no one really uses it except for special occasions."
"That's good to know." He actually looked really happy that I told him. "Thank you for telling me."
"I'm just a vat of useless information."
"Hmm. I'm sure. Now, I assume you want your command so you can go home."
"What happens if I choose the other side?"
He drew back from me, a somber and even look on his face. "Then you'll be on the other side. If it makes a difference, I don't want you to choose the other side."
"Why? Are they really that bad?"
"It all depends on your perception of bad. If you choose their side, I won't be able to talk to you, not really. And I really like talking to you. It would make me sad."
"Why me?"
He smiled and it was dazzling and personal at the same time. "If I told you that you remind me of a younger version of me, would that make sense? You see some things with a sugar coat. Everything has a plus side, there is always a good enough reason behind it all. I had that once. I think we all have that in the beginning. Besides, you haven't given me that look yet and I don't think you ever will."
"What look?"
"The look that tells me exactly what you think about me."
"I take it you're talking about the whole—" I waved my hand at him "—'joined to a water nymph' thing? You know, if I remember correctly, you're supposed to have..."
"I know." He rolled his eyes in a rather girly fashion. "But that's only when we're in one body."
"And how often is that?"
"Not as often as you'd think. Probably not as often as she'd like."
I reached over a little hesitantly. People varied. Some want comfort when talking about a difficult subject, others don't want to be touched at all. You learn through experience how to figure out which one to do. But Kells was sort of an unknown. I thought, though, if he didn't want it, then he'd shrug it off and I wouldn't think badly of him either way.
So I wrapped my hand around his and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"You were forced into something you didn't want. In case you haven't noticed, I know how that feels."
"It was a long time ago. I was vain back then, believe it or not. There's a piece of advice I like to give people. Forever is a long time. No one really has a real notion of how long it is. And when you do something permanent, something that truly means forever, you have to live with it. Whether you regret it or not, it's everlasting and it's not going away."
"It's not all bad, is it?"
He chuckled. "Some days I can stand her, just a little. Other days, I can't take the sight of her. When I was a boy, my mother used to tell me stories about great loves and I used to not want that. But now, when I know I can't have it, I want it. I want it so bad that no one can even contemplate how much I want it."
"Is that why you tried to get me to change my love line back?"
He looked down at me, his face completely serious. "Love is a powerful thing, Epiphany. But so is hate. You can love someone as much as you want but it's a lonely road if it's not returned."
"That doesn't really answer my question."
It was his turn to grip my hand. "Eventually he's going to figure it out. The question you should be asking is if you'll still be hanging on and hoping when that time comes."
*
Kells left me alone for a bit while he went to track down his father. Like they told me before, I couldn't leave until I was given the command not to tell. I told him over and over again that I wouldn't say a word but he said it was protocol and he had to follow it to the letter.
It gave me the chance to look around the room a bit. I knew there was nothing of mine anywhere, nothing personal anyways. But when I sat down at the desk and opened the top drawer, I found a surprise sitting inside. A gift wrapped in lavender paper.
Huh.
I pulled it out and weighted it in my hands. If I assumed anything, I would say it was a picture. It had that ridge and the flat plain in the middle...
When I opened it, I wasn't disappointed.
But before I could see the picture, there was a folded piece of stock paper covering it. I unfolded it and read the short note.
Welcome to Agora. Here's something a little personal to make you feel at home.
I moved the note off the picture and frowned. What confused me was where they managed to get a copy of the picture. I probably shouldn't be surprised considering they were Gods but...
I was pretty sure I burned this picture. I regretted it the second I set fire to the corner but before I could save it, the flames consumed it, making the faces and details disappear forever. I ran my fingers over the glass as my frown turned into a gentle smile. Everyone's seen the pictures of the little kids dressed up as adults sharing a kiss. Well, my parents, along with Cecil's, thought it would be funny for us to do that. We were maybe six when the picture was taken and our parents had to literally fight us in order to take it. But when they developed the roll of film, both of us wanted a copy of the picture. He said it was so he would have an example of what he wouldn't be doing in the future and me because I loved the dress I was wearing.
Little did I know it would turn out to be a bunch of bull.
There was a knock on my door and I sighed. Strangely, I hadn't seen any blue/gold streaks or doubles so I was wondering when that would come into play. Or even what it was. I made a mental note to ask Kells that, since I assumed it was him at the door.
So it made sense just to call out "come in" since I wasn't expecting anyone else. I probably should've actually thought about that, considering people couldn't enter without my permission.
The door opened and I was still staring at the picture as the person walked up behind me. I waited for Kells to say something, tell me it was a cute picture and he was glad he picked it out.
But of course that didn't happen.
"I still can't believe our parents made us do that."