"If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?"
-Jodi Picoult
°•°
The first day of year 13 went by slowly. I had my daily dosage of scrutiny, and I am now on my way to the mall with Amelia. I parked my car at home so we could drive together in hers. She told me to reschedule my self-made car wash appointment for another day, and that kind of sucked. I was really looking forward to getting my beauty cleaned.
"Lia." I begin to say: She was singing along to the song that had been playing on repeat for the past 10 minutes."Lia." I say it a bit louder.She turns the radio down and looks at me with her eyebrows raised, annoyed.
"What is it?" She asks after beeping the horn at another driver. I had no idea how to tell her about Camp Musique.
"Harry." I sigh. She pressed the break so hard that I had to look to see if the car behind us was close enough to hit us. Luckily, we are three-way so they go around while beeping at us angrily. I quietly apologize."What happened!" She squeals, staring at me with a wide grin. Obviously, we are ignoring the fact that we are parked in the middle of the highway.
"Lia drive!" I laughed while saying She did as told, and I explained all that happened during the summer at music camp. She shrieked, laughed, giggled, and did a number of OMGs, and you're kidding.
We are now walking in the mall. I am the least bit as interested in these materials they call clothes, but Lia is already throwing stuff at me.
We left with a large number of tops, a romper, three dresses, and five skinny jeans in black, navy blue, light blue, and white. I have never worn a pair of skinny jeans in my entire life, so she insisted on buying them. Lia and I practically grew up together in Australia because of our parents.
My mom and her mom have been best friends since high school, so when she got the job offer here in England, my mom tried her luck, and she got the job as well. Both our parents are now coworkers.
We decided to get Chinese takeout before heading back home."So are you going to talk to him at school?" She questions me. "Wait, did he?"
I shake my head. "It doesn't make any sense. If he knows that it was me, the nerd, who he associated himself with at camp, he will never speak to me again. I told him that I go to a different school from his, and I just visit here every summer to volunteer at the camp. He made it very clear that he hated liars and deceivers, and that's basically what I did and who I am. So, I practically made it worse for myself." I pause.
"If I told him the truth and people found out, it would damage his status at school. He is the popular guy while I am at the bottom of the student body hierarchy." I sigh.
"He didn't recognize me anyway. I am a nobody to him. What makes you think that will change?"
"You could at least try." She pauses. "You think so little of yourself, Tiger. When you are really beautiful, both inside and out, You're just stuck in that shell of yours." She pouts.
"If someone likes me, I want them to like me as I am. This is me." I reply, gesturing to my body.
She shakes her head. "Yes, but you're hiding Tiger. The way you dress now is a front because you don't think they'll accept you if you're yourself. That girl at camp..." She pauses and turns to me. "That's who you really are."
"I don't think you've really even found yourself as yet, Ty." She adds that I grew quiet.
"Even if he liked that girl at camp..." My voice trails off. "I mean, what if he hates me because I lied to him? He'll never come back to camp like he had promised, and he'll never speak to me again."
Lia is quiet, so we continue our drive home in silence while I drift into memory land.
It was nightfall, and the campers and camp supervisors were off to bed. Except me. I always take this time to go to the cliff where the moon and stars are in full view and the view of the city is more vividly shown. It was peaceful, and I was never bothered by anyone there. It was my happy place. I brought a blanket with me so I could lay down. The grass is always itchy because my skin is hypersensitive.
Laying down, I thought about Lia. She was always here with me every summer—well, not consecutively, but this year her parents sent her off to Australia, where her aunt and uncle lived. I was a bit bummed out, but I did not mind being alone. I'll see her when I get back to school and tell her all about Harry.
"Boo!" A disembodied voice spooked me.
I jumped up and searched the perimeter for the spooker, but I saw no one. That was weird. Returning my gaze forward, I let out a scream. A hand went over my mouth automatically.
"Hey, it's me." Harry's amused face came into view. He had his hand over my mouth, so I bit it hard. He yelled and pulled his hand away.
"You startled me. I almost had a heart attack!" I complained, holding my chest. My heart was beating rapidly.
He laughed as he rubbed the palm of his hand where I had sunk my teeth. "What are you doing out here by yourself?" He asked me, still sporting an amused smirk. "What if it had not been me?"
"No one comes out here but me. It has been like this for as long as I can remember." I stared at him in the dark. The only light there was came from the moon and stars.
He gave a chuckle and sighed. Looking at the view of the city ahead of us, he gave a small smile. I took a seat on my blanket and hugged my knees.
"May I join you?" Harry questioned me. I looked up at him, unsure of what to say. It would be rude to say no, and a part of me wanted him to sit with me, but my nerves were getting the best of me. What if I say something to ruin the moment, and then he leaves?
He stood there patiently, waiting for my answer. "Umm." I wanted to say yes, but I could not get it past my lips, so I scooted over to make space for him on my small blanket. He sat next to me, and our shoulders were almost close to touching, but I had space to move freely.
"So you come out here every night, yeah?" He began to say this while gazing up at the stars.
"Yeah. It's peaceful, and I love the view." I sighed before I lay down to get a clear view of the stars. He did the same.
We laid there in silence for a few minutes, which I didn't mind.
"What about it do you like?" He asked me.
It took me a while to realize what he was referring to. "The stars." I replied honestly.
"What about them?" He added, his eyes still gazing above.
No one has ever asked me that before. I was a bit surprised that he did.
"They are beautiful." I began to say, gazing at the stars above. "Not just beautiful, though. The stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing."
"Tell me more." He looked at me and spoke. I gulped.
"I think that we are like stars. Something happens to burst us open, but when we burst open and think we are dying, we're actually turning into a supernova. And then, when we look at ourselves again, we see that we're suddenly more beautiful than we ever were before." I thoughtfully replied, more to myself.
"Have you?" He asked the most unexpected question. "Busted, open, I mean." He did this thing with his hands as if something had exploded.
I turned to look at him, a bit surprised by his interest.
"No. I have not." I sighed before returning my gaze to the sky.
"Don't you see yourself as a star?" Harry questioned me once more.
"No. I am still an atom of light. I haven't been fused together yet. I'm scattered everywhere. A little spec of light here and there, but not as bright as a star. I go unnoticed by onlookers." I quietly explain.
He went quiet for a while. It was as if he were thinking through what I had just said.
"You haven't told me your name." His accent thickened as he spoke.
"Tiger." I sighed. "My name is Tiger."
"Tiger?"
"Yes?" I answer.
"I know exactly what we're going to do." Lia announces, mischief written all over her face. We sat parked in my driveway because she wanted to wait until the song was finished.I look at her, my eyebrows furrowed.
"We are going to get Harry to fall in love with you." She grins.
"What?" I burst out laughing. She has to be kidding. I look around the car for a hidden camera. "You can't be serious. Fall in love with me. Have you seen me?"
"Nothing a little makeover can't do." She grins mischievously.