Im not perfect.
Never said i was.
Dont want to be anyways.
Im lost. Even though I havent gone out to any particular destination in mind.
Afraid. Even though im safe.
Confused. Although theres "nothing to be confused about" per say.
Emotionally Unstable. For reasons.... too personal to reveal.
Anxious. Although im not heading anywhere anytime soon.
Heart broken. Though you haven't done anything intentionally.
Homesick. Even though I'm in my house.
My heart's a hurricane of emotions that gets more violent the more i think.
My thoughts growing darker and more negative everytime i blink.
No filter to process these unnecessary thoughts- all the anger I've failed to wrought- Hurting myself with all I've got-
Oh God just make it STOP!!
My thoughts cant be controlled. Its not like being on parol. Cuz being on parol means good behaviour at all times,
You know, sticking within the guidelines.
Haha my demons cant comprehend,
Guidelines?
HA! What guidelines?
They dont seem to know the meaning of that word.
Or how to stay in a clean cut box or doing anything like colouring inside of the lines, Taking their time, not telling lies, wearing disguises, making me cry. Oh Goddamnit let me die!!
Hahaha no no no. They wont let that slide. Theyll keep me alive, but darling, im dead inside.
My eyes have no soul.
Just dark brown holes
Showing you how empty the inside is.
How the works done in their bus(iness).
I cant seem to find any way to put the light back in my eyes.
None notice my silent helpless cries.
Wait..
I cant wait for someone to come and save me.
This isnt a Disney washed fairytale were the prince comes to save the princess.
So I'll fight for myself and make myself heard.
Ill scream out every word. Im a soaring Phoenix burning bright.
Pushing the darkenss away and filling all of the empty space with somethibg pure and light.
And all those times where death calls, I'll refuse to answer.
Leave a voicemail, I wont get back.
i wont lose to you reaper.
Not in this game. Not now.
Not ever.
-22/01/2017