Chapter 29
Claire's point of view
I sink into the chair, staring at the email for at least a few minutes. Millions of thoughts appear in my head, and i'm trying to search for a reason why he did it. But i can't think of any.
I get flashbacks from when Louis marched into our room and beat up Harry, how this email made me do awful things to my brother. Even Michael. We don't have a relationship anymore because of this picture. And to know now that Harry is responsible for all of it -- i can't quite process it.
I need answers. I need to know why, but when i try to bring up the courage to march into the kitchen and scream at him, i can't seem to move. I'm paralyzed, and i can't do anything but stare at the screen.
Why? Why would Harry put his career and so much else on the line just to let the world know about this kiss? I'm unable to focus on a single thought, so i have to close my eyes and take a deep breath before slowly but surely getting up and out of the room. I see Harry putting out plates on the table, with two glasses and champagne? There's nothing to celebrate now.
I can imagine how the future would be. Us two, up in our apartment in New York, cuddling up under the sheets while watching some cheesy rom-com. I have thought about it every single day since he asked me to move with him. How i would get a fresh start, i could meet new people and set up a life for myself. But now i have just been dragged further down the black hole that has been under me ever since the photo came out. I used to think that the worst person to send the picture, would be Michael. But this is more hurtful than that ever was.
I walk into the kitchen, stumbling a few times before i balance myself. He looks up and smiles, comes over and kisses my on the cheek. When he looks down on me, he can see my trembling lips, the small tear brewing in the corner of my eye, and the furious arch of my eyebrows.
"W-whats wrong?" he says, stroking my arms up and down.
"Please tell me it's not true," i clear my throat before speaking, so he would hear me. His eyes look confused at first, but then he must realize what i'm talking about - and what i saw. Because his face becomes pale in an instant, his hands weaken and his eyes fill with panic.
"Claire, please let me explai-" he starts weakly, his lips barely moving. At the sound of his voice, a sudden burst of anger shoots through my body.
"NO!" i push him away, but he doesn't budge from his position.
"I won't let you explain! How could you possibly explain why you sent in the photo?" I lose control over my body, the anger taking over my expression. He tries to speak, but i interrupt him a second time.
"Could you have any reason to destroy my relationship with my best friend, my brother!?" i scream.
"He won't even talk to me! You let me believe that Michael was to blame, and you let me completely shut my brother out, why?!" a tear falls down from my eyes and he breathes heavier, searching for something to say.
"I didn't mean for it too happen that way, but it..." he defends himself, with the look of panic in his eyes.
"But what Harry?" i say a little more calm, wanting to hear him explain. It takes a few seconds of him looking around and finding the words for him to talk. I notice a tear in his eyes.
"Niall..." he speaks lowly.
He walks further back and sits down on a chair, as i try to understand what he could possibly mean.
"What?" Niall? What about Niall?
"He was too persistent... He wouldn't back off," i can see him clenching his fist together as he looks down on the ground, unwilling to meet my eye.
"No..." i exhale with disappointment. I get it now. My head starts spinning and i feel nauseous, making me sit down as well.
He leaked the photo when he first thought that Niall had feelings for me. I remember it vividly, when Niall got really close to me in Louis' living room and Harry walked in. I also remember that after Niall walked out of the room, Harry suddenly had a sense of relief... He must have decided in that moment on what he would do. Leak the photo that he had just bought.
But Niall already knew about us. He saw us kissing after Harry had given me that dress. And i didn't tell Harry, he didn' know and because of that, he sent it in.
"Please tell me that's not why you did it, Harry," i whisper loud enough for him to hear, and he looks up at me with slightly red eyes.
"Tell me you didn't leak the photo because you thought Niall had a crush on me!" i shout, and he buries his face in his hands.
"No i knew he liked you!" he yells, standing up slightly from his sitting position.
"Niall already knew about us!" i shout louder, my whole body boiling with anger. He raises his eyebrows, clearly shocked about it.
"He... saw us kissing in your room," my voice breaks and a second tear falls down my cheek as i sit down again.
"You should have told me," he exclaims, pathetically trying to make excuses.
"Don't you dare and try to turn this on me Harry," i say sternly, staring at him without blinking.
"If you thought Niall liked me, then why didn't you just talk to Niall?! Why did you feel the need to send in the photo and let the whole world kn-"
"Ughh I don't know! I was so madly in love with you already then, I was blinded by jealousy, i was out of my mind after i saw you two so close at Louis'! I loved you Claire and still do! And nothing is going to stand between us, not Niall, not your brother, not anybody!" he starts raising his voice again, standing up and walking in front of me, pulling at his hair. The intense desperation in his eyes is starting to frighten me.
"I... can't believe this," is all i'm able to say, as i lean my head in my hands. It takes a few minutes of silence to gather my thoughts. I'm in a state of rage and hurt and i don't have time to think about what to say before the words come blurting out
"You... ruined my relationship with my best friend, my brother, totally isolated me from every person in my life because... You had a suspicion that Niall likes me," with every passing thought, my view on Harry drastically changes. How could he lie to me like this if he loved me?
He gets to his knees in front of me, looking me dead in the eye.
"Please Claire, just think about how things have been for the past few days! We love each other, nothing can ruin us, i won't allow it" he strokes my hand unsteadily as he talks, looking me deep in the eyes, piercing through my soul. He shakes his head frantically.
"We have been living together for the past week, a- and you are mine!"
I can't begin to explain how much this hurts, and how stupid i feel. He leaked the photo because Niall made passes at me. He risked his career, his relationship with Louis, criminal charges for what? To make sure Niall would know that i was his. If that little can make him do something like that to me and lie about it for so long, i can't trust him.
"Look, Claire..." he calms his voice, firmly gripping my hand.
"How crazy must i have been to do something like that, huh? I only did this out of fear of losing you, i can't stand the thought..." he leans over to me, and starts kissing my cheek, and when he reaches my mouth i refuse to give in, like i have done countless other times. I push him aside and stand up.
"No! You can't just kiss me and make it all go away," i sob.
He is more possessive than i thought, and being with him right now, in this room, feels toxic.
"I have to leave," my voice is already getting tired from screaming, and the hoarseness makes it almost inaudible.
He looks up at me, his eyes wide.
"No," he mouths, gripping my hand tightly. I nod, and i slowly make my way to the bedroom. My whole body hurts and i feel like i'm gonna throw up any second.
"NO!" he shouts, he stands up with me, taking my other hand as well. He looks at me with such intensity and desperation that it almost intimidates me. I turn away from him, a tear in my eye.
I hear him release a sob behind me as i walk to the bedroom to gather my things.
I start packing a small bag of my things, and head for the door before i see Harry stand right outside the bedroom.
"I can't let go you Claire," his swollen eyes are red and teary, and all i want is to forget this ever happened. But i can't... it hurts too much.
"I have to Harry, i can't be here right now" i shake my head, seeing him like this makes me whole body hurt. I try to walk past him, but he grabs my arm and turns toward me.
"You said you would never leave me," he reminds me. The way he says it makes me feel like i betrayed him, but i snap out of that thought quickly.
"That was before i knew you could do something like this to me," i say uneasily, and i don't feel angry any more. I'm just hurt, struggling not to fall to the ground with every breath i take. He leans his head slightly, and now the tears run freely from his eyes. His lips twitches, his sore eyes and nose makes for a devastating look. I don't want him to feel like this, but this time i can't forgive him. He's still holding my arm, refusing to let go as i try to walk towards the door.
"Let go," i say, and Harry suddenly grabs my other arm as well, proceeding to push me against the wall, his hands gripping mine roughly, making it impossible for me to resist or move at all.
"You gave yourself to me... Completely" his wide eyes leak with tears, but his body is strong and firm. Now, when i think about it... i did. I gave myself to him completely. I chose him over my brother, my parents, my best friend... I agreed to move in with him, to New York.
"I know," i cry, carefully escaping his one grip, placing my hand on his cheek, wiping his tears away. He closes his eyes and leans his head on my hand, releasing a few sobs into it.
"But you are completely different person to me now."
I'm not just saying this to him, i'm saying it to myself. To convince myself that i can't just give into him, not after what he did.
When i try to escape his grip, he grips me tighter pushing me harder against the wall.
"No you are mine, you belong to me!" he shouts desperately, looking straight into my eyes. He doesn't blink, and his muscles don't cave from his cries. His hands are wrapped around my wrists so tightly, it is starting to hurt.
"You are scaring me Harry," i whimper, and the panic and desperation in his eyes slowly fades away and is replaced with despair and ache. He loosens his grip, blinks twice and lets go of me completely.
"I'm so sorry Claire," he wraps his arms around me in a hug, resting his head on my chest.
"Please don't leave," he slowly slumps to the ground, looking up at me.
I take a deep breath, a couple of tears escaping my eyes until i gather the courage to walk away from him, and head for the door.
"Goodbye Harry" i say and walk out of the door, leaving him behind.
I take a few minutes right outside his door to cry and call for a cab.
When i get inside the car, i realize; i have nowhere to go.
I can't go back to Louis', and i certainly can't go back home.
I decide to tell the driver to go to the one place where i might be welcome. When i arrive, i carry my bag through the rain and ring the doorbell. He opens up shortly after.
"Claire! What are you doing here?"
"I had nowhere else to go," i say, and he takes a couple of seconds to look at me before saying;
"Come in,"
A/N: that was intense damnn cried all the way writing this.
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