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What the fuck is wrong with me?
Shouldn't I be giving him the silent treatment? Shouldn't I be pushing Zion away at every moment instead of becoming some bipolar individual who one second is mad and then the next is completely fine? I saw Ginger' body drop as Zion killed her with no respect. I should be mad, freaking out, unsure of what to do. I should be cautious and hating the man before me rather than sitting beside him as if he didn't murder a Ring Leader. As if he didn't murder my mate.
Sebastian. Sure, he was a dick, one hell of a pain in the ass, but Sebastian would of never killed like that. Sebastian had respect for those he would kill, never being shallow to end a life with a silver bullet. To tell the truth, I actually liked Ginger. I liked what she was, a woman who was blunt and badass, never caring for anyone but herself unless someone proved themselves valuable. I now wish I had known her whole story, even the parts that she wanted to keep locked up forever.
So here I sit, the causer of two deaths by the hands of the Alpha King. Grave after grave.
I think the reason why I push these people away from my emotions when they die is because I want to prove myself. I want to prove to the Alpha King before me that I can take a loss of someone I've known. That I won't be some emotional bitch. But what is that saying about me? That I'd rather switch off my emotions of the dead just to impress a man?! That's not me, that's not the Sybil I ever wanted to be.
Back in the city as a rogue I was stronger, never wanting to prove anything to anyone but myself. I would prove to myself I could stand the situation of being alone and struggling, that I would not crack under the whip. Yet here I stand, one moment wanting to tell Zion off, to boss people around, to take charge, and then the next I let my tail drop between my legs and become scared. Scared of what?
"Sybil," Zion states, causing me to jump from my thoughts. "We're at the airport."
Looking outside, I see the private strip, the plane awaiting us with the Royal symbol upon the end. "Let's go."
I know I'll be going back. Hell, Drexel isn't even here to save me again. Wherever the warrior is that aided me in this escape, for sure he's far gone from Zion. Zion should want his head on a stick the next time Drexel ever reaches the palace walls.
Stepping out of the car, my head begins to swarm with questions. Question of what will happen when I get back. The second I was with Zion I began to change, change into someone who didn't care if they just saw blood across the floors. Am I becoming the King? Zion murders for no true reason and shrugs it off as it ends, talking of things that people would not associate with a murder. He's a monster, a monster in the sense that he kills with no care...and I think I may become him. I may become someone who doesn't flinch when a bullet rips through a heart.
"Sybil, let's go."
I'm still by the door of the car, watching the man before me.
Do I love him? Do I even like him?
I always thought the person I would fall for would make me blush and my stomach turn into a massive knot. I always thought I would ask like some love-sick school girl when I found the one. Yet now I stand before someone I've agreed to marry, only to not feel those things. I don't feel shy, I don't blush, my stomach doesn't turn into knots, and for sure I don't shy away and cover the smile. Instead, I stand still, staring him in the eyes, my head hurting, and my teeth clenched.
"I want something to assure."
"Assure what?" Zion asks, dismissing his men to the plane as the driver begins taking my luggage over. "What?"
"I want an answer."
"Again with the answers? Don't you trust me?" Zion shouts, storming over. "Don't you trust me anyone, Sybil."
"I don't know what to believe anymore!" I shout back, walking towards the Alpha King, shoving his chest. "I want to know if you killed your mate and the wife of Alpha Nixon, Lillian Rice!"
It's as if Zion has gone numb.
He stumbles back a foot, as if in some daze, his eyes holding no emotion but sadness, his body loose. I've never seen him like this. I've never seen any man of power so...lost. I've never felt so empowered either, to be the person to watch as the Alpha King searches for answers, as if I've made him remember a part of his past he never intended to ever remember again.
"Who?" I ask. "Grave after grave, Zion," I begin, letting built up thoughts begin to come forth. "Time after time, grave after grave, I'm tired of watching people that I had something to do with die and then just shove it out of the way as of their lives meant nothing to me!"
"They should mean nothing to you!" Zion growls, taken from his trance as he marches right up to me. Chest to chest, I hold my chin high, not backing down as I remember Ginger. Ginger knew the way of life, how to get what she wanted, how to impose upon others and get her answers. Now where does she stand, nowhere, only dead on the ground as Zion killed her like a savage. People say rogues are the low life, but now I beg to differ, I'd rather point out that even an Alpha King has the same traits as those they claim as the low life.
"They aided me. Sure, Sebastian rejected me, but I was his mate, we were mates," I yell. "You think I'd simply forget my mate, because you are one hell of a hypocrite, for you're not over Lillian Rice."
"Don't speak her name ever again!" Zion snaps, his canines extending as my eyes widen a tad in fear. My whole life my parents taught me to never anger an Alpha, and yet here I stand, pissing off the Alpha King as I bring up his dead mate. "Give me my damn answers!"
"You should show respect. Remember where you stand!"
"Remember where I stand?" I shout. "You made me wear that ring and claim I was to be your next Queen. Saying that gives me every fucking right to say these things! I have ever right to ask!"
"What right? The fact that you're digging into places you should leave untouched?!" Zion snaps. "Those places were left untouched for reasons, Sybil, reasons that you should never know."
I allow my lips to form a firm line, crossing my arms as the King stares down at me. "My parents are my business. My mate was and is my business. Your mate's death should also because for all I know you could have killed her!"
"You think I would kill my own mate?!" Zion growls, his voice deep as his wolf begins to take over.
"Why not," I whisper back, taking a step back. "You killed Sebastian and Ginger with no restraint or dignity. For all I know you could have killed Lillian with no care because she married Nixon!"
A hand lands in my hair, pulling my head back in submission as my throat becomes dry. Another hand is upon my neck, the fingers tracing the crook in circular motions as my wolf begs me to break out and make him bleed. "This has to be settled. I'm tired of your games. If I am to get back on that plane I want all my answers."
"That's your bargain?" Zion asks, "because I could just drag you on-
"I know you enough to know you would not. You want me there on my own will and not forced. I'm your downfall, Zion, I'm your weakness."
He lets go, running a hand through his own hair as the wind picks up. "I'll be the one to drag you down to the pits of hell with me," I hiss. "You've had one hell of an impact on me, Zion, and I've had enough. This is your undoing and if you want me, you've got to work for it."
We stay silent as my hands are behind my back, squeezing tightly onto one another as I become impatient. "Who killed Lillian?"
"You won't believe me," Zion mumbles.
"I have no reason to," I retort, crossing my arms as I hold the King in the palm of my hand. "Either your guilty and I leave, or you're innocent and I make a decision."
Zion takes a step forward, his shadow coming over my figure as I brace myself for the worst.
"Lillian Rice was one hell of a girl," he begins. "The second she entered the King's Guard I was in love and knew she was my mate. By the time she knew we were mates we were buried too deep in a private life. I manipulated the Alpha of the King's Guard to make sure she was always there to protect me, only it was the other way around, for me to protect her and also have some time alone on the side.
"When my father found out he was beyond pissed, saying I could never mate a warrior for they were sworn to protect him and I. He said we could never work out. I fought against him, only, while I tried to meet up with her once again, to mark her as she had already marked me, my father sent Lillian away to aid a cousin of the Royal Court. My father had scribes copy my handwriting and send letters to her that we could never work out. A year later I heard the news of an Alpha and woman engaged to be married. Alpha Nixon was that man.
"It was strange, I left the palace right away, flying down to make sure this was just some silly rumor. It was true, Lillian had fallen for Nixon and claimed they were mates," Zion pauses, watching me.
"No one can have two mates," I comment, watching as Zion shakes his head.
"It happened. Alpha Nixon and I were both Lillian's mates, and she had to choose. There was no way two head-strong men could share someone like Lillian. She picked him in the end, and to cope with the loss I went to a witch, getting potions to numb the mate bond until it was gone. My mark is still here because I've never been able to find someone to take away the mark." Zion looks heartbroken. "I learned to hate mates, never happy when people found mates nor believing in them anymore. Years passed and Nixon and Lillian tried to start a family so many times. After a few tries I got a call from Lillian that she was so lost. After flying down and spending a weekend with her, by her side as we had sex, we made it regular where I would fly down when Nixon was gone on business. I was close bye to Nixon's pack the night I got a call from a guard saying Lillian had been murdered.
"No one let me see her until the funeral. Nixon looked broken yet fine. No one ever found her murderer because the search was privately discontinues because Nixon ordered it."
"You think he killed her?" I ask, watching as Zion no longer looks like the strong and dominate man I know. He looks like a child, one saddened and lost in the massive world. I was to hold him, to cradle him as I explain everything will be okay.
"Nixon Maxwell killed his and my mate with no care. He stripped her naked, left her favorite pearl necklace upon her body, and left her dead upon the piano she loved. He had found out she was having an affair with me and said if he could not only have her, no one could."
I'm shocked as a tear leaves the Alpha King, running down his sharp features as my heart clenches. "Wh-why did you kill Sebastian?" I ask, feeling like a mess as the King takes in a deep breath.
"Because I thought of Nixon. I saw Sebastian, I looked at him, and I saw Nixon in his eyes. I saw the way Sebastian looked at you, as if a tool to be used unwisely. I could not let that happen to you."
"My parents?" I ask, finding myself coming up with an opinion if I believe him and if I should follow the man who wants my hand in marriage.
"Do you really want everything?" Zion asks.
I nod.
"From an inside source Nixon heard of you and hunted down your parents. He didn't want me to find happiness. He saw me as the reason for why he had to kill Lillian, that he had to make sure I would never find anyone because I forced him to kill our mate. Ordering two rogues he once banished, they killed your parents."
I fall to my knees, tears about to fall as I think of my parents. "I blame myself. I should have known better than not protecting your parents."
"It's not your fault," I whisper, knowing exactly what I say. "We never could have know he would be so insane to do so."
"I could of saved them."
"Fate had set their time," I whisper, covering the sob that comes from my mouth.
Arms wrap around me, holding me close into a chest. A soft kiss is placed upon my forward as cries leave my mouth. I grab onto his shirt, pulling him as close as possible to my body. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I burry my back into his neck, his warm breath fanning my neck. "I'm sorry," I whisper between cries as I remember my parents. I never even picked up my mother's last phone call. I feel like a bitch. I feel like a miserable person.
"I love you," Zion whispers in my ear. "I love you, Sybil, and I want to spend every second of my life with you till the Moon Goddess says it's my time to die. I want to be by your side as you're sick, hold your hand as you have our children, help you up the stairs when our bodies are weak, and wake up every morning next to you."
I can hear the crack in his voice, the emotions pouring forth from a man no emotion would be expect from. "I want you to be my life."
I nod, holding tighter onto the man who, time after time, still holds my heart in his hands.
"I love you too," I whisper, pulling back from the embrace to see Zion's face wet from tears. "I love you, Zion, even if damned to hell, I love you."
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