~ And here we have part two, this one also based on 18 (obviously) and requested by @AlwaysMichaelsSlut. This one isn't in past tense so hopefully there'll be fewer mistakes in this one. The whole tattoo thing does seem pretty silly looking back on it but I can't be bothered to change it so I hope it won't ruin the whole thing for you.
I'm sorry it got posted so late, but it took ages getting back here (seven hours in a car, super fun!) and yesterday I was with my nan and stuff so yeah
After this I've got one more request and I'll get to that one as soon as possible, promise :)
Anyhow, enjoy xx /M ~
[WARNINGS: mentioned suicide and some light (very light) swearing]
Something had changed after that day, something that led to Luke even spending the night at Michael's a few time. Those times, he'd lay awake long after Michael had fallen asleep, trying to remember everything on the list of things that made Michael less of a human being than himself, something that had been hard with the bed and the other boy right in front of him and Michael's quiet whimpers and snores being the only thing that was heard. They hadn't done anything different from before the kiss, they didn't even sit closer to each other, but there had been something in the air, something almost electric, and it'd made Luke feel strange, it made him wish that the big end game would finally be put into play.
And then it did. Then came the day he'd been waiting for, that they'd all been waiting for. Luke had done everything he could to prepare himself for it, he'd brushed his teeth for an extra five minutes, he'd bought breath mints and taken almost the whole pack even before he came to school and he'd even brought his toothbrush with him just in case. A toothbrush he'd ended up not using, a toothbrush he'd ended up throwing away. He hadn't been able to focus at all that day, his mind had been somewhere else and the teachers could have told him they were to spend the rest of the year learning about chocolate without him reacting at all. When it was time for lunch he hadn't bothered with waiting for the others, having known there'd be a risk of him backing out if he spoke to them beforehand. So he'd left the building on his own, knowing they'd come after him, and with his hands shoved deep in his pockets he had walked over to where he knew Michael would be waiting, cigarette in hand and mind somewhere completely different. He hadn't given the older boy any warning, the all too familiar feeling of nervousness creeping up on him, no he'd just walked up to him, grabbed him by the collar and pulled him close, connecting their lips.
He had forced Michael's lips apart, his hands roaming over his thin body, pulling his shirt up and finding their way inside it. Michael, who up until this point had stayed completely still, had then grabbed his wrists, pulling his hands away but keeping their lips connected as he did. Luke hadn't understood this, why Michael who seemingly wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him wouldn't let him touch him, but he hadn't questioned it. Instead he'd just placed his hands on Michael's hips, pulling him even closer and biting his bottom lip. He had been able to feel how turned on Michael was, he had felt his hard-on pressed against his thigh, and he hadn't been able to deny the feelings he got as they were kissing. Had they had a little more time, had they been left alone for just a few more minutes, there would have been no telling what could have happened, but they hadn't gotten those extra minutes.
Luke had been more or less sucking on Michael's bottom lip when he had heard the laughing, the yelling, and after a few seconds of trying to remember what they were doing he'd pushed Michael off himself, watching him hit the brick wall behind him as he himself backed over to the others and joining in with the laughter. He had been a little out of breath and the fabric around his crotch had felt uncomfortably tight, something that had made him very glad that all the others had been completely focused on Michael, who had almost fallen over when Luke had pushed him and who's boner had been a lot more obvious than Luke's, something the others had made very sure to point out. Luke had barely noticed this, his attention having been focused on the hurt, confused look on Michael's face, and when the older boy had stumbled to his feet, his face turned away in an attempt to hide the tears in his eyes, Luke had noticed the scraped up, bleeding elbows and the bruises already forming on his upper arms.
~
That had been the last time Michael had acknowledged Luke's existence, the look he'd been sent as the older boy walked away, and the feeling of utter satisfaction he'd expected when they came up with the plan had been absent. He'd laughed with the rest of them but he'd felt strange, he'd felt empty. Michael hadn't been in school the next day or the day after that and with every passing hour the emptiness inside Luke had turned into fear. What if Michael had done something stupid?
By the end of the week he had been sitting on nails, both in school and at home. Whenever a teacher had entered the classroom, every time his parents had come home after a day of work, his heart had sped up and he'd expected them to tell him that Michael had killed himself, the humiliation after what they'd done having been too much for him to bare. This, of course, hadn't happened but it'd taken Michael two weeks to return to school and once he did he'd acted like Luke had never mattered to him.
They must all have realised they'd gone a bit too far because once the prank was over they rarely spoke about it, or about Michael. He was still the group's laughing stock and Luke had a feeling the others laughed about what had happen a lot when he wasn't around, but as a group they hardly spoke about it anymore. Graduation came and passed as did summer, a wonderful summer spent on the beach during the days and on the town during the nights, most of the time with drinks in hand. It was the last summer they'd have together, because as it came to an end some of them would go on to university and some would get thrown into the 'real world' head first. Luke tried his best to forget about what they'd done, about the look on Michael's face when he'd realised he'd been played with, but the emptiness inside him refused to go away and it slowly made him realise just as close he'd gotten to Michael during the time they'd spent together.
Some time passed, Luke had started at university and was trying his best to keep up with both school and his friends, most of them having decided to work rather than keep studying. The gang still met up occasionally, sometimes all of them and sometimes in groups of two or three, and from Jack, who had gotten a job delivering fresh produce to local restaurants, he found out that Michael was still living in the area, working as a dish boy in an Italian restaurant not far from where Luke lived. This led to Luke walking past that restaurant a lot more than necessary during the following weeks, not seeing Michael even once. Eventually he stopped doing this and he didn't think of the older boy as much as he once had.
During the second year of his university studies, Luke got the opportunity to go study in the states for a year, an opportunity he wasn't about to pass up on. And so he packed his bags and hopped on a plane that took him to New York. He spent a year there, only going home for Christmas, and when the second semester was over he decided to stay for a little longer, having spent most of his time there in his dorm room. He wanted to see the world, he wanted to grow as a person, preferably as much as he'd grown height wise over the past few years, and his travels eventually took him to San Francisco. He fell in love with the city, so much so he wasn't bothered in the least by all the tourists enjoying the summer there just as he was. He didn't care that the place he stayed at was worn down to say the least, he didn't care that he had to share a room with nineteen other people, the majority of them snoring or talking in their sleep. No, he just loved being there, he loved meeting new people from all over the world and getting some idea of what their cultures was like. He loved the food, the atmosphere and the colours, all the colours seemed to be different here.
But no matter how many wonderful people he met, both men and women, he just couldn't seem to fall for anyone. He went to strip clubs, gay bars and small cafés hidden away in narrow alleyways but he could just as well have spent his days locked up in the bathroom, the people all passed by in a blur. It was a beautiful blur but a blur all the same, half forgotten by the time he laid his head on his pillow just as most of his dreams were half forgotten the moment he opened his eyes in the mornings. All dreams but one.
He had one dream that kept returning to him, that wouldn't leave his mind for hours after he'd woken up, and one morning he simply couldn't take it anymore. He knew it was more of a memory than a dream and he knew where the one line that wouldn't leave him alone came from. Thinking he knew how to get it all to stop, he spent the week after his revelation looking for the best possible, affordable tattoo parlour and, once he'd found it, for a design he liked.
He left the states again in late August, getting on a plane with a lot less money in the bank and nine words permanently etched into the skin on his upper arm. Coming back home was a big change for him, especially since he had to spend the first few months living with his parents while looking for an apartment, but he overcame it just as he had everything else in life so far.
The last years of his education were rather uneventful, the summers much the same since they were filled with long days of hard work for a pay nowhere near what he should earn for doing what he did. And then he graduated, leaving school behind for the last time in his life to go and find a job, hopefully one that'd pay better than those he had in-between semesters. He'd still meet up with his friends from time to time, hanging out on the beach just as they did when they were younger, but it wasn't like it used to be and more and more time would pass before someone realised they hadn't met up in ages and made a few calls.
When autumn rolled around once again, the year Luke turned twenty-two, he found himself with a job he really liked, a nice apartment with furniture and curtains and even a few houseplants but with fewer friends than he'd ever had. The loneliness had started getting to him and since he didn't want his parents to worry he'd go to pubs and cafés just to get a chance to talk to the people there, even if just for a few minutes. With his new job being one he could do from home he was free to wander around when most people were at work, not having to share buses and tubes with everyone else, and he came to really like visiting pubs a few hours after lunch. When he did, he got a chance to really talk to the people working there while they were clearing up after the lunch rush.
It was during one of these little adventures, having found himself in a pub on the other side of town, that the past seemed to come back to haunt him. He was sitting in a booth, a plate of bangers and mash and a pint in front of him, it being Friday and all, when he heard a loud crash coming from the kitchen and then a very familiar voice.
"You think you can boss me around huh? What, you think you're doing me a favour? You think I can't find somewhere else to do this at?" Luke heard the doors separating the kitchen from the pub slamming open but since he was sitting in a booth with the doors behind him he couldn't see a thing. "I'm not a dog you can kick around however you want! I am not going to wash your fucking dishes just because you don't want to pay someone else to do so. I'm the one bringing people here, you think I don't know that? If you don't start treating me with some goddamn respect I'm out." he can't hear the reply, if there is one, but he hears the footsteps getting closer and closer to where he's sitting and then a young, heavily tattooed man appears in front of the booth. Luke's mouth drops open because yes, there's no way that's not Michael. His voice had been a lot louder, a lot more confident, than it'd been back when Luke knew him and his hair is almost white now, not dark brown as it'd once been, but by god that's Michael. And Michael must have seen him too, maybe in the corner of his eye without recognizing him, because he stopped right in front of Luke's booth. "The fück you staring at?" he hisses, turning to glare at Luke before stopping dead in his track, his eyes growing wide as he recognizes Luke.
"Hi." Luke can't think of anything else to say, suddenly having the boy, man now, he'd been unable to forget about standing there right in front of him. "It's...nice to see you again." he doesn't get a reply and when he moves his gaze to Michael's eyes, it having been stuck on the eyebrow piercing, he realises that Michael is staring at his left arm. It takes a while for Luke to realise why, but when he remembers that he's wearing a t-shirt and that his tattoo must be visible it starts to make sense.
Michael suddenly snaps out of the trance he must have been in because he shakes his head a bit before turning around, leaving the pub without saying a word. Luke, not willing to let this opportunity slip away, quickly gets up to follow him, his lunch completely forgotten. When he gets back outside, with his jacket halfway on and temporarily blinded by the bright October sun, Michael's nowhere to be found. Going on instinct more than anything he turns to the right, walking towards the small alley between the pub and the store next to it. He's lucky Michael's a creature of habit because if he'd changed since back in secondary school Luke probably wouldn't have found him but now there he is, leaning against a brick wall very similar to the one of the school way back when with a cigarette between his lips, staring off into the distance. Luke has to clear his throat before catching the other man's attention and when he does he can't think of anything to say, not a single thing. They stand there, looking at each other and the time seem to stop as Luke realises that even though he's older, slightly taller and a lot more tired looking than he were back in school, this is still the Michael he had felt...something for.
Still without a word having been said between them Luke turns around and starts walking, somehow knowing that Michael will follow, and he pulls his jacket closer to his body as he walks towards the old, worn-down apartment buildings visible in the distance, the ten of them taller than the newer buildings standing in the foreground. It's a wild shot, him having no idea whether Michael still lives there or not, but when they after half an hour reach the right building he notices that the name on the sign outside still hasn't been changed, something that reassures him and he starts climbing the stairs without noticing Michael falling behind. Once he's reached the seventh floor he stops, first now realising that he's alone and he hesitates for the first time this hour, no longer knowing if this is the right thing to do.
And then Michael's white hair appears below him, slowly moving upwards, and he lets out an almost inaudible sigh of relief. Once the older man reaches the right floor Luke lets him take the lead and he follows Michael over to the door, watching him unlock it before following him inside. Michael immediately heads over to the sofa, same old grey sofa as before, and sits down, running his hands through his hair and Luke hesitantly sits down on the other side of the sofa, listening to the wheezing that must be Michael's breathing. This gives him time to really reflect over what's happening, over the fact that he's back in the apartment where he spent so much time during his last semester in secondary school. It's like time has been frozen in there, it felt impossible that almost five years has passed. The bed was still in the same place as before, still with nothing but an empty bedspread serving as a duvet, the chair with the guitar is where it used to be just like the TV. The only things he can see that's changed is the stack of CD's, now having been moved to the window sill, and the pizza boxes that had been on the floor has been removed.
Still with no words having been exchanged he stands up again and walks over to the kitchen, getting a pot and filling it with water. The kitchen was, and still is, a lot cleaner than the big room and he's not in the least scared of what he might find when he looks through the cabinets, finally finding the two cups he'd been looking for stashed away in the back. He then spent a good two minutes looking for some teabags and finally, having discarded the old, gross-smelling milk, he re-enters the room where Michael's still sitting on the sofa trying to catch his breath.
"Here." Ha hands Michael one of the cups before sitting back down, watching colour slowly return to the other man's face as he takes small sips of the tea as his breathing returns to normal. "I..." he tries to think of something to say but words once again fail him, leaving him looking like an idiot with a blush slowly creeping up his cheeks. Michael still doesn't say anything, he just looks at him over the rim of the cup, the heat from the tea reddening his cheeks slightly. "I'm sorry." Luke finally finds the words, be it words that are way overused and that can't even begin to explain just how bad he feels. "What we did was stupid and childish and just...it was evil, it was such a horrible thing to do to a person and I would go back and change it if I could. But I...I felt something Michael, when we kissed I felt something and I haven't been able to forget it, I haven't been able to forget you." he can feel the green eyes on him but he's still met with silence. "I know what we had wasn't real, that it was a game, but it meant something to me and I don't want to be alone anymore. I want you to maybe...give me a chance to prove to you that I'm not like that anymore." the room falls silent again and he looks up at Michael, waiting for him to say something, anything. He waits for what feels like ages, waits and feels his hopes falter more for every passing second. And then he gets an answer, an answer he wasn't expecting but one he was hoping for.
"Okay."
Having spent a few hours in the small apartment, no words being exchanged as they sit there watching whatever's on, Luke then leaves with Michael and the two head back to the pub where Michael's going to play. They part ways outside, Michael going around back and Luke heading inside, making his way over to the bar where he orders a beer before sitting down waiting for Michael to enter the small stage in one of the pub's corners. He sits there, eventually getting involved in a conversation with the man sitting next to him and is telling said man about the year he spent in the US when he hears a hoarse voice over the noise in the pub. He ends the conversation, getting up and walks closer to the stage where Michael's now sitting, guitar on his lap and eyes only half open as he sings, lips almost touching the microphone. His voice is deeper than it was back in school, something probably caused by the cigarettes he's been smoking for more than half his life. He's playing songs Luke's never heard before, songs that just seem so right, and if he didn't know already this would have been when he realised that yes, he's most definitely in love with Michael.
~
Going into this Luke knew it'd take time getting Michael to trust him again but he hadn't realised just how long it'd take. Weeks passed before he even got to see the older man smile and even after that Michael was very hesitant around him, he wouldn't allow Luke to get too close to him and he seemed unwilling to accept the things Luke brought to his apartment. He had started out small, buying some tea here and a blanket there and then "forgetting" to take them back home with him, but as it got colder outside he brought more things, the older man being cold being the last thing he wants. He finally threw all caution out the window, buying a good quality duvet and a new bed-set that he brought with him one day when he knew Michael wouldn't be there. He did his best cleaning the apartment, wanting it to look nice by the time Michael came home, and by seven he had a pasta bake in the oven and some beer in the fridge. He has considered going home, giving Michael some time alone, but he wants to spend every waken moment with the young man and he wants to see Michael's face when he sees the new duvet, knowing he's been having trouble sleeping in the cold room.
A few hours later and Luke's so glad he stayed. The dinner had been a success and he even got a few laughs out of Michael, something he'd like to think is the reason why he was invited to stay the night for the first time in years. He doesn't care that the sofa isn't wide enough for him anymore, that he's laying with half his body in the air trying to sleep, because he's there and he can hear Michael's breathing, he can see a few strands of white-blond hair sticking up above the duvet and he can't think of anything he'd like to change. Or maybe he can, and maybe Michael can hear his voice because he hears a rustling as the older man rolls over and then the slightly hoarse voice speaks up.
"Luke? Can you come here?" Luke's very surprised but he wastes no time, immediately standing up and walking over to the bed with the blanked draped over his broad shoulders. He's just about to ask what Michael wants when the other man holds the duvet up, a clear invitation for him to join him. "I'm cold." Luke wouldn't have asked for an explanation but here he is getting one anyway and he quickly obliges, climbing into the bed and placing the blanket on top of the duvet, hoping to warm the smaller man. "thank you." He hears from under the covers and then a pair of thin arms are wrapped around his waist, a cold nose pressed against his collarbone.
"You're welcome." he whispers, possibly a little too late because the only reply he gets are quiet snores.
Autumn turns into winter, Michael's birthday and Christmas comes and goes and suddenly summer's just around the corner. Luke's more in love than ever, he's so incredibly smitten, and he's pretty sure Michael feels the same even though the older man isn't as quick to proclaim his love as Luke is. Neither of them have forgotten about what happened back when they were in school but Michael's never held it against him, he hasn't mentioned it even once and Luke's trying his very best to do the same, wanting to stay in the now. Hoping to kill two birds with one stone, he's focusing on getting Michael to quit smoking instead, something that may or may not be working. Although he's still to quit completely, at least he's gone down from one pack to half a pack a day and Luke's more than pleased with the process.
May has come around once again and from where he's lying next to the still sleeping Michael Luke can see that it's going to be a beautiful day. He'd love to go outside, maybe drive to the ocean and spend the day on the beach with a few beers in a cooler and the man he loves by his side. Knowing Michael, he doubts that'll happen though, with the older man getting a sunburn after just a few minutes outside.
"what's on your mind?" the sudden voice makes him jump a little, something that seems to amuse Michael because he hears a giggle before the older man hides his face in the pillow, keeping it there for a few seconds before looking up on him again, waiting for an answer.
"I was just thinking." Luke hesitates, not wanting to tell Michael the truth, knowing he'll then insist of them going to the beach even though he'd hate it, and decided to speak of something else, something he's wanted to say for ages. "about how much I love you." he finally continues, his eyes resting on the dark, week-old hickey visible on Michael's neck. They've been together, at least Luke thinks they're together, for the better part of a year now and up until now they've never said those words to each other. "I've been in love with you since secondary school and I know you don't like talking about that but I just...I-I...it feels like I was made to be with you, to love you and it's...I almost ruined that, I almost fucked all that up completely and then you gave me another chance and I'm just so thankful for that Michael, I am because we should have known, I were almost eighteen and I should have known better than to...to..."
"shush." a hand is placed over his mouth as Michael moves to sit up, the duvet falling into his lap and revealing his pale chest covered in marks from Luke's mouth as he looks down on the younger man. "Luke that's in the past now okay? It doesn't matter anymore." Luke opens his mouth to answer back but Michael glares at him before laying back down. The room falls silent again and Luke's pretty sure Michael's gone back to sleep, he's even considering trying to do the same thing. "I've been in love with you too." he then hears, "I fell in love with you back then Luke, I haven't forgotten how you made me feel." turning his head to look at Michael, the other man captures his lips between his own and it doesn't take long before Luke's hovering above him, leaving hickeys all over his pale neck as Michael's hands move across his broad shoulders, searching for something to hold on to as Luke moves inside him. It's different this time, with soft, loving words being exchanged between them and when it's over they just lay there, Luke's fingers playing with Michael's hair as their breathing slowly returns to normal. Michael looks up at him, smiling softly before pressing his lips to the tattoo on Luke's arm, still his only one. "I love you too." He says, his voice thick with what Luke would like to think is emotion, before once again pressing his lips against the lyric that once upon a time led up to their first kiss. There have been times when Luke regretted getting it, thinking of it as something silly, but it has never represented Michael better than now, that much he's sure of as he watches the older man drifting off to sleep. Never run out of ways to blow my mind