"What's bugging you, Autumn?" Bianca asks me as we sit with Maria and Lisa a few days after the league championships, waiting for practice to start. Bianca's knack for casually asking difficult questions still startles me a little.
Something has been bothering me ever since the championships, but I haven't been able to put a finger on it until Bianca asked.
My father didn't show up to the championship meet. He didn't even ask how it went. He doesn't usually talk anyway, but I guess there's some part of me that's still holding out hope that one day he'll suddenly realize he should focus on the family he has instead of the one he lost.
The death of my mother broke him. I probably should feel sympathy for him, or at least some kind of understanding, but right now I have no emotion towards him but bitter anger.
When he's not at work, he shuts himself in his room and rarely leaves. Grandmother brings his meals to him because he won't even sit with us at dinner. I had allowed myself to hope that if I became good at running, he might feel some fatherly pride and actually acknowledge that I'm his daughter. It still stings knowing that he seems to think I'm useless, although I don't know why I care anymore. He didn't even think I was capable of going to normal school, and I only know that because of Grandmother, since he won't talk to anyone but her.
My friends are suddenly quiet, and I realize I've spoken my thoughts aloud. Bianca is the first to break the silence.
"I don't care what he thinks." Her voice is filled with a quiet intensity I've never heard before. "You're obviously not useless. He's wrong about you being so different from everyone else, too. I forget you're blind all the time, and I'm guessing Lisa and Maria do too because they're nodding and making expressions of righteous, protective determination at you right now."
"Oops," offers Maria.
Suddenly the tension breaks and we all burst out laughing.
"Really, though," Lisa says when we can breathe again. "You do just what everyone else can do and better, and it's very amusing watching the faces of the other runners as they realize they just got beat by a blind girl."
"Lisa's getting sassy," Maria observes. "I didn't know you had that in you."
"Now she's turning red," Bianca announces. "I knew there was still that shy little mouse in there somewhere."
"Warm up time! Everybody get in here NOW!" Coach Davidson's voice reaches us all the way from the gym.
"Saved by the yell!" Bianca sighs exaggeratedly. "I guess teasing you will have to wait, Lisa."
"I'm sure we can find a time."
"Everyone got a few minutes after practice?"
"The abuse I suffer at the hands of you three."
"That's friendship."
I smile, enjoying the bantering of my teammates as we walk towards the gym.