You're off to great places. Today is your day. Your mountain is waiting, so get on your way -Dr. Seuss
A Hail Mary pass is an Old Earth expression, referencing a plan that, if it works is genius but if far more likely to fail so spectacularly that even the Holy Spirit can't save you. I am the Queen of Hail Mary passes and yet even I am hoping someone on this boat has a better plan than just showing up and knocking on the door. And yet, even as my crew had schemed and plotted while we waited the requisite three days (the Merc ship Dreadnaught is actually showing too, what are the odds of that?!), not a single plan came up that is any better than my knock and pray option. Even worse, we had three full days to just kill time. No one shooting at me, stabbing me, hell no one even got any good zingers in insult wise. I was so bored I even catalogued all the foam toy weapons in my child's playpen/ armory. When you're trapped in a child's body and your lover looks like he is just hitting puberty, having three days alone together is just a cooch tease.
So I am grateful when Wanda causes feedback over the ships internal communication to singsong at us that Zaches and her crew have come through for me. Yeah, it feels a little surreal to realize that something that came out of my past HASN'T bitten me in the ass. Yet. Why did I have to think optimistically, now we're doomed.
“So does this mean we'll get to meet the other big, dark secret from your past or are you planning on keeping business separated from pleasure?” Van points from the Dreadnaught seen through Destiny's observation window to Rorick's depressingly young frame. Three days in and I'm settling into the changes this Shuffle has but it's not fun and its certainly not easy, but it's also not the worse I've ever endured.
“The whole point in us flying silent right now is so I can be sure she's picked up the package and is oblivious to where we are. Kinda defeats the point of all this hide and seek if I invite Zache and her crew over for cookies and milk.” By now I've figured out how to load my young voice with as much disparity as possible. I've always had a flair for oration. And three days with Destiny as powered down as possible so that she disappeared from radar and life scan tracers, (add to that my phenomenal hiding spot, and we are effectively invisible) meant that we are all bored to madness and irritability.
“I'm bored.” Van's whine as a child is somehow less terrible than it is in her adult form. That or after three solid days of it, and with my broken wrist limiting me from shutting her up, I've finally gone numb to it.
“I can always head butt you unconscious if you want a nap nap.” I offer helpfully. Since we have next to no tools, along with absolutely no weapons, keeping this ship in good condition is critical, but I'm certain I can put Van out for a while and not seriously damage her. Much.
“I always pictured that space life was slightly more glamourous than this.” Wanda gripes from the bank of seats where she's playing cards with Dandy and Rorick. See, even I can grow up; I'm fine with my Rorick, Wanda and Dandy being social. We're all sexless cabbage patch dolls right now anyways. It's the first time I've ever seen Van chaste. It's taken me half a day to realize I'd been making sexual innuendos and hadn't realized it. It's really weird to have an adult consciousness in a body that lacks all adult motivations. I don't want sex, I have no urge to fight and as long as I have a full belly and a clean ass, I'm happy. Just really bored. If we were MOVING through space, these last three days would have been a breeze; I'm moving therefor the trip will ends and I have things to do. But we're hidden in a heap of junk metals while Zaches' Dreadnaught investigates and eventually ingests the pirate sloop with ship's beacon, into the cargo hold. The junker was also an underhand bonus for the Merc Captain as it would either provide spare parts (a few already relocated to Destiny) or it would sell to a scrapper for a fair coin. The job was paid for by the diamond and the challenge; the sloop was my way of adding a little extra to it for the timely aid when I was a kid.
“Are you sure this is what you want kitten? We can drop you off at the next big space port. Maybe even somewhere closer to home if you wish.” Zaches had offered me.
“Have no home to get closer to. I'll find a way to be useful, already proven to be a decent shot.” I'd argued, managing to sound nonchalant over my first kill, but it'd been keeping me awake at night.
“Oh I don't doubt that kitten.” Zaches had sounded so damn amused. “Life as a Merc is hard, messy, pitiless and not very moral. I will ask you to do things you object to personally, and I will expect you to do them without argument. If at any time you find yourself unable to comply with that, continue to have my back and I'll drop you off at the nearest way station. Betray me and I'll rip your skin off and turn you into a really cute purse.” her tone had stayed disturbingly friendly sounding.
“Captain Zaches, I'm young and inexperienced but I am not suicidal.” I'd retorted blithely, all bluff and fake confidence. She'd laughed in my face.
Years later I hat told Zaches that I wanted to go for my Captaincy; she knew I wasn't long as her crew. But she'd supported and mentored me enough until a full time Runner Captain took me on with recommendation.
“You've been good crew Felix Katt. You're no slouch and despite yourself you seem a decent sort. Take care kitten.” And Zaches had hugged me. At the time I took it as an affectionate fair well but after I'd settled onto my next ship I'd found that she'd slipped a goodbye gift into my pocket. A purse filled with a year's wage and an old Earth silver coin; an object on it's own that was not worth much but it had been a token and a promise. Zaches' way of saying that 'once crew, always crew', and that if I need her I could call on her. Once.
I'd put that coin on the pirate sloop along with the beacon and payment because even though neither one of us had even mentioned it, this had been me calling in that one time favour. It raked my hide to use it for more reasons than I am smart enough to understand, but I'm also touched that Zaches is honouring it. I still owe her a favour but I doubt she'll ever call it in, that's not her style. The biggest obstacle between us had always been that I would do whatever I could to see my way through to the other side of things with as much as my integrity intact as I can manage. Zaches had no room for any concerns that weren't directly related to the job. Her way had built a very good crew, but I'd wanted something more from my crew so I'd gone out to build that. Even if at the time I hadn't realized I wanted my crew to be Family. And I was definitely not going to let my family get sized up by Zaches.It would not be a fun affair for anyone involved. In moments Zaches' Dreadnaught had disengaged from the junk heap I'd buried the pirate sloop into and takes off at a lickety split pace. And you know what? The weirdest sense that something just settled in my life hit me and I gnaw my lip as I try to let the soup of my brain mix until the right flavour was reached. It's frustrating because if I try to rush the process, I'll mix it up worse and ruin it. I can't reach for it, I just have to brew a while longer.
“So ladies and danglies, this is the time to state any last minute objections or wow me with your brilliant plan.” I call my crew together. Some day Wendy and Dandy will be close, though it'll take time. Once upon a time Van and Rorick had been held at an arm's length too.
“I know we're fairly new to this whole rigamarole, but can we ask questions?” Dandy seems oblivious to the irony of his question.
“Ask away, if it's a dumb question, we'll let you know.” I shrug and feel my damn eyes flutter. Kids have freakishly large eyes in proportion to the rest of their face, so this coyish shit looks super craze balls.
“Who exactly is it we're going after and why are we looking for them?” Dandy is direct. It's actually nice to deal with him without all the attempts to be charming. He's have to have some kind of slick magic though because I can't figure out why Rorick has forgiven him and Wanda but I trust my Brute.
Van is bouncing up and down, a fluff of red hair and high pitched squealing. Okay, even I have to admit that's cute. “Van, you seem eager to explain the story so have at it. Rorick, I'm going to get us moving, you wanna come with?” It feels good to be able to get GOING again. As we break apart to do our things it occurs to me that I'm really doing it, really going to find him. It still doesn't feel real to me I guess. I'd so long ago given up on the concept of my father so having his address, his name, and being on my way there right now is freaking me out a little bit in all honesty.
“Am I making a massive mistake here Roar?” I have to know what he thinks now that we're away from the others. Rorick is silently brilliant, from improvised strategies to save my ass to plainly indicated suggestions that lead the right way. Van's all impulse; lots of fun and never boring but not entirely Queen of the self discipline, and I'm at best at least trying to think of contingency plans beyond kiss it, kill it or blow it to smithereens. Rorick's the one who takes Van's impulse and my intuition and keeps them from getting us all killed.
“Yes but that's nothing new for you Felix.” Rorick replies with a cheeky smile. Goddess his face is so much more mobile as a kid. And devastating without the damn collar, but I miss his adult face. “I think you need to do this. If you don't it'll haunt you and distract you at a critical time. We get it done done and over with and then it can't come back from the dead to hit us again.” Wise words from someone so young looking.
“You getting the vibe that all this fan fair with the Hounds and Sisters ties back into the St. Katharines?” I have to admit that the idea has already occured to me too.
“I think that if we take a look at your old life, we'll see the reason why they're suddenly cropping up again in your life.” Rorick's shrug is identical to how he does it as an adult. I'm not too proud to admit that I cling to the little familiar things.
“Like you've dealt with the demons of your past?” A past that I still haven't asked about. We'd all silently agreed to never pry into the lives we'd left behind. Although these last two years have seen a disturbing amount of past coming tumbling forwards.
The look Rorick gives me right now lacks the heat that we have as adults but the intensity is the same. That just proves that Murphy has a sick sense of humour; who else gives a twelve year old boy the ability to hit you with THAT kind of look. “Felix, my past, present, and future are yours.” his fingers touch where the collar isn't. “For better or worse, you won't have to face this alone.”
I'm adjusting the flight commands of Destiny, heading my ship and my crew towards the last mystery from my past. Did I even know what I need to ask him when I meet him? I have no clue. There's only one thing I really do know for sure; I'm not going to let my Rorick suffer the indignity of that flipping collar when the Shuffle falls apart.
“Rorick?” Am I really about to do this?
“Yes Felix?” Rorick's young face is all wrong from this but I'm not entirely without my impulses and for some reason I'm picking right now to go for it.
“Marry me. When this child skin is gone, I want you to marry me.” Yeah, the words just came right on out. Why do I feel so nervous?