I sat down on the stained white rug, my back resting against my bed and my eyes staring up at the ceiling. Mindlessly, my fingers tugged at the material of the fluffy material underneath me and I let out a sigh as soon as I watched Oliver walk through the half opened door of my bedroom.
Gran went to work for another night shift, and I couldn't seem to get any sleep, like it's anything new.
After what I've done to the guy that I thought was dad, which he totally deserved. Nate glanced at me over his shoulder, before we walked to my truck and he drove me to my place.
I don't remember much because I was drunk out of my mind. I just remember the look on her horrified face.
I remember how I felt while blowing punches to the guy I thought was my father.
And I don't know what to think of myself.
A monster or a saviour?
I am just lost. Lost and tired and I can't seem to forget about her.
I can't let go of her taunting memory.
Her haunting eyes.
Her dead haunting eyes......
I let out a breath as I felt Oliver's warm body snuggle itself up again my lap, his orange patches glowing against my black jeans. I looked down at him, my fingers slipping unconsciously through his soft fur. His wide, green eyes staring up at me.
And I smiled down at him, which he blinked his eyes repeatedly at. Purring noisily as I rubbed my cold fingers behind his ears.
And I couldn't help but remember Darcy as soon as I did so.
"Oh here you are," a low chuckle vibrated through my hollow chest as I scratched behind Oliver's ears. Partly amused by his pleasured state.
He then meowed and lifted his lazy legs off my lap and wandered around my room. I watched him closely as he picked furiously at the stain stuck on the rug, grumbling and clawing at it with squinted eyes.
I looked up at the clock hung on the opposite wall to my bed. It read eleven thirty.
Gran wasn't going to be here for another hour or so.
I don't know.
I slammed my back against the bed, which resulted in pushing it further back against the wall. My hand coming in contact with a carton box behind my back in the process.
I felt my brows furrowing in confusion as I twisted my torso and my eyes took a good look at the box that happened to be under my bed.
I stretched out my hands and switched my body back in its previous position, this time with the box resting on my laps.
It looked familiar.
I ran my fingertips across the stained brown carton box. It wasn't anything big, it was a medium sized box. I twisted it around in my palms and caught a glimpse of scribbled sharpie on the other side of the box.
Pushing my glasses further up the bridge of my nose, I focused my eyes back on the scribbled word on the box.
It read: 'photos and tapes'.
I couldn't help but stare at my hand writing on the box, my breathing hitching inside my throat as I stared at the box with wide eyes.
I don't remember placing this box under my bed at all.
If anything I don't even remember bringing it with me when I moved out with gran.
Darcy knocked on my open bedroom door. Her long brown hair falling around her face and a wide grin plastered all over her shinning face.
A brown carton box was in between her small palms.
And I couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of my lips as I nodded my head for her to walk in.
She bounced with excitement as she took a seat across from me on my bed.
Her white dress mending in with my white comforter and covers that laid carelessly around the mattress.
Without uttering a word, she pushed the mysterious box on my laps, lifting her feet up and crossing her legs on the bed.
Not a second her smile did waver,
Her eyes shining up at me with excitement,
With love,
With happiness.
I let out a chuckle when I noticed what was in the box, looking up at her with furrowed eyebrows, I asked:
"What are you doing with mum's old cassette tapes collection?" she let out a laugh as she straightened her self up a bit.
"I stuck behind every tape a few pictures of ours that relates to the song, instead of the photo album classic idea y'know, so we can remember what happened in the picture more vividly," she smiled up at me, and I bit my lip, my fingers gripping tighter around the box and my breathing caught in my throat.
After a few seconds of me staring at the box, Darcy asked, uncertainty latching onto her voice:
"Do you...like it? I thought you would, I mean if you don't that's fine I-" I let out a laugh, catching her off guards and watching as she stared up at me with wide light brown eyes.
"I love it, this is definitely much cooler than the photo album," a grin broke across her face and she clapped her hands together excitingly, throwing her arms around my neck in a quick hug.
"Happy sweet sixteen," she nodded her head at me, walking out of my room, her dress floating around her like white clouds.
And I felt my cheeks hurt from how much I was grinning.
I let out a breath as I looked down at the box resting in between my legs.
It's brown, stained colour staring back at me, and I breathed out a sigh.
My fingers gripped the top tightly, before I opened it slowly, my palms already sweaty.
I had separated the tapes from the pictures and forgot to put them back together.
I don't even remember the last time I opened that box.
After my sixteenth birthday I started getting all my...sick in the head attitude.
I bit down my lip, hard, as I felt my way inside the box, my hand reaching the stack of pictures and clutching on them tightly before I let out another breath, getting them out and placing the box away.
The first picture that greeted me was one of my face when I was around ten, Darcy's small arms wrapped around my neck and her legs warped tightly around my torso as we both craned our necks to smile at the camera.
Mum had insisted we take this picture of us when I was giving Darcy a piggy ride around our backyard.
My eyes trained on her small figure up my back as I clutched the picture tightly in my grip .
She was staring at me with her light brown eyes,
Her haunting eyes.
Her smile twisting my insides slowly, and I could feel the knot in my stomach about to snap at any moment.
I blinked rapidly as I placed the picture down on the floor beside me. My eyes resting upon the next photo which didn't fail to shock me with another strong wave of unwanted emotions.
Unwanted regrets.
Darcy stood in the kitchen, flour caking her face and a vibrant smile etched to her eleven years old face. While I stood next to her a tray of chocolate cookies we made together in my hands and I had a smile of my own directed up at the camera.
The next one was a picture of us at the amusement park, it was taken by Nate.
There was on of dad, who had his filthy hands resting on Darcy's shoulders while I stood at her other side. All of us smiling up at the camera.
She was wearing a cat woman mask, I remember it was Halloween and she had insisted I go trick and treating with her.
I didn't recognise my face in any of the pictures.
I placed the ones with dad in them down quickly, already feeling the rush of anger boil through my blood.
The next one was taken by Nate at her twelve's birthday.
She had cried when she found out Gunther, the neighbour's dog had died. She had her head resting against my shoulder while I had my arm wrapped around her shoulders. She had stooped crying in the pictures. However, her puffy face showed she had been crying even though she was smiling in the picture, pointing at the TV.
I don't remember what we were watching but I was laughing.
I wasn't even looking at the TV.
I was looking at her.
I was looking happily at her.
I can't take this anymore.
My shaky palms shoved away the box. My blurry eyes watching as photos scattered across the wooden floor.
My fist flew to the necklace around my neck, clutching at it tightly as I breathed in and out.
I can't breath.
Her eyes flashed around me, everywhere.
Her eyes, everyone's eyes.
Everywhere.....
I stood up, holding tightly onto the bed behind me, watching as the room spun quickly around me. I felt my chest raising and falling quickly, the air wasn't getting properly through my lungs.
And I was choking.
"Chris," her voice rang through my ears, and I stumbled forward.
The necklace was chocking me.
Dad's face flashed in my line of vision and my fists balled.
Oriana's shocking blue irises swimming around me and melting in with light brown ones.
I can't take this, all of this is just too much.
I need to breath.
I was angry. Furious and confused.
I inhaled in sharply, dad's figure was standing in front of the tall chest of drawers next to the window.
I squinted my eyes sharply at him, as I watched him smirk at me.
His ugly face glaring at mine and I felt my chest rip from the inside out.
Angst and rage flooding around my head.
My fists balled at my sides as I walked forward towards him.
"You, my son, had killed her," his bold, sharp voice rang off the walls and I felt my shoulders shaking and my lungs closing, tightly.
"You are the one that killed her," I yelled, launching my fist forward towards him but he was long gone.
I turned around angrily, my eyes burning and my body shaking as I searched around my room.
"You could have saved her, it's your fault," dad's voice rang in my ears and I turned around quickly.
However, he wasn't there.
He wasn't anywhere.
"I didn't kill her!" my voice yelled and it sounded totally foreign to my ears. Like it wasn't me.
"It's your fault she killed herself, she died with your cocaine in your room, who's fault is it?" his voice kept asking, haunting me.
I felt the wet droplets welling in my eyes, preventing me from seeing anything around me.
"I didn't kill her!" I yelled, my voice cracking and screeching. I stumbled around the room, hearing all their voices.
Mum, dad, Darcy, Nate... All of it.
"You killed her," I yelled back, his laughter filtering through my ears as I launched forwards at him, again.
But my fist collided with a hard surface instead.
And I watched as the tall chest of drawers fell, on top of Oliver.....
"Oliver!" I yelled as I watched his eyes widening, before the huge piece of wood fell on top of him with a bone crushing thud.
I felt my body hit the ground with a crack, my eyelids drooping.
"Oliver," I managed to choke out as I slowly lost my sense and felt my mind jump into oblivion.
Gran's screams were like ringing bells through my ears as I felt myself slip away.
"Oliver," I found myself mumbling once again, before I blacked out.
Feeling the necklace slip from around my neck.
**************************
A/N
Yeah........ Sorry I guess?
Your opinion matters to me
☆MariaM