The music blared through the speakers, I wasn't listening to it but I could feel it vibrating my seat and sending me further into the daze I had been in for a while, my mind drifting back to last night when I had made up my mind about what I was going to do and why it needed to be done, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes....
I opened my eyes and there was almost compete silence except for the sound of droplets of water slowly dripping from the tap to land in the tub of water I had been sitting in for so long I could feel the wrinkles forming on my fingers and toes, I slowly raised on of my hands slowly out of the water, allowing the set in my palm to just flow down my hand to rejoin the rest, I stared at that hand for a few minutes before taking it and running it through my hair so it would slick back out of my face, I had to remind myself to get it cut, it was a bit too long now... or maybe I should leave it considering...
I closed my eyes for a few minutes nodding to myself, I should do it and I would do it, not for me but for everyone that deserves better than me, I pulled my other hand out the water and turned it over to stare at my wrist, I knew that wouldn't work, it would take too long and someone would find me before it's too late and then I would have to beg that person to keep it a secret because I know nothing would be more painful than having the persons I love knowing that I was... I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself, I had come up with a better way to do it, in such a way that no one would care.
...My eyes snapped open and I looked around to see I was still sitting in my car, that was parked in the School's parking lot as I had been for a good half an hour, I turned my head to see Seth standing there with a raised eyebrow, I looked at him for a bit more before turning off the engine, I got out the car after grabbing my bag and locked in the door before I turned to look at Seth, he gave me a smile "Morning Dus, how's it going?"
I shrugged as I hiked my bag over my shoulder and walked next to him as we headed into the school building "nothing much, things are just quiet."
He frowned at my answer turning his head to stare ahead as we walked down the hall trying to avoid bumping into students that had the hall way packed "how quiet?" he asked as he walked sideways for a bit to avoid a kid before we walked straight again.
"Not too quiet, not too loud."
He side eyed me and nodded as we finally stopped at our lockers "good to here, just let me know if it gets too much... tell me if it's too quiet, okay?" I simply nodded to give him some comfort before I dropped my bag in my locker and took out my required books.
He closed in his locker and stood there waiting for me, I locked in mine and headed behind him but h turned to go in the cafeteria while I headed straight to the school exit, he yanked my hand and gave me a questioning look after I turned to look at him, I sighed running my hand through my hair "I need to speak to coach, I'll see you in a bit" he just stared at me and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, I moved my free hand to pat his "don't worry, I'll come around after okay?" he reluctantly let my hand go nodding.
I turned and headed out the school, I headed towards to the outside gym section where the coach had a secondary office that she spent most of her mornings in working on plays and different set ups with her husband, I ran my hand through my hair and chewed on my bottom lip as I came to stand in front of the door, I sucked in a sharp breath before I knocked, there was a short silence before I heard a shuffle of feet and the door was being opened, coach looked at me for a bit before telling me to come in, I nodded and walked in the office, I heard her close in the door and then came into view after she rounded her desk to look at me.
"Good morning Dustin, what can I help you with this morning." she gave me a tight smile while looking at me as if she was unsure about something.
I sighed and placed my books down on her desk, I straightened my stance and gave her a serious look as I stared straight into her eyes "I want a sign out sheet so I can leave the team."
Her eyes widened and she let out a gasp"wait does this have something to do with-"
I cut her off shaking my head "no it has nothing to do with that, It's just that I feel it's time for me to do something and that seems to be in the way of me getting that done."
She just stared at me "Dustin, there has to be-"
I put my hand up in a sign for her to stop talking "no there's nothing you can do that will make me stay, I already made up my mind and there is no changing it, plus you already have arrangements set up for my replacements to keep the team from crashing, so I'd say we're all set here, I just need that sheet."
She shook her head "Dustin-"
I shook my head and gritted my teeth, she was making this so much harder than it had to be, I just needed to get it done with so I could get everything else settled before the day I picked, why was she behaving like this, there was no need, I let out a sharp breath, speaking a little tight "Coach can I please have the form?" motioning my hand at her.
She shut her eyes tight and curled her hands into a fist before sucking in a sharp breath and slowly letting it out, she nodded to me before leaning down to open one of her drawers, she took out a sheet and a pen handing it over to me, I collected it quickly and signed my name in the places it had to go before I slid it over to her and stepped back picking up my books, I muttered a small thank you before I rushed out her office and headed back to school, I reached my class just before the bell rung.
I sat at the back and stared out the window until I felt someone sit next to me, I reluctantly looked away from the window, with a feeling that I knew who was sitting next to me, and just as I looked around dread pooled in my stomach as I found I was right, Jax sat there staring straight at me with his lips pursed in a tight line, his green eyes studied my face and he quickly scanned the class, before he turned back to me, he chewed on his lip drawing my attention to it, when I wasn't paying attention he grabbed my hand and quickly moved out the class pulling me behind him and drawing a lot of attention.
He lead me straight down the hall and out the front of the school not stopping till we were in the parking lot standing in front of his car, he turned to face me pulling my body against his, he held both sides of my face before he planted a kiss on my lips, I moaned at the feel of him and the pressure of the kiss as it grew deeper and deeper, I parted my lips in a gasp and he slipped his tongue past them, he swirled it around my mouth exploring every part of if before he pulled back just a bit to suckle on my tongue making me let out another moan, he pulled back and stared at me as I gasped for breath, he brushed his knuckles against my face and I could see tears forming in his eyes.
I shook my head stepping back "I can't" it came out in a strangled whisper before I pulled away from him and ran back into the school, I went to the cafeteria and curled up in a corner booth and broke into a painful sob.