"I know you wanna see me! Wanna see me! Hol' up this ain't gotta be complicated!" I belted the lyrics of Chris Brown as I blasted Before the Party throughout my apartment.
Peeking outside my bedroom window, I noticed the white flakes still falling from the sky. I don't mind the snow. Everyone calls it deadly, but to me it's beautiful. Just like autumn. Everything is dying, yet it's so alluring.
Why are deadly things always the most beautiful?
I grabbed the leather jacket from the chair in my room before wrapping it around my body. It practically swallowed me, but it has his wonderful scent.
As soon as I finished wand curling my hair the doorbell rung.
"Perfect." I smiled to myself before skipping past Ford to the front door. He of course followed behind me while barking. I tried to hush him but he refused to listen. Instead of fully opening the door, I cracked it open. "Do you want to come in or do you want me to come out? I apologize, I have a dog who has a deep hatred against the male race."
Jermaine chuckled. His eyes went down to Ford then back to me. "It's cool, he's just doing his job. But I'm not tryin' to get attacked sooo..."
I giggled and told Jermaine to hold on for a second. I shut the door as I ran back to my room to get my phone. I couldn't leave the door cracked since Ford knows how to open it with his paw. As I was running back to the door, Ford cut in front of me which caused me to fall right on my stomach with a loud thud. My eyes squeezed shut as the pain shot throughout my body.
Falling on my stomach suddenly reminded me of my miscarriage.
"It's okay, I was going to get an abortion anyways." I reminded myself as I stood up from the ground.
Dusting myself off, I then slipped out of my apartment without Ford escaping.
Jermaine sent me a smile as I joined him. We walked in silence down the stairs and to his car. The wind blew the snow right in our faces as soon as we stepped outside.
"So which one's your car?"
"Right here."
I followed behind him as he led me to an old, black car. The car's so old I don't even know what brand it is!
Definitely has nothing on Alex's car.
"Love kills slowly." I read the sticker on his car. "Why do you have this?"
His gaze followed mine as a chuckle left his mouth.
"This is my sister's car. I'm borrowing it until mine get out the shop." He explained. "Some dumb ass slashed my tires."
"Wow, people are crazy!"
"Tell me about it."
"I had so many days of crying and pain." Jermaine admitted as he took a sip of his hot chocolate. "Shit got better though, but it'll never be perfect."
"Especially here in America." I nodded. "Can't even feel at ease when we hear police sirens. And they wonder why we run.." I shook my head just thinking about the hashtag that went around last week. Another black life taken, another police officer free.
"If it's anything like this in Heaven maybe I'd be better off in hell."
I nodded my head and continued to write in my journal that I haven't written in in forever. Jermaine and I ended up just going to a small diner outside the city. It's peaceful to be out of the city. The city never sleeps.
I also like to be alone a lot.
"Whatchu writing little red writing hood?" Jermaine raised an eyebrow from across the booth.
"Nothing." I laughed a little.
"So tell me," he slouched in his seat, "what do you like?"
"Hmm lets see." I dramatically rubbed at my chin. "I like whippin', winnin', strippin' and-"
"Bro what?" He laughed loudly, catching the attention of an old couple.
I laughed along with him. He placed his hands on the table as he grabbed a napkin. My eyes gazed his tattoo free skin.
For some reason I don't find tattoos that attractive.
I like the skin God gave us.
"Your boyfriend seems cool." Jermaine took a sip from his mug as we locked eyes.
Even though Alex never officially asked me to be his girlfriend, I'm 99.9% sure I am his girlfriend.
"Alexander?" I laughed a bit. "He is. I love him."
Jermaine chewed the inside of his cheek before nodding. We somehow got on the topic of past relationships. It's nice to know I'm not the only who has been in a toxic relationship.
I'm so blessed that the relationship I'm in now isn't toxic.
"My girl she was still sprung on her old nigga and I couldn't compete with some other guy." He admitted. "But I was in too deep then. I was like oh she'll get over him eventually. Walked in on her and him having sex, but I stayed with her. Then when she got pregnant we ain't know whose baby it was. I stayed with her while she was carrying the baby, 'cause you know that could've been my blood. What type of nigga wanna cause pain in their child's life? Once the baby was born she got a DNA test and found out it wasn't even mine. So here I am now. Single as fuck."
I couldn't even get words to come out of my mouth. That's how astonished I am. What kind of human does that?
"Just think of it this way, you're free and things could've been way worse."
"You right." Jermaine nodded. "Think bout those people who get raped and drugged and shit.. Just sad. I pray for all of 'em."
I nodded in agreement. "Me too."
"That was so off guard, I look creepy!" I exclaim while looking at the picture Jermaine just took. A few minutes ago I found out Jermaine is actually the student who I'll be posing for. I'm just grateful it's someone I know.
"Nah, this is cute." He chuckled. "But I got an idea of how I want your photoshoot to be. Why be average when it can be real?"
Sighing I began to walk across the snow covered parking lot. "Whatever Jermaine." Every since we hung out a week ago, things have been good. We've become friends, which is a benefit for me because I need a friend.
"Don't whatever Jermaine me." He attempted to mock me, but my voice is not that high. He grabbed my hand as I tried to slap his chest. "Keep your hands to yourself Majesty." He shoved me playfully. Luckily I grabbed his shirt in my fist before I could slip on the ice beneath my feet.
"Still driving your sister's car huh?" I teased as I opened the passenger door.
Jermaine shot me a look as he started the car up. I shivered as the air vents blew out air instead of heat. Jermaine apologized and stated that it takes a few minutes for it to warm up. We sat in silence as the car made weird noises.
"Want some?"
I turned my head to see he was holding a pack of peanuts. Scrunching my face up I shook my head. "No. I'm allergic."
"Shit." He mumbled before tossing the bag of peanuts out of the window.
My hand gripped the strap of my bag as I got out of Jermaine's car. I thanked him once again for the ride then asked him about the photoshoot we have to do together. He replied with a simple 'I'll text you'.
I hurried to the apartment building as the wind picked up. My foot slipped almost making me fall flat on my face. I gripped the rail tightly and decided that running up wet stairs isn't safe.
I slowly strolled down the hall to my door. While doing so, I noticed a girl who stayed a few doors down from me. I forgot her name, but I smiled and said a low 'hi' out of kindness. She returned the kind gesture and continued on her way towards the elevators.
A pink paper taped to my door was the first thing my eyes landed on. My heart immediately dropped to my butt. I know I'm a month behind, but that's only because my hours at my job got cut down. Living in New York is nearly impossible, even though I don't live in the best apartment building. My hand tore the paper off before I walked in my apartment. My eyes skimmed through the words, only focusing on the important parts.
I have one week to get out.
"Fantastic!" I ripped the paper in small pieces before throwing it up in the air. I stepped right past the mess I just made, too angry to actually pick it up. Why me? Why now? Where else am I going to go? I literally have no where else to go.
God must really hate me for thinking about abortion.