BEA
"Ano ba naman yan baby? Why did you stopped your treatment without my permission?" Gustuhin ko mang magalit sa ginawa ni Jho, eh hindi ko pa rin magagawa dahil alam kong mas ikakasama ito ng pakiramdam niya.
"Gusto ko lang na maging masaya ka" simple niyang sagot sa aking tanong na kailangan ng napakaraming rason.
"So sa tingin mo matutuwa na ako niyan? Jho, look at me" at sinunod naman niya ako "It's for the sake of your life.." unti unti nang namumuo ang mga luha sa aaking mga mata.
"I know, pero please, I want to live normally kahit ilang days na lang, months, o kung sswertehin years" napayuko siya sa kanyang sinabi.
"Don't cry baby, please. I don't want to see you getting hurt. It hurts me two times"
"Kaya nga i stopped my treatment para hindi na ako masaktan and at the same time its all for you" paliwanag pa niya.
"I understand, but please. Stay with me, please" pakiusap ko "kung mamamatay ka, mauuna muna ako"
"Hindi na kailangan" ngumiti pa siya saakin.
Nabalot kami ng katahimikan kaya naisipan kong kausapin siya tungkol sa mga bagay na alam kong ikakasaya niya.
"Do you want to eat something?" I asked her.
Tumango naman siya "potato corner please, sweet corn" at nagpout pa siya sa harap ko.
"Hindi ba bawal yun?" Tanong ko sakanya then she just shrug. "Wait I'll ask your mom"
"Bilis please" pagmamakaawa pa niya.
Binilisan ko ang pagbaba galing sa room niya papunta kila tita Lovel na ngayon ay naguusap kasama yung ibang family members nila.
"Tita, can I ask something po?" Tanong ko. Nagexcuse na rin ako kasi masyadong seryoso ang kanilang usapan and its all about Jho.
"Sige Bea ano yun?" Pilit na ngumiti si Tita saakin pero hindi pa rin mawawala ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata.
"Okay lang ba kung kumain si Jho ng fries?" Tanong ko "hindi po ba masama sakanya yun?" Dagdag ko pa.
"Hindi naman ata Bea, pero wag mo siyang pakainin ng marami ha. Baka biglang sumama yung pakiramdam niya"
Tumango naman ako "yes Tita, thank you po"
Agad naman akong umakyat para sabihin kay Jho na pwede siyang kumain nun. Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay naabutan ko siyang may sinusulat kaso patapos na rin kaya hindi ko na nabasa pa.
"Stay here ha, I'll buy you---"
"Baby, sasama ako please" napailing naman ako. Hindi pwede noh, ayokong mapaaga yung pagkawala niya. Hindi ako handa.
"Hindi pwede baby, promise. 10 minutes and I'll be back with your fries. I promise" sabi ko sakanya pero hindi ata siya payag.
"Ayoko, 10 minutes? Matagal yun eh"
Wala na akong nagawa kundi ang pasuotin siya ng jacket at tulungang bumaba sakanyang kinahihigaan. Oo nga 10 minutes, matagal na yun. I don't want to lose her yet.
"Thank you," she said while we're walking downstairs. Nagulat naman sila tita kung bakit bumaba siya.
"Jho, anak. Hindi ka pwe--" pero bago pa man makapagsalita si tita Lovel ay pinutol na ito ni Jho.
"Ma, bibili lang kami ng pagkain. And promise sayo ni Bea na ibabalik niya ako dito right bei?" Ngumiti ako ng pilit at tumango.
I know I can fulfill that promise.
"Ate sasama ako" Ja insisted but then pinigilan siya ni Tita Lovel. Mas mabuti raw na kaming dalawa nalang para hindi mahirapan si Jho.
"Thank you tita" paalam ko while I'm fastening her seatbelt.
"Mag-ingat kayo" yun na yung huling sinabi ni tita. And tumango naman ako bago umalis.
I focused to the road, pero minsan I'm checking Jho rin naman, and she's still doing fine.
"Beh, pwedeng favor?" Tanong niya saakin at agad naman akong tumango "can we call Marci, Ged, Marge. And our teammates?"
For what? "Para saan pa baby? Babalik naman tayo agad and hindi tayo kakasya sa car niyan"
"Sige na please, I just want to see them, to tell them that I'm doing fine" and somehow she made me believe that she is really doing fine at all.
While driving I dialed each one of their numbers and informed them to go to our usual kainan. And for Jho, they all agreed.
"Im calling tita"
So I called tita Lovel to tell her that Jho and I will be having lunch with some of our friends. And sabi niya as long as we are safe daw, have no worries lang daw. And take care, that's it. Im glad tita agreed on this one. Though she's very worried na about Jho's condition.
We reached our usual kainan and there I saw some of our friends. Mas nauna sila because mas malapit yung condos and houses nila dito kesa samin ni Jho.
I looked at Jho and saw her wearing a very big smile on her face. Finally I got to see her smiling once again.
We entered the restaurant and ayun, sinalubong nila si Jho ng yakap but then pinagbawalan ko sila because her body still hurts and need some rest. Well, according to her doctor and me being so possessive na rin.
"Glad you're okay now Jho" sabi ni Marge and then she smiled at us.
"Buti naman at okay kana Maraguinot" singit naman ni Ged habang tinataas baba pa yung kilay niya.
"Actually tinranslate mo lang talaga yung sinabi ni Marge, talino mo naman Cotoco!" Pangasar ni Marci causing Jho to smile again.
"Yes, she's getting better na rin and infact she wants to eat na nga eh. Kasi when were at the hospital ayaw talaga nyan kumain" kwento ko.
Jho has this disease kasi, that affects her heart causing her to easily lose her breath kaya kailangan hindi siya mapagod. Or kailangan niyang magpahinga always. But then tinigil niya na yung treatment.
"Ate Ells" rinig kong sabi ni Jho kasi right now nakatalikod siya saamin. I bet she's waiting for our other friends.
"Jho!" Sabay sabay nilang sigaw. Magkasama silang lahat. And by lahat it means, goodbye money nanaman.
Its for Jho naman kaya no worries. Kain lang kayo, dadating yung araw na kayo nanaman yung manlilibre saamin hahaha.
Nagbeso kaming lahat because we missed each other nga, cause I'm missing my practice/training na rin because of my girlfriend's condition.
"Finally nakita ka na rin namin sa labas ng hospital" said ate Ly and then they laughed.
"Nakakamiss ba magtraining Jho?" Tanong naman ni ate Ells. Brutal talaga to ever.
"Alam mo namang may sakit pagttraining mo parin" sabi ni Jia sabay irap, hmm ito ata yung dahilan kung bat miss namin sila.
"Gusto ko na ngang magvolleyball eh" ngumiti pa si Jho. Pero bago pa sila magkwentuhan ay nagsalita na ako.
"Guys, let's eat lunch na muna. Order na muna tayo ha? Bawal tayong magpalipas ngayon" sabi ko with a smile.
"Ay over," rinig kong sabi ni ate Ells.
"Over ka dyan, concern lang ako sayo noh. Di ako ready na makita yung katawan mo na pumayat" pangasar ko. Tumawa naman silang lahat.
We ordered our foods, at nagstart na ulit ang kwentuhan 5 minutes preparation lang naman daw kasi.
"So babalik ka talaga ng training?" Tanong ni Mich sakanya.
"I think so" sabi pa nito pero sumingit ako.
"I think so ka dyan, pagaling ka muna bes. Wag atat, there's always time for everything"
"Ay ayun na nagsalita na si master Bea" sabi naman ni Deanna. At tumawa ulit.
"We're hoping to see you next season Jho" sabi naman ni Ana.
"Wow si Jho lang?" Tanong ko naman sakanila at umismid hahahaha.
"Of course ikaw rin. De Leon" sabi naman nila.
I'm also hoping to play next season. Kaso ngayon baka hindi eh, because... priorities..
"How about you Marge?" Tanong ko.
"Hindi eh, acads first. You know.." at tumango nalang ako sa naging sagot niya.
"Okay let's eat," pasigaw na sabi ni ate Ells. Matakaw talaga kahit kailan.
We ate lunch and then I bought Jho na rin her fries, yung maliit lang wag daw kasi pasobrahan baka biglang sumama yung pakiramdam.
While eating syempre hindi mawawala yung kwentuhan, asaran, kulitan at kung ano ano pa. We asked Jia about her lovelife at okay pa naman daw. They're staying strong naman daw. And ate Ells? Wala daw eh, always daw siyang thirdwheel kapag kasama niya sina Ate Ly and Ate Den. Therese's back with Rex Intal. Nung birthday lang daw ni Rex, so ano yun regalo hahaha.
They also asked us about sa mga buhay namin ni Jho and yeah, sinagot ko naman. Mahirap pero kakayanin. Sino ba hindi mahihirapan sa kalagayan ni Jho diba. And kahit ganun naman I'm still there for her no matter what.
Nireto pa namin si ate Ells sa isang waiter dito kasi ang gwapo daw, at crush na crush nanaman niya.
"Hindi na si Ged?" Tanong ni ate Ly.
"Anong Ged, issue ka ha" sobrang defensive naman na sagot ni ate Ells.
"Wala na ba Ged?" Tanong ko rin.
"Huy, mamaya magkasabunutan pa kami ni Marge, wag kayong issue, kapatid ko yan" sabi pa ni ate Ells.
"Pedophile" singit ni Ponggay. Kaya naman nagtawanan ang lahat.
"Iba na talaga ate Ells. Kahit sino na lang" sabi naman ni Jho.
"Ikaw nga nung hindi pa kayo ni Bea eh. Kahit sino rin naman sayo, patay na patay ka pa nga nun kay Ysay" nagsmirk pa si ate Ells.
"Past is past ate Ells" singit ko.
"Kaya nga wag na nating pagusapan yung samin ni Ged kasi past is past na nga diba"
"So may kayo pala talaga" pangasar naman ni Marci sakanila at nakiride nalang rin si Marge.
After we ate lunch, unti unti na silang umalis for they have training pa and si Marge naman is focusing on her studies. Pinagbigyan lang talaga nila si Jho, si Marci naman busy din sila ni Ged sa basketball. And si Jia? Ayun sinundo ng boyfriend. Hays! Hahahaha.
"Thanks beh" sabi ni Jho saakin and then she smiled at me again.
"You're welcome, uwi na tayo?" Tanong ko.
Umiling naman siya "nood tayo ng fireworks please"
"Ha? Saan?" Tanong ko.
"Dito mismo" sabi naman nito.
"Eh, 12AM pa magsstart yung fireworks nila beh, 6PM pa lang. And bawal kang magpagabi, worse is magpaumaga"
"Ayoko kasi please" pagmamakaawa ulit nito.
"May bukas pa naman, if you want punta tayo ng EK bukas ng makapahpasyal ulit tayo"
Umiling pa din siya.
"Sige, but first we need to go home muna. To change our clothes, para magpaalam, at para kumain ng hapunan okay?" Sabi ko.
At doon ko na lang siya napapayag. So we headed home straight kasi pagabi na rin eh and she easily gets cold pag ganito na yung weather even if she's wearing a jacket pa. Hindi nagtagal ay nakarating na rin kami.
"Finally, they're here" bungad ni kuya Loel sa bahay ng mga Maraguinot. Na ikinagulat ko.
"What are you doing here?" Taas kilay kong tanong sakanya.
"I'm with mom and dad Bei, tita Lovel invited us for dinner" ngumisi pa ito saamin. "Nice to see you again Mrs. De Leon" pangasar nito kay Jho.
"Luh" yun lang sinabi ni Jho at ngumiti.
"Mom, dad!" Bati namin ni Jho pagkapasok ng pagkapasok.
"Magpalit na muna kayo, at bumaba agad para kumain na ha" sabi naman ni Tita Lovel.
Dali dali kaming umakyat at bumihis. Jho is wearing her sunflower dress, while me naman. I'm wearing my backless blouse na may pair na cotton shorts. Ayun lang, there's nothing so special naman. Siguro dahil first night ni Jho ngayon dito ulit.
Bumaba na kaming dalawa at pumuwesto para kumain. And hanggang ngayon ay naghahanap pa rin ako ng right time para magpaalam dahil gusto nga ni Jho manood ng fireworks mamaya. I'll do anything just to make her happy until her last breath.
"Yes Bea? Mukhang may sasabihin ka" nauna ng tanong ni tita Lovel kay naman ay may namuo ng kaba.
"K-kasi tita, Jho wanted to watch fireworks later?" Sabi ko na patanong. "Is it okay po?"
"Kaya naman pala" binaling niya yung tingin niya kay Jho "may tiwala naman ako kay Bea"
"Pwede ma?" Tanong naman ni Jho. At tumango lang si tita Lovel as a response. "YES!" Biglang napasigaw si Jho.
"As long as Jho's happy, we are all happy. Right?" Nagulat naman ako sa sinabi ni mommy, siya mismo nagsabi nun ha.
We all agreed naman about what mom said. So after dinner ay nag ayos na kaming dalawa. We will leave by 9:30 para hindi masyadong late at hindi rin masyadong early for us.
I can see the excitement on Jho's face. Para siyang bata na first time maka nood ng fireworks in her entire life. She's sitting on the sofa waiting for the time na aalis kami para manood ng fireworks.
"I can see the excitement on your face baby" pabulong kong sabi sakanya and the we both smiled.
"Yes, kasi mangyayari ulit to eh. Parang sa panaginip ko lang to nangyayari tapos makakanood na ulit ako mamaya" she giggled.
I kissed her forehead and just sat beside her. Nagaantay nalang rin.
"Baby, there's something on my pocket nga pala" sabi pa niya saakin. Kinuha ko naman at nakita ko ang isang naka roll na papel "pero wag mo muna buksan. Kapag tapos na yung fireworks buksan mo ha" ngumiti pa siya.
"Bakit ano ba to?" Takang tanong ko sakanya.
"Its a surprise" marahan niyang sabi. Kaya naman mas lalo akong nacurious kung ano ba ang mga nakasulat dito.
After an hour we've decided to go back to the place where she wants para manood ng fireworks.
"This is gonna be fun." Sabi ko.
We reached the spot kaya naman naglagay na ako ng blanket sa sahig para upuan namin. This is more like a picnic but at night. Isn't it cool.
"And memorable" dagdag pa ni Jho causing me to smile widely.
Habang hindi pa nagsstart ay nagkwentuhan muna kaming dalawa.
"Hindi ka ba nagsasawa, na everyday naman tayong magkasama? Hindi ba ako nakaksawa?" Tanong niya out of nowhere.
Umiling naman ako "of course not, bat naman ako magsasawa. I've waited for you for more than a year para pagsawaan lang? Hell no"
Yes, i've waited for more than a year. Actually hindi nga ako pinayagan niyan na manligaw sakanya dati kasi sabi niya straight daw siya. But then yung pangalawang reason ay ayaw daw niya akong iwan magisa, i even asked her na bakit iiwan ba niya ako. And then nag away pa kaming dalawa. Huli ko na nalaman na may sakit pala siya and pwede siyang mawala anytime. Kaya ayaw niya akong maiwan magisa pero wala eh, nagpumilit talaga ako. Kung sakit lang naman yan edi lalabanan hanggang sa huling hininga.
If you truly love a person, no struggles in life can both bring you down if you'll just keep on fighting for love.
Hindi mo naman yan malalaman kung hindi mo susubukan actually she told me nga na it's because of me raw kaya nadagdagan pa yung buhay niya dito. It sounds corny but sweet nung sinabi niyang kaya daw siguro mas tumagal siya dito because I gave her another life. Hahaha Jho.
And dumadating din yung time na natatakot talaga ako sa mga mangyayari. Na pano na lang kung biglaan na siyang mawala sa tabi ko. Ano na lang yung gagawin ko. Isa lang yung promise ko sa sarili ko, that if she'll ever leave me I will never love another person the I way I loved Jho.
"Baby" pagtawag ni Jho sakin.
"Ah, what were you saying?"
"Sabi ko, thank you for everything"
Ngumiti na lang ako "hindi pa nagsisimula nagpapathank you kana. Weird ah"
"Hindi kasi, nakapagantay ka, nagsakripisyo ka, ginawa mo ang lahat just to ease my pain, just to make me smile, and just to make my life whole again. What can I do to repay you. Kasi I think saying thank you isn't enough parin eh"
Umiling naman ako "nagantay ako because I know in the end it will all be worth it and hindi ako nagkamali, nagsakripisyo ako cause I don't want to see you in pain, and ano kaba. Your presence is enough noh, don't worry baby. I will still be here for you no matter what, I will never leave you"
Ngumiti siya once again "pero what if ako yung mangiwan?" Tanong ulit niya.
"What?" At hindi ko naman yun nasagot ng maayos. Hay nako that question is very hard for me baby.
"Wala sabi ko, look. Start na yung fireworks" I looked at my watch and its 12AM.
"May nakalimutan ka" pagremind ko sakanya.
"Of course not" ngumiti naman siya "happy monthsary baby, i love you forever"
And then she kissed me on my lips. Gulat ako kasi I usually do that thing for her but then now. Siya mismo yung gumawa ng move for us. So I responded na lang rin and it was a very quick kiss lang naman.
We watched the fireworks. And unti unti na siyang, naglean saaking shoulder. Tinignan ko siya ang she's still enjoying the sparks in the sky.
"Can I read it na?" I asked her. And nafeel ko namang tumango siya so I opened the paper and there I saw a novel. Kidding, a very very long letter.
Saying:
Baby, at last 1 year and 4 months na tayo ngayon, thank you for bringing sunshine to my life because you're literally hot as that haha. Thank you for knocking at my door just to give me sunflowers and chocolates. (But before yun) kasi bawal nako niyan ngayon. Thank you for staying with me at the hospital for almost a month. Alala mo pa nung monthsary natin last month you surprised me. Pano mo nagawa yun? And to make it short thank you for everything sorry for my handwriting. Im shaking na kasi but i'll still try my best. Mas pangit pa rin naman sulat mo kesa sakin.
Sorry kasi, paasa ako dati sabi mo, kasi hindi kita sinagot agad, kasi anytime pwede akong magpaalam sayo, sorry kasi imbis na we're having fun nun, mas napatagal tayo sa hospital because of me. Sorry kasi hindi ko nasusuklian yung mga efforts mo for me. Sorry kasi dineny na kita once sa mga friends ko nun. At na issue pa kami ni Marci pero as what I've told you friends lang talaga kami nun.
Basta Beatriz, thank you sa lahat and if ever dumating yung araw na mawawala na ako, you can cry but not every night please. Ayoko ng ganun, i want you to be happy. Find someone who'll make you happy again. And don't worry i'm still your angel because I believe that I can make it to heaven kahit minsan dinedemonyo mo ako hahaha. Kidding but thanks Bei! I love you so much! I love you more than you love me. I love you mapalangit man o dito. Thank you.
-Jho.
"You're making me cry" sabi ko.
"Sorry" simple niyang sagot.
"Are you okay?" Tanong ko sakanya.
"Can I rest now baby?" Shit.
Yun na yung kinakatatakutan ko. And kahit na sabihin ko sa sarili ko na kailangang maging handa ako, hindi pa rin naman pala ganun kadali yun I still don't want to hear those words. Wag sana ngayon pero ayoko ring nahihirapan na siya. I don't want to see her in pain again. Maybe yung mga pangyayari kanina are signs that Jho's leaving us. She's now tired and had enough of everything. What can I do? I can't make her stay. It's her decision parin naman.
"Speak" sabi niya saakin.
Pinupunasan ko pa rin ang luha saaking mga mata.
"Baby..." sabi ko. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko.
"Can I rest now?" She asked one more time which makes my heart falls into pieces.
I slowly nodded, ayoko pa pero wala na akong magagawa. Naaawa na ako sakanya. And i think it would be better for her. Pero monthsary namin ngayon and ngayon siya nagpapaalam. I still dont want to.
"Goodnight baby, sleepwell. Restwell, i'll see you next next year. Please stay with me"
"I will"
I hugged her tight "I love you Jho. I lov--" i didn't finished what I am about to say kasi I can feel na wala na. She's gone.
"I love you" sabi ko. Goodbye.
I took my phone out "tita Lovel".....
----
It's been a year! I went to Jia's newly opened flower shop to buy some flowers. Of course sunflower for my love.
"Good morning Juju" masigla kong bati sakanya.
She smiled at me "ganda ng gising noh?" She asked "ay kaya pala" then we both giggled.
"Maganda talaga"
"Bibili nanaman ng flowers para sa baby niya. Uy hanggang ngayon inlove parin siya" pangaasar niya.
"Of course juju, actually she's hugging me right now nga eh" juju smiled then gave me the sunflowers that I ordered. "Oh pano, see you when I see you, i'll go ahead na"
"Ingat Bei"
I went straight to the place where my love stays and there I can see her, I can feel her smiling at me. I went closer to her and sat beside her.
"Good morning my love, 2 years and 7 months na tayo, still staying strong. And yeah as I promised you, hindi na ako umiiyak every night. I think im getting used to it na. And besides you're always there naman eh. Haha i love you"
I'm staring at her. With the flowers on top of her. Its been a year and I still can feel her. So maybe this is really the effect of true love noh?
"Can't wait to see you bab--- aray" naputol yung sasabihin ko ng may bolang tumama saaking ulo.
I stood right up to see kung sino yung may gawa nun and there I saw a little boy who's running towards me to get his ball.
"Tita tita" and he's even calling me tita.
Kinuha ko yung bola at tinignan naman niya ako. "What's your name baby boy?" Tanong ko.
He smiled "Jho," then he bit his fingers. Tama ba yung narinig ko?
"Jho?" I assured.
Tumango siya "can i get my ball now?" He asked.
"You're jho?" Tanong ko ulit.
Tumango siya ulit "yes tita, I'm Jho Louis" and this time I'm hearing it right.
Thank you universe for making me feel the presence of my baby.
Maybe he's the male counterpart of my baby.
"My ball" he pouted. Hay ang cute.
"Here, go ahead na. Ingat ha"
"Thank you tita." Umalis na siya but then bumalik ulit. "Here's a hug from her tita"
He smiled at me at nacurious ako kung kanino galing yung hug na sinabi niya.
"Hug from who baby Jho?" I asked.
He looked at me, "hug from an Angel" then after that umalis na siya saakin.
May ipinapahiwatig ba yung heaven? If meron. Thank you so much Lord.
Lumingon ako then I kissed Jhoana "thank you for your presence today baby. I will never get tired of loving you. And I'm still thinking of you. I love you forever!"
-END-