A/N: Oh. I don't have much to say. EXCEPT THANK YOU FOR THAT BEAUTIFUL 2K I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE. That literally made me want to cry. In other news, my friend AllThingsPizzaOr5SOS is making a 5sos fanfic, and I think it's going to be great! So When she starts that, check it out!!! It's called Assumptions. Fun Fact #6: The music I listen to actually gives me most of the inspiration I get for my stories. If it's a happy song; happy chapter. Sad song; sad chapter. OH AND GIF TO THE SIDE IS YOU GUYS TO ME I'M SURE! *throws confetti* I AM SORRY THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. *clears throat* *taps microphone* *sweat drops* HAS ANYONE SEEN MY MOM!!?!?!? Chapter 12 c:
I didn't feel like moving. Over the weekend I turned off my phone, avoided people all together, and stayed penned up in my room eating Ice cream and watching Disney movies. I remember I had always made fun of those girls in movies for doing such silly things like that, but I came to the hard cold fact that it really helped. My mom had informed me that "I wasn't sick enough to stay home." Thanks mom. So here I stood, getting ready to avoid all contact with a certain Tomlinson boy. I didn't really know how I would do this, because we had pretty much the same group of friends. Even Anna and Zur were part of that group. I sighed and sat back on my bed, holding my head and begging myself not to cry. The last thing I need was my efforts at a normal look to be ruined. I trudged down the stairs at a snails pace, regretting even getting out of bed this morning. I hoped my mom would see this and show some sympathy. She didn't, and I was out the door, walking to school. I've been walking way more than I would like to lately.
"ELLIOTT HO-" Anna stopped dead in her tracks and her eyes widened. "Oh my god, what happened?!" She screamed, pulling me to her. She frantically pulled me into the girls bathroom where Patty and Maeve were. "El, what happened babe!?" Patty said worriedly, scurrying over to me and collecting me in a hug. I felt myself slipping- I know I was going to cry- but I couldn't help myself from clutching her back, letting the sadness take over my main actions. "I hate him! I hate him because I want to like him! And I hate him because he makes me feels so weak! So fucking boneless! Because the second he does something to hurt me, I feel it! I feel it right here!" I backed against the cool tile wall desperately holding my heart like I had just been shot. And in a sense, I felt like I had been. The pain was almost crippling, and I felt if I didn't hold onto the barely-there resolve I had, I might actually die.
"P...Patty, Maeve? Will you walk me to my next class? I really don't think I can do this today." I said in a broken tone, wishing I could just open my eyes and I'd secretly be back in my room. It was something so small, I was simply stood up. But for some reason, it was tearing my entire world down. It was exposing the love that I so badly wanted to be something. It was explaining the caution I wanted to hold up at first. It confirmed all my original doubts. And it killed me that I was so dumb. "Yeah, we'll walk you. That's my class too, you know." Maeve said lightly, trying to cheer me up a bit. I appreciated it, but I couldn't even say anything at the moment. "If you want, we can talk to Louis about it?" Patty offered, lightly rubbing my back. "NO! I mean, thank you, but no. I don't think he wants to talk to me anyways." I then thought about how even when I turned my phone back on, there wasn't a single text, call, or voicemail from Louis. I knew very well that he got my Voicemail, because Lottie managed to text me a 'I'm so sorry Elliott, I don't know what's going on with him.'. I wasn't sure how Lottie got my number, but I was more perturbed by the context of her message. Was he being distant with her too? But I stopped worrying about him. You're not supposed to care about people who don't care about you, right?
I kept my head low as Patty walked me through the hallways, most likely to keep me from being alone. "Hey, it's lunch at least!" She sad, trying to lighten the mood. I nodded and tried to muster a smile, but it was gone as fast as it was there. There was another long silence. "You know, Ash and I are going bowling. Maybe you want to come? I know Calum's got PSAT's so if I invite Maeve, you won't have the excuse of being the third wheel. And hey, maybe I can even get Ash to ditch so it can be a girls night!" She said happily, patting my shoulder. "Oh, Patty that...that sounds really nice actually. I need to get my mind off things. But please, don't un-invite Ashton for me. I'd love to see him again." I said honestly, remembering how lifting that boy can be. "Awesome! We're going tonight- that's not a problem right?" She asked, realizing how last minute it was. "No no, I'm sure my mom will be fine with it." I tried to force another smile but Patty gave me a sad smile. "You don't have to force it. you can be sad sometimes." My attempts ceased and I let my lips curl down into a grimace. "I have to work on those smiles." I muttered, making Patty laugh lightly and pat my back. "C'mon, let's go eat."
As soon as we got into the lunchroom I could tell there was something wrong. Our table was unusually quiet. Anna and Zurich were sitting with there shoulders slumped, looking down at their food like it was the only thing they were allowed to look at. Zayn was eating quietly, but I saw him look up and give Louis nasty glares from time to time. Maeve was already at the table, but she had a look of disinterest that would shut anyone up. I looked to Katlynne and she had the same expression. Chelle and Harry were just getting up to leave. "No, I'm waiting for Elliott. She needs all the people she can get right now." Chelle said quietly but with a pleading tone. Harry's brows knit together and he shook his head, squeezing her hand and lightly pulling her towards the doors. She sighed and shook her head, allowing Harry to take her. I silently thanked her for her efforts. Liam and Niall were sat in a quiet confusion, probably afraid to ask any questions. They both had worry painted all over them, and they obviously weren't let in on the little... 'situation'. Then there was Louis. He was sat coolly, eating with ease and a face so expressionless it could be described as stone. "He looks perfectly fine." I whispered with disbelief. Patty patted my back for support and kept us moving in the direction of the table.
As we sat down, I felt my friends worry and love expand around me as they all scooted closer to me. Louis scoffed and didn't look away from his phone which he was currently on. I clenched my jaw and hoped the anger would override the sadness. There we all sat in absolute silence for a good ten minutes. I didn't move an inch, my friends (and Zayn) continued exerting hate, Niall and Liam continued to look utterly lost, and Louis sat there on his fucking high horse, playing on his stupid fucking phone. "What the fuck is your problem, Tomlinson!?" Katlynne barked, which surprised the hell out of me, considering she wasn't really one to swear in front large numbers of people. I saw the corner of Louis lip twitch as he stopped what ever he was typing. I then realized, he's on his phone. He really, really, has heard the damn message. This added fuel to the fire to say the least. "Excuse me?" He said smoothly, like he had no idea what she was talking about. And I would almost believe it if I didn't know two things. One; he definitely heard the message. And two; his eyes. No one else would notice because they probably didn't pay as close attention to his eyes as I did, but I saw it. Anger for Katlynne speaking the way she did, Acknowledgement because he knew exactly what she meant, and lastly, humor. I saw that he found this amusing.
I wanted to scream, to stand up and scream from the top of my lungs, "YOU SICK BASTARD. I HATE YOU! I WISH YOU WOULD SINK INTO THE GROUND! I WISH SATAN WOULD JUST TAKE HIS SON BACK ALREADY! YOUR UNBELIEVABLE. YOU SICKEN ME. AND I HATE YOU!!" But I couldn't. No. Instead I just sat there, my hands folded in my lap, looking at Louis as if he was about to explain a math equation to me. Oh. That's because he was going to do something similar, I hoped. Answers. I wanted an answer. If it was real. If he got bored. If he decided he couldn't get over the fact that Duke had a small crush on me. If he got stuck in the rain. If he was okay. If he secretly missed me. Did he miss my lips like I missed his? Did he regret it? But most importantly, "Why?" I heard myself verbalize, causing everyone at the table- including mine- eyes to widen. There was a small silence before I couldn't hold back. "Why, Louis? Why, why, why?" I let al the pain I felt seep into my voice. I wanted to know, and maybe he would take pity on this.
"Because." His one word answer for some reason shattered me further. "BECAUSE WHY?" I slammed my hand on the table and stood up, angry tears flaring in my line of vision. "It doesn't matter does it? You ended it." I saw it. My answer. The anger he felt when he heard it. The bitterness for me ending it. The remorse for what ever reason he didn't come. But...but maybe I saw hurt too. Hurt for me being the girl to call him on how he fucked up. Hurt for me actually saying it was over. Hurt because he had been hurt before, and he didn't want to be hurt again. Actually, I was probably reading too far into it. I was sick of trying to find a meaning within those blue eyes. Because in reality, this is probably just me trying to rationalize the pain I'm feeling. "You're right, I did." I smiled finally, but I knew from the way it felt so foreign on my face that it probably looked as broken as I felt. Good. He should know that he broke me in every sense possible. Maybe it wasn't just the fact I was stood up, maybe it's partly the fact that he didn't try to get me back. He just let me go. Maybe he really was bored with me.
I sat back down and smiled at my shoes, the out of place smile now stuck on my lips. I felt the tears continue to well in my eyes. I glanced at my friends and they're faces were a range of pissed off, upset, and apologetic looks. I then looked to Louis' friends. They looked astounded, including Zayn, by our little show. I bet it did look pretty interesting, considering I looked like my sanity just broke and Louis was cool as ever. I felt my smile grow wider; it's so annoying how I don't know what to do other than smile. I knew it looked forced and wrong on a face that looked ready to burst into tears at any second, but I couldn't fix it. It was plastered to me and I wanted to slap it off my own face. "If you'll guys excuse me, I don't think I belong here." I said in a surprisingly level tone. Patty grabbed my hand on one side and Katlynne grabbed my other. I shook my head and softly pulled my hands away from them. "Really, I...I need to go- by myself." I explained when I saw Maeve and Anna starting to get up. I looked to Louis whos finger was frozen, hovering over his phone. I saw his lips pulled in a line, his eyes staring at nothing.
"You win." I don't know why I said it, but I felt like it needed to be said. I felt the words leave a bitter taste on my tongue. "You win, Louis Tomlinson." I regurgitated the words in hope that it would feel better, but it still sliced like a knife. I pushed myself away from the table and walked towards the door. I hated it, but he really had won. I'm the one who's really hurt right now. I felt the tears slipping out. "Dammit." I muttered darkly and cursed myself for crying so much lately. Regardless, I needed a place to hide myself. I actually questioned the janitors closet for a second, but I realized it was probably locked. I saw my next option; the girls bathroom. Bee lining it in there, I pushed past the lip-gloss junkies and into one of the stalls. I locked the door and let the tears spring loose. They fountained down my face as I slid down the door of the stall. I pulled my knees to my chest and cupped my eyes. We were almost something. It might of been something. I could have l..." I pushed my thoughts away and whispered "He didn't care." And at that moment, I truly believed myself.