::Jacob's P.O.V::
I'm getting bad again.
I sat uncomfortably at my desk, the long sleeves of my shirt were pulled all the way down, so far down that they were covering my hands a bit. Ever since the stupid card incident I've been thinking about my dad more and more and how he left my mom and I behind.
When he first left it drove me to do some real serious things, that now that I think about were really stupid. I'll always be reminded of my decisions because if I look at my wrists and thighs I can still see the faint scars.
I didn't really know how to control my feelings back then, I didn't like keeping them trapped inside and I couldn't tell my mom any of my thoughts, so one day I just picked up a pencil sharpener. At first I didn't have the intention of taking it apart but it soon led to that. Now when I see a pencil sharpener, I see two good blades and two useless screws.
I'm trying my best not to relapse. I haven't cut for a long time, three or four months maybe? Yeah, that sounds about right. I know the consequences of relapsing. If a person were to see my cuts and actually cared to ask me about them, I'd have to think of quick lie, like the cat did it or somethin like that.
"Jacob" the sound of my name broke me away from my thoughts, I quickly looked up and saw Jazmyne standing there. "Are you going to head out? The class was dismissed five minutes ago" she informed, "oh" I mumbled.
I stood up and picked up my book and placed it in my bag, "um... Thanks for not just letting me sit there" I said to Jazmyne as we walked out of the classroom and down the hall. "What are friends for?" She said simply, I rubbed my arm lightly but didn't say anything.
"Which class do you have now?" Jazmyne asked curiously, I shook my head "I don't have one, it's my free period now". "Oh, well I should probably get going, I've got history and it's all the way on south hall, see you at lunch?" She asked, I nodded "yeah, see'ya".
I watched as she turned the corner and disappeared from my sight. I walked to the office and when I got there the lady at the desk asked me: "why aren't you in class?" "Um, it's my free period right now.... I don't technically have a class right now" I answered lightly.
"Oh, okay, as long as you're not skipping class" I nodded a little "yeah, I um came to see the guidance counselor" "go ahead, I'm pretty sure she's down in her office".
The way the school was set up there was a hallway that led to the principal's office, the vice principal's office, the guidance counselor's office, etc yeah you get the point.
The guidance counselor's name is Mrs. Parks. I've been to her a couple of times before so when I walked into her office she just smiled. I closed the door behind me before I took a seat in front of her desk.
"What brings you here?" She asked lightly, I sighed "I'm getting bad again". "Why do you say that?" I lifted up my shirt sleeves "my scars are starting to become less noticeable, and I don't know what to do" I pulled my sleeves down.
"People keep talking about me and it's really pushing me to the edge right now, and at home life isn't so good; we barely have any money to pay this month's bills" I explained. "What're people saying about you?" "That I'm a freak cause I 'talk to myself' but I don't talk to myself, that's not it, I'm talking to the voices that are inside of my head that no matter how much I try, they will not go away".
I slumped down in the chair, "they're assuming I'm gay, which makes no sense to me.... What does it matter if I'm gay? I mean I'm not, but still.... It hurts".
>>*<<
I opened the door and bumped into someone. "Sorry" I apologized, "it's okay" I looked up and saw Bria "what're you doing here?" We both asked each other, I laughed a little "um.... I just came to say a quick hello to Mrs. Parks" I lied, I didn't want her to know the real reason why I came down to see Ms. Parks.
::Bria's P.O.V::
"Oh, me too" I said with a small nod, I felt a bit guilty for lying to Jacob but I just didn't want him to know that I was coming down to talk to Mrs. Parks about my parents. I didn't think he'd really understand. "Well, I'll see you at lunch then?" He asked, I nodded "yeah, at lunch".
I kissed him on the cheek yesterday, kind of regretted it to be honest, it was an 'in the moment' thing. I'm glad it didn't really change anything between us, not that we really had anything that could change.
>>*<<
::Jacob's P.O.V::
I sat down at the table as I waited for Bria, Jordan, Jazmyne, and Rayan. As I did so, I read the big words that were on the back of my milk carton. Obviously I was pretty bored. My day had gone down hill ever since I left Ms. Parks' office. I ran into Chresanto and he said a couple of things to me, I realized I was now walking around with an imaginary target on my back that only he could see.
As I was reading the words a figure came and stood across from me. I looked up and saw the one only, "um hi" I said lightly. "Did you're dad ever come back?" He asked, "Chresanto, how do you know that he left?" He didn't answer, he just had that signature smirk on his face.
That stupid signature smirk.
"I'm guessing he didn't, I don't blame him... I wouldn't want to come back to you either" I took a deep breath before setting the milk down. I looked at him but didn't say a word, "you're mom doing okay without him?" "You just love to mess with me don't you?" I suddenly asked.
He shrugged "yeah, I guess, it thrills me when I know that I can make your gay ass feel horrible" he turned around and swiftly walked to the table he was sitting at.
I suddenly felt the fuzzy feeling in my hands. I suddenly remembered that I hadn't heard the voices all day, I forgot about them until now. "Don't do it" I said to myself, "don't do it".
He's the last person to call you gay
"It doesn't matter all that much, where were y'all all day?"
Where the hell would we be Jacob? We ain't got nowhere to go
"I just haven't heard you guys"
That's cause we haven't spoken to you today, until now
"Why?"
It doesn't matter
I found myself getting up, I rolled my eyes. "It's getting annoying when y'all take control" I pointed out.
I walked over to where Chresanto was sitting, I tapped his shoulder and he turned around. I balled my hand into a first and punched right in the jaw. "Call me gay one more time" I said lowly, "I dare you". He felt his jaw before standing. He took a step toward me and put his face inches away from mine, "gay".
::Rayan's P.O.V::
I walked to the lunchroom with Bria, Jordan, and Jazmyne. "Jaden's so cute" Jordan cheesed, I rolled my eyes. This is one of the many cons when it comes to having girls as friends; having to listen to them talk about boys. "No he's not, he got a baby face" Jazmyne pointed out, "a cute one" Jordan said simply, "no Jordan, just no".
"What do you think Ray?" Jordan asked me, "um.... Sure?" I rubbed the back of my neck as I continued to walk down the hall. "He doesn't know" Bria stated, "oh, well I'm sorry I can't give you an honest opinion on a boys face" I replied.
"Plus, Jordan just focus on your education" I added, she laughed a little and said "you're just sayin that cause you've been single for so long" Jazmyne and Bria smiled. "No, I'm saying it because, that kid, Jaden ain't right for you" I said lightly, "how do you know?" "You get to know a person when you're trying to tackle him on a field of grass" I answered.
"Oh" I nodded "yeah, I heard he treats girls pretty bad, I don't really want you to be with someone like him". "Awww look at you being all brotherly!" Jordan exclaimed, I shrugged "you're my sister, maybe not by blood but still, you are too Jazmyne. I'm just trying to watch out for y'all" I confessed simply.
When we got to the lunchroom, I opened the door and let them all go in first. I walked in behind them, "what's going on?" Jordan asked curiously. I looked around and saw a bunch of people in a circle, "another fight maybe?" Jazmyne answered.
"We should just go sit down and not get into it" I said as I began to walk to an empty table with Jazmyne and Jordan. I looked over my shoulder and saw Bria stand on her toes, trying to see pass the people; but she was too short.
"Bri, what are you doing?" I asked, "hold on" she answered. She got up on top of a table so she could see better, "oh man" she mumbled. She looked at me "it's Jacob and Chresanto", she hopped down from the table. "Go and uh, sit with Jazmyne and Jordan, I'll be there in a minute" I said to her, she nodded in response and walked off.
I walked over to the circle of people and made my way to the center, when I did I found Chresanto and Jacob going at it. "Damn" I cursed, I walked to them and after, I want to say five, attempts I got them apart; lowkey it felt more like fifteen.
I pulled Jacob away from Chresanto and looked at him, "what the hell was the first thing I told you when I first met you?" I asked loudly so he could hear me over the other people. "What?" He asked, "what was the first thing I told you? I told you that Chresanto could beat your ass and that you need to find your place and fast. This right here, this is not your place".
"Then tell him to leave me alone, he's over here questioning my motherfucking sexuality and I'm sick and tired of it. I don't care if he can beat my ass, I'm pretty sure that if I really wanted to, I could beat his" he said to me, pure hatred in his voice.
"Have you seen your face?" I asked, "no, Rayan, I haven't, and I honestly don't care to okay?" "You need to watch your fucking back, Perez" Chresanto barked. I spun around "shut the hell up Chres, sit the fuck down somewhere" I replied.
"Who the hell are you talking to?" He asked, "Chresanto August, who the fuck else? You think you're all big and fucking bad, well you know what? I don't give a damn". He took a step toward me "you need to remember who you're talking to, I don't know where all of this big talk came from but it needs to go away. Why don't you take the advice you gave to Perez and find your fucking place".
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Here's the chapter. Not sure when the next one will be posted. I hope your enjoying the book so far.
Love,
Me
P.S. sorry for any mistakes.