a/n: lOl, haven't updated in a while but here's this,, ily,, and it's kinda shitty. I'm sorry.
×××
"Frankie."
I looked over from the current cartoon to see my mom at the door.
I raised an eyebrow at her, she couldn't be going out. Not this late. She could get kidnapped, right? I don't want my mom to leave.
"I'm only going down the hill, alright? You have Gerard here to keep you company," she said, smiling widely.
I nodded, relieved, and looked back at my friend sitting on the couch, eyeing the current cartoon on the t.v.
He looked like he was about to fall asleep! I heard my mom leave, and I jumped up from the carpet, pulling on Gee's sleeves.
"What is it?" He asking, seeming slightly worried, but his eyes were red and he looked almost annoyed.
"You looked like you were about to fall asleep, and I don't want you to."
"But it's boring at your house," he mumbled, looking away.
"Is not!"
"Don't start a fight, Frankie," He said, glaring back at the door cautiously.
"I'm not, Gee, I was just saying that it's not boring here."
Gerard rolled his eyes and looked away again.
"Wait, wait! Can we play ghost in the graveyard, like we did at your birthday that one time!"
He smiled and nodded quickly.
"But we'll just hide and then look for ourselves since there aren't enough people," he said, sitting up and sliding off the couch.
I nodded and turned off the t.v., keep a small lamp on.
"What are you doing, Frank?"
"Leaving that light on..."
Gerard always makes fun of me for this.
First, he knows I don't like being alone. He doesn't know I don't like the dark. I never told him. Everytime we play this game, we always stay together, teaming up. But it's just us now.
The only way I ever know I'm okay is when he's by me and grabbing hold of my hand.
"We have to go full out! Turn it off."
I whined slightly but turned it off with a small click and suddenly I didn't see Gerard anymore.
"Alright, go hide and count for... twenty seconds, then get up and we'll start trying to find eachother."
"Okay," I replied timidly.
"You'll be okay, Frankie, nothing bad will happen," he said softly.
I smiled even though he couldn't see, and I heard him start to take off.
Ah, this is stupid. I couldn't even see a thing. I wish the lamp was at least on. Or that there were more people so me and Gerard could team up. I reached forward, being careful not to stumble, hit something or make too much noise. And it was dark, way too dark. I felt consuming by it all.
But I wanted Gerard to find me, didn't I?
Maybe he didn't want to find me as bad.
I wanted to reach out and be able to feel his hand.
Maybe if I was slightly more 'clumsy' I could attract his attention and make him find me easily.
I purposely bumped my knee into the coffee table. Still no Gerard.
I felt my stomach twist.
I wanted Gerard.
This isn't fun playing by ourselves.
In the pitch black dark.
I felt like crying. All I wanted to do was close my eyes and cry on the floor.
But I can't be a baby. I can't let Gerard know I'm such a baby.
I accidently knocked myself forehead first into a wall and groaned quietly.
Still no Gerard. I started shuffling forward. I heard a scuffle noise and turned my head only to feel an instant pain in my nose.
I instantly reached for it and sank to the ground.
My nose must have hit the table, the pain started spreading through the rest of my face.
"Frankie!" I heard him gasp.
I noticed the lamp turn on, and once I pulled my hand back a small trickle of blood stained there. I started to cry then. My mom's not here and Gerard isn't my friend anymore. And I'm bleeding!
He's gonna think I'm a baby for being afraid of the dark.
I'm eight but...
I still get scared.
"Frankie-"
"Gee, I'm bleeding," I rushed out, cupped my hand over my nose to keep it from dripping on the carpet that mom always lectured me about not ruining. I started rushing toward the door, but Gerard pulled me back.
"What are you doing?!" He yelled.
I sniffled.
"My mom can make it all better-"
"No, Frankie, I can help you-"
"Gee!" I whined, stomping my feet like a five year old. All I need is my mom, Gee can't help me that greatly.
"Please, Frankie, don't tell your mom," he said softly, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. "Don't cry."
I nodded and started to calm down as I followed Gerard to my bathroom. I sat on the edge of the tub. I still didn't get why he wouldn't just let me tell her.
"Gee, can you really help?" I asked curiously. The blood had stopped but the smell of blood made me feel like I wanted to throw up.
He nodded and grabbed a rag, standing on his tip-toes to get the cloth in the water.
He walked over to me and grabbed my hand, starting to gently rub it over the spots where blood had started drying.
He then grabbed my other hand and wiped it off, dumping the rag on the floor with the rest of my family's dirty laundry.
I sniffled, seeming suprised at how he knew what to do.
"Thank you, Gee."
"You're welcome, Frankie," He said, giving me another hug.
I smiled and sniffled once more.
I must be six.
'Afraid of the dark'. Everyone is gonna call me a wuss. Even Gerard.
I started crying from the thought, hot tears beginning to stain my face again.
"What's wrong, Frankie?" Gerard asked, sitting beside me and rubbing my back softly.
"Nothing, you'll think I'm a baby."
"You're my bestest friend in the whole wide world, I wouldn't call you mean names. Ever," he finished, wrapping his arms around me.
"Really?"
"Yes."
I sniffled and whined, leaning my head against his shoulder once he sat back up.
"I'm afraid of the dark," I mumbled, looking at him.
"That's okay, Frankie, we're all afraid of something," He said, smiling at me. "Dont cry, Frankie." He started to wipe the tears away and I smiled sadly at him.
"Okay," I said quietly.
Before I could tell his lips were against my cheek, placing a kiss there. Why was Gerard kissing me? I didn't pull away though.
But aren't only boys and girls supposed to kiss?
He pulled away and smiled at me. I felt my face get hot at what happened.
"Why'd you do that for?"
"Because you were upset..." He started, seeming saddened that nothing happened. "I-I thought it'd make you feel better..." He trailed off, bringing his knees to his chest. "Everytime my mommy gets upset, daddy kisses her and everything is okay again."
My face brightened and I smiled at him.
"It worked, Gee," I replied, hugging him. I leaned up and placed a kiss to his cheek. His face started to go red and I chuckled. "Your face changes colors."
He chuckled and smiled at me.
Maybe we could do something different.
Boys and Girls didn't have to kiss all the time because they loved eachother. Boys could kiss boys. Especially if it was to make eachother feel better.
I stared at Gee's short brown hair and soft lips. How much they helped and how great they felt pressed against my cheek.
××× 17 years old ×××
I started to stir as I heard the sound of a hard tapping. I sat up, rubbing my eyes and turning my lamp on.
Jesus Christ, it's probably a fucking mouse or something.
I should just go back to sleep.
But the tapping got louder and once I looked over I realised Gerard was at my window, perched on the edge outside.
That's a big fucking mouse, one I don't want to deal with.
I crawled out of bed, walking over to the window but not opening it, completely aware of the rain outside. Why was he here? All it could be is bad news.
Gerard looked wet, very wet, hair splattered across his face in weird angles and his hood over his head, blocking half his face. He looked upset and eagerly mouthing a 'please' as he stared up at me.
I didn't want to open the window.
I didn't want to talk to him.
But I did it anyway...
He grunted as he stepped a leg through, finally crawling through, my face pulling the best pissed-off look I could with him in his current state. It was always hard to be mad at Gerard when he gives you those sad looks. He doesn't even do it on purpose.
"Frank," he started, panting heavily and reaching towards me, but I backed away.
"Don't touch me," I said quietly, ignoring him and walking over to my drawers digging out a shirt and a pair of shorts of his. His that I kept, that I stole, that he let me wear and have. No matter how many times I wash them, they still smell like his exact cologne. I tossed his clothes at him and he caught them, giving me a sad look. "Don't pull that shit with me."
He looked down, frowning and started to zip down his jacket, sliding it off his shirt.
He knows that every time I'm always so gentle, too nice, and easy to push-over. It was only because every time he gave me that look, those lost, puppy-dog sad eyes, he knew I fell into this instant pity and forgiveness. And I'm tired of it. I'm so tired of acting like nothing is going on. Pretending nothing happened is only becoming an absent filler for what really happened.
"I'm sorry-"
"Shut up," I remarked quickly, staring him cold in the eyes as he stripped on the new, dry shirt. "Gerard, you do this every time."
"And I'm sorry!" He yelled in frustration.
"Keep your voice down," I spat in his face, coming up close to him. "I don't need my parents knowing you're in here, even less, knowing I'm talking to you."
He changed out of his pants, leaving them off, staying in his boxers.
"You are not staying the night-"
He interrupted me, by taking hold of head, keep me still and softly pressing his lips against mine. He's still so warm, and his lips are still so gentle-
"Stop," I grunted out, pushing on his chest and he backed off. "You can't keep doing this every time something happens," I said, my voice starting to crack with emotion. "We can't just kiss and pretend nothing happened, Gerard," I whined, sitting on the edge of my bed and tangling my fingers into my hair. Trying to refrain myself from crying. I just can't keep doing this with him, over and over.
I felt the bed sink beside me as he wrapped his fingers around my wrist and gently pulled on it, beckoning me to stop hurting myself.
"Okay, okay," I muttererd, dropping my hands. "I'm so... I'm so tired of pretending. My parents hate me enough because of you, I don't need you doing that anymore. Do you understand how this is affecting me, Gerard?"
"Yes," he said quietly. "And I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for ever starting this in the first place."
"Are you done?" I flashed out, looking at him. He stared at me, quite for a minute, in shock at my outburst, before replying.
"Yes, actually. I paid my debt. I'm done with everything."
"Seriously?" I asked, sniffling.
"Yes, Baby," he said softly, wrapping an arm around my waist and I wanted to jolt away, but I stayed planted in my spot on the bed. "Everything is okay, Frankie; please let us be okay." I clinched my eyes shut, trying to process if anything he was saying was true.
"Its going to take a while for me to forgive you," I said, brushing his hand off my shoulder.
"I'll wait." He tried to look at me, but I stayed looking down. "Frankie," He mumbled out breathlessly, placing kisses to the side of my face. "I miss you, Frankie."
"I missed you," I mumbled back. "I know I shouldn't forgive you, but I can't-" I started to shake, tears threatening to fall. "I can't stop loving you."
He smiled lightly and pulled me into his lap. He gently pushed my hair out of my eyes and kissed my forehead.
"Please don't cry," he said, holding me tightly against him as I buried my head into his neck. I felt a few tears slip through and as the flow started I couldn't seem to make it stop. So my body continued to shake and quiver, rattling with cries, praying that my whimpers and whines would stop. That at any moment, my parents would open the door and see him. "Frankie, shh," he coaxed, cradling me in his arms.
I wiped at my eyes and started to relax at the slow rocking.
I whimpered and wiped at my raw eyes, pulling away to look at him.
He pressed soft kisses to my lips, rubbing my back calmly.
"Its okay, Frankie," He clarified, sweetly tucking my hair behind my ears and kissing my temple. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
×××
a/n: I really struggled at the ily bc it kept autocorrecting to "Its live" and it was 3am and I was so done atm you have no idea. Anyway.,,
I feel like things weren't clear enough ((like at all)) so:
×Gerard is/was (now a retiring) drug dealer
×he used to have to use Frank's money (Frank would steal from his parents bank account, aka they have a big house) to be able to pay for gerards debt he owed from the drugs bc fronk cared)
×Frank's parents caught him taking the money and he was severely punished from ever interacting with gerard (Frank told his parents about the shit going on with da drugs and yeah, the fork was punished)
×Gerard almost gets charged by police for selling drugs, but none of the evidence was clear, so charges weren't pressed.
×btw: Gerard parents kinda don't give a fuhhhhhK about him so, that's what they were a doin.
×BUT NOW SHIT IS GOOD AND THEY LIVE IN PEACE AND HARMONY :)))))
this was also kinda cheesy like tf smh at myself bc for the first time I write something that's no brutal.