FIRST | Moonlight
MASYADONG mabilis ang mga pangyayari. Seungcheol didn't even notice he was already taking long, forceful strides to the younger, phone clutched angrily in his hand with the phone call long done. Saka lang niya napansin nang tuluyan na siyang malapit kay Jihoon, nakatapat ang kanyang mukha sa mukha ng nakababata at magkatama ang mga paningin. Ni hindi man lang niya alam kung bakit bigla na lang lumapit, basta na lang siya pinamayanihan ng inis kaya hindi na niya napigilan ang sarili. He swiped Jihoon's phone out of his hands and ended the call.
"O-Oy."
Tsaka niya isinilid ang phone ni Jihoon sa kanyang bulsa.
"Gusto mo 'kong makasama hindi ba?" matigas na tanong niya kay Jihoon tsaka kinuha ang kamay niya at hinila. "Then let's get this over with."
At magka-hawak kamay silang naglakad sa dilim papunta sa park.
Seungcheol didn't even know why he was dragging him in the first place, this, this Jihoon guy he barely knows. Pero alam niyang ito ang gusto nito. Gusto nga ni Jihoon si Seungcheol hindi ba? Paniguradong magugustuhan nito ang ginagawa niya ngayon, etong paghawak niya sa kanyang kamay at paghila sa kanya gaya ng mga nangyayari sa drama.
Kinilig na 'to, panigurado!
And to make sure he was now writhing in pure pleasure, Seungcheol looked back to steal a quick glance at Jihoon, trying to make out his face through that hoodie he was wearing.
Siguradong-sigurado si Seungcheol na nakangiti na ang Jihoon na 'to o kaya namumula sa sobrang kili—
Bakit wala siyang nakikitang ni katiting na emosyon sa mukha nito?
Seungcheol narrowed his eyes to make sure he's seeing things right. Pero 'yon pa rin ang nakikita niya. Isang cute na mukhang nakapoker face. Sa kabila ng taglay na ka-cute-an ni Jihoon, nangingibabaw pa rin ang blanko nitong ekspresyon na para bang hindi ito kayang magrehistro ng kahit anumang uri ng emosyon sa kanyang mukha. It was like a blank paper, a white slate, devoid of anything.
He can't tell anything, can't decipher his expression.
Masaya ba 'to sa ginagawa ko?
Tinagpo ni Jihoon ang kanyang tingin. "May problema?"
Binitawan ni Seungcheol ang kanyang kamay at huminto sa paglalakad. Halatang nalilito si Jihoon sa kanyang ginawa pero hindi siya nagsalita, imbes ay hinubad niya ang hood na suot ni Jihoon na para bang hinuhubad ang belo ng isang babaeng kinakasal.
They were in a darker part of the street, the part in between two lamp posts where very little to no light touches both of them. The moon's full and out though, providing them the light they needed.
At sapat lang ang ilaw na nagmumula sa buwan upang maaninag ni Seungcheol ang mukha ni Jihoon. His breath caught in his throat in a split second.
Cuter in dim light.
Noong unang beses niyang nakita si Jihoon sa balcony, nakasuot din ito ng hood kaya hindi niya masyadong naaninag ang mukha nito. Idagdag mo pa na hindi sila masyadong magkalapit nang gabing 'yon. Seungcheol couldn't even stare at him long and close enough then, but now he had this chance to stare up close, his eyes sweeping along Jihoon's slightly flushed nose and cheeks under the pretty moonlight.
Yup, definitely cuter in the moonlight.
Kumurap si Jihoon dahilan ng pagkurap din ni Seungcheol.
Then he remembered what was he gonna do in the first place.
Dahan-dahan niyang inilapit ang kanyang mukha sa mukha ni Jihoon. Much like when you're about to kiss someone.
Pero huminto siya ilang inches na lang ang layo nang makitang ni hindi man lang kumurap si Jihoon sa ginawa niya, hindi man lang pumikit o ano.
HINDI BA SIYA KINIKILIG?!
Seungcheol was starting to fume inside, because fuck, okay he was pretty sure anyone would get very flustered at this point because of what he's doing. Kahit sino naman siguro, mapa-lalaki man o babae ang re-react sa ginagawa niya ngayon, okay? Negative man o positive, as long as merong kahit anong reaction. Pero bakit parang wala lang talaga kay Jihoon ang lahat?!
Tao pa ba 'to?!
"May problema?" blankong tanong ni Jihoon sa kanya, hindi pa rin alintana ang lapit ng mga labi nilang dalawa. "May muta ba ako?"
Aba put—
Kaagad na lumayo si Seungcheol sa kanya, nakakunot ang noo sa sobrang pagkalito.
Pinagtitripan ba ako nito?
"Ano bang trip mo, Lee Jihoon?" medyo naiinis na tanong ni Seungcheol sa kanya.
He was getting a little frustrated now. First, the emotionless voice and the emotionless flirting. (Sino ba ang lumalandi nang walang kabuhay-buhay? Ano 'yon, lover zombie?) Now, the emotionless face. Hindi alam ni Seungcheol kung sadyang na kay Jihoon ba ang problema o nasa kanya. Hindi ba effective 'yong lean-lean na technique niya?
He felt like pouting. What, hindi ba gan'on kalakas ang kamandag niya? Psh.
Nakita niyang muling kumurap si Jihoon na para bang saka lang nagsink in sa kanya ang lahat. "Oh. Sorry. Were you looking for this?"
Bigla-bigla na lang hinila ni Jihoon ang kanyang braso at isinandal nito ang ulo niya sa kanyang balikat. Jihoon patted his head like a child, leaving Seungcheol buried into his shoulder, eyes widening. Hindi siya nakagalaw, nanatiling nanlalaki ang mga mata habang dinadama ang isang braso ni Jihoon sa kanyang beywang at ang isang kamay niyang hinihimas-himas ang kanyang ulo.
What the.
"Sorry, hindi ko agad narealize na gusto mo pala ng yakap," malumanay na bulong ni Jihoon sa kanya tsaka hinigpitan ang yakap nito sa kanya. "I was going to do this at the park but maybe you wanted to hug sooner."
Hindi umimik si Seungcheol at hinayaan lang ang nakababatang yakapin siya nang ganito.
"It's okay, Cheol. It's okay," Jihoon whispers into his ear in the most soothing voice he ever heard in his life. "There's always a next time."
Seungcheol didn't even realize he was talking about the basketball match he was frustrated about. Kanina, walang kasisidlan ang nararamdaman niyang disappointment at pagod. Nagpunta siya sa boulevard pagkatapos ng match na itinalo na naman niya para magpakalma, para magpalamig. He felt a little better after that, yes. But the bitter feeling remained like gray residue on his chest. Hindi pa rin niya lubusang maalis ang pait na kanyang nararamdaman dulot ng muling pagkatalo nito. The burden was still left on his shoulders, the burden of being the failure of a leader, the first ever captain of the academy's varsity to ever lost 11 times in a row against NCTU.
It's easy to say it's fine. It's alright.
Pero hindi ito madaling tanggapin. At least, not Seungcheol. Not by the leader who failed himself, who failed everyone else.
"It's okay. There's always a next time."
Seungcheol heard that a hundred times already. Ilang beses na niyang naramdaman ang mga tapik sa balikat at nakita ang mga maliliit na ngiti mula sa kanyang mga kasama pagkatapos ng bawat laro. Gasgas na gasgas na 'to.
"It's okay to lose," Jihoon whispered on. "Atleast you did your best, right? My Cheollie did his best. You worked hard, Cheol."
Hindi umimik si Seungcheol, ramdam na ramdam niya ang pagsisikip ng kanyang dibdib. He buried his face deeper into Jihoon's shoulder very slightly, hopefully the smaller won't notice it.
No, Jihoon. He thought bitterly. I didn't.