dear toni,
it's pathetic writing to you.
like this, especially.
when we both have phones. i guess it's harder to hide behind digital codes than handwritten words.
i miss you so much.
i feel terrible writing that, i hate all you've done to me, all you've put me through. i hate you for everything you gave me then.
i think about then a lot, when you were still early into your career. then when you used to text me late at night, still getting used to the sleeplessness that came with regular flights, liminal hotel rooms and hits of jet lag. i can hear it now, the phone ringing. you're calling me, telling me you missed my voice.
baby, what changed? because i know it wasn't me.
why don't you do the same now?
love
from munich.
—
[ authors note ]
-i last edited this in 2018 and it's almost 2023 so....
it's an epistolary style ficlet.