There was still no sign of Dan when I woke the next morning, and I was starting to feel a little guilty for not doing anything about it.
I made it to work at around 8am since I had no classes, and Ben instantly placed a mug of coffee in my hand.
"Thank you," I said.
He nodded. "I'll be at the back sorting through some paper work."
"Wait," I called, "what should I do today?"
"Serve our first customer, perhaps?"
I frowned and parted my lips to speak but he'd already shut the door behind him.
I turned around and an old woman walked in through the door.
Right.
I spent the morning like that, helping all sorts of people around the store.
The old woman was looking for a gift, a middle aged man bought a grandfather clock that took almost an entire wall, and a woman who constantly had her hand over her swollen stomach ran the tips of her fingers against a hand painted crib.
As I watched from a distance, I started to notice things.
The look on people's faces when they found something interesting, the gleam in their eyes, their outstretched fingers, the delicate smiles on their lips. When they bought things; their friendly smiles as they handed me their money, the careful way they handled their new goods. And when they wanted things they couldn't have they would smile sadly, lift it from its place on one of the shelves, and then replace it before moving along.
At some point in the morning, Ben crawled outside the backroom to place a record on the gramophone, and the soft, elegant sound of violins moved around the room. He went back into the room, and as I sat behind the counter, I felt as if I'd traveled back in time. Everything already looked old, but the music did something that the other inanimate objects failed to do. It made it seem real.
My shift ended in the late afternoon. I said goodbye to Ben and walked away from the store, wondering where to go next.
My phone beeped. An email from Nate.
I felt the usual tug at my heart strings, but I ignored the notification, thinking that I needed to take a break and how proud Raphael would be if he'd heard me say that.
A sudden idea sprung in my mind and I walked the rest of the way knowing where I was heading.
But when I got to the tea shop, had some tea, and snuck around to the back, I didn't see Raphael on the ground, his head resting against the trash can.
Frowning, I thought maybe he was actually doing his job inside, but I texted him to ask of his whereabouts anyway.
What, you're obsessed with me already?
Just curious
It's my day off
In the middle of the week?
I get Sunday off too if you must know
What are you up to?
With some friends
You have friends?
Fuck off
Ouch
My phone buzzed in my hand and Raphael's name flashed on my screen.
"What do you want?" his voice sounded muffled in my ear.
It still felt odd to hear it through my phone. I liked how close it felt to my ears.
"I just wanted to check up on you. Didn't find you rolling up cigarettes at the back."
"I have a life."
"You do?"
"Why does that surprise you so much? You're the one pinning over someone you can't have."
I heard someone snort in the background and Raphael cursed at them before I heard the sound of a door slam shut.
"Oh, you're alone now?" I asked.
He hummed. "Is this how one initiates phone sex?"
"I wouldn't know."
"That's too bad, I always thought it'd be interesting to try it out."
"You're joking."
"Partially."
I chuckled. "I mean, I'm free you are."
"No thanks. I want to try it, but not with you."
"You're unusually cruel today."
I heard him sigh.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and something dropped out of the tone he'd been using ever since he called.
"Tell me what's up."
"It's nothing. Must've slept on the wrong side of the bed."
"Tell me about your day, then."
He groaned. "You start."
"I didn't do much. I just left the store and stopped by the tea shop. Thanks for that, by the way."
"For what?"
"The job."
He paused. "You're welcome."
"So? Your turn."
Raphael told me of his friends picking him up, swinging by for breakfast, stopping to trash a few parks, smoking by the parks, setting fire to old underwear.
"You're insane," I stated. "Like teenagers."
"Probably."
Neither of us said anything for a while, and I concentrated on the sound of his breathing, calmly, gently.
"How's Nate?" he asked.
I swallowed. "Got an email from him a few minutes ago. Haven't read it yet."
"Why not?"
"I just don't feel like it. Hearing him talk about his life when I can't be there to see it for myself. Actually I...I haven't thought about him much before I got the email. I'm trying to forget about him."
"Is that why you're talking to me? To forget about him?"
"What? No."
"I find that hard to believe. I think you called me because you needed a distraction. Another body. Another boy. That's why Scarlet isn't good enough for you."
"That's not true."
"No? Look, Jake. I don't blame you. I get it, and I don't mind it. If having me around makes you feel better then what kind of person would I be if I deprived you of that?"
I clenched the phone tightly in my hand. "That isn't what this is about."
"You want me? To touch me? Kiss me?"
"I do but you made it clear that I should stay away and I will."
"I don't want you to stay away."
"Raphael-"
"No, listen. It's okay if I'm helping you get over Nate."
"I don't want to use you. I like more than just your face or your body. I like you."
"As a friend."
I bit my lower lip, and that slight pause, that slow reaction, that second of hesitation, cost everything.
"It's okay," he said. "I have to go. My friends and I..."
"Right. I'll talk to you soon."
I moved the phone away from my ear, stuffed it in my pocket, and tried to push away the feeling of dread that slowly seeped into my stomach.
—
Late lunch?
I stared at my phone, it beeped just a few minutes after I put it away in my pocket.
You owe me one, anyway
I know. I'll text you the address
I met up with Scarlet for lunch at a tiny restaurant near her apartment.
She smiled as I sat down across from her. "How's Raphael?"
"Really? That's the first think you're going to say to me?"
Her eyes widened and so did her smile. "I sense some drama."
"Mind reader."
She sighed wistfully. "I wish."
"Raphael is just a friend."
"Who you'd like to sleep with at any given time of day."
"I do not."
"Save the act. My place tonight?"
I raised my eyebrows.
She smiled again. "What? You're already growing bored of me?"
"No, that was just...You don't mind?"
"That you like boys?"
"No, that I'm not over Nate."
"Jake," she said, "you're not my boyfriend."
"Yeah, but it doesn't bother you?"
"Why should it?"
I shrugged. "It bothers Raphael."
She laughed. "Raphael likes you."
"He doesn't. We just met, he barely knows me"
"Really? Fine, let's say you're right. But he still wants something from you. He still finds something in you that intrigues him. Why else would he feel threatened by your ex?"
The waiter swung by just in time, taking out orders and saving me from having to answer Scarlet's question.
"Look," she began, "you're my friend, and I'm starting to like you. As a friend. Therefore, I'm starting to care about you. And friends give other friends relationship advice."
"I did not sign up for this-"
"So, I think, you should get to know Raphael a little better. Talk to him. Understand how he feels about all this."
"What is all this?"
"Your alleged friendship."
"It's not alleged."
"Well, it's not authentic either."
The waiter placed my glass of coke on the table and I grasped at it, using it as an excuse not to reply.
"Fine," Scarlet said. "You two can figure it out on your own. Now tell me, is it true that you have a job?"
"How the hell did you know?"
She winked. "I hear Ben pays well."
I shook my head. "You're a witch."
"No, I just know how to stalk."
I spent most of the next half hour describing my job to Scarlet, who seemed more amused at the fact that Raphael helped me get it than anything else.
"I'll be free at around 8pm if you'd still like to stop by," she said as we shared the bill.
"We'll see," I said.
She smiled, knowing full well that I would be there.
And I was.
I arrived at her apartment just a few minutes after eight, and she let me in through the door wearing a pair of sweats, a tank top, and her hair in a messy bun.
"I hope you like Indian," she said, taking plastic containers out of a plastic bag.
"I eat everything."
"Me too. Well, except tuna. I don't like tuna."
"How can you not like tuna?"
"It smells."
"That is the weakest argument I've ever heard."
"Shut up and pick up something to eat."
I joined her by the couch, trying to forget the things we did on it the last time I swung by.
"Maybe the kitchen is a better idea," she said after a while.
"I'm so glad you said it first," I responded, and we picked up our food and moved to the table in her kitchen.
We talked of mundane things, like the odd people Scarlet met in college, or some of my embarrassing childhood moments.
Scarlet brought out a few bottles of beer from the fridge and we moved back to the living room where Scarlet switched on the TV and we watched a few cartoons.
Half way through the fourth or fifth episode of Spongebob, I felt Scarlet shift closer to me, pressing her arm against mine.
Then her hand fell on my thigh as the credits rolled on the screen, the happy childish music playing in the background.
She led me to her room, switching off the TV and the lights in her apartment. Then the lights in her room.
I pushed her against the bed, towering over her, loosening the tie around her hair and watching her rich, brown locks cascade gently past her shoulders. I ran my finger through them just as she arched her back to kiss me.
Things moved a lot faster after that, our breaths quickened, hearts raced, voices escaped.
Then it slowed down, Scarlet wrapped a sheet around her naked form and fell asleep.
While I laid there, slightly panting, as I rolled to the other side of the bed and stared off into the darkness.
—
"I'm sorry for using you," I blurted out to Scarlet the next morning.
She froze mid-stir, the tea spoon in her hand clinking quietly against her cup.
"Using me?"
"I mean, this," I spread my hands. "Whatever's between us."
"We're just fucking."
"I know, but-"
"Look, I don't care and it doesn't feel like you're using me. You're not hurting me. I knew what I got into the moment I did, it was my choice and I chose this."
I sighed. "Are you sure? We can stop. I don't mind if we stop."
"Seriously?" she raised her eyebrows. "I don't mind either, we can stop whenever you want us to but you should've told me last night was going to be our last."
"What difference does it make?"
She shrugged. "Would've made it more fun. Like a special parting thing."
I cracked a smile. "You're a great friend, Scarlet."
She rolled her eyes but was smiling anyway. "So that was our last time?"
"I don't know. Depends."
"On what?"
"If Raphael agrees to go out with me tonight."
"You're kidding."
"No, actually. I'm going to ask him when my shift is over."
She grinned. "Good luck."
"Thanks. I just need to talk to him. Convince him that I'm over Nate."
"Are you?"
"I'm not sure."
She frowned. "Then maybe you shouldn't ask him out just yet."
"But I like him."
"More than you like Nate?"
I couldn't reply.
"That's exactly my point," Scarlet said, placing her tea aside. "Talk to him, get to know him better, see that there are others out there. Nate is not the only person you'll ever love."
"I don't love him."
She ignored me. "Talk to him, be his friend first, then his partner."
I took in a deep breath. "Okay. Thank you, Scarlet."
"Anything for you, Jake."
I scrunched my nose and backed away as she tired to kiss me cheek.
"I need to go," I said reluctantly.
"You don't look very happy about that."
"It's nothing. I just hate my dorm."
She smiled sadly in understanding. "I know exactly how you feel. My dorm mate was a bitch."
"Mine is an asshole who doesn't know the definition of the word privacy. I've heard him have sex more than I can count with my hands and my feet."
She winced. "Gross."
"I know."
She sat up suddenly. "You can stay here if you'd like."
"What?"
"Here. Share the apartment with me."
"I couldn't. No, I really can't."
She rolled here eyes again. "If you feel guilty we can split the bills."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Because we occasionally have sex?"
"Because...I don't know. Are you sure?"
"Yes, a hundred precent. I know what it feels like to live with someone you don't like. Plus it gets really lonely around here sometimes. It's been a while since I lived with someone I can tolerate."
"I'll think about it. Thank you," I said.
"Don't stress. This could be so much fun. I'll get to redecorate the guest room. I've been looking for an excuse to do it."
"Don't get too excited. I still need to think it through."
She nodded. "Fine. Fair enough. You can bring whoever you want over, just so we're clear. I won't make things awkward."
"I appreciate it, Scarlet."
She beamed. "Now get your ass to school."
I glanced at the clock on her kitchen wall. "Oh, crap, I need to go."
She laughed as she watched me struggle to gather my things together, calling goodbye as I turned around and left through the front door.
Ew drama. I'm so glad I'm not in a relationship. Boys are dumb (some of them pls don't attack thanks)
Thanks for reading!