I woke up to an empty bed, quietly groaning as I rolled onto my back and stared at the unfamiliar ceiling.
I could hear the sound of the shower running in the bathroom connected to Scarlet's room, and slowly sat up in bed.
Scarlet showed up just as I tugged on yesterday's clothes and slipped on my shoes, in a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt, and her long hair in glistening waves.
She stood, rubbing a towel through her hair, and smiled. "Do you want to stay for breakfast?"
I froze.
She gave out an amused laugh. "It's okay. I'll just make us some toast and eggs. Do you like coffee with your breakfast?"
"Tea," I responded slowly.
She dropped her towel in a basket and I watched as she brushed a comb through her hair before braiding it back.
"Wanna help out?"
"You're really good at cooking."
I cleared my throat. "Sure."
She led the way and I followed her to her large kitchen, with counters aligned against the walls and a table for four near the center.
I stood awkwardly at one side and watched as she grabbed a small remote before music flowed out of the speakers around her apartment, a gentle melody I couldn't recognize.
She grabbed a pan and started with the eggs, then instructed me to pop in a few slices of bread into the toaster.
I leaned against the counter and listened to her converse about the most random things, like music, animals, food.
I scanned the apartment while she busied herself in the kitchen.
It reminded me of Nate's back home, modern, clean, organized. She had a similar looking desk as Nate's, with a computer perched on top just like his.
Except I remembered his had a pin board over it, with pictures of him and Devin even after what happened. He had a family picture pinned on it, too. And one of the two of us while we were still together.
I always envied that about him, how he could just move on like that while he'd left me in a puddle of my own self-pity.
Scarlet's apartment didn't smell like tea though, not until she brewed it. Then it was all I could think of. Tea. Nate. Nate and tea. Nate tasting like tea, smelling like tea, warm just like tea.
"You okay?"
I dragged myself out of my thoughts. "Fine."
"Sure?"
"A hundred precent." I flashed her a smile just in case.
Still looking unconvinced, she waited a few seconds before speaking again. "What do you do?"
"Still in college," I said.
She asked me a few more questions, and when she was done cooking and stirring sugar in our cups of tea (on cubes for me and two for her) we ate at the kitchen table and conversed there.
I could see why I'd been so entranced by her the previous night. She looked absolutely beautiful, even with all her makeup scrubbed away. Under the natural morning light that bled through her ceiling high windows, her skin practically glowed. Her hair shined a perfect shade of chestnut, her dark, brown eyes glittering below her full eyebrows.
After breakfast, Scarlet typed her number onto my phone. "Call me, if you'd like. I need more friends."
I smiled. "I'll make sure to do that."
Satisfied, she rose on the tips of her toes and pressed a kiss against my lips, splaying a hand across my chest for added support. She was shorter when she wasn't in her heels. "I'll get the door for you."
I muttered a thanks and followed her to the door, then pulled it open and waved goodbye to me.
I took the elevator down and stepped out the apartment building, only then noticing how far she lived from my college.
Dread pooled in my stomach at the thought of going back to the dorms. Considering that I did consume more alcohol that previous night than I'd initially planned, my headache did nothing to make me feel better.
I walked down the streets, down the city, moving closer towards the town, leaving Scarlet and all of last night behind me.
Until I found a tea shop and my heart clenched in my chest.
Without a second thought, I wandered in and took a seat by the window.
It was a modern-style kind of tea shop. Clean with sharp edges, large windows on three out of four of the walls. The square-shaped tables were paired with two stools each.
A waiter walked up to me and took my order of camomile tea.
It reminded me so much of Nate that I could practically feel it. It smelled like him, and when the waiter set my cup of tea in front of me, it tasted like him, too.
I couldn't stop thinking about it. Just like I couldn't stop when I was at Scarlet's apartment.
I couldn't stop thinking about how perfectly well Nate brewed his tea, just the right combination of sweet. How he smelled like cinnamon on some days and jasmine on others. How he sometimes added milk to his tea and other times left every other ingredient out but boiling water and a tea bag.
He liked his tea scalding, I remembered. He was used to drinking it so much that he finally became immune to the burns it left on his tongue.
I felt an itch to send him a picture of the place, a picture of my tea. To show him that he was always here, he would always be wherever I went. I would always find something to remind myself of the times we spent together.
Then I thought of us together, because last night was too much. Last night was too soon. It was too Nate. Everything about it. The more I thought of it, the more it made sense.
Scarlet's chestnut hair, whilst not the same shade as Nate's hair, was still brown. Her apartment was still an apartment. Still an apartment with ceiling high windows, expensive furniture, and a flat screen.
Last night with Scarlet's legs wrapped around me.
I wished they were Nate's.
I wished I was with Nate. I wished it wasn't Scarlet no matter how horrible that sounds. I still wanted it to be him because I was obsessed with Nate.
I was obsessed with the memory of him beneath me, his lips pressed hard against mine, my tongue in his mouth, our hands in each others hair, our hips pressed tight, our chests bare and hearts beating erratically.
What went wrong?
It could have been Nate last night, but it wasn't and it made my heart clench painfully before easing off slowly.
I paid for my tea and got up.
Then I found myself walking to the back of the shop because my heart was suddenly heavy in my chest.
Suddenly I couldn't breathe.
I was at the back alley, back pressed against the wall, face contorted with pain as I struggled to catch my breath.
It was dumb.
I was dumb.
"You okay there?"
I glanced sharply to my left.
A man sat on the floor in a worn out t-shirt, ripped jeans, and a slightl apron, rolling a cigarette in his hands. He was leaning against a large, green garbage can, piled high with plastic bags.
He didn't really seem interested in my well being, I could tell because he made no move to get up. Instead, he remained on the ground there. He continued to roll another cigarette.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
His eyebrows shot up. "Want one?"
I shook my head. "No, thanks."
"You okay?" he repeated his earlier question.
"I'm fine."
"All right." He pulled himself to his feet and brushed his fingers against his clothes. "Have a good 'un."
I watched him disappear into the "Staff Only" door that lead into the tea shop, tucking the cigarettes into his back pocket.
He'd left before I could give him a quick scan. I'd already forgotten how he looked like by the time the door swung shut behind him.
I walked away towards my dorm.
The mere thought of it made me sick all over again. I couldn't stand the thought of being in the same room as Dan anymore. I didn't want to see him or his girlfriend. If she was still his girlfriend.
I didn't want to stay in the same room as him, crammed in there like I was living in a sardine can.
Slowly, I dragged my feet towards the building anyway.
I needed to get an apartment, but I barley had enough money as it was. I was saving. I had been saving for a while, but I still didn't pick up a job since the one I had during winter break and it was eating away at my pocket money.
I had some from when I tutored Nate but it wasn't enough.
I almost ran out of that money.
I tried tutoring others at my university but they were just as broke as I was.
So I dragged myself to the building, into my dorm where I ignored Dan and his partner, and plugged my earphones in.
I needed to find a job, I needed to get over Nate, and I needed to call Scarlet. The latter because that breakfast really was great, and I couldn't imagine having to never eat it again.
My thoughts lingered towards getting over Nate. One thing I'd seen repeated over all the articles I'd read was finding someone else.
Scarlet.
I shook the thought away. I barely knew her. I knew what she liked in bed but that was as far as it got between us.
I would call her because she seemed too nice not to.
I just wouldn't make any more promises.
Part of me thought that perhaps I was doing that because I wanted to avoid being with anyone else, and that part of me made sense because it sounded pretty accurate.
I allowed myself to relax for a while, lose myself in the music.
I had work to catch up on before Monday, but before that I needed time to myself. Or as much as I could have with Dan in the bed beside me, smirking at something on his phone as soon as the girl left.
I set up an alarm on my phone and shut my eyes.
My dad used to write poetry and he wouldn't let anyone read it except, like, my mom. Wow, dad. Smooth. So, ahem, you should totally date me cause genetics=I'll write you romantic poems. Probably won't be as good as my dad (apparently he was REALLY good) but heyyyy *winks like there's something in my eye*
Why am I like this.
Thanks for reading. Short chapter, but longer one soon!