Jeff: Hi, I'm Jeff!
Canty: And I'm Canty!
Jeff: And you're watching the ILP Olympics!
Canty: Today, WE'RE the commentators!
Jeff: And we're forcing Dess and Eruva to compete in some events!
Dess: HELP US
Eruva: Come on, I need to get back to band practice!
Jeff: NO! You'll have to pass the challenges to get out!
Dess: *grumbles* This was supposed to be an actual Olympics thing...
Canty: Says the person who only wrote three chapters!
Dess: HUSH
Jeff: Anyways, our first challenge will be JUMPING THROUGH A RING OF FIRE!!!
Sockmuffin: *in the background* FIIIIIIIIIIIIREEEE
Dess: ANYTHING BUT FIRE
Eruva: Don't worry, Dess. we'll-
Canty: NO ALLIANCES!
Dess: Well, I've had a good life. Eruva, if you survive, split up my notebooks and-
Eruva: You're not going to die!
Jeff: I hope she does.
Eruva: SHUT UP, JEFF! Anyways, just do what I do-
Canty: *eating popcorn*
Eruva: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEE *runs up and leaps through ring* AHHHH WHAT EVEN WHY IS THIS A THING I CAN'T- *lands* See? Easy!
Dess: ...okay, if you insist... *starts running* AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEE- wait, how many E's do I add? OH SWEET SAURON ON A BBQ STICK- *essentially falls through the ring* ASDFGHJKL FIIIREEE NONONONONOOOO- wait, am I alive?
Eruva: Yep!
Dess: CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON
Jeff: NO SINGING!
Canty: *sighs* How come they both survived?
Jeff: Probably because Dess is the author or something like that.
Canty: Well, that's boring!
Jeff: I know...but their next task won't be!
Canty: Dess and Eruva will be... SWIMMING THROUGH FIVE CONNECTED OLYMPIC POOLS!
Eruva: Oh, that isn't so bad!
Jeff: WITH A SHARK CHASING AFTER THEM!
Eruva: ANYTHING BUT SHARKS
Canty: MUAHAHAHA!
Dess: Wow, so those childhood fears weren't as irrational as I thought!
Eruva: That's nOT A GOOD THING
Dess: Alright, I'll distract it while you get over.
Eruva: But then...how will you get over?
Dess: I want to punch a shark
Eruva: ...oooookay. Ready?
Dess: Yep! *jumps in* EY, SHARK! FIGHT ME
Eruva: *dives in and starts swimming* AIIIIHHHEEEEEEEIIIIAIIEIEIEEEHAIAIHEEEE
Jeff: Swimming and screaming at the same time?
Canty: You have to admit, that's pretty impressive.
Dess: FIGHT MEEEE *swims at shark*
Shark: *lunges at Dess*
Dess: *slaps forehead* Oh, right! I forgot that I'm kinda scared of sharks too! AIIIIHHHEEEEEEEIIIIAIIEIEIEEEHAIAIHEEEE
Eruva: *from the other end of the pool* I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK
Dess: NEEEEAR, FAAAAR, WHEREEEEEEVERRRR YOU AREEEEE...
Canty: Singing, screaming, and swimming! Impressive, but I WANNA SEE SOMEONE GET TORN APART HERE
Jeff: Well, hopefully that'll happen in our final challenge:
Canty: TAKE THE ONE RING TO MOUNT DOOM! Wait, wrong thing...um...ah, here we go! You must...FIGHT THE DREADED JEFF 2.0!
Dess: Wait, what?
*floor opens and a giant, metal, spiked Jeff emerges*
Jeff 2.0: PREPARE. TO. DIE.
Jeff: Wow, I like this thing!
Eruva: WHAT THE HECK, DESS?
Dess: I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS
Canty: Let the fight BEGIN!
Jeff 2.0: *runs at Dess and Eruva*
Dess: Don't worry, I have a plan!
Eruva: What?
Dess: I need you to whistle an E, an F, and a A flat.
Eruva: *whistles*
Dess: ...Ru, those are clarinet notes.
Eruva: Then why don't you do it?
Dess: I can't whistle!
Eruva: Seriously?
Dess: NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR THIS CONVERSATION!
Eruva: Okay, okay, let me think...
[insert suspenseful music as Eruva transposes some notes and Dess tries to hold off Jeff 2.0}
Eruva: I'VE GOT IT! *whistles*
Epic the Shark: *jumps out of pool and grows wings*
Eruva: WHAT?
Dess: Author perks!
Canty: STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL!
Epic the Shark: *shoots laser beams out of his eyes at Jeff 2.0*
Eruva: Really? You couldn't have chosen a less cliche move?
Dess: Hey, you try writing when a giant robot pineapple is attacking you!
Epic the Shark: *roars and charges at Jeff 2.0*
Jeff 2.0: *explodes*
Dess: WE DID IT!
Eruva: Did that shark just roar?
Jeff: NOOOOO
Canty: *sighs* I guess we'll have to wait until 2018 for some death...
Jeff: Well, I'm Jeff the Pineapple-
Canty: And I'm Canty the Cantaloupe!
Jeff, Canty, Dess, and Eruva: And we'll see you all in the closing ceremony!
[ya'll are so good at picking out music. :)]