"He was 6. He was the funniest, smartest and cutest kid I had ever known. He believed in happy endings. He believed that our mum would come back and that we'd never separate again. He believed that our dad would stop marrying random women, stop saying that he loved them and the breaking up with them. I let him think that. I didn't want anything bad for him. Ever. It broke my heart every time he would cry over the neighbours or his friends at school having perfect families and him not having one. He was the only kid that never asked for chocolate or toys or games for Christmas. He only asked for his family to be perfect. But instead of getting a perfect family for Christmas, he got cancer. My mum took all the money from my dad when they got a divorce. I begged him to try everything he could to save my brother from dying. He didn't try. Instead, he told me that it was way too expensive for treatment. When my brother died, my dad didn't grieve, instead, he seemed relieved. He was relieved that he didn't have to pay for another being." Brandon let out a bitter laugh. I could see the rage inside him. He was trying to hold it all in, but I knew all he wanted to was to let it all out. I opened my mouth to say something but he continued.
"A few months after, when I turned 11, he suddenly had the money and power to do anything he wanted. I didn't know how he got it. I still don't know. I asked him a myriad of times but he refused to tell me. He started spending more time at his work saying that he had meetings to attend and huge deals to confirm. He would be gone for weeks and would leave me with his wife, his wife that he would change every week. Right now Jamie is his ninth wife, including my mum. I was glad that he would be gone, I grew up loathing him for the actions he carried out when my brother died."
I didn't know what to say. I really didn't know what to say. I was completely speechless. He was ten when this had happened. I understand why Brandon is the way he is. His brother was a ball full of hope. He was the sweetest kid alive and he got diagnosed with cancer. Brandon had lost all his hope because of that incident. His brother was his hope and when he died Brandon was absolutely devastated and broken.
"I'm so sorry, Brandon." He looked up at me. He was emotionless. Completely devoid of any emotion. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say so I got up and just held on to his hand, hoping to give him the feeling that I understood. He seemed surprised at my sudden movement, but he didn't say anything.
After a minute of silence, he faced me and his expression sent an icy chill down my spine. He no longer had the soft eyes that he had when he was talking about his brother, Kai. Instead, his whole expression turned hard.
"If you tell anyone about this I swear you won't make it to see another sunrise." I don't know why but this relieved me. He no longer looked like he felt broken. He seemed normal. Well, Brandon kinda normal. He was back to his jerk self but I felt happy. I don't know why. Maybe because I had spent so much time with him that I had gotten used to it and found it weird when he had an expression on other than stoic.
"But I thought that the group already knew."
"Listen, Kate, I don't just normally tell everyone my sob story. I don't trust anyone. I told you so it was fair when I asked you yours. And I am dead serious, if you tell anyone, you will die."
I responded by nodding. I felt hurt that he said he didn't trust me. But when he said that he didn't, I saw a glint of a lie in his eyes. I felt that he was trying to convince himself that he didn't trust me but ended up miserably failing.
I wanted to ask him how it felt to open up. I wanted to ask him if it felt as good as what people said it to be. I wanted him to tell me that it was really like taking a heavyweight of your shoulders. If I told him, he would unravel the whole thing and figure it out. I didn't need him to do that. I just needed him to give me some confidence about opening up. But instead, he asked me the question that he wanted a legitimate answer to.
"Why did you have a panic attack?"
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