I've been in a relationship with him for 4 years. I don't even know if it would be considered a relationship. Everything is just purely physical. No emotions involved, at least, for him. From the beginning, he firmly told me that he's not the type of man to get into a commitment, and that I shouldn't expect too much from him because all he wants from me is the physical pleasure I give him, just the sex. I just complied with all of his conditions, and besides, I get pleasure from it too. He provides me with my daily needs, and he even pays me each day that I got to miss my work just because he wants me to stay at his place for a few days so I have no reason to complain. In short, I'm his personal whore. We're lovers when we're in bed, complete strangers again after the sex.
You can call me an idiot, foolish, or whatever insulting words you can ever think of, but I'm secretly in love with him. For me, our nights of shared lusts aren't just sex. For me, it's love making. Every passionate moment we share is special for me, because it's the only way I can feel that he loves me too, even if it's just purely pretention, even if it's just an act of lust. I'll let him use me anytime he wants, it's painful, but I'm happy. Just being with him is enough.
Once, I tried to talk to him if he can consider having a serious relationship with me. But he just got mad and shouted at me, telling me my mind is full of nonsense thoughts. He kept on repeating the words 'I'll never, ever love you so be contented of what we have'. I cried the whole night after that incident, and just decided not to hope too much even if I'm madly in love with him. I'll just keep these suppressed emotions to myself, and maybe, someday I might accept the truth eventually that nothing will change between us. All we have will be forever physical. I wonder when these useless feelings will disappear. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of waiting, but still, I can't stop loving him. I can't stop loving Gray Fullbuster.
One Friday night, he called me from work and told me that he wants me to go to his place and spend the night there, and also spend the whole weekend with him. Of course I quickly gave my yes to him. We have been doing this for four years, but I'm still getting excited to see him after being tired from work. I'm tired, but just thinking about spending time with him gives me a boost of energy.
I quickly went to his apartment and opened the door with the spare key he gave me. As soon as I entered, he quickly slammed the door, pinned me to the wall and kissed me with pure hunger. Everything was so fast that I didn't have time to react. His hot kisses are already burning me, his right hand snaking under my short skirt and lightly caressing my thighs. I rested my palms against his naked chest, and then slowly went downward until they reached the buttons of his pants and I unbuttoned them. His lips now crawled to my neck, licking and sucking every inch of my skin.
"Juvia . . . What took you so long?" he asked in rapid breathing. "Don't make me wait, especially when I'm so horny like this." He continued. He began to unbutton my blouse, revealing my skin-toned, push up bra.
"I'm sorry. . . I had too much . . . work . . . in the office." I apologized in between moans. He already removed my skirt, leaving me only in my undergarments, including my black hold ups. I quickly unzipped his pants and pushed it down, now leaving him only in his boxer briefs.
"Let's . . . go to the . . . bed, Gray." I whispered to him. But he still continued to lick and kiss me.
"No . . . Let's do it here. I can't wait anymore, Juvia. I want to put my cock inside you so badly now." he spoke in a low voice as he started to unhook my bra, threw it somewhere and massaged my breasts.
"Aahh, Gray . . . it'll just take a minute . . . to go there . . ." I said as I gently ran my palms against his rock hard, clothed manhood.
"Fuck! Juvia it feels so good. Damn!" he cursed as he licked my sensitive nipple and his left hand still massaging my breast. Then slowly, his right hand traveled from my thighs up to the waistband of my panties. "Every minute counts, Juvia. I don't want to waste it." He continued as he slowly pulled down my panties. The only clothing I have now is my black hold ups. His lips returned to mine and our tongues met, tasting each other's uncontrollable lusts.
His hand traveled towards my dripping, wet womanhood and his index finger lightly rubbed my sensitive clit. I moaned loudly with pure pleasure.
"Shit, you're crazy wet Juvia." He whispered seductively. His voice is so sexy I think I'm gonna climax. "Let's skip the foreplay, I really can't hold it in anymore." He continued. He quickly stripped the last clothing in his body, finally showing his proud member, lifted my left leg and parted my legs. He first rubbed his shaft against my wet opening, covering him with my dripping juices. And then without any warning, he quickly slid his hard cock deep inside me, filling me up. "Fuck! Still so tight Juvia!" he growled. Not bothering to start slow, his fast thrusting is already sending me in an unbelievable euphoria.
"Gray . . .! Oh my God Gray!" I keep on moaning and chanting Gray's name endlessly as he keeps on thrusting inside me faster and faster. The friction created by his cock rubbing my insides makes my toes curl. He continued to hit my G-spot repeatedly that I think I won't last long. My nails are already digging Gray's back as I felt myself getting near to my climax. My insides are already tightening.
"Juvia . . . Juvia . . . Damn! Your insides are so hot! You're getting tighter Juvia! Fuck, I'm going to . . ." he hissed as he kept on pounding me. I'm nearing to my orgasm too. "I can't hold it in Juvia . . . I'm gonna cum!" he screamed as we both reached climax, he finally came inside me, spilling his seed.
It didn't end there. After pulling out his manhood, he quickly carried me, went inside his bedroom and dropped me on the bed.
"I won't let you sleep tonight Juvia." He whispered to my ear as he climbed on top of me. "I hope you still have enough stamina to last until morning." He continued. When he tells me that, my heart starts to race. Maybe it's just sex for him, but for me, it's like he's telling me that he'll love me until morning comes. Yes, I'm crazy, but that's how desperate I am to feel his love. I feel really happy when he tells me that. Even if my body becomes all sore and painful in the morning, I don't mind. It'll heal anyway. What's important to me is he needs me, nothing more.
The following morning, my body feels so sore that I can't even stand. From last night, we had sex for hours until midnight, he just let me rest for 30 minutes, and after that, we continued until dawn. My body is full of love bites and my lips and nipples are swollen. There is really a time when Gray is in heat that he really fucks me senseless for God knows how long. And I really love it when he keeps on moaning my name over and over until he reaches his climax. Just hearing his voice say my name brings me to cloud nine.
I stared at his sleeping face and kissed him. I'm happy, but at the same time, I'm sad. We've been like this for four years, and I thought that somehow, he'll have some special feelings for me. I'm hoping that a time will come he will suddenly propose to marry me and say that he loves me. But, after all this time, his attitude never changed. He never showed other emotions to me besides lust. I never saw his happy face, or his sad face. He doesn't talk to me that much, and he doesn't tell me anything about him. Because whenever I bother to ask, he gets mad, and tells me it's none of my business. I don't even know if he brings home other girls aside from me.
Gray slowly opened his eyes. "Good morning." I greeted him. "Good morning." He greeted back with his deep, sexy voice. He stood up and went inside the bathroom. I sat up, covering my naked body using the bed covers. I hope he'll let my body recover first before he jumps into me again. My body is painfully sore right now.
Gray then got outside of the bathroom and climbed back on the bed. He kissed me, it means he wants a morning sex.
"Gray . . . my body is sore right now. Can we do it a bit later?" I said.
"But I want it right now. Just endure it Juvia." He said and he continued to kiss me, gently pushing me to lie down on the bed. I really love him too much, I can't refuse. I let him ravage me again that morning. If this goes on until tomorrow, I don't think I can go to work the next day.
After that morning sex, he let me sleep for some more as he prepared our breakfast. Then after eating, he told me to just stay in bed as he does his unfinished work at his personal office because he wanted my body to recover fast so I would be ready for when we'd do it again tonight, just like last night. I don't even know what his job is. But I can tell that he earns big, judging from where he lives, how he dresses, how he acts and how he pays me. Yeah, you can say I'm sleeping with a total stranger for four years. I didn't even bothered to investigate about him, he just said it's better that I don't know anything because it'll be a big bother for him to tell me. And besides, I'm not someone significant to him that he should explain himself.
As what he'd instructed, I just stayed in his bed and rested. When I woke up, it's already dark, I think I overslept. But my body has already recovered so I stood up from the bed and took a peek inside his office; I saw that he's in front of his laptop, still working. I quietly entered inside.
"Gray, your work's still not done?" I asked him. He turned to look at me.
"About to get done. I'm tired." He answered briefly.
"I'll massage you." I said as I quickly went to him and massaged his shoulders. It seems he started to relax when I massaged him so it kinda makes me proud.
"Thanks Juvia." He just said. It's like I'm a wife massaging her husband. I quickly blushed at the thought. I really want him to be my husband. If only he can have even a bit of special feelings for me.
"Gray?"
"Yes?"
"Well . . . We have been doing this for four years. . . I just want to ask if there's a chance we can have a-"
"Juvia, stop it. How many times do I have to tell you that I'll never love you?"
"I'm sorry. I just thought that maybe you'd change your mind."
"I'll never change my mind! Stop talking nonsense! I clearly told you that sex is all I want from you!" he shouted to me. As I thought, he'll get mad again if I mention about it.
"Do you have another girl besides me?" I asked timidly.
"I'm not paying you to ask me personal questions!"
Every word that he said struck my heart painfully. It's so painful. It hurts. I know I have no right to be jealous, and I even don't have the right to be hurt. But I can't stop it. I'm really an idiot, loving a man that will never feel the same way for me.
"I'm sorry. But, Gray . . . I love you." I just whispered.
"I don't love you! Don't you understand? I hate commitments, so stop those useless feelings. I'm paying you to give me good sex, I'm not paying you to love me!"
"But, Gray . . ."
"Get out. You just ruined my mood. Get out of my apartment, right now. I'll just call you when I need your service again." he said. I tried my best to hold back my tears, because if he saw me crying, he'll shout at me again.
"O-okay. I'm sorry." I just said and quickly went out of his office. I dressed up, grabbed my things and went out of his apartment. When I'm finally outside, that's when I let my tears freely fall down my cheeks. Maybe he'll just call another girl to satisfy him tonight since he forced me outside. Just thinking about him getting pleasure from someone else already breaks my heart. God, please hit me hard on the head, very hard that all my memories of Gray can be erased. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm tired of crying. But I still keep on loving him. I'm so stupid! I'm really an idiot!
I started to walk, going back to my apartment. Actually, riding a train would be faster. But I'm so devastated right now that I don't care if I come home the next morning. I noticed that I happen to pass by a coffee shop. I think I'll have a cup of coffee first to warm myself because the night is cold. Just like Gray. Damn it, I'm thinking of Gray again.
I sat at an empty table, bringing my ordered hot coffee. I sipped my coffee, it really feels good when something is making you warm whenever it is cold. I looked at the glass windows of the coffee shop, staring at nothingness.
"Can you share your table with me?" I heard a man's voice. I quickly turned to look who it is. He's a white-haired man with a gentle smile. I just smiled and let him sit at the opposite side of the table then I turned to stare outside the glass windows again.
"I'm Lyon Vastia. What's your name?" he spoke all of a sudden that I flinched at my seat in surprise.
"Uh, I'm Juvia Locsker." I just answered and looked outside again.
"Oh. Okay. Hello Juvia!" he said and I just responded with a smile. I have no time to be entertaining someone that I just met.
I don't know how long I've been staring outside the window. And I don't even know if the white-haired man is still there. All I can think of is those painful words Gray said to me. I know I should stop loving him, but I don't know how. I didn't notice that tears are already flowing from my eyes.
Then suddenly, I felt someone wipe my tear-stained cheeks with a handkerchief. I turned my gaze and saw that the white-haired man is gently wiping my tears, looking very worried. I gently pushed his hand away.
"Thank you, but I don't need someone's sympathy right now. Just pretend that you don't see anything." I spoke in a deadpanned voice.
"I can't just ignore a crying girl in front of me." He replied. So I quickly finished my coffee, stood up, and said "okay, then I'll just go somewhere else" then exited the coffee shop. I think I'll go home now. I just want to stay indoors and cry my heart out. It'll be embarrassing if someone sees me crying again.
When I'm finally at the front door of my apartment, I just stood there, unable to enter the key because of my shaking hands. My mind is full of thoughts about Gray again. I wonder if he's enjoying the company of someone else right now. I wonder if he's moaning someone else's name right now. Damn it! Enter first in your own home before you start to cry again, you idiot Juvia! I yelled to myself. I took a deep breath, and slowly tried to enter the key again with my shaking hands. But I suddenly felt a warm hand held my hand firmly and helped me enter the key. I quickly turned to see who it is. I'm surprised to see the white-haired man again.
"W-why are you here? Are you stalking me?!" I asked in suspicion.
"I'm worried about you. So I followed you." He answered.
"You worry about me? You don't even know me! We just shared a table at a coffee shop! So don't act like you know anything about me!" I yelled to him. "Please leave me alone, I have no time to be playing around with strangers like you."
"Okay. Then I'll tell you anything you want to know about me. And you tell me everything about you. That way we won't be strangers to each other anymore." He said as he gently pushed me inside my apartment, he entered and then closed the door.
"Hey! Don't just enter so casually in someone else's house!" I yelled again to him.
"But it's cold outside, we might catch a cold." He just said.
"Then go back in your own home!" I responded.
"It's already late. Won't you let me sleep here just for tonight?" he asked. This man is persistent. He really won't give up.
"Fine. Sleep on the couch. And don't bother me. I want to be alone." I finally said to him. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, so I think it'll be fine to let him stay.
I went inside the bathroom to have a nice soak in the bathtub. My body still has some of the love bites that Gray gave me. I really wish that someday, Gray would realize that he needs me, not just in bed, but in his life. I can't imagine my life without Gray in it. I guess this is really my fate. I shouldn't complain anymore. Maybe Gray is right, I should be just contented with how the way things are right now.
After my relaxing soak, I then had a warm shower, put my pajamas, and lied down on my bed. I want to sleep, but I can't because I just slept the whole day at Gray's apartment. I think I'll just watch TV until I fall asleep, so I went outside my bedroom and went to the living room. I saw the white-haired man lying down on the couch, but still awake. When he saw me, he quickly sat up and smiled, as if he already knows I want to take a seat.
"Did you finally decided to talk to me?" he asked.
"No. I just wanted to watch TV because I can't sleep." I answered in monotone.
"Come on, let's talk instead. Aren't you even a bit interested to know something about me?" he asked again.
"No, actually. I'm not in the mood to bother knowing someone I just met a while ago. And besides, we won't meet again after you go out tomorrow, so it's meaningless." I just explained.
"Then, would you mind telling me why are you crying at the coffee shop?" his expression suddenly became serious with a hint of worry.
"It's none of your business. I don't share my problems with anyone else." I answered bitterly.
"You know, sharing a problem with someone can help reduce the burden in your heart." He said. I can tell from his words that he is a kind man. But, still, I can't tell him anything. My relationship with Gray is a secret that only the two of us knows.
"Sorry. But I can't tell it to you." I briefly answered.
"Well, if you really can't tell it, I won't force it out of you. But you can at least seek comfort from someone." He responded.
"I have no one." I answered. I'm not lying, because I really have no one. My world only revolves around Gray, so I don't need anyone else.
"You have me." He whispered. My heart suddenly began beating rapidly. What's with this man? He's acting so familiar with me, as if we've known each other for a long time.
"No, I can't seek comfort from someone I just met. I'm fine just the way I am now." I firmly said. He'd surely regret in the future that he got himself involved with me. I'm a messed up woman with no direction in life.
"Then let's pretend that we know each other. That isn't so bad, right?" he really isn't good at giving up.
"Quit it. Why are you so worried about me anyway? We just met at a coffee shop, nothing more, nothing less. We just shared a table, that's it. Are you some kind of a burglar that seduces his victims before doing the crime? You know, you won't get anything valuable from me even if you try to kill me, because I'm dirt-poor. You just better quit it and stop acting too friendly with me." I stated to him.
"Relax, I'm not a criminal. You just caught my attention, and all this time all I saw was your sad face. You're very beautiful, and crying doesn't suit you. I'm eager to see how much more beautiful you'd become if you smile." He explained. My cheeks are suddenly getting warm. It's been a long time since someone told me that I'm beautiful. I am always expecting to hear it from Gray, but instead, I'm hearing it now from some man that I just met.
"Quit messing with me. What do you really want?" I asked in irritation.
"Your smile. Your genuine, honest smile." He simply replied. I don't know what's with him, but I felt a bit happy with what he said. He suddenly wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and he let my body lean on him. His body is so warm, it feels so comforting. I didn't even realize that I already wrapped my arms around him, feeling for his warmth. Maybe seeking comfort from others isn't bad after all. I felt his fingers run softly through my blue hair, making me feel calm inside. If Gray would be like this to me, everything would just be perfect. I wish Gray would care for me even just a little bit. I need to be loved too. Damn it, my chest hurts now. Tears are starting to form in my eyes.
"Lyon is your name, right?" I asked him.
"Yes, Juvia." He answered.
"Thank you, Lyon." I whispered. "Thank you for comforting me even though we just met." I continued and hugged him tighter. It really feels good when someone makes you feel loved, when someone cares for you. This is a feeling I haven't felt for a very long time. Everything seems new to me.
Lyon slowly lifted my chin to face me. His gaze is full of care and worry. "Don't worry, I'll do my best to make you smile." He whispered. He slowly drew his face close to mine and gently kissed me on the lips. His kiss feels so different, it's so sweet and it feels romantic. I'm used to the kisses of Gray which are always full of lust and hunger. But the kiss I'm experiencing now is full of love without any hint of lust. I really feel Lyon's sincerity within his kiss. It really feels so good. When Lyon finally pulled from the kiss, he smiled to me and asked, "Do you feel better now?" I just responded with a smile. And then he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me gently. I love how his warmth flows into me.
"Juvia, it may sound absurd, but I think I fell in love with you at first sight." He whispered softly into my ear. I suddenly felt like my heart burst out of my chest. Someone is confessing to me? Someone is telling me that he fell in love with me? It's so unbelievable; I think I'm just dreaming. I've been dying to hear those words. The only thing is, I want to hear it from a different person. I want to hear those words from Gray.
I don't know if I should be happy. But, maybe, this is a chance given to me. A chance to forget Gray, and a chance to find someone who'll truly love and treasure me. Maybe this is what I've been waiting for all along. Maybe Lyon is the one I truly deserve to have. I think I'll give myself another chance at love, but first, I have to talk to Gray. I have to break whatever connection we have. I'll just have to wait for him to call me, and when we meet, I'll tell him that I won't be seeing him anymore.
"Juvia, if you think I'm going too fast, I won't rush you. But, at least try to give me a chance. I want to know you better. I want us to know each other better. We can start off as friends, and we'll see if it'll develop into something more." He whispered to me. His voice is sending shivers to my spine. I think falling in love with Lyon won't be difficult for me. It will just take some time. I'll just wait for my heart to heal, and I can eventually fall in love again.
Lyon and I spent the night chatting while snuggled to each other, we had dinner, and talked again, we slept together on my bed but we didn't have sex. He told me that he won't do anything to me until we become a true couple, because it would be disrespectful for me. So we slept hugging each other.
Days have passed, and I think I'm beginning to fall in love with Lyon. Every day, after work, he fetches me from my office so we can have dinner together. Sometimes, he even gives me gifts and flowers for no reason at all. He's the one making me smile now. I'm really so happy, I thought I'd never experience being loved again. He's so sweet and romantic, caring, very mature, understanding, and he always makes me feel so important. I want to tell him my feelings very soon. But, I still haven't talked to Gray yet. I want everything to be clear between us before I can enter a relationship with Lyon
Friday night, one week after Lyon and I first met, Gray called me again to come to his apartment. I said yes. This is my perfect chance to talk to him, I want to end this ridiculous relationship I have with Gray. It's finally my chance to be happy, and I don't want it to be ruined by my shameful past. I called Lyon and told him that he doesn't need to fetch me from work tonight because I'll be working overtime. He just said yes and told me to be careful on my way home. He's really sweet; he always makes my heart pound.
I finally went to Gray's apartment, and took a deep breath before opening the door. This is it Juvia, you can do this! When I finally entered, Gray came to me suddenly and quickly carried me bridal style to his bedroom. He dropped me on the bed and started to strip me of my clothes but I stopped him.
"What are you doing Juvia?" he asked in confusion. I really need to tell him now. I can do it! I can do it! I just have to avoid looking at his eyes because it captivates me.
"Gray, I want to talk to you." I spoke.
"Let's talk later. I want you now Juvia." He said and started to lick my neck.
"Wait! Gray, let's stop this." I stopped him and distanced myself from him.
"What do you mean, stop this?" he asked.
"Gray, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to thank you for the four years you spent with me, but I really want to stop this. I won't be seeing you anymore after we talk tonight." I told him straight out.
"What nonsense are you talking about?" he asked in an angry voice.
"Gray, you remember I always tell you that I love you but you keep on rejecting me, right? I thought that I won't be able to fall in love with someone else, but, you see, I met someone." I said honestly.
"So, you're telling me there's another man?" he asked.
"Y-yes. Gray, I want to be in a happy relationship. I want to be with a man that truly loves me and cares for me. And I found him. So, I want us to stop this. I'm sorry, but I can't continue doing this with you anymore." I answered.
"When did I allow you to flirt with other men? When did I tell you to get close with other men?" he asked angrily.
"B-but, Gray . . . You never told me that I can't talk to other men. You never told me anything about being in a relationship with another man. All you told me was you'll pay me for the sex, nothing more. Gray, I told you that I love you, but you're not interested to have a serious relationship with me. I'm tired of being hurt Gray, I'm tired of waiting for you to love me. I want to be loved too. I want to be happy. I want someone who'll marry me and have a family with me. Please, let's stop this." I begged him. But when I looked at him, his eyes are full of anger.
"You're mine. I own you. You have no right to be flirting with other men Juvia." He spoke in a very serious tone. I suddenly felt scared of him. I quickly stood up from the bed to get out of his apartment but he pulled my arm so hard it's painful.
"Gray. Let me go please." I begged him. But he pushed me on the bed.
"What? You'll go and meet your new man? You'll never get out of this house Juvia. I own you. No other man can touch you aside from me." He said, glaring at me. I feel so scared of him. How can he be like that? Why can't he let me be happy?
That moment, he didn't let me go. He did exactly what he did last Friday. He fucked me senseless until morning. I didn't bother to fight back because he might hurt me. I'll just find the right time to sneak out of his apartment and never return again. I want to see Lyon, I want his embrace, his comfort! I want to see him now!
So what do you think?
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