Camila's POV
Sometimes, I wonder how I got so lucky to have Lauren as my friend. I mean, Ally and Mani are great too, and god knows how much I love Dinah. But Lauren is different. There's something about her that excites me. All I know is that the moment I first saw her (or heard her voice), I already felt drawn to her.
She's just so cool, you know?
She was someone that I wish I could have been. Someone who's confident, and knew who she was and what her style is, and is very passionate about a lot of things, and isn't afraid to defend her beliefs and principles.
I remember the moment we first met and she approached me, we got to talk and found out how similar we were in some things, right then I promised myself that I would never let her go no matter what. I kept crossing my fingers that Lauren wouldn't realize how uncool I was and decide to ditch me for others.
She never left my side ever since.
From our X-Factor days, to the release of our EP, up until now that our first full album was a success, Lauren and I have just gotten closer and closer. So close that when we have our breaks from Fifth Harmony stuff, we still find ourselves together, having sleepovers or whatever since we live in the same city. Our families have also grown quite fond of each other, so it's not weird that we are basically inseparable, Lauren and I.
It's not only her personality or her intelligence that drew me to her – although, those played huge parts in my attraction to her. It's the way she treats me, like I was hers; I may be misinterpreting the stuff she does, that's a big possibility, but I can't deny the fact that I love it when she gets all territorial when it comes to me, or acts jealous when others have my attention.
See, that's why I get confused with her sometimes. I know she's just being a big sister to me, but it's hard for me sometimes to draw the line, you know?
The way she grabs my waist during interviews or when photos of us are being taken, like she lets the whole world knows I'm hers, and hers alone? Or maybe she just likes to keep me by her side so she could protect me, knowing how much of a klutz I am and that I have this amazing talent of tripping or falling on my ass on a daily basis. I'd rather believe it's the former, I'm a hopeless romantic, after all.
Or when she stares at me a few seconds too long when I speak (or even when I don't speak at all!), the way she gives me those penetrating gazes, or when she makes sure that I don't get disrespected by anyone.
And when I sleep over at her house? She always make it a point to wake up early to cook me breakfast, when it's a fact known to mankind that Lauren is definitely not an early bird! Every single time, I wake up with breakfast in bed. C'mon! That really does all sorts of things to me. Even the grumpiest person in the world would be smiling like a goof and getting tingly feelings if they wake up to breakfast in bed prepared by Lauren Jauregui.
Yeah, she's definitely the sweetest. But then, I also love her strong personality. She's so sassy and takes no shit from anyone. When I read comments online about her being "Daddy Lauren" or "Boyfriend Lauren" it really amuses me to no end because I like the sound of that. There were quite a few times that I almost called her Daddy to her face, like when I was asking her to pass the salt I literally choked on my steak barely able keep the word from spilling my mouth. Because that just sounds so kinky and I don't want her to think I'm a creep.
Yes, I do follow everything that's Camren-related, I've been doing that even before she showed me her laptop that night on the bus but I didn't want her to think that I was obsessed, so I kinda lied to her when I said I only knew little about our ship.
Would you think I was weird if I said I think I'm falling in love with Lauren? I don't even know what love means really. Because what do I know, right? I'm just a goofy kid who hasn't even had her first kiss yet. The closest thing I had to having a wet kiss was when my dog decided to French kiss me. That's it.
What I do know is that what started as a simple friendship has been slowly blossoming as something more, at least on my part, and as much as I would like to deny that we're just friends, and convince myself that I like boys, deep inside me says otherwise. I can't understand it yet, but I know I feel something more as each day passes by with Lauren on my side, being all sweet and daddy.
You'd think I'm so cool about it, especially when people ask me about Camren and I'm like, whatever rocks their boats, dude! But deep inside I'm scared about these emotions that Lauren evokes in me.
What if my mom found out? I'm so gonna be dead and it'll be death by drowning in holy water, or I'd probably die of internal hemorrhage due to my mom smacking me endlessly with her thick-ass bible.
Lord have mercy on me.
So not only was I confused about my growing feelings for my bestfriend, but I'm also deathly scared of mom knowing that these thoughts were clouding my mind every second of the day. Excuse me if I have an early mental breakdown soon.
Anyway, it's the weekend, and I've decided to spend it at Lauren's house, and we were in her room just talking about random stuff, while a Lana del Rey album played softly in the background.
I was laying on her lap as she absent-mindedly played with my hair, humming Video Games while she listened to me babble about Taylor Swift.
Now, let me tell you one thing about myself that you may not know: I'm obsessed with Taylor Swift as Lauren's obsessed with Lana del Rey. The difference is, I couldn't seem to shut up about my idol any chance I could get, most especially now that I am actually friends with her. Can you believe it? I'm friends with Tay-Tay! Like oh my god.
And you know how I know that Lauren is the best friend I could ever hope to have? Because she lets me talk about her for minutes straight, even hours, despite the fact that she really doesn't like her, although I'm wondering how could she not. She said she has nothing against her music or anything, she just wasn't her favorite, for some weird reason.
I don't know why she puts up with me, though. Normani, Dinah, and Ally don't seem too eager to listen to me rave about Taylor, which is understandable really, I know how annoying I must sound at every interview where I mention her name, but I can't help it, I'm the ultimate fangirl! I'm too hyper and too anxious that words just flow out of my mouth and I have a hard time shutting up.
But Lauren always listened to me. She never made me feel that what I was saying was insignificant.
I love Lauren. She's the coolest. I wish we could be friends forever.
"Lo? Have you ever been in love?" I suddenly blurted out. I don't know what has gotten to me and I was so ready to change the topic, but Lauren didn't laugh at my question, so I waited with bated breath for her answer.
"I guess so. I mean I have felt some intense emotions towards certain people before which at that time I'm pretty sure I was convinced I was in love." She continued playing with my hair as she looked at me curiously. "Why do you ask? Is this about that person in your song?"
I blushed.
Why do I always blush under her stare?
"No! I mean – I was just wondering... Like how do you know you're in love. Stuff like that. I'm stupid." I covered my heated face with my hands.
I felt her hand gently lift mine away from my face. "No you're not stupid, Camila."
I sat up and faced her, her eyes following my movements, and I felt hot under her intense scrutiny. Damn those beautiful eyes. One day, I swear to god, I'm gonna literally melt because of her stare.
"Camz? What's up?"
I hung my head as I tried to speak. "I just feel embarrassed and out of place because all of you had your first kiss and boyfriends and all that stuff. I feel pathetic."
"Camila!" She slapped my arm. "Don't say that! I told you, we all experience things in our own time and pace! You don't need to rush that kind of stuff because, otherwise, it's just forced and fake. Believe me, having your first kiss in the back of a truck with a gawky boy basically drooling all over your face is not something I recommend." She grinned.
I giggled at the image she painted, although, I know that her first kiss was anything but awkward. I mean, Lauren could never be awkward. Have you seen her?? Not only was she hot at thirteen years old, but I really believe that when she was born she was already wearing black leather jacket and sunglasses. That's how cool she is. Meanwhile, when I was thirteen I looked like an emaciated featherless chicken.
Have I mentioned that I totally love her?
"How do you know for sure when you're in love with someone?" I prodded. I don't know why I was suddenly able to be ask her, I usually felt shy with these kind of topics.
Lauren looked pensive for a bit. She squinted her eyes as she chewed on my question, probably recalling her past experiences. I just sat there enthralled by her face, and slightly annoyed at those exes that have had the privilege to be on Lauren's list of past loves while I sit here imagining myself having my first kiss with her. Which will never happen. That thought makes me depressed.
My train of thoughts which was quickly downward spiralling was interrupted when Lauren spoke. "I don't know, Camz... I think you simply just know it. Or your heart knows it, while your brain gets confused and tries to make sense of your emotions, but then things won't add up and then you just feel so conflicted and chaotic inside, but at the same time, you feel so alive that it makes everything worth it. Everything gets magnified, every emotions, even the colors of your surrounding seem more vibrant... you just feel more... like a blind person with heightened senses, you can't exactly see it or make sense of it, but you just feel it in your fingertips, in your tongue, in your mind, everytime you close your eyes you are reminded how much you are in love, because that person is imprinted inside of you. So yeah, it's a confusing mess, but of the most beautiful kind."
I stayed silent and stared at her, watching the way her jaw moved as words spill from her lips, observing the way her eyes light up as she tried to explain to me what love is, the best way she can, and I felt my heart aching so desperately for her. I wish I was brave enough to rip my chest open and offer to her my beating heart in my palms, but that's too gory and dramatic and she would probably run out of her own room screaming bloody murder. So I kept my mouth shut, because I simply don't have the guts to tell her a single thing. I'd just go on loving her silently.
She took my silence as confusion, so she pursed her lips as if considering a simpler explanation. She ran her hand through her beautiful wavy hair and added, "Well, hmmm, okay, think of something that you really love and can't live without. Not a person, just a thing."
That's easy. "Bananas and pizza. Duh."
I could never live without bananas. I'd die if I don't have a banana with my meal. My mother swears that she got impregnated by an orangutan who escaped from a zoo when my Dad was away on a trip.
And pizza, oh my god, please don't get me started.
"Of course. How stupid of me to even ask." She laughed at my answer because she knew I was telling the truth. "Well, think of that person you think you're in love with and ask yourself if you could give up bananas and pizza for the rest of your life just for that special someone."
I didn't even have to think about it. I love Lauren more than I love bananas. As crazy as that sounds, but to me, that's the perfect definition of love. Or infatuation. Puppy love? I don't know! All I know is I love Lauren more than bananas or pizza. I smiled at that thought. It felt like one of the many great mysteries of the universe was solved tonight.
Lauren was looking at me as if waiting for my answer. I just shrugged and smiled at her.
"You won't tell me who it is, would you?" She smiled.
I returned her smile and shook my head.
"Oh, well." She said picking up her phone again, probably to browse Tumblr. "I'm sure you'd tell me when you're ready, right?" She winked at me.
"Right." I shrugged non-committally. I moved up the bed to lay down beside her, my head bouncing on her soft pillow. The pillow that her face has slept on. If you think about it, I'm practically kissing her if I kiss her pillow.
Okay this madness has got to stop! I composed myself for a few minutes before facing her side. I propped my head on my hand as I looked at her. "Hey, Lo?"
She turned towards me with a questioning look, her hands still holding her phone. The way the soft dim light created shadows on her face, and her eyes shining bright as if it absorbed all the light from the room, made her look even more ethereal. Like I'm gazing at a freaking goddess, and I think I forgot how to breathe.
"You know I love you more than I love bananas, right?" I said in a soft voice.
She smiled so wide as if it was the best thing she has heard today, and I couldn't help but feel happy inside. "Awwww, Camz! That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me. I love you more than bananas, too, booboo." She threw her arm and leg around my body and gave me a hug and I almost fainted. I mean, if you could take my pulse right now, I swear! My heart was beating so fast.
"But you don't even like bananas! Your words mean nothing!" I laughed, my mouth slightly brushing against her neck, as I was still almost buried underneath her.
When she released me, I was wearing a goofy ass grin on my face.
She tapped on my nose with her finger. "Point is, I love you, too. And I know you'd sell me to the black market though for a crate of bananas, Camz. Don't think I don't know you. But what you said is still sweet." She laughed.
If you only knew, Lauren. I sighed inwardly. I don't know what else to say but you're pretty fucking dope.
But of course I didn't say that out loud.
--
Question: Would you rather have a one-night stand with Camila, or have the power to peek inside Lauren's mind for one hour? Why?
As always, if you find yourself enjoying the story, don't forget to VOTE, COMMENT, or SHARE. Feedbacks are much appreciated. Thank you for reading! 🌵🙊
Find me on:
Twitter: uberWOmensch
Tumblr: problematic-camren