It's been a month since Trent apologised. You could say that things have changed. Or you could even say that things have gotten better. And both of those would be correct.
I can honestly state that I think Trent is being genuine with his desire for a friendship with me. It's not that he's ridiculously nice or anything, he's friendly but still in a jerk kind of way. If that makes sense.
Because at one point, he's being nice but then it's like he reminds himself that he's supposed to be a douche so he acts like one after. I don't know, it's weird. But I don't mind it.
Being sort of friends with him is refreshing. Liam is good for a laugh, Hunter is my safety net, and then Trent is the guy who's blunt. He's honest when it comes to what he thinks and he's not afraid to speak his mind. Which, I admit, is annoying but also helpful since Liam barely takes anything seriously, and Hunter sugarcoats everything to try keep from 'hurting my feelings'.
Trent and I actually have a study date today, after school. As friends of course. I don't have any interest in him like that anymore, at all. I don't think I ever really liked him since I was still crushing on Hunter. I was really in denial about the whole thing too.
Ah, the good ole days, I think with a smile, tapping my desk with my pen. Yes, I'm currently in class and have practically been zoned out the whole lesson. The only reason I know how the teacher is talking about Vincent van Gogh is because of the huge portrait of him posted on the whiteboard. You know, the creepy painting of him that makes him look like a pedophile or serial killer? Yeah, that one.
Looking up at the big, white analog clock pitched above the door, I almost groan aloud. There's still thirty minutes left of Art class. Half an hour of utter boredom.
I briefly observe my fellow peers - who are either on their cellphones or actually listening - before reaching into my school bag and grab the white notebook I've been reading the past couple of months. It's been a while actually, maybe a month? I think the last time I immersed myself in Prince Charming's words was the day I forgave Trent.
What can I say? Life got busy and I haven't had many moments alone to read. And while right now I'm not exactly alone, no one would notice or be skeptical about me reading a book in class.
They're all distracted anyway.
Reply Entry #23
Dear my beautiful Hazel,
Was that creepy? Oops.
Anyway, before I reply to your entry, I just want to say something that I didn't quite get to say in the last reply since I was so overwhelmed with anger.
And that is that I want you to think for a minute (Not saying that you're dumb or anything of course.) But I want you to think about the future and where you're headed. Because whatever dream you have, whatever ambition, I want you to never give up on it.
I know things are/were rough with your dad, but I want you to stay strong and keep moving forward. Because if you give up, or settle for a life you don't want, then you're only proving him - and any other haters - right. So prove those assholes wrong and make something of yourself. Be happy.
I have a song I want you to listen to. You'll probably already know it, but I want you to really listen.
Break Away by Kelly Clarkson. In my opinion, it's the perfect song for you.
So please, listen carefully.
Now, back to the entry I just read.
Fudge. Why do you have so many poodles (word I replaced asshole with) in your life? Trent shouldn't have pushed you into sex. You told him you weren't ready but he still pushed you even though you said no.
You wanted your first time to be special. I'm so sorry that was taken away from you. Please tell me you broke up with him after that because I don't want to read about you getting hurt again.
It tears me up inside because I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I'm angry at myself for my own ignorance. I worry about you, and I don't care if you don't want anyone to do so. Because I do.
I care about your happiness, even if you didn't know that until this diary thing. I care a lot. God, you have no idea just how much I care.
I care that your dad hurt you. I care that your best friend ignores you. I care that you get picked on by Veronica. I care that Trent pushed you into sex. I freaking care. I care about you so immensely that I punch walls and want to be a better person for you.
What Trent did to you was practically rape, Hazel. And that's very serious.
Plus, you're right, he doesn't care about you. If he treats you like that, and is rough with you when you obviously have big bruises on your ribs, then he simply doesn't give a shit about you. If that's harsh, then too bad, because it's the truth.
Here's another song for you that fits this particular situation: Save Your Heart by Mayday Parade. A song I know you know because you mentioned in one of your first diary entries that Mayday Parade is favourite band.
So you should know what the song is about. The lyrics are my words to you, Hazel <3
Bye beautiful,
Prince Charming xoxoxoxo
P.S. You are amazing and so so damn strong, I believe in you. Just saying.
A tear strolls down my face, escaping my once broken green eyes. Emotion bubbles through my chest, spreading insistently, gaining speed to the point I can't catch my breath. Closing my eyes, I draw in a deep breath through my nose, feeling it cleanse my anxiety, before releasing it shakily.
Suddenly, once the overwhelming emotion is clearing, the loud voices of teenagers flood my head. Remembering I'm in a class full of other students, I quickly wipe the tear off of my face and compose my expression.
I look around at everyone and realise that they're actually leaving.
"Miss Bradley? Are you alright?" Mrs Hopkins asks me from her desk, peering up at me through her half-moon glasses.
Furrowing my brows, I watch as the last person - ironically Veronica - leaves.
"Uh, yeah I'm okay thanks. I just didn't hear the bell." I reply kindly, even attempting to smile at her. Hopefully I don't look too creepy.
She gives me a knowing look before shooing me off with her hand, "Maybe if you paid more attention in class, you would have heard it go off, Miss Bradley."
Grimacing at her words, I collect my things and mutter a "Sorry" before making my escape.
As soon as I've left guilt central, I lean back against the cold, brick, hallway wall. At least I didn't get detention. Even if I did, it would have been so worth it just to read that one reply entry because damn, Prince Charming is amazing.
How can someone I don't know care so much about me? He's so kindhearted and genuine. He's right too. What Trent did to me was pretty much rape and completely wrong of him.
Remind me, why am I forgiving him again?
Right. He apologised and I don't want to hold a grudge. Plus, he is being really considerate and relatively nice this past month.
Everyone deserves a second chance.
I'm not excusing his behaviour, far from it. But if I carry all this hate and disgust the rest of my life because of something he did, then I wouldn't be able to fully live my life. I would turn into a shell of a person I used to be.
I'd turn bitter, cynical and angry at the world. I would continue hating myself and would never be able to trust another person again. All my relationships would fail.
And I don't exactly want that to happen with Hunter.
What happened to me is a memory now and I'd rather it stay just that. A memory.
Sighing, I feel content as I straighten up and hike my backpack onto my back. Someone out of the corner of my eyes catches my attention so I turn my curious head.
Not so shocked this time, I find Trent and Veronica leaning against his locker talking. Trent's eyes connect with mine and he gives me a quick smile before giving Veronica a hug. She returns it with a peck to his cheek before she saunters off, allowing Trent to come to me.
"Hey, Pretty Girl." He greets with a cocky smirk, motioning with his head for us to start walking. I roll my eyes at his version of an 'endearment' or 'nickname'.
"Hi, Trenton."
"Don't patronise me." He whines, ruffling through his hair with his big, rough - as I remember - hands.
"Don't call me 'Pretty Girl'" I shoot back with a laugh, walking faster to keep up with his long, sweatpants covered legs.
He pauses at front doors of the high school and holds them open for me. "Fair enough."
From then on, he drives us to my house in complete silence. It's awkward unlike the silence I - rarely - have with Hunter or Liam. I don't like it so I turn on his radio to a rock station and wait for the drive to be over.
Today seems different. Usually we're bantering or talking about random things. But for some reason, he doesn't come across as very talkative today. More nervous and guilty actually. And I can't help the suspicious gut feeling I have nagging at me.
But it could just be because we haven't been alone in my house since the night I lost my virginity to him. It could be bringing up some regret and guilt for him because of what he pushed me into.
After pulling into the drive way and making our way silently into the house, I cough awkwardly to get Trent's attention. He looks up, alarmed before he straightens his face to appear nonchalant.
"What's up?"
I play with a piece of my long, chocolate brown hair with a shrug, "I don't know. Do you want something to drink or eat before we get started?"
He thinks for a minute before nodding quite frantically, "Yes! I mean, that would be great thank you. Just a sandwich or something, thanks." Giving me a sheepish grin, he scratches the back of his neck.
"Sure thing. I guess you can take our bags and go straight to my room to set up." He nods and does as I say while I get to making his sandwich.
Damn, I didn't ask him what he wanted, I curse at myself internally, trying to remember what his favourite spread was. I think he likes peanut butter. Shrugging, I finish making his sandwich and fill two glasses up with orange juice before finally making my way to my room.
Just before I enter my room, I stop at the sound of shuffling. Huh, weird.
I swear I hear the sound of a draw opening and closing quietly, but I can't be completely sure. My eyebrows furrow in confusion when I hear more shuffling noises. Maybe he's just getting everything ready for studying?
Then the noises stop before I can walk in to see what he's doing. By the time I step through my doorway, he's sitting on my bed innocently with a smile and our work splayed out in front of him, ready to study. So maybe he really was just getting everything ready.
Man, I need to have more faith in him instead of just assuming the worst.
* * *
*Blows out huge breath*
I never meant for this chapter to be so long - for this book at least since it's supposed to be a short story and all.
So, what do you think of this chapter?
Of Trent being strange?
Of Prince Charming's reply?
Of how many links are within the chapter? (Van Gogh painting, youtube videos etc)
One more question: Are you excited about the third book in this series? (About Liam) BECAUSE I AM <3
Sorry if this chapter had a lot of grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, I'm half asleep and have been trying to writing this chapter for hoursss.
QOTC: What ethnicity are you?
MA: Technically New Zealand European. But I have Irish, Scottish, British, American, German and French in me :)
- C.K.
*so unedited*