Chapter 6
“One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.”
― Antonio Porchia
The noise made me jump and my sister ran to me, hand over her ears. The sound was deifying and my ears were ringing. My ear stop ringing after a while as I finally got catch up on what just happened.
Gun shots echoed through the crowd. Emma hold on to me still as I realize my parents weren’t by us anymore. They were right in front of us, and I knew they would but no they weren’t and I was scared. I felt a wave of panic hit me as I swear they were right by me yelling at officer.
I looked to the ground to see both of them laying on the floor. Emma was making her way toward them, as I could see red liquid come from them. Something was wrong, they were not moving anymore. Please don’t be dead I thought as half of me wanted to run, and half of wanted to go to my parents. I pulled Emma back so she wouldn’t go up to them.
Mother’s eyes were wide open with fear and her hand stretch towards me and Emma. My Father’s hand was wrapped around Mother’s trying to protect her from whatever was going to happen. He wasn’t moving either. If they could just move so I could breathe again. I wanted to run over there and shake them, but I knew that would work. They were gone, lifeless and I couldn’t do anything.
I felt fresh tears fall down my face as it hit me what just happen. To tell you the truth I felt like I couldn’t breathe at all. I couldn’t really describe it in way. . I couldn’t but I knew I had to be strong because Emma was here and everything was going on way to fast. It felt like for moment just one moment the world stop moving or seemed to be moving slowly and I couldn’t think I was crying so hard and so was my little sister, we really couldn't see. I couldn’t do anything which was the worse feeling at all. Just to watch this happen right in front of you and not able to do anything about it. You couldn’t pretend it didn’t happen but it did. You couldn’t tell your little sister that it was just her imagination because it happened.
One of the soldiers dragged us away from our parents. We didn’t even get to say goodbye or even go by them. We were loaded into a train with 100 people maybe even more. Some of them were kids of close to Emma’s age, some my age, some adults and even elders were on the Cattle Car. But one thing stood out, we were all wearing the Star of David on our clothes. All of them young and old, no matter what age?
They shut the doors, leaving us left in what seemed to be total darkness. It don’t know if you ever been through that but it was just bit scary even for me. It was dark expect form of a light above my head and I soak that light in. I wondered where we were going. I know it wasn’t somewhere safe, they killed our parents.
I knew from that point on, me and my sister will never see our parents again. We didn’t even get to say goodbye. We got pushed to the side of the cart as more and more people filled the cart. I kneeled down next to Emma to give her something before the cart would be full. Needed her to kind of understand what happen. Trust me I didn’t want to tell her this way, and I didn’t want our parent’s death to be like this.
“Mother and Father are sleeping right now, were safe okay. So we have to be strong right now, I know its hard Emma, but we did to be strong” I said to my sister, trying not to cry.
I knew it was dumb asking Emma to be strong but I had too, because we needed too. Whatever was going to happen to us we had to be strong because if we didn’t we would like them win. And I wasn’t going to let them win. They couldn’t win this because we had each other and as cheesy as it sounded maybe it was all we needed
Emma didn’t say anything but nodded. She was confuse and most likely in shock but that wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t blame her as I felt the same way. Also the fact that I was most likely in shock also. Wouldn’t you if you just saw your parent’s murder in front of you? I mean I know what happen, and that I wasn’t going to see them again. Not everyone sees their parent’s murder before them like that. With Emma at age of eight, I hope that she would get through this. I stood back up and grabbed her hand. We stood against the wall of the cart making us little as possible. So that we had enough room to breathe or at least try to breath.
Going over the events that just happen I realize that were in Cattle Carts. Cattle Carts was basically were the put animals in that were going to die. Did that mean we were going to die? This was it, no chance to get through it? No chance to survive? Was our last moments on earth were going to be in form of being treated like animals? That seemed so wrong. There was even Kids at the age of Emma and even grandparents in the cart. All of them banging on the wall or either looking around scared to death, which didn’t really help anyone at all.
The truth was we didn’t know where we would be going. We didn’t know how long we would be stuck in the cart. All we knew is that we would most likely be lead to our deaths. Just like the animals in the carts were. But we were people but I guess that didn’t matter. We were stuck in this small, well what seem small Cattle Cart for maybe a long time. I wonder what would happen if we needed to go to the bathroom. But my question was soon answered when I saw a bucket. All we had was a bucket to go to the bathroom in that was it. No sunlight besides the window over Emma’s and my head.
It seemed like hours, maybe three or four at the most.. I couldn't talk and either could my sister because we lost our voices an hour ago crying and yelling with everyone. It smelled really bad and 4 people already getting sick at the other end. There was no fresh air so we had to get use to the smell which was that great at all. It helped if you didn’t take many deep breathes. I wondered if we were really going to take us somewhere safe. The bad feeling I forgot till now.
I wondered how long we would last. I didn’t know how long we could take the smell. I was glad we went to the bathroom before we left the house. Thankful that maybe we could find some light in this situation. Even if it was something like that. Or the fact we had a huge meal before we left. At least we wouldn’t starve to death I thought. No I had to keep positive, I had to have hope even if there wasn’t any.
But truth was now my sister and I were orphans. No one would care what is going to or what will happen to us now. We didn’t have any more family besides our parents so this was basically it for us. It seemed to be no hope at all for us but there had to be. Because if we didn’t have hope, we wouldn’t be here right now.
I tried to think of things that would keep me and Emma busy. Or at least made us think of something else. I know it seemed childish and maybe stupid. But maybe if we kept ourselves sane through this we would survive. People seemed to be already losing it and it hasn’t been that long. Some were bleeding from banging on the walls. Others rocking back and forth not really liking the close places. Maybe it was longer than I thought. But so far this day seemed to all got together. For all I know it could be a new one. I looked up to the window, and it was still daylight. I wished I had watch but it was in my backpack that was in the pile, at the train station.
Hours or what seemed to be hours pasted as people were stating to go to the bathroom in public. Which I have to say was really disgusting but there was no were to go. We had a bucket that some of the male used but it all seemed just revolting. The smell was terrible making many of us gag. I don’t even want to want to even go into details about it. My sister and I put scarfs over our noses so we wouldn't smell it. Thankful that we had scarfs with us. It’s the small things no matter what that I’m thankful for each day. Today I’m really thankful for it.
Another thing I was thankful for was the fact that Emma was still here with me. Some of the small children weren’t moving anymore. They seemed to be lifeless. I was holding on to my sister making sure she was okay, a lot. She gave me a small smile each time but had worried look in her eyes. She is so strong for an 8 year old, she I wish she didn’t have the burden to be like that. She should be playing games with other kids not in this with me…or with the rest of the group. It wasn’t fair, I know life isn’t fair but this was just wrong. We were human, not cattle. I didn’t feel like eating meat ever again after this.
Part of me hoped this was a very bad dream. Maybe it really was and I would get home soon. I would wake up in nice warm bed to the smell of Mother making breakfast and the sound of my dad working in his office. I wished it was because I felt so tired and so did Emma as she was leaning against me trying to stay awake.
That’s when I heard children laughing and running around. We missed be going through a village. They sounded so happy I miss that, and they were the lucky ones but what made us so different from them that this group of people would hate us? I didn’t get this, why us? What did we do that was so bad? Was it just because we lived? Or maybe it was something bigger than us. All this made my brain hurt. I just wanted to be home with my parents and sister. I wanted to be safe. I wanted my parents to be alive.
Few more hours have past and some adults are sleeping, and some are not even moving. I hope they were alive but something told me that they were not. We hadn't talked for 5 hours and to tell you the truth I was too scared. I tried to not like Emma look around as they were 7 kids her age that seemed to be dead. All seemed peaceful at least. It made me sad that this was the last thing they saw before they died. They would never get married or have kids. They would never see the world. They would never get the chance to live. And neither would we most likely. Again with the negative thoughts! It was too easy right now. I tried to remember what my mom told me what to do if things got bad. I couldn’t remember.
Which of course made me scared. What if we just forget about them? It was just us now me and Emma. On our own but not really on our own. I still wondered where we were going and if we would ever have a home again. Why this happening was and what did we do to deserve it? Is being different, believing in something different or just not believing in whatever they believing really that bad?
The sun looked like it was setting and the sky was getting dark through the window is the only thing making me feel something other than pain or sadness. The daylight felt so good to me and it's like an angel coming to rescue us. May be the Lord will do that.
Then again I didn’t know what to believe in anymore. I mean why would God do this? It couldn’t be god really, it was Hitler and his followers. It seemed like Hitler was winning, and I didn’t like the sound of it. I wanted to do something but scared that it would get me killed and I didn’t want to die, Emma was still here and I had to be strong.
"Holly" said my little sister in quite voice that you could barely hear her at all. Her voice cracked, she needed to drink but there was nothing to drink. I looked down at her tired blue eyes as they were looking at me. I didn’t know really how long it was sense we had something to drink or even eat. I wish I could do something to help her and everyone stuck in this train cart.
"Are we going to die, Holly?" she asked with tears coming down her face. Her bright blue eyes were now red and puffy. I couldn't look at her face without crying myself. I took a breath and a very small one.
"I don't know Emily," I said trying not to cry but my voice cracked and I just cried.
I didn’t know I still had it in me but I did. I hated not knowing things, most of time it was little thing but this was bigger than me and Emma. I cried for a while and I stopped. I began to pray. It seemed like praying was all I could do even through it felt useless thing to do right now.
“God, if you are out there or what did we do to you” I whispered quietly to myself not sure that good was even listening. We don't deserve this, nobody really did. I didn’t get any of this. Why they killed our parents. Why this was happening.
I looked around and I saw people dying right before my eyes. I couldn't do anything about it. I wanted answers and I wanted answers now. I knew I wasn’t going to get them but I just need something anything really. I don’t know if you know this but the worse feeling is not being able to do something when you see people hurting.
It was quiet for an hour and I could hear the cattle train still going. We are not going to a safe place. And then I remembered the rumors about a camp going around. A work camp they called it. We are going to the work camps I heard about. They take Jews and others to these camps to work until they die? Would we really being going to a camp like that? Were we know on away to our finally moments of our lives? Were we going to die soon?
My thoughts went back to well my now ex best friend Zoey. I wondered if Zoey saw what was happened when the soldiers came. In fact I think she could have called the soldiers in the first place. But the Soldiers most likely kept in track of all Jews. Zoey was never really my friend. I had bad feeling we were going to die. I didn’t want to die like this. I wondered if she felt bad or even if she felt something at all. She wouldn’t probably she did hate me I thought sadly.
Slow down, I told myself to at least clam me down. Emma was here with me and I had to be strong for her. I had to stop thinking negative. When did being negative help anyone?
Speaking of Emma looked to my right to see her leaning against me with her eyes. I took my scarf of and put as a pillow for Emma on my shoulder so she was at least somewhat comfortable. She seemed to be so peaceful. I slowly sat down and put my arm around her as it seemed to be cold. Most of the people in the cart were huddled together trying to keep warm. Everyone was tired and knowing we couldn’t do much decided that maybe sleep was the best option at least right now it was. We might as well get some sleep at least even if it’s not a lot.
Probably two days ago I was 14 and I now I feel forty but yet I knew I was still the same age. I didn’t feel like 15 year old girl anymore. I didn’t feel like a teenager at all. I felt like I aged way too much. Force to grown up and wondered if I would ever get the chance to be normal. Even there was such thing called normal. It felt like the word Normal didn’t exist at all. Just seemed like a fairytale. Or well like a nightmare that you couldn’t wake up from.
I had to close my eyes, I couldn’t fight it any longer. I leaned against the wall, holding on to Emma as I closed her eyes. I hope I would wake up at home to my mother’s cooking and that this would be a nightmare that would soon fade away. The Last thing I saw was complete darkness and sound of people crying.