I all but steamrolled over anyone in my way on the way back to my room. This was ridiculous. I'd come here to relax and try and figure out a few things in my life and here some 22 year old kid was trying to psychoanalyze me.
Hell no.
I wasn't about to go down this route. I slammed my door once inside my hotel room and paced as my breathing ramped up.
I had spent my whole life running from this kind of crap. People who thought they knew me or wanted to get inside my head. My head was not a place where Harry Styles was going to set up shop that's for sure. He could go find some other 22 year old and try to figure out her deepest darkest secrets.
I let out a huff after I sat down on the bed and folded my arms over my chest. That's when I heard the knock at my door,
"Elizabeth, can we talk about this?"
I stared at the door, staying silent in the hopes he'd go away. I heard him sigh through the flimsy wood,
"I know you're in there, you left a path of scorched earth on your way. I can also hear you breathing...or should I say I can hear you fuming."
"Go away!" I yelled back like a six year old.
I heard him sigh again, this time through his nose,
"Alright. I'm sorry. I crossed a line. I shouldn't have asked you that." I stood up off the bed, blinking a few times as I stared at the door, he almost sounded like he really meant that. No one ever apologized to me before and really meant it so I wasn't sure.
"I understand now. I see the boundary. I won't cross it again, I promise." I took a few steps towards the door when I heard him pitifully say, "I just wanna know you." Under his breath. I stopped dead in my tracks, "I swear on my singing voice that I won't touch you again unless you say it's ok." When I stayed rooted to my spot he finished with, "Please open the door?"
I don't know why I decided to let him in. But I had already pulled the door open before I could stop myself. He looked a little sad, a little exasperated and a little sheepish. I shook my hair out of my face and straightened up in an attempt to show I wasn't dealing with any of his bullshit,
"What do you want Harry?"
He gestured into the room,
"Can I come in?" When I shot him a look his shoulders slumped, "Look, as much as I'd like to talk to you, there is a shitload of people coming down this hallway and I'd rather not do this with an audience. Something tells me you don't want that either."
He had a point. I stepped back from the door and let him in. He walked past me, careful to make sure nothing, not even his shirt, touched any part of me. I closed the door and folded my arms over my chest. I was closed for business and he was damn sure going to know it,
"What do you want?"
He stared back at me incredulously,
"See? I don't get that. I haven't done anything to you and yet you stare daggers into my head."
"Just because you haven't doesn't mean you won't."
His mouth set in a tight line as he pulled his hands up onto his hips,
"Is this how you approach every relationship? Like whoever you're speaking to is going to hurt you before they ever do?"
I nodded gently,
"It's usually the safe way to go."
He threw his arms out,
"You make everything so much harder than it needs to be."
That hit a nerve. A nerve I wasn't going to be able to let go of. My arms flew out as I pointed my finger directly at him,
"You think I need you to tell me I'm hard to love? I don't need anyone to tell me that! If that's why you came here you can leave!" I yelled.
He stopped, staring at me as if he'd just seen me for the first time. His eyes squinted again. I hated it when they did that. It meant he was trying to figure me out. He took a step towards me,
"I didn't say you were hard to love. I said you make everything harder than it needs to be."
I stopped, blinking a few times as I processed what he'd just said. Without meaning to I'd just revealed a part of myself.
He took a step towards me. We were close enough now that I could feel his breath on my face but we still weren't touching,
"You think I can't see you, but I do. You think you're hiding yourself from me, but you're not. I see you."
I shook my head,
"You think you do."
"I know I do. I can see your defenses crumbling whenever I'm around. I know you wanna tell me things. I just want you to know it's ok. When you're ready to talk, I'll listen. I'm a safe place for you."
I stared back at him. This wasn't happening. Three days ago this kid had no idea I existed. Now he was pledging himself to be my sounding board for all the crap I'd had to deal with in my life? There was no way I was falling for this. He probably had a girl in every port. I'd be damned if I was gonna be one of them.
I took a breath,
"I don't have any defenses and I don't want to tell you anything." I said, my voice flat.
He stared me down, unrelenting in his belief that I had some things I needed to talk about,
"I knew you'd say that." He took another step towards me, still careful not to touch me in any way, "But I also know you're lying."
I made the mistake of looking up at him, into the green eyes that seemed to see right through to my soul,
"Why me?" I asked softly.
"Because you're smart and you're funny and you're sexy and you're sweet and you're a little unsure of yourself though you don't let anyone see that. And all of that intrigues the hell out of me." He answered without hesitation, "I just wanna know more. That's all." He searched my face, a slow grin appearing on his cheeks, "You think I do this everywhere I go don't you? I find some girl, I read her like a book and I sweet talk her right out of her panties."
I shook my head,
"I didn't-"
"You didn't have to say it. I can see it in your face." He shrugged, "I can't make you believe otherwise until you at least let me try now can I?"
"That's a lot to ask."
"Maybe...but I can promise you one thing."
"What's that?"
"I'm worth the risk." He said so confidently it made my stomach knot. His face softened, "I know it's hard. With the job I have opening up to people is just a luxury I don't have." He shoved his hands into his pockets, "I just thought maybe we could be different." He finished softly before looking me dead in the eyes and walking out of my room.
------------------------------------
Once he was gone, I fell back onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. My stomach was still buzzing as was the area between my legs. Shit, I was in big trouble.
I spent most of the night trying to sleep but all I could hear was Harry's words in my head "I'm worth the risk" and "I thought we could be different". I stared at the numbers on the alarm clock next to my bed, watching as they ticked by slowly.
Was I being too closed off? Maybe that's why Isaac and I had imploded? Catching him cheating hadn't really been that much of a shock if I was being honest. He and I hadn't been intimate in a while and even when we were it was nothing special.
I lifted my hand to my forehead, rubbing my temples to get rid of the headache forming behind my eyes. I came here to relax but I'd also come to make a change. Now that Isaac was gone, I was effectively alone. Don't get me wrong, I liked it that way most of the time. But on the nights when the loneliness was stifling, I found my mind wandering to what it might be like if I was in love. If I actually felt safe enough to let someone into my life. Just sitting there in my bed thinking about it terrified me. But miraculously, the thought of Harry being that person kind of calmed me down.
I rolled my eyes as I turned over onto my other side,
"This is ridiculous." I grumbled, "I met him three days ago."
But in those three days, I had never felt more alive. He woke something up inside of me that I hadn't ever felt before. Something that I couldn't quiet now even if I tried.
Hope. I had hope.
------------------------------------
I must have eventually fallen asleep because my eyes opened the next day to sunlight streaming through my windows. I pulled back the curtains, taking a long time to stretch. I caught the time on my watch. It was almost 1 pm.
I took a quick shower. I threw my bathing suit and a cover up on, grabbed my bag and headed out to my lounge chair. The hope I'd felt last night lead me to the hope that Harry would be sitting in the lounge chair next to mine.
I rounded the patch of trees and smiled, my heart fluttering a bit when I saw him peacefully reading in the lounge chair next to the one I'd claimed as my own.
I bit my lip. Was I really going to do this? It seemed quick. Almost too quick. Just as I was going to turn and walk away he turned his head, his eyes falling on mine. I felt my heart skip a beat. He really was the most beautiful man I had ever seen.
He closed his book as I stood there. What I was waiting for I had no idea. I walked towards my lounge chair, setting my hand on the back of it while I looked down at him,
"I'm not saying you're right or anything...I'm just saying you made some good points last night and I'm willing to discuss them."
He squinted in the sunlight, apparently having forgot his sunglasses,
"Ok."
I pulled my chair closer to his. He watched me for a few moments and I could tell something was swimming around in his head. I sat down and turned my head in his direction,
"What?"
He jumped slightly, as if he'd been caught doing something,
"Nothing."
I shot him a look,
"Just say it."
He shrugged,
"You never take your cover up off."
I looked down at my black cover up and then up at him,
"So?"
"Just wondering why. I mean you have a bathing suit on underneath it don't you?"
"Yes, of course."
"I didn't think you were supposed to wear those all the time."
"Are you going to start psychoanalyzing my clothing now?" I asked, every word dripping with sarcasm.
He held his hands up in defense,
"Definitely not."
I sighed, my eyes flicking between my cover up and some of the other women on the beach who seemed all too happy to walk around in bathing suits. I glanced over at him,
"I'm not really sure about my body alright?" I admitted softly, "I've gained a few pounds since college and it's...I just haven't had time to hit the gym so there's flab in places there wasn't flab before."
Harry looked at me intently for a few moments before he leaned back against his chair,
"I see no flab anywhere."
"That's because I have the cover up on."
"I know you think you're hiding something wearing that, but you are aware it's transparent right? I can see right through it. And I see no flab."
"There is so flab. It's right here." I said, lifting the cover up to expose my hips as I poked at the pudge, "Don't tell me you can't see that."
He squinted his eyes as he studied where my finger was poking. He righted his face and shrugged,
"I see nothing."
"There's also some here." I said as I pulled the back of it up to poke at my back fat. I heard him giggle a bit and I turned to look at him, "What's so funny?"
He gestured to my cover up,
"Don't look now, but you have almost taken that thing off...might as well go all the way now."
I frowned. He was right. I glanced around the beach again, seeing some of the women walking around in their bathing suits who didn't seem to care at all about their flab. I sighed and pulled the cover up off, shoving it deep into the bottom of my bag so I wouldn't be tempted to put it back on. I adjusted my bikini bottoms and finally sat down.
I caught the look on Harry's face as I took a seat,
"What?" I asked as I settled in.
He swallowed hard, any hint of amusement was gone from his face,
"Nothing."
I couldn't help but smile. I'd flustered him. For once in our three day relationship Harry Styles was flustered. It made me feel powerful to know he didn't always hold all the cards. I sat back, toying with my fingers a bit as I watched his eyes linger on my legs.
The powerful feeling of knowing I'd unhinged him a bit gave me a tiny amount of confidence. I turned my head to look at him,
"There are some things about me that I don't really like to talk about a lot."
He lifted his eyes to mine, seemingly having forgotten my body for a moment,
"I noticed."
"I have some trust issues...some relationship things that I don't....really understand." I admitted softly.
Harry nodded but didn't say anything. And there it was again. The safety and security he'd made me feel not so long ago was back. I shrugged, laying my head back on the lounge chair but keeping my gaze set on him,
"Thank you."
He laid back on his chair as well,
"For what?"
"I don't know yet." I confessed, a slow smile spreading across my face, "I'll let you know when I do."
He nodded once, taking another look down at my legs before bringing his eyes back to mine,
"Will you join me for dinner tonight?"
I felt a flutter in my tummy. I tried to quell it, but the more I tried the harder it buzzed. So I just let it happen. A slow smile spread across my cheeks as I gave one nod of my head,
"Yeah."
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I spent a good amount of time getting ready for dinner after Harry and I parted once we left the beach. All of this felt so weird to me. Being excited? Almost to the point of giddy? I was 35 years old and I had first date jitters.
This was weird but thrilling all at the same time. I gave one last check of my makeup and hair in the mirror and I turned to grab my purse. I turned to walk to my door, pulling it open and stopping dead when I saw Harry leaned against the wall across from my door. He looked up at me, a sexy smile playing on his lips,
"Took ya long enough."
I knitted my brows, looking down at my watch,
"You said 8. It's 7:4-"
"Gotcha." He interrupted.
I shook my head, casting a quick glare at him. He walked forward and reached his hand out to me,
"Dinner awaits, m'lady."
When I put my hand in his, he looked as though he was going to lift it to his mouth and kiss it but he thought better of it. I felt a slight pang of guilt. Kissing my hand was a sweet gesture that wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't ruined it by making him self conscious about touching me without permission.
Instead he turned his hand to grasp mine and gestured down the hallway towards the dining room.
I stayed a few steps behind him. I wish I could say I had no real reason for doing that, but I did. He smelled amazing. It was just his cologne now, no sunblock or sweat mixed in. I could have buried my nose in it for the rest of the night whatever it was.
The maitre'd took us to our table, the same one we'd had the other night. He set down our menus and then left us alone.
Harry looked at me across the table, another amused smile playing on his lips. I shot him a look,
"What?"
He shrugged,
"Nothin'. Just trying to get over the shock that you're here that's all."
I reached forward to take my wine glass,
"I said I wanted to have dinner with you."
He nodded,
"After three turn downs, you'll allow me some shock that I finally got you to agree."
I took a sip of the wine and then shrugged,
"Alright, fair enough."
He leaned forward onto his elbows, threading his fingers together,
"How long are you here for?"
"Another week and a half."
He smiled wide,
"Good, me too. When do you leave?"
"The 28th."
He snapped his fingers,
"Damn, I'm leaving on the 29th."
I smiled,
"Why is that a damn?"
He took a sip of his own wine,
"Well, now that I'm used to you being here I just can't imagine getting through a day without seeing you."
I clicked my tongue, shaking my head in sorrow,
"How on earth will you survive?"
"I dunno. Maybe I'll stowaway in your suitcase."
"I'm sure someone would come looking for the missing pop star eventually."
He shrugged,
"Wouldn't matter. If I was with you I'd stay hidden and never leave." I blushed and looked away, slightly ashamed of the fact that I was blushing, "Sorry." He said softly, "I know we're supposed to have all these boundaries. Guess I sailed right over that one huh?" When I lifted my eyes to look at him, he shrugged gently, "Can't help it, Love."
I blushed again and looked away. God, what the hell was going on with me? He was a kid! A very good looking, very charming, very sweet kid.
Yeah, I was definitely in very big trouble.
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Harry suggested a walk on the beach. My head screamed no, but my mouth said yes. There was a bit of an awkward silence as we walked. I knew there was a rule he'd made for himself about not touching me, I appreciated that, so why I was disappointed when he shoved his hands into his pockets I'll never know.
I folded my arms over my stomach,
"Are you cold?" He asked quickly.
I shook my head,
"No. I'm ok."
"Good, because if you were there wasn't anything I could do about it anyway." He said sheepishly when he realized he had no jacket to offer me.
I laughed softly,
"It's ok."
A few more moments of awkward silence. We could hear the sounds of the resort off in the distance behind us and the crashing waves but other than that it was silent. There wasn't even anyone walking on the beach which seemed odd. He stopped and turned to me,
"Listen, there's this hiking trail...it's kind of tough since it's mostly uphill...but there's supposed to be a waterfall at the end that's a lot of fun to swim in and all that. You game?"
I thought for a moment, cautiously wondering if I could make it up an entirely uphill hiking trail. I didn't really hike anywhere living in New York City, unless you counted the sidewalks on my way to work and those were flat.
I shrugged,
"Sure, why not? As long as you promise not to make fun of me for falling behind."
His face lit up with a smile,
"I most certainly will make fun of you."
I couldn't help but laugh. I actually didn't mind if he laughed at me for anything. Which was odd, usually people laughing at me meant I was going to getting my bitch face on. But somehow, Harry laughing didn't really upset me in the least.
He was staring back at me, bouncing gently as he teetered back and forth on his feet. I could tell he was thinking about something. He looked like a grade school kid who was about to blurt out something inappropriate in the middle of class.
I cocked my head to the side,
"What?"
He bounced nervously,
"Shit...sorry, I just-" He stopped abruptly, dropping his eyes, "I know I said I wouldn't touch you until you said I could but I just-" He flicked his eyes up to mine and then back down at the sand beneath his feet, "I really wanna touch you." He finished in a whisper.
Heat pooled between my legs. The way he said it wasn't like some horny teenager who couldn't keep his hands to himself. He said it like a man who was full of desire for the woman standing in front of him. And it was probably the sexiest thing I'd ever heard in my life.
He lifted his eyes to mine again. When he saw I wasn't snarling at him or rolling my eyes he stepped forward, pinning me against the rock wall behind me and his body, though he still wasn't touching me.
My eyes were fixed on his, both of us unwavering as we stared. He licked his lips, bearing down on me like he was about to lay a toe-curling kiss on me even though I knew he wouldn't. My hair blew off my shoulders as my breathing ramped up. Jesus Christ he smelled good. And he felt good against me. He felt warm and inviting and God help me I didn't want him to move an inch. He searched my face, his eyes darting back and forth over my features,
"Tell me where you like to be touched." He whispered.
Any other man would have said those words to me and I probably would have slapped them. But the way he was looking at me all I could think about was how badly I wanted his hands on my skin. Were his hands coarse? Or soft? My mouth was watering at the thought of his touch.
He was also breathing hard, his chest rising and falling as he drew in deep breaths.
I couldn't look away from him even if I had wanted to and I most certainly did not want to. Was I going to answer him? When my mouth opened, my eyes widened. Holy shit, I was going to answer him,
"M-my neck..." I stumbled, "Just under my ear...down to my shoulder."
My breathing was shallow, my body buzzing so hard I was shocked he couldn't hear it. No man had ever had this kind of effect on me. Not even Isaac when we first met. He was more interested in dating someone who had the same goals as he did than in making me feel like a woman with any sexual desires whatsoever. I didn't even know this kind of eroticism existed. This kid had me twisted in knots and all he was doing was asking me questions.
My breath hitched in my throat and I froze a bit when he dipped his head down to my neck, stopping centimeters before his lips pressed against my skin, he blew a tiny path of air from the nape of my neck all the way up to my ear lobe.
I shuddered, my eyes falling closed as I fought to regain control of my body. Despite the warmth of his breath, he sent chills down my spine until my toes tingled.
I actually contemplated letting him strip me naked and take me right there against the rock, I was that horny at the moment.
He lifted his mouth to my ear,
"You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen, Elizabeth." He whispered softly. My eyes opened to focus on him as he pulled away, "And you should be treated as such. Any man who doesn't make you feel like this every day? Is not worthy of you."
My eyes were wide as saucers as I stared back at him. This couldn't be real. No man said things like this to women. Or maybe they did and I was just too stupid to know that.
I swallowed hard, my eyes blinked a couple times. He took a few steps away from me and gestured back to the hotel,
"C'mon...we should get back. Gotta be up early for that hike."
I felt hot and clammy all over my body and I was nervous that he could tell. If he could though, he was too much of a gentleman to say anything.
It took me the entire walk back to the hotel to calm myself down to a state where I could speak again without stumbling over every word.
He turned to look at me once we'd stopped in front of my door,
"I had a good time."
I nodded gently,
"I did too."
He gestured to my hand,
"May I?"
It took me a moment to realize what he was asking. But I nodded once I got it,
"Yes."
He took my hand in his. Lightning bolts shot to every single inch of my skin. His hands weren't coarse at all. They were soft and gentle and when he touched me it wasn't with anything sinister in mind. He lifted my hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. He looked up at me through his lashes, not a hint of a smile on his lips at all,
"Thank you for dinner." He whispered against my skin.
I could feel his breath fan out against the hairs on the back of my hand. I shook a tiny bit, hoping against hope that he couldn't feel it. For all the work I'd done to get control of myself on the way back from the beach, he shattered it again in no time flat.
I swallowed hard,
"You're welcome."
He didn't let go of my hand but rather placed it against my side,
"I'll see you tomorrow morning. Wear comfortable shoes."
I nodded as he walked away. I wanted to say something like "ok" or "sure, got it covered." But I couldn't get a single bit of it out of my mouth.