"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzche
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November 31st - Black Friday
It is that Friday, the day after Thanksgiving when everyone goes shopping for sale stuff they never needed and didn't even know they wanted. May has called me while I was at work, and left me a message that her parents are over at some relatives in the City tonight. But rather than cancel our standing Friday date night, May asks if I can come to pick her up at her Grimm House up in The Hills, with address included. So after my time on the throne watching the last of the lappers beat water, I shower up and change into my riding gear and take my Deathwish up into The Hills.
In the spirit of San Fall originality, the hills above San Fall are called The Hills. But The Hills are a lot more than just one or two hills looming and lording over San Fall. More like a lot of little ascending rolling hills, one after another, behind The Hill that the little people down below can't see.
Just from hearing things around school, I know that there are two main communities the compose The Hills. Hillcrest which is exactly what it sounds like, the very top of The Hills. then there is Hills Heights, which is the little nooks and hollows below the Crest, but still above San Fall proper. So even without a view, they're still allowed to look down on the little people and feel super superior about being higher up in the air.
So up into The Hills I go, to seek out the lair of my dark goddess. I take the slow sloping curves up and around the Hills, and it's like a completely different world up here. I keep driving up around and around getting lost for a while. Finally, after two wrong ways and doubling back twice, I get to the hillock that goes to May's house.
When I finally pull up at the end of the long fence that surrounds the House of Grimm. I double check the address again to make sure I am in the right place. I can't really see much of the house itself from the street, thanks to long ass fence in front of the place.
Of course it's not a normal fence either, but a parquet wood monstrosity. With long alternating light and dark natural wood beams anchored into stone river rock pillars. Set right into the middle of the fence is one of those masive modernized celestial circle moon gate things. I have the feeling this thing should probably painted red, like in old Hong Kong dubbed Kung Fu movies.
Honestly, it's a beautiful gate, that says to me..."Hey Bro we have money up in this place. So why don't you take your sorry used to have warchild braids ass and get gone. Cause there ain't nothing for you here dude. And do not even think about kicking the bricks please, because our bricks are expensive and shit. They're like imported from a little villa in Italia, with a name you can never pronounce. And let's face it, by the time you can afford to go there the oldtimers will have already long kicked it, so you'll never remember the name anyways. So just go away before we have to call the poor people patrol, and have you arrested for trespassing without a trust fund.
I try to ignore the dark voices in my head, as I walk up long slabs of some sort of exotic sandstone up at an angle to a moon gate. Where I push the doorbells on the barricade, that of course don't ring normally. They have orison chimes, like ancient Carillon church bells from some Italian palazzo. But not in Rome, but somewhere classy like Milan or Córdoba. Where the old world values have not yet been corrupted by modern civilization. Where pasta is made by hand in the traditional manner...and justice is still subject to the law of vendetta.
Before I can even think to ring the bells on the barricade again, the moon gate thing swings open. To reveal April standing there haughtily looking down her perfect nose at me. Today Someone's Sister is dressed up in her cheery best. With full warpaint and clearly headed out to another "popular pod peeps party" in her never-ending social carousel of shiny soirees.
"You Slappy ...follow me." April struts out the moon gate without bothering to shut the barricade behind her. She practically shoves me back down the stone steps to the street level. "Me and you need to have talk away from the house ...where she can't hear."
In other words, Someones Sister unfortunately has something to say, that she feels is uber important for me to hear. Of course, I feel exactly the opposite of this feeling. That she, in fact, has nothing of import I want to hear, and nothing important to say at all.
"I swear to god Slapstick, if you screw this up or hurt my sister in any way ...well other than the obvious? I will flocking end you." She starts off seething. "I will burn your world up so bad, you will wish you were dead. Then I will hunt you down and kill you dead."
April delivers her death threats like they should be the scariest thing in the world to me. Which is a joke, because in my short time on this old big blue salt ball, and with the shit that I've been through and come out almost intact from? Yeah, her wrath about as scary as the proverbial "tempest in a teacup". Her little tantrum is so sad, I almost expect her to use "murderize me" in a sentence.
"Yeah, I know you think I'm just being a bitch, just because I can be." Her eyes narrow into cruel slits. She takes a long second to stare at me before she is satisfied that I have felt her scathing judgment of inadequacy.
"Well guess what? You're absolutely flocking A right! I am because I can." She levels her scathing glare-stare at me. "But you best take me seriously dude, because I swear to god if you hurt May today, I will end you."
"And don't think for a second, I won't tell daddy that you hurt her ...and you're on drugs. No joke, I will rat flock you out to my dad faster than you can say "April's a little lying bitch" three times." She smirks savagely triumphant in her ability to say the truth about herself. "I promise you, daddy will kill you blazing dead, and mount your head on his dead head trophy wall. Trust me, you have no clue what I'm capable of doing to you. If you hurt her today, with all your stupid?"
"You hearing me in there, Slapstick?" She pokes her own forehead to emphasize how hollow it is for me. "I mean, are you seriously hearing what I'm telling you, dude? Cause I really need to know that you are hearing me on this shit? And not doing that lost in local translation thing you like to do."
"What I'm hearing is you make a lot of very vague threats?" I reply calmly back. "So as usual, I have no idea what your problem with me is today. But don't let that stop you from...whatever."
"Are you kidding me with this 'I don't know nothing' bullshit?" April scoffs hard at me.
But when I don't take the bait, she spends a few heartbeats glaring at me harder. Intently searching my eyes for some sign that I understand what the hell she is talking about. Either that or that I am just messing with her empty head. Unfortunately for both of us, she can't seem to find whatever it is that she is looking for.
"Oh my gawd...you're so stupid." She bursts out laughing almost manically, that now I am convinced that she's the one on drugs. "You really are actually that flocking dumb and clueless, aren't you?"
"Okay sure, why not." I shrug her off, and she frowns as if this admission is news to her. I have no idea what she is talking about normally, nor any care at all to ask her to clarify whatever point that she has ever tried to make with me...save for May.
"You're not screwing with me?" Her eyes narrow into accusatory slits. "You seriously have zero clue what I'm up your ass about this time, at all?"
"Not a clue." I agree.
"Okay then, I will try to dumb this down far enough so that even your stupid ass might understand." She rolls her eyes at me and proceeds to spew out even more nonsense.
"You should know that May has put a lot of time and effort getting ready for tonight. Right now my sister, your supposed "secret girlfriend" is down at the guest house in the gardens, preparing herself to have the night of a lifetime." She waves obliquely away. "One that she will remember for the rest of her life. A night in which you ...unfortunately for her, will be playing a pivotal role in."
"So she's been down in the Tea House doing gods knows what, for the better part of three hours getting ready for ...your big date night?" April suddenly glances back up at the house, as if for once her sister's needs might just outweigh her own immediate interests. "Anyways, it's like super important moment to her. So I don't want you to screw it up with your super stupid shit. So now do you get it, Slapstick?"
As usual, I have no clue what she's prattling on about. But what the hell, in for a penny, in for a pound. I just wish someone would pound some sense into this idiot sometime in the relatively near future.
"Okay...and?" I scowl back at her. "We're just going down to the plaza for a movie and slice or whatever. So why are you...whatever the hell you are?"
"Well FYI, Mommy and Daddy are staying in the city, and they aren't coming home until Sunday. Maybe even as late as Monday morning." She informs me bluntly and now she has my undivided attention. "Yeah, surprise Slapstick."
"Soever, like they called us this morning and I guess my uncle is more cancer sicker than they thought or whatever. So while daddy deals with whatever daddy deals with? Mommy will want to do some shopping in the City." She is still eye boning at me intently. "And May didn't say anything to you about this at all?"
"Not." I intone in the way of her simplistic spirit people.
"Seriously? Nothing?" She snorts derisively in the local custom.
"I've been at work all day, so I haven't talked to May since this morning before I left to work." I explain to the pain unnecessarily. "All I know is that she sent me a text to come here, and get her for our usual Friday date night. So I just came straight over after I got off work."
"Oh my gawd, you're so stupid." April reevaluates what she has disclosed to me and why and changes tact. "Okay then, never mind what I said before. Well except that part where if you hurt her I will get medieval on your ass ...cause that part still stands."
"Oh, and I will totally kill you...you know...if you treat my sister badly and shit." She finally finds the words to express her fallacy. "And you still really don't have a flocking clue what I'm saying right now, do you?"
Now it's my turn to eye bone back because the whole thing is starting to come together. April is about to dump all her responsibilities to watch out for May on me for the rest of the weekend. Just so that she can go out and party while her parents are out of town. No big shocker there, and truth be told I couldn't be happier with this arrangement.
"Yeah, I think I'm starting to get the picture," I reply dryly. "You're bailing out on May, and you expect me to make sure she stays safe. Until whenever you get back from where ever you're going for the weekend? Which honestly I have no problem with at all. So go have fun and we'll see you when we see you."
"Okay...that's sorta good then, I guess." April relaxes back on to her normal hitch and blows the bangs out of her hair.
"Look stupid, for whatever inexplicable reason, my sister actually cares about you, a lot. I think ...she thinks ...that she might even be in love with you on some stupid level. So this is me, asking you nicely to please not screw this up for her, okay?" Now her whining is almost imploring. "And if you tell her that I asked you that, and somehow this comes back at me? I will kill you myself and mount your dead head on daddy's dead head trophy wall."
"I don't lie to your sister, it's a thing...and you know that." I scowl back. "So I am not about to start today for your benefit."
"Yeah, but you don't have to volunteer anything either, Slappy? So if she doesn't ask, you don't tell." She counters back quicker. "Trust, that's best for both of us in this particular situation."
Not for the first time does it strike me, that Someone's Sister has a very serious case of selective hypocrisy.
"Okay, so that's probably my ride or whatever." She tilts down the hill at the sadly familiar throaty roar of a suped up truck engine approaching. "So FYI, I probably won't be coming home tonight, unless I have to."
"Yeah, I already got that." I shrug her off towards her shiny life.
"So am I not gonna have to come back here and pick up the pieces, right?" Her eyes narrow into mine. "I can actually trust you not to screw this up to bad?"
"You probably should come back tonight at some point. Just call May when you need a ride, and I'll come pick you up if I have to."
"Dude please, I can get a ride whenever. Trust, I can get plenty of rides, if I need." She smirks the uber smirk of the popularity princess who everyone caters too, whether they like it or not.
"No, call me. I don't drink and drive...ever. Something that none of your friends can say the same too." I intone seriously. "And with your parents gone? This is not the night you want to have a problem, whether it's an accident or the cops or anything. So you call, I'll come get you. No questions, no problems."
"And mess up May's magic carpet ride? Yeah, I don't think so Slappy." April snorts. "In case you didn't notice, I'm not the sister that needs the babysitter?"
"Not to act like I care or anything? But if you do something stupid that brings your parents in early from the city. When you're supposed to be home with May, and not out an about doing whatever?" I point out to her ponytail. "Have you thought about what's gonna happen if they call? Or worse, they come home and you're not here but I am? Cause you got pulled over going to your next kegger from your last kegger? Do the math dummy."
"You know what, dude? Then it's your flocking funeral not mine." I can tell April's almost done sharpening her claws on her favorite scratch post now and has decided she has better things to do with her time. "Because knowing, Daddy? Yeah, it won't be my dead severed head up on the wall with all the dead animal heads at that point. So you best keep that in mind."
"Oh, and FYI I locked the dogs in the garage and shut off the power in the guest house. So none of daddy's security cams up there are working until I come back." She finally starts rattling off relevant facts.
"So if Daddy calls me to ask why that is, I will call May and give her a heads up. But if he can't reach me and calls May, just do the same. I can beat them back way before they can make here. But if you can't get a hold of me for whatever reason? Just take her back to your house and I will meet you there, so we can both get busted for curfew." She assures me of her absolute stupidity.
"Oh, and please park that piece of crap motorcycle you rode here on inside the fence. So the neighbors down the way don't get nosey." As usual, she has all the angles covered to protect her own ass at May's expanse.
"Anyways, so just go thru the gate, around the outside of the house. Then down the steps across the koi pond bridge and down the garden towards the right to the tea house." She snaps off directions at me. "You can't miss May, cause she'll be the only one glad that your dumbass has arrived."
"And remember what I said Slappy, cause I wasn't flocking kidding. Do not screw this up. Cause this is uber important to her." She rolls her eyes up to the skies. "Just promise me I don't have to worry about the balloons. That when May says she has that covered...that really means you have that covered, right?"
"Right back at cha." I sigh. "And I meant what I said about the ride."
"So did I stupid ...so did I." April drones, already bored with the changing of the guard.
"Okay, rides here. So good luck flocker." She rolls her eyes over to the incoming idiot.
The only too familiar black El Camino rolls up the slope to a stop next to April. One of her cheery coven swings open the long passenger door and like a good little witch April hops right in. I can't see the face of the monster driving, but I don't have to in order to know who is behind the wheel of this particular clown car.
"Hey, Surfer D." The monster in the driver seat grumbles out without every actually making eye contact.
"Hey, Butcher." I reply in kind. "You cool?"
"Always." Butchy snorts.
April slams the door closed cutting off our mutual admiration society. Then whines down the window and she unceremoniously flicks a row of small foil squares at my feet.
"Here stupid Slapstick." April's Fool tosses a final farewell at my feet, then starts giggling psychotically again. "Don't say I never did nothing for you."
It takes a long second for the full the impact of what she's just thrown at my feet to finally register.
"Wait...what the hell?" I blink up to April's smirking stare.
"Damn dude, you really are that flocking stupid aren't you?" April lizard rolls her eyes up and shakes her ponytail sadly at me.
With that, the hearse black window whines back up and the throaty engine idle roars up angrily. The El Camino quick flips a fast U-turn and speeds down the hill off to a destination unknown ...save only to a select few in the popularity circus.
I slowly bend down and pick up the linked balloon wrappers. Then slowly look back at the fate that awaits through the open gate. Which even now as I am watching, slowly creaks open to welcome me into its dark embrace.
"Okay, so this shit just got seriously strange." I run my thumb along the crinkly foil edge of the square packets thoughtfully.
So with that incantation to fait accompli, I start the slow march up the level slabs of Corinthian granite. To face the once strange girl that awaits me, inside the grim guest house.
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