A/N: Another weird crapfic. I guess I don't have much to do with my life currently. After writing the last fic, figured: Holy shit some of those video game characters are really creepy/weird! (That came out of nowhere, Lucas pun intended) And realized that most of these characters belong to a franchise with the main character being a kid. Namely, the Smash children. So, out of sheer boredom (and my insanity), I decided to write a fic about it. Another story revolving around the Smash Children, coming up!
Set in the same AU as 'If you need to learn to talk to a lady, go ask your mom', except that Smash 4 hasn't begun yet.
Note: harsh language, especially coming from Snake. Expect one every thirty words or so when it's in his focus.
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(A/N: Decided I should change my line breaks!)
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Another relatively normal day in the Smash Mansion. The matches for the day were over, dinner wasn't ready yet, and the children were just chilling in Red's room (Lucas: don't tell anyone I said this, but it's the only clean children's room, OK, reader?).
Toon Link was bragging about his adventures. As usual.
Most of the children weren't paying attention. As usual.
"... And I had to fight Bellum. He's a giant squid with a lot of eyes. I swear, he's the weirdest creature you'll ever meet!"
That got everyone's attention.
"Oh really? Prove it," Ness challenged.
"Challenge accepted," Toon Link replied, and flashed a photo of Bellum to everyone else.
The Ice Climbers "eep"ed and shrunk back.
Red flinched, but boasted,"oh come on, is that all you've got? I know several Pokemon with an appearance similar to that, and some are even weirder!" He took out his Pokedex and scrolled to the entry of Muk.
Nana fainted.
("Choose next Pokemon?" Ness mocked.
"Stop breaking the wall, you idiot! It got cracked, like five minutes ago!" Young Link scolded.
Lucas looked sideways.)
"I thought this was a weirdness contest, not creepiness contest!" Popo protested, and soon fainted afterwards, too.
Ness, however, was unimpressed. "We had something like that back at home, too. Why don't I show you this?"
Ness took out a crumpled picture of Gigyas from his hat.
"What the hell?!"
"...why would you keep that in your hat, Ness?"
"Sweet Din, that is creepy! Is that the final boss of your-"
Lucas clamped his hand over Toon Link's mouth.
Ness switched rummaging in his bag for...something. "But that's not all. Take this! (Triple Finish!)"
Red's eye twitched.
And Ness played an audio of Gigyas moaning.
"What the fuck was that?!" Red jumped back a few feet.
SMAAAAAAASH!
Took Link collapsed.
("Why are doing this video game style?" asked Lucas. Young Link faceplanted.)
Red was currently under the local desk.
"So, we proved Toon wrong. Any more information?" Ness asked.
Young Link played along and raised a hand in sarcasm. "Of course I do, Professor Ness. Why don't I show you? Here."
He reached into Hammerspace and pulled out a mini figure of the Great Fairy, sculpted herself.
Red didn't dare look. Ness screaming like his sister Tracy didn't help boost his self-confidence. Neither did the breaking window glass.
Lucas only commented, "where'd you get that? It's pretty lifelike. I've seen more though."
Young Link proceeded to wonder how Lucas didn't freak out straight away.
He got an answer in the worst way imaginable.
Lucas pulled out an entire stack of photo albums out of nowhere (A/N: more shameless 'Lucas comes out of Nowhere' puns! Yay!) and started flipping through the pages, withdrawing several images along the way. "So! There's a lot of stuff if classify weird and I'm not sure which one you'd like to see first. Why don't I show you this one?"
Lucas took out a picture from a Magypsy party.
Red fainted.
Mass shouting and chaos ensued. (A/N: Sorry, I lied about the 'hilarity ensues' part in the description. You'll forgive the hasty robot author, won't you? :) )
The two other conscious children's thoughts in a nutshell were: what in the [insert most offensive insults/cusses you know here] are those things? Make them go away!
On the floor were even more creepy pictures of things rivaling FNAF and Slenderman encountered in Lucas' adventures.
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Link heard screaming. It would have been very normal, if not for the impossibly high pitch of the voice. Hell, even Peach never squealed like that.
He decided to ignore it.
Minutes later, even more screaming could be heard throughout Smash Mansion, accompanied with horrified cries and breaking windows at short intervals.
Link, being the hero that he was, naturally had to investigate. A multitude of staircases and ear-piercing noises later, he found the most unlikely origin of the abovementioned noises later- Red's room.
He opened the door, and saw many unconscious children in the floor. That wasn't normal. He put his hands up in a why? gesture directed to one of the few awake children that weren't hyperventilating (Lucas) and the blond kid pointed downward.
Toward a heap of creepy images.
Even with the Triforce of Courage, he couldn't stand the visual onslaught of horrifying in-game characters, and he passed out on the spot.
-----0_o-----
The screaming from upstairs was loud.
Too loud for Snake's liking.
He was having a cigarette break, and those damn children had to ruin it. They needed to stop.
And so Snake began his legendary conquest to silence the Smash children. (A/N: I had to do that. It was a fantastic plot bunny! *Whines* Let's hope the Snake fans don't murder me.)
Once upstairs, he saw a vaguely familiar green-clad figure (Link, right?) sprawled on the floor. Must be the children again. Pesky little assholes.
He opened the door, and saw a makeshift signpost that said, "↓". Lucas and Young Link were trying to wake everyone else up or bring them to their senses (Ness was hyperventilating pretty bad). So, he followed the instructions on the signpost out of boredom.
And was greeted by the most terrifying sight in his life. Those pictures were creepy as fuck, and that figurine...who would even make that monstrosity?!
Snake made a tactical retreat and backed out of the room. "At least that explains why Link was in the floor there." And he crawled back into his room in his FedEx cardboard box to hyperventilate.
-----0_o-----
R.O.B. #36742 was cleaning the fourth floor of Smash Mansion. Due to this being the children's floor (mostly), there weren't a lot of issues on this floor, despite the big messes most of the children made.
It was quite natural when the robot nearly short circuited upon seeing Link on the floor, unconscious.
After picking Link up and transporting him the medical office, it went back upstairs to clean up Red's room.
It started off with addressing the floor if Red's room.
Wrong move.
The photos on the ground were so ugly, R.O.B. short circuited and shut itself off. (A/N: What? It's an AI, it obviously has the ability to judge whether something is pretty! At least it can in this semi-AU. )
-----0_o-----
The following half an hour, Smashers kept coming into the room, seeing the photos, and collapsing in all sorts of undignified ways.
"Lucas?"
"Yeah?"
"You know, we should really put back the photos. And the figurine. We don't want Master Hand to cone in and-"
"FUUUUUUUUU-"
Smack. Master Hand had ungracefully flopped onto the floor like a Magikarp, unconscious.
"Sheesh. That telepathic scream was loud. Young, please don't be so optimistic. You have a miraculous ability to jinx things when you're optimistic. Now how do we move all the Smashers to their rooms?"
In the end, Lucas had to convince Mewtwo, one of the only mentally functioning Smashers left, to make everyone (including Mewtwo himself, via Amnesia) forget the previous fiasco. Well, everyone except for the other kids, since Young Link insisted that they deserved it.
The children all agreed not to speak of this incident ever again.
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A/N: yay...another crapfic to ruin your minds. I don't really have anything to say here, except that I will not be responsible for any mental damage done to you. This is AlphA, signing out. Also, apologies for sucky ending.
-AlphAOmega151