It has been two weeks since I met Marshall at McDonald's, the first couple of days after I was nervous about him figuring out about Amy but now I'm not that nervous anymore. I wouldn't know what to do if he ever found out, I know he would get extremely angry and I wouldn't know what to tell Ken. He would have a hard time forgiving me if I had lied to him about this.
I sit in my office planing events for the week and Tasha calls me.
"Hi." I say still a little concentrated on my papers.
"Hi what's up? Do I disturb?"
"No." I lie.
"Marshall came by yesterday and he told Lucas that he ran into you."
"Okay..?" I say and I expect her to say more.
"He was very surprised about Amy, he asked if we had known all along and then he asked Lucas for how long you have been with Ken, and that's where Lucas fucked up." Tasha explains. No no no.. He didn't..
"Don't tell me that he told Marshall that Ken isn't Amy's father." I beg and she becomes silence which means that he did. "I'm gonna whoop his ass!"
"I don't think Marshall got suspicious because he didn't ask more about it."
"Or then he got all the answers he needed."
"I doubt it."
"I know him."
"Come on Amelia you're just being paranoid."
"I gave birth to his child behind his back so wouldn't you? You know he's gonna go nuts if he finds out about this."
"But he won't."
"Never say never with Marshall." I say. "I really gotta go now." I say as I get too frustrated to talk right now.
I just hang up and I feel so sick right now. I can't have him coming around and fuck the perfect life up I've built with Ken. I know it's me who's wrong here for having this secret but it's what I needed to do. Marshall was so unstable at the time and I know he's sober now but it doesn't change the fact that he was unstable back then. I made my choice based on what was best for me and Amy at the time and I was right; it was the best thing for Amy.
I walk into the house after I'm done at the club, it got a little late today so Ken is actually home before me. Him and Amy sit on couch watching tv and I can't help but stop up and admiring the view before they notice my appearance. My family.. My perfect little family that I won't give up for anything. I'm so scared that if Ken finds out about all this then he's gonna leave us. I'm afraid that Marshall is gonna find out and then walk into our life and fuck everything up because I have a weakness for Marshall. I can't tell Ken that I have been lying to him all along, he would think my decision was wrong then, he would look at me as a whole different person if he knew. Marshall walking into my life again would be a disaster, not because he's not a good person because I think he is but because there's too much history. I have another life now and I can't go back and I shouldn't have gone back 7 years ago when I left Kevin for him, because I was also a whole other person there and I had another life.
I walk into the living room and my heels make sounds on the floor making Amy and Ken look at me.
"Hi mommy." Amy says and she returns her eyes to the screen.
"Hi." I say and I walk over and sit down next to Ken.
"Hi babe." He says and kisses me. "Did you have a good day?" No..
"Yes, it was okay." I lie. "How was your day?"
"I had a couple looking at a house, the wife was pregnant and they're about to start their life and it reminded so much of us, you know? Their happiness looked just like ours." Ken says and I can't help but smile. We really are happy and I really love him, most I love him for taking Amy in like she was her own. Amy was like I've said only two years old when Ken came into our life. I met him at Starbucks one morning where I accidentally spilled my coffee at him. I was so embarrassed because I could tell that his suit was expensive, but he was so sweet and I kept apologizing to him but Ken just said that I could make it up tonhim by letting him take me out. Our date was really nice and he was such a gentleman, but I still had a hard time breaking down my walls and it was first on the second date that I told him about Amy and he didn't even mind. It took me a long time before I was ready to introduce him to Amy but when I did, I was just so sure that I wanted this man because he was so good with her and Amy was so in love with him.
"Did you sell them the house then?" I ask.
"No they're still looking." He says and I just nod.
The next day I drive over to Rachel after work because I really need to talk to somebody about this.
We sit at the table and we just small talk a little, Rachel asks much about Amy which she always does, she adores her.
"I ran into Marshall." I suddenly say and Rachel looks surprised.
"When?" Rachel asks.
"Two weeks ago."
"Why haven't you told me?" She frowns.
"I don't know, I tried to leave it but I'm really worried because he saw Amy and the other day he started asking Lucas some questions about Ken, and Lucas that dumbass told him that we've only been together for two years. So Marshall knows that Ken isn't Amy's father." I tell her.
"Do you think he'll ever think so far that it could be his?" She asks.
"I don't know but I have my worries. I kinda tried to indicate that Ken was Amy's father when I met him and now Lucas told Marshall that she isn't so that's gonna start some thinking with Marshall." I say. "I know him."
"I have so mixed feelings about this Amelia and you know it." Rachel says. I know that Rachel understands my choice back then but on the other hand she's a little against the fact that Marshall is never gonna know that he has a child out in the world that he doesn't know about.
"I know but I can't let this happen. It'll only confuse Amy and boy I don't even wanna know how Ken would react." I share my concern.
"Are you afraid of Ken's reaction?" She asks curious.
"I'm afraid that he'll might leave me." I say.
"I don't think he'll leave Amy because of that." Rachel says.
"He would hate that I've known who's the father is all along and he'll hate that I've lied to him." I say.
"Of course but there's long from being angry than actually leave." Rachel says.
"I'm just concerned." I say.
"Marshall has no proves that Amy is his so I think you can relax." Rachel says.
"I can't have him walking into my life and fuck it up again." I say.
"I don't think he will." Rachel says. I know it's hard for Rachel to discuss this because she really loves Marshall. I know he was an asshole and put me through a lot of shit back then, but he had no control over the situation he was in and he wasn't ready for a relationship, I was naive to think that he ever was. It doesn't mean that I think it's okay what he did but it justifies a lot of his actions. Marshall really is a great guy and I bet that he's a great guy now that he's sober and has more control of the situation.
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