The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you
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"I'm full aware of what I've said yesterday, and I meant it"
Harry closes his eyes for a second. Last night he didn't reply to Zayn. He couldn't. Didn't know how to put everything together when it's falling down on him so fast. He thought Zayn was mainly drunk and he left the bed for Zayn -again- while he took the couch.
He wants to believe him, but he knows how things are between Zayn and Liam, on and off all the time. And he hates how Liam made Zayn so fragile, that he can't even direct his feelings properly, that he's already so shattered. But above all, how he doesn't even seem to care enough of what he claims to have feelings for.
Harry opens his eyes to look at Zayn, "I know. But you're still attached to him, and I can't force you to choose. You have already too much on your plate. I don't want to add more" then he leaves the apartment. Zayn sighs flopping on the couch with his head in his hands. 'Still attached'
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Harry should've taken Niall's words seriously. He didn't expect it to happen this soon, but it did. Once he stepped inside the company's building, he was summoned to the manager's office. Weird enough, the manager himself wasn't there to meet him. He simply walked away from the office when Harry got there. Liam was sitting on a chair smiling an insincere smile.
"Sit" Harry sighed heavily then sat down on the opposite chair facing Liam.
"Listen, Harry. We both know why I'm here, so let's get down to the subject" Liam leaned forward in his chair. "Leave him" Harry blinked at him.
"You want me to kick him out? Leave him to live on the streets?"
"Of course not" Liam gave him an annoyed look, "I've already provided him an alternative place to stay at. That until he calms down and comes back home"
Harry takes a deep breath, "Listen, Liam" mimicking Liam's earlier tone, "I'm not forcing him to do something he doesn't want to, and I suggest that you don't either"
"You don't tell me what I do"
"If you care about him you would"
"I do care about him! You know nothing about us!" Liam says through gritted teeth.
"And then what? Leave him alone in some house? To get back later to another abandoned house? What's the use? Can't you see that he's not okay?" Harry raises his voice.
But Liam knows. Staying with Harry would only make Zayn drift away further. He knows Zayn takes some time to get back to his senses, to get back to him, that he always makes a fuss about Liam's job but he eventually comes back. Harry knows it too, knows that Zayn came back each time because his feelings for Liam didn't fade away, that still exists to this day. But only because he's afraid, his relationship had too many scars and he couldn't heal them because they re-open time after time, that he didn't trust anyone else anymore, that he already gave up on love.
But now that he's slowly starting to see things differently, Harry is not going to let go of his efforts, he was not letting go of Zayn. Not when he finally got a hold of him. Time used to be in Liam's favor, but not anymore. As time goes by, Zayn starts to realize that Liam isn't the right one for him, even if they'd been married for two years, even if they had been together for ages. Time is only a number by now that doesn't mean that much to Zayn.
"He'd be okay once you leave him"
Harry shakes his head leaning back in his chair, "I'm not afraid of you"
"You should" Liam glares at him then leans back in his own chair slowly, "You're going to do what I say if you know what's good for you"
Harry snorts, "And if I didn't?"
Liam smirks, "You have a sick mother, Harry. I believe Zayn had paid for her treatment a while ago?" Harry stays silent so Liam's smirk grows "It's be a shame if her treatment stopped. Zayn might have paid for it, but it's still under my name. The sources he used are mine, and neither you nor him can stop me"
"I don't need your fucking money, never did. I can handle it my own"
"How? I can make you lose your job right this instant. And don't think about applying elsewhere, I can track you down. And believe me, I can make everyone fire you before you're even hired. Don't play with fire, Harry. You'll get burnt"
Fuck Liam, and fuck his money. No wonder Zayn is drifting away. But Liam got him cornered. Liam puts a set of keys and a piece of paper on the table between them, "I expect him to be there by tomorrow" He stands up and leaves. Harry takes a deep breath leaning back in his seat and closing his eyes. This is too much. He didn't apply for this.
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"That bastard. That's why I hate all those rich bitches" Louis hisses.
"What do I do, Lou? I won't be able to pay for her treatment if I stopped working-"
"Actually, there are still some underground jobs" Harry glares at him, "Just saying"
"And you're saying that he can't get to me there? Louis, rich people are the ones who keep them running"
"Yeah, even the authorities can't help you in that" Louis sighs, "Just move him there, you can still go visit him, you know"
"Doubt it" Harry mumbles, "He doesn't deserve this, Louis" Harry sighs. Liam is breaking Zayn more and he's not sure if Zayn can take more damage than he already is.
"Harry, Zayn is just a guy. A married one. He lived like this for two years, I think he already got used to this life. Your mother on the other hand, needs you" Harry looks down. Zayn did live like that for too long, but he can't force himself to put him back in that horrible situation once more, what would make him different? He'll be the cause of him hurting and the mere thought of it hurts him. But Louis is also right, He can't cause the death of his own mother, the one that cared for him for his entire life.
He knows it isn't fair. That he's probably killing Zayn from the inside. But he'll find a way. He'll find a way.
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"What?" Zayn blinked at Harry.
Harry came back home and took him to some house without talking so much. And now that he's inside, Harry is handing him the keys.
"You need ... space. Like ... alone. You know, to think about this whole ... situation" Harry avoided his gaze and looked around the house.
"How did you get this?"
"Um, I've been saving up" Harry says slowly, not really knowing how to come up with a proper lie. "Look, I'll stay in touch, okay? Anything you need just call me" He walks quickly towards the door to avoid hearing more questions from Zayn and he's glad Zayn isn't following him. He doesn't want Zayn to think that he hates him, but Liam made it obvious that he wants Harry completely out of Zayn's life.
Zayn stares after him in confusion. He knows Harry is lying, and he's a shit liar. It doesn't take Zayn more than a minute to figure out that this is all Liam's doing. He quickly grabs his phone and car keys and heads out of the house.
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Zayn heads to Liam's company and he's actually surprised when his assistant doesn't kick him out, instead she quickly gets inside a room interrupting the meeting to inform Liam about his arrival. He is even more surprised when Liam cancels the meeting to see him.
"Wow, I should be impressed, but unfortunately I'm not" he crosses his arms once Liam is in front of him. "What did you exactly tell Harry?" he keeps his calm tone and hard stare but Liam knits his eyebrows together.
"Why would I want to talk to Harry?"
"Liam, don't. Stop whatever you're doing. I know you said something to him ... you threatened him!" he raises his voice at the last part, his eyes going wide.
"I did not threat him. I simply asked him to move you to a better place, so you can live freely. Baby, I care about you, more than he'll ever will"
Zayn stares at him, Liam is jealous. And he knows Liam's jealousy is the worst side of Liam. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down, "I'm not moving to that place" he can see Liam's hands close into fists but he doesn't flinch. Liam would never lay a hand on him, but he's not sure of what he did or was about to do to Harry. "And whatever you did or say to Harry, you better back off"
"Why do you care so much about him?"
"Why do you?" Zayn retorts. Liam doesn't reply so he keeps going, "When did you start to be like this, Liam?" he says more quietly. "Do you ever ask yourself when did it all go wrong? When did we fall apart?"
"Zayn, I'm trying to fix this if you just gave me a chance-"
"I did give you a chance and you blew it. So don't you dare blame it on me"
"I'm not blaming you, Zayn. I'm just asking for another chance"
"Another chance to do what, Liam? To try acting all sweet then dumping me?"
"I never dumped you!"
Zayn rubs his temple, "Did you sign the papers?"
"Zayn, please, you're not thinking clearly"
Zayn gapes at him, "Obviously I'm some psycho to all of you! I'm a fucking adult! The hell is wrong with you?!"
"Zayn-"
"No, just stop!" he yells but Liam is quick to wrap his arms around him, "Get the hell away from me!"
"Zayn, please just calm down" Zayn glares at him for a while and Liam just stares at his eyes sitting him slowly on the chair and kneeling in front of him. "I'm sorry" Zayn doesn't reply so he carries on, "I went too far, and I promise you I won't do anything to Harry" Harry. The name that haunts him in his nightmares. "I just wanted you back, and I would do anything to have you again-"
"Have me?" Zayn chuckles bitterly. "Liam you had me for years but never made a step towards me. You were backing away, and you were losing me with each step-" Liam cuts him off by placing his lips on his.
"And I'm trying to get you back" he whispers against Zayn's lips before pulling back slightly to look into his eyes.
"Don't" Zayn whispers back, "Stop trying to get me back, Liam, because I'm not coming back"
"You still love me"
"I do" Zayn's voice breaks, "And it hurts" he pauses to stop the tears from running down, "It shouldn't, Liam" Liam stares into Zayn's eyes that shows too much hurt, too much sorrow, the tears that he caused, the pain that he was the source of it. And for the first time, Liam can actually see that Zayn is hurting not because Liam is gone, but because he is here. He wipes his tears with his thumb, his other hand goes around Zayn's waist.
"It shouldn't" he repeats, "I ..." It's his turn to break, tears are running down his face which is now resting on Zayn's shoulders. Both arms are tightly secured around Zayn. "I'm sorry, Zayn. I never meant for this to happen!" Zayn lets him cry and hold him, resting his own head on Liam's.
Liam should've known. That Zayn's happy persona was slowly fading away, that he was putting an effort in living with a broken soul. He should've listened to Zayn's pleadings, he should've stayed, should've done plenty of stuff while he got the time. But it's too late. Zayn is already broken, and he isn't the one that can fix him.
He should've known when Zayn stopped talking to him about his life, when he suddenly knew that he was also going away meeting new people, having a new life, fixing his own self by his own when he started giving up on Liam. Should've known that Zayn is untying the rope connecting them together, that Zayn still cares, always will, but he can't move on. That Liam made him stuck to a place that he doesn't belong to, stuck to someone he doesn't belong to.
He slowly pulls his head back up, his own teary eyes matching Zayn's, "You wouldn't come back even if I shut this company down, would you?"
Zayn looks down, "No. Sorry"
Liam nods with a weak smile, "I always seem to bring tears to your eyes" he pauses to take a shaky breath in, "But he makes you happy" Zayn's eyes go back to his again and he keeps his smile. "It's not easy, Zayn. Giving up on you"
"I know" Because it's never been easy on Zayn either, and Liam knows it now, can feel the same feeling in his chest, and he wonders how could Zayn live with that pain through the past years if it hurts like this. And it hurts him more to realize that now, that Zayn was putting up a fight he wasn't supposed to have, that he was hanging on a loose thread, that he was already facing too much and Liam only added to his burden, each single day. But Liam is hurting him if he kept on holding on to him, that Zayn would be better off without him, that he would heal properly away from him. But it still hurts to let him go, the love he has for him is true.
"I can't say I won't miss you" Zayn smiles a faint smile. "And I can't say that I will ever stop loving you" he swallows the lump forming in his throat, "I can't promise you I'll move on, that I will stop thinking about you. I can't forgive myself for it-"
"I do" Zayn interrupts him in a quiet voice, "I forgive you" Liam shakes his head, "It's moving on, Liam. You have to" Liam shakes his head again.
"I don't want to. Don't even deserve to. My time to hurt, yeah?" he chuckles.
Zayn cups his face, "I don't want you to hurt" Liam looks up at him, "But I caused you so much pain-" Zayn shakes his head with a smile, "Liam you've already earned a place inside my heart. The memories we shared are not going to fade away. I don't want them to"
Liam leans in to kiss him and Zayn kisses back. So much lost thoughts going through, so much pain, and they need it. They've had their moments. And it was goodbye. When they pull back Liam is the first to speak, "Be happy" he pauses, "For both of us"
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Harry sees Zayn on the sidewalk when he gets off his work. He smiles softly once he sees Harry and Harry approaches him slowly, confused.
"A coincidence can fix a life" Zayn starts and Harry stays quiet, not really knowing where this is going. "People think that living here is inside the gloomy part of the city, but they don't understand what life really means" Zayn glances around, "I've been living in the darkness, Harry for far too long" then he looks back at him, "Until I met you" he smiles again and Harry's heart is already beating loudly in his chest. He doesn't know what happened with Zayn, he doesn't know if he should feel happy or worried about the fact that Zayn is actually speaking his mind.
"Harry, you opened my eyes. Made me see the life differently. Made me realize my own path instead of following others, or what they tell me to" neither of them move and Harry can't hear the people walking by, "There are people you meet that aren't meant to be in your life forever. That they come as a lesson, it's just the way life is" he pauses for a second, "That maybe taking a step towards the unknown is better than what you already know. That an adventure is risky but you still have to take it. That you have to close your eyes to re-open them. That you have to see the worst so you can appreciate the good"
He takes a deep breath then continues, "That you have to close a door to open another" he chuckles, "I've never been the type to ramble, Harry" Harry smiles as well, "You and your stupid self made me like this" he looks up to meet Harry's eyes, the smile is still present at his face. "You and your beautiful self" he corrects, "I'm sure you've heard if before, but it's true. You're beautiful, Harry. Inside and out. There's a long list of good traits in you that I can't count" Harry smiles at that, he should be the one saying this about Zayn, "And I fell in love with you. With every part of you, with every good thing inside your heart, to every stupid joke you make with your brain, to the way your dimples show in your cheek when you smiles brightly. And I want to treasure you if you'd allow me to"
Harry stares at him so Zayn carries on, "The divorce is final. Me and Liam are officially over. And not just through papers. We've talked, and I'm happy to say that we're both on the same page for once. I'm not going to lie to you, Harry. Liam has been a big part of my life and I can't just erase him from my memory or my heart. But the past is in the past, and I want a future with you. I love you, I want you. And you can have me if you want me too"
Harry doesn't wait for Zayn to say another word as he closes the distance between them, his hands go to cup Zayn's face and he kisses his desperately. Zayn kisses back just as desperate as Harry. Being here feels right. Being with Harry feels right. And they don't care if they're still on the sidewalk, if there are million eyes watching them, they only care about one another.
They both pull away breathlessly, "I want you in every way possible" he replies and they both smile widely. Harry's arms fall to wrap around Zayn's waist to hold him closer to himself as Zayn's arms wrap around Harry's neck. And Harry can't help himself from leaning in again, catching Zayn's lips in his own, because he can. Zayn is his, and he couldn't ask for more.
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Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard
Cause all of me, Loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges
All your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning
Even when I lose I'm winning