'No man in the world is worth shedding a tear for. Least of all him who his cost you so much already'
-The Virgin's Lover, Philippa Gregory
Emilia knew what she was going to say but it didn't make it any more pleasant.
Lettie and Jane were once again, under the care of Mrs. Gregson for the afternoon and Emilia was almost alone as she waited outside the bank.
There were few people out today, the sudden heat from the previous day had turned into storms and she stood underneath the awning, trying to keep as dry as she could.
Soon enough Fredrick emerged from the building and as his eyes found hers they narrowed for a fraction of a second, but he smiled and waved a moment later.
"Emilia, good afternoon," he kissed her cheek. She stiffened as he did so, but didn't protest.
"Good afternoon, how are you?" "Fine, thank you, shall we find someplace dry to go?" "Why not," they walked in silence down the road and every step Emilia could almost feel the current of tension between them.
He must know. She though miserably, but there was nothing she could do about it now.
Soon they had settled into a small cafe and after Fredrick had ordered, (Emilia had said she didn't want anything) she began.
"Fredrick I've come to talk to you about something and I really don't know how to approach this but I've decided to marry your brother." She said in a rush. When he didn't she hurried on, starting to get even more nervous. "What I mean is that I am very fond of you but I think," she would've said more but he had started to look angry so she trailed off, a little hesitant.
"Fond of me, but more fond of my brother I suppose." He snorted.
"Well evidently, as I've decided to marry him," Emilia frowned but he wasn't done.
"So you let me court you, let me fool myself into believing I had a chance and then snatched that hope away? Is that how you like to play it? You prefer the smarter, handsomer brother? I notice I was good enough until he came along." He took an aggressive bite of his sandwich, as if that particular edible had done him a great personal wrong. Emilia twisted her mouth, tight knuckled but silent. "As soon as Max gets back you decide he was better? And yet you still weren't done with me. You toyed with me," he continued but she snorted, snapping at him:
"For God's sake, stop being so melodramatic." She retorted. "I didn't toy with you! For two years I pined after you and you barley even gave me the time of day. But when Max came back you were all interested. I don't even believe you ever loved me, you just wanted to prove that you could beat your brother at something, didn't you? You just wanted to marry me to prove that you were better than him." She hadn't realized it before but she did now and cursed herself for not noticing before.
"That's not true!" He was flushed and looked furious, his nostrils flaring.
"Isn't it? You thought that if I married you, you could finally beat your brother at something. Well it didn't work, did it? Because you're not better than him and you never will be!" She stood up, angrier than she had been in a while. He stood up as well, glaring at her.
"You think Max is so perfect do you? You think he has no faults?" He laughed bitterly. "You're just a silly, unfaithful girl and I pity the man who marries you."
"Well it won't be you so don't worry. I'd never marry a self pitying, manipulative rat like you," she was unreasonably furious now, she knew, but she couldn't stop. She ran out of the cafe, slamming the door as hard as she could and started to dash down the street, ignoring the rain in her fury. She past darted around people, ignoring shouts of anger and irritated mutters of the people she bumped into.
She ran towards the park, throwing herself down underneath her usual tree and bursting into unrestrained sobs.
There she sat, alone and ashamed, crying for all the world like a child who has lost its privileges. She wrapped her arms around her knees and bury her face in her skirts, which were muddy and wet, and cried until she thought it was impossible for there to be any more tears left.
But there were and she was so enveloped in her own grief that she didn't notice that Max had sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her, pulling her close.
When she did realize however, it only added to her guilt and she cried all the harder.
Max, unaware of the cause of her distress, could only marvel at the minds of women and hold her. When she had calmed enough to talk she spoke;
"Oh Max I was awful to your brother. I said so many things I shouldn't off. I had no reason to be so angry or cruel." She wiped her eyes, looking up at him.
"What did you say to him?"
"I told him that I didn't know how I could ever find him attractive because he was manipulative and low and that I'd be happy if I never saw him again. I said that he only wanted me to prove that he was better than you." She felt the sting of tears in her eyes but she blinked them away and looked away, to ashamed to meet his eyes.
"And how did he react to that?"
"He didn't really, I ran out before he could say anything. Before he was saying how he was good enough until you came along and that he pitied the man who married me."
"I'm sorry, I can't believe he'd say those things."
"It was mostly my fault, he's right. I fear I must've hurt him."
"No you didn't, this is his injured pride speaking. You mustn't feel bad, it isn't your fault, my brother's just too proud for his own good."
"But..."
"No," Max spoke firmly, turning her chin up to look at him. "You did nothing wrong, my brother is proud and hates thinking that he's not as good as anyone. That's his problem, not yours so don't think you must sacrifice your happiness for others. You understand me?" He asked seriously and he nodded.
"I do, but..."
"No buts, you've got to realize that you can't please everyone, least of all my brother, so don't think that."
"I feel almost as if I've betrayed him because I've spent almost two years being infatuated with him and when he was, I think, beginning to return my affections, I fell in love with his younger brother."
"I hate to have to tell you this but I doubt very much that he really loves you. He only wants what'll make him look good."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes and there is no need for you to feel bad, you are completely innocent in this. I don't want to hear anymore of this nonsense." He kissed her forehead and smiled at her.
"If you're sure."
"I am, and I suppose you have an answer for me? I came here at your request."
"I think you can guess the answer well enough." She smiled, all traces of her recent despair gone.
Fredrick, stung by Emilia's words, made his way back to the bank, angry and shocked. He was not prepared to go back to work and face people. He wished he could sink a mile into the earth and lie there for the rest of time.
Several fellow employees called out greetings at him but he ignored them, storming into the building.
By the end of the day his mood had not improved. He trudged down the road in the rain, his mind full of her last words to him.
How dare she say I'm not as good as him? I'll be she doesn't even know about the man he killed. She had no right to yell at me like that.
As if anything else could go wrong that day he saw Aaron Cadman waiting for him at the corner of the street. Aaron, upon seeing Fredrick, strode towards him, a determined look on his face.
"Fredrick," he began but he was cut off.
"Don't speak to me, my day's been bad enough without you making it worse."
"Please, you should at least give me a chance to explain."
"Explain what? That you left? That you're a coward?"
"Explain that I left because of Nora and-"
"You left because your sister wanted you to? That's even worse, if possible."
"No, I left because she was with child."
Of everything Fredrick was expecting, this wasn't it. He was so shocked he forgot his anger momentarily.
"What?"
"Nora had Max's child and they had a row and she claimed she didn't want to marry him and stormed off."
"Max has a child?"
"No, it was a stillborn but he didn't know that, that's why he came to us a few days ago."
Fredrick glanced about, looking out for people. There were very few but, aware that anyone could be watching, he pulled Aaron along the road.
"Come it isn't safe here." They came to a small lane way where there was no one about and the only sound was the rain hitting the pavement. Both men were soaked but neither took any notice of that. "As I understand it, you're saying you left because Nora was going to have a child? Not because you're a coward?" He was unwilling to believe it, though he very much wanted to.
"Yes, please, trust me on this."
"Why should?" He flared up again. "Why should I trust you again? How do I know this is at all true?"
"Ask your brother, I swear I'm being honest with you."
"I..." as much as Fredrick longed to believe it, longed to find an excuse for the man he loved, he was shrewd and didn't want to face more disappointment or pain.
"I swear to you that I still love you, that's why I came back. I missed you."
"There's all ready been talk about me, I had an affair with Alexander Perkins and his wife's friends had been talking about me. I can't risk it."
"But do you want to?" Aaron's voice had lost it's pleading; it had another tone in it, one that sounded like hope.
"Yes, I, I was angry but I still love you." Fredrick said honestly, looking up at him. Aaron lent down the one inch that separated them to kiss him but Fredrick placed a hand his chest.
"Are you mad? If we're seen..." he didn't finish but Aaron understood and pulled away reluctantly. "Come to the flat, now one'll be home."
They arrived at the flat, sneaking up to Fredrick's room and shutting the door. He drew the curtains before kissing Aaron.
It was the first time in almost four and a half years and Fredrick hadn't realized how much he missed Aaron. He pulled him deeper into the kiss, Aaron's familiar smell of oranges and something slightly metallic, only made Fredrick all the more eager to make up for lost time.
"I missed you," Aaron had pulled away and was burying his head in Fredrick's shoulder, pulling his coat off. Fredrick took his own off, starting on his waistcoat while Aaron kissed his mouth, his ear, his neck, greedily inhaling the scent.
"As did I," Fredrick breathed, wrapped his arms around Aaron's neck. "I'm sorry I was angry, I regret it."
"Shh," Aaron silenced him with a kiss, pulling of his shirt as he went.
Fredrick smiled against Aaron's mouth, almost delirious with joy.
An hour later they were lying down, Aaron's head on Fredrick's chest, their hands intertwined.
"Is it true that you tried to marry a girl?" Aaron murmured, a hint of amusement in his voice.
"It is, and I failed. She's engaged to my brother."
"Pity," but Aaron's voice held anything but pity and he turned around, propped up on his elbows.
"Don't mock me, I think I could've been happy with her."
"Really? If she's that extraordinary I may have to meet her myself." "Haven't you? Max told me you ran into them the night you arrived."
"That was her?" Aaron raised his eyebrows.
"Why so surprised?"
"She didn't seem like your type."
"What d'you mean?" Fredrick sat up, frowning.
"I dunno," Aaron shrugged noncommittally. "She seemed shy."
"She really isn't, you should've heard what she said to me today, rude little," he began but Aaron kissed him again, a quick peck.
"Forget her, I'm back." He said.
"And that's the problem," Fredrick stood up, pulling clothes on. "You're here and that means I've got to marry. People will talk if they every see us spending too much time together."
"They won't," Aaron assured him. "I'll come here, no one will know, how could they?"
"But," Fredrick cast about helplessly, "I'm scared Aaron. You know what'll happen to us of people find out."
"But no one will, trust me." He said but Fredrick snorted, jerking his cuffs into position.
"I think its beyond trust now, its common sense. I'm glad your back, I missed you, but the fact remains that women are gossiping about me and that kind of gossip isn't good."
"So you'll leave me to get married."
"Yes, and if you had an ounce of sense in that pretty little head of yours, you'd do the same," he kissed him roughly. "You should leave now, I have work to do." Fredrick left his room, closing the door behind him.
Aaron, puzzled and frustrated by Fredrick's sudden change of heart, did as he was bid and left the house without detection, fully clothed and sullen.
After supper that night Max had announced that he was going to his usual haunt, the theatre, but Fredrick stopped him.
"Max, can I have a word outside?" He asked.
"If you must, but I'll have to be at the theatre by half eight."
"This won't take long," Fredrick led his brother into the small landing. "I was talking with Aaron Cadman today, and he told me some very interesting news."
"Yes?" Max asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.
"About why him and Nora left so suddenly; apparently you could've become a father but the child was a stillborn. Apparently Nora Cadman had your child." Fredrick finished in a triumphant hiss; their mother was on the other side of the wall and he knew full well what would happen if she heard this.
"That's true," Said Max. He had paled but he looked defiantly at his older brother. "I offered to marry her but she refused. I did what I could."
"Did you really?"
"Yes, I tried to help but she was angry with me." For the first time Max's eyes slid away for a moment.
"And why was that?"
"It was nothing, but she's here now and I don't know why. I sense she's trying to entrap me into something, she was much too pleased to see me the other day."
"Right," in his whirlpool of emotions about Aaron, Fredrick had forgotten about Emilia. "Because I take it that you and Emilia are engaged?"
"Yes we are and I heard that you said some unwarranted things to her."
"Me?" Fredrick spat. "I said nothing, it was her that-"
"That's my betrothed you're talking about, I'll remind you to watch your tongue."
"And does your betrothed know about Nora Cadman's child? Your child? Have you told her about that particular gem?"
"No, but if you tell her..."
"But will you tell her? Or are you too ashamed?"
"I'm not ashamed and I will tell her, but you keep your nose out of my business."
"Sure, I'll do that," Fredrick smirked. "Have a good evening." He turned and strolled back into the sitting room, leaving Max with a distinct sense of unease plaguing his breast.
Nora Cadman was dressed her best and she felt rather blissful with the sense of her own beauty. She checked her reflection once more in the window of the darkened shop before striding across the road into the theatre.
"Max!" she cried out, seeing the man in question in the atrium. He was talking with another girl, not the one Nora had met the other night, but a new one. She frowned, her mind working furiously as Max, the girl in tow, came over to her.
"Nora, I didn't know you'd be here tonight," Max didn't look as happy as she thought he would, but she took it into stride.
"I thought it would be a nice evening," she smiled as she saw Max's eyes flickering over her, taking in her fine gown.
"This is Eva Olsen, an actress, Eva this is Nora Cadman."
"Charmed," Eve Olsen's mouth quirked, her strong New York accent irking Nora.
"Likewise, and do you work here?" She couldn't help but ask.
"Oh no," Eva laughed loudly. It was a rich sound, contrasting with Nora's husky giggle, and it seemed to attract others for another woman came over to see what was happening.
It was only then that Nora began to feel a little self conscious.
The newcomer was perhaps the most enchanting woman Nora had ever seen; her hair was red and compared to Nora's coppery auburn it seemed as bright and vibrant as fire. And so much of it! It tumbled down in curls and waves and her eyes, her dark eyes shone with a fierce, almost predator-like intelligence.
"Martha," Eva said, addressing the woman, " the girl asked if I worked here." Eva laughed again.
"You must be new around here," Martha said, looking at Nora, her eyes sparkling with mirth. "We'd never work here, we work at either the Regent or the Northerly." She laughed and then lowered her voice. "We'd never work at a place like this, wouldn't take us."
"Oh," Nora felt her cheeks burn but she didn't let it faze her too much; she had come here with a purpose after all. "Well that's wonderful, I'm sure it must be a fascinating life as an actress," she smiled as the two actresses shared a glance. Nora couldn't read it, in fact she could read very little about the two and that made her even more piqued. She didn't like the easy familiarity that they shared with Max.
When had Max grown from the awkward, studious little fellow he had been when they'd first met? In his place seemed to be a very handsome, confident man.
"Max darling, where are your seats?" She asked him, stepping closer then was necessary. He stepped back and she hid her irritation with a brilliant smile.
"Let me check," he showed her his ticket. It was the row behind hers.
"Wonderful, we should go in now," she hinted that he should take her arm and he did, leading her through the doors.
"I have missed you," she said as they walked up the stairs. He was being terribly unresponsive to her subtle hints, something that had never happened before.
"I'm glad your back in Boston," he said, "Here's my seat, where did you say you were?"
"Almost right in front of you," she laughed as they walked down the row, separated only by the line of chairs. He made no reply as he sat down, crossing his legs. "You seemed troubled, is anything the matter?" She asked, all innocence. "Oh no, I'm fine, in good spirits," he flashed her a smile; that new, charming smile that hadn't been there four years ago.
If I hadn't been such a fool we'd be married by now she cursed herself as she turned around just in time to see Martha and Eva coming up the aisle, their heads close to each other as they conferred. She was even more nettled and envious when they took their seats next to Max so that he was in between them.
She had little time to complain however as the orchestra began to play, people shushed each other and the play began.
Nora could barely keep track of story or really anything that was happening on stage. She was conscious every second of Max behind her. Every time he laughed, shifted in his seat or murmured something she heard it. She gripped her armrests tightly, every sense screaming that she was being foolish and reckless. She ignored that however, her determination ruling over whatever common sense she may be in possession of.
The intermission rolled around and she stood up, intending to catch up with Max and his friends.
The rush of the crowd made it difficult but she managed to do so in the lobby.
"Miss Cadman, there you are," it was Eva and she smiled largely. "How are you enjoying the play so far?"
"Very much, and yourself?"
"I adore it so far, though that fellow who plays her father is rather overdoing it," Eva rolled her eyes. "That's Samuel Pennington, remember when he played Horatio last year?" Martha said and they both burst into laughter. "I've never seen someone climb up a trap door so dramatically," Martha giggled.
"You think he was being pursued by the ghost himself," they laughed again and Nora, who didn't understood, or care for, anything they were talking about, turned to Max.
"And you? How are you enjoying it?" She asked him
"I'm enjoying it very much, I've never seen it before. What do you think?"
"It's quite captivating," she tried. His sharp glance at her confirmed that it was too much. She huffed to herself; her evening was really not going to plan.
"Emilia would enjoy this," he remarked and she felt the familiar rush of jealously.
"Mrs. Fisher?"
"Yes, we're engaged you know," he smiled and her look of cold fury went unnoticed as Eva let out a cry.
"You're engaged, you never said! Why, you ought to have told us," she scolded him.
"You're engaged? Finally! I thought she fancied your brother though?" Martha chimed in. Max replied to this and Nora, to angry to listen, muttered something about the powder room and swept off, her glove clad hands curled into fists.
Is it bad to ship two of your own characters? Because I think I ship Aaron and Fredrick, Fredon, or Arronick, hmm.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed that, we haven't seen the last of Nora, I can assure you.
If you liked it, please vote and comment what you though of it :)
Cheers,
Bianca