When I lay with you, I could stay there
Close my eyes, Feel you here forever
You and me together, Nothing gets better
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Zayn fell asleep in Harry's arms last night so he wasn't surprised when he woke up in Harry's bed. He still feels bad for burdening Harry with all of this though so he decided to do something nice for him as a thank you.
He got up quietly not wanting to wake Harry up and sneaked into the kitchen. Maybe preparing breakfast would be a start. Although he found himself completely out of place inside the kitchen. He never cooked before, not even an egg.
When he was young, his family got into a horrible accident and he was the only survivor. He was taken by foster parents and they were rich. He didn't have to do anything other than attend to his studies. It wasn't something new when he married Liam, who was also rich.
He opened the fridge to find something he can possibly cook, something isn't complicated. Maybe sandwiches would be just fine, something that he doesn't need to use 'fire' to make.
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Harry wakes up to the smell of smoke. He frowns at first then gets up suddenly from his place on the couch and quickly runs into the kitchen. He releases a sigh of relief that his kitchen isn't burning down, but other stuff have taken the color black and it's not good. He turns to look to Zayn who's avoiding his eyes, obviously nervous.
"Look, I was just trying to make you breakfast, but it ... didn't go well. I'll clean it up! I promise! I'll even order some-" he turns around then frowns. He gave everything he came with to Liam, so he has absolutely nothing. "Sorry" he looks down.
Harry shakes his head, "It's okay. Just don't try to cook anything else" he glances at the clock to find that he still got time to make a decent breakfast for both of them, have a shower and get to his work on time. Zayn tries to help him, but Harry tells him to just sit and do nothing. It's actually better if he wants to reduce the losses.
"I think I should get a job" Zayn starts.
Harry sighs, "Why would you want to get a job?"
"Harry, I'm broke, I have to place to stay, and basically alone"
"You're not alone" Harry frowns, "You still got Niall, Louis, me. And you do have a place to stay-"
"I'm not going back, Harry!"
"Zayn" he sits back in his chair, "You should think about what you're doing. This is a life decision, and I don't think you're thinking straight" he says slowly not wanting to push Zayn's buttons.
Zayn blinks at him then looks down at his plate, "Thanks" he knows Harry cares about him, that he's basically stepping on his own feelings to help him, and he doesn't want Harry to feel this way, but it appears that anything he does still leads to everyone hurting.
Harry smiles at him and continues his breakfast.
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Zayn stays home doing nothing, he's too afraid he'll break something if he tried to help around the apartment, so he settles for nothing. He can still see his car parked in front of the building but he doesn't have his keys so it's useless. The door's bell startles him and he goes to open it.
"Mr. Payne" a guy smiles at him. Zayn wants to correct him, that his last name isn't Payne anymore, but the divorce isn't final until Liam signs the papers, then there'll be court dates. So he just nods at the guy. He hands him a box then leaves. Zayn looks at the box with confusion, he notices a card attached to it and he flips it to read who's the sender. Of course it's from Liam.
He gets back into the apartment and closes the door behind him. He sits on the couch with the box on his lap and he stares at it for a long moment before he opens it. He finds his clothes that he gave Liam last night, his wallet, and his keys. He picks them up setting them next to him. There's an album inside the box as well so he takes it and sets the box on the floor.
The cover has 'Us' written on it and he opens the album. At the first page is Liam's handwriting 'Green, cuz it's your favorite color' He smiles turning the page. There is a photo of Liam's old house when he used to live with his parents, specifically the fire place. 'Do you remember that night? When we had a party and all of our friends were there. Then we played this game of guessing, and we'd complete each other sentences that people started calling us soul mates' That earns another smile from Zayn as he turns the page.
Next was a photo of him and Liam, a selfie. 'Do you remember that day? When you were too worried that your hair style got ruined and we didn't have any mirrors, we were near a lake and your phone battery died so you borrowed mine. You didn't realize that you turned on the video mode. You also didn't realize the way I was looking at you back then. It wasn't the first time, I was already in love with you' Zayn actually didn't realize that until now that he sees that photo that was taken from the video.
He turns the page and stops for a while. Liam didn't need to caption this, because Zayn could tell what exact memory they shared at that place. 'The place was indeed magical like you described it. But nothing could compare to you standing in the middle of it all. Beautiful as always' Their first kiss.
He turns the page again and bites his lip. 'I don't really need to remind you of that. But to me, it's always special. You're always special' It was Zayn's bedroom. The night when his foster parents weren't home and they got too intimate with each other. It wasn't Zayn's first, but Liam was very good.
He turns the page again and pauses. 'You might not know this, but I was too nervous to say it. It was a big step, but it was you. And there was nothing more that I wanted in life' Liam proposed to him at that place.
He turns the page and a tear falls on his cheek, 'You insisted on picking white lilies, and I wasn't going to protest, white was a good match with your skin. I wasn't going to say no to you anyway' Their wedding day. Liam allowed him to arrange the place however he wanted agreeing to everything he asked for saying it should be a pleasant memory for them to remember afterwards. But it isn't. They were getting a divorce. And the memory hurts.
He turns the page again and finds a drawing of a ring, his ring. Now that he noticed, Liam didn't return his ring. 'Zayn Javaad Malik. Would you marry me, again?' Zayn sighs closing the album. On the back cover there's an arrow pointing forward and he follows the arrow to land on the door. He takes back what he said before, Liam does know him very well.
He gets up placing the album aside and he hesitates before opening the door but when he does. Liam is there. Things aren't back to normal, Liam might have spent the while night making that album but it doesn't fix his broken heart. Zayn might've been blinded by love, but he can't just get back to Liam like that.
"I wanted to apologize for last night. I wasn't supposed to yell at you. And I apologize for every time I made you cry when I wasn't there to see it. I apologize for every time I let you down. And I know words doesn't fix anything, but I'm still madly in love with you ... Zayn I can't let you go" Zayn notices Liam's eyes are red, there are bags under his eyes, and he looks tired. More tired than he'd ever seen him.
Zayn takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a second, "I can't, Liam" he opens his eyes once more. "We make up and break up more than we should ... And I'm tired. It doesn't work"
"Baby-"
"I still love you. And I know you still love me. But we can't Liam. Our paths don't cross. You have more important things to do, and you're not giving them up, because it's what you live for. And I have my own" Liam opens his mouth to speak up but Zayn shakes his head, "Love isn't enough. What we have isn't a marriage, Liam, and you know it. There are more than just feelings that gets stuck on the way"
Liam stays quiet, he knows what Zayn is saying is true, but he can't just let him go. "You're my rock, Zayn. I can't live without you!"
Zayn takes another deep breath, "Staying with you hurts me, Liam. I'm breaking piece by piece until there's nothing more to break" a sob escapes his mouth, "I'm asking you to let me go"
"But-"
"You want to have a lifeless partner, Liam?"
"No, but-"
"Then sign the papers. I don't want anything. I'm stepping out of your way" Liam takes a step back and Zayn can actually see tears in his eyes. He knows Zayn is serious but he's his everything.
"Just give me time" he manages to say and Zayn nods, "We both need it" Zayn replies. Liam walks away and Zayn closes the door behind him. He can't help the tears falling on his face, he can't help the pain in his chest. At least he knows that Liam is on the same page for once, they're both hurting, but they can't keep going on. Their relationship is far from ruined.
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Harry stumbles into someone in the street as he walks home.
"Sorry!" he says quickly turning to see the guy. "Niall?"
Niall isn't shocked to see him but he nods at him. "Still alive. Good"
Harry raises his eyebrows, "Still alive?"
Niall sighs and drags Harry to the side so they won't be in someone else's way. "Just be careful"
"The hell is that supposed to mean?" Harry grabs Niall's arms to stop him from leaving.
Niall stares at him for a while then speaks up, "Liam doesn't like to share, Harry. Not when it comes to something ... or someone close to him"
Harry rolls his eyes, "Niall, this isn't the first time they have a fight-"
"Are you blind?" Harry looks at him in confusion, "God. I swear both of you are stupid" he mumbles, "Zayn told me about your little episode with Liam" Harry sighs and shakes his head.
"Why would it be any different? I mean, Zayn previously came to you, and you're still walking on this earth"
"I'm a friend" Harry furrows his brows, "Liam wouldn't come after you unless he thinks you're a threat. And I'm not talking about your feelings for Zayn" Harry is still giving him a confused look so he continues, "Zayn likes you"
"You're mistaken" Harry chuckles.
"Liam will be coming after you, Harry. And he's capable of doing so much damage to your life" And with that Niall leaves. Harry stares after him, he knows Liam is capable of things, but Zayn doesn't like him that way. No, Zayn does have feeling for him, but it's messed up, the whole situation is messed up. And why didn't Niall tell him how to at least avoid Liam? Right. He can't.
"Fuck!"
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Harry opens the door to his apartment with a heavy feeling in his chest. He was having a perfectly normal life until those hazel eyes came in view. Well, it isn't that bad as he looks into those hazel eyes, a soft smile on the face of who they belong to. And how can Liam just break that smile? How could he break such a beautiful person? It isn't fair how he gets to have everything he wants. Harry forces a smile out as he takes off his shoes.
"So, I guess you're hungry?" Zayn asks quietly from behind Harry.
Harry tenses and turns to Zayn, "Please tell me that you didn't get inside the kitchen"
Zayn frowns, "No" then sighs, "I ordered food" It's Harry's turn to furrow his brows in confusion, "I got my stuff back, so you know. Why not make use of what I have while I have it?" Zayn leans back and goes back to the kitchen.
Harry follows him, "You got your stuff back?" the 'while I have it part' still assures him that things aren't alright between the couple but he still has an uneasy feeling in his chest.
Zayn bites his lip, "Liam came" then he takes a deep breath, "Can we just eat?" he whines. Harry gets the hint. Zayn doesn't want to talk about it so he drops the subject. Zayn also bought whine and Harry was barely having his first glass while Zayn is at his fourth.
"You might wanna slow down" Harry says concerned. Zayn is having more drinks than necessary and Harry knows why but he doesn't want Zayn to end up crying again.
"Did you know that my last name is actually Malik?" Zayn asks instead.
"That's ... great" he doesn't really know what to do with that information but he doesn't like how Zayn continues to drink. He snatches the bottle away from him making Zayn whine, "You've had enough" he says sharply and Zayn pouts.
"Mean" Zayn mumbles. Harry puts the bottle away but Zayn sees him anyway. "I bought that! Which means it's mine!" he snaps at Harry.
"Doesn't mean I'll let you hurt yourself"
"Too late" Zayn mumbles and Harry doesn't question it. They hear a song being played by their neighbor and it's too loud. Zayn's head pop up and he smiles, "I know this song, it's one of my favorites. We used to-" he cuts himself and his expression changes into something sad. Harry doesn't comment on that either, he knows it has something to do with Liam, so he keeps his mouth shut.
He turns to Zayn once more to find him staring back, slowly blinking at him. Harry doesn't keep his stare and goes to clean up their leftovers. Zayn keeps watching him until he snaps out of it and gets up to help as well. God, he seems rude. He stumbles on his way and breaks a plate. This was a simple task and yet he's truly amazed at his ability of turning anything he does into a mess. Perfect.
Harry just sighs and orders Zayn out of the kitchen. He walks towards the couch and flops on it. The box is still there, the album is still there and he might be a bit drunk but his body can still function somehow. He picks the album and places it inside the box. He doesn't want to open it and have a round of tears once more.
Harry follows after a while and he notices Zayn's things placed on the table, only his phone is moved aside. He also notices the box and he glances at Zayn who's closing his eyes then back at the box. He picks the album and opens it. He realizes it's from Liam, and he can understand that those are their memories shared together.
"A memory is a past" Zayn starts looking up at Harry from his position on the couch. "Time helps forgetting about them, yeah?"
"Not all" Harry answers closing the album and placing it back inside the box, pushing it aside and sitting down next to Zayn.
Zayn sits up properly, "Have you ever been in a relationship that ended badly?"
"Many" Harry answers.
Zayn frowns, "How did you move on?"
Harry turns his head to look at him, "Just figured we weren't meant to be"
"That easy?"
"It's not easy" Harry chuckles turning his head away, "Things ... take time"
They stay quiet for another long moment until Zayn speaks up, "You think I can move on?" Harry turns to look at him again.
"Do you want to?" Zayn stares at him for a minute and he shuffles closer to Harry, and all that Harry could think of at that moment is 'someone like you'
"I ... don't know" Zayn answers truthfully. Harry nods at him getting up. Zayn is drunk, he's not thinking straight, and they shouldn't be that close. "Where are you going?" Zayn pulls at his arms, and before Harry can talk he speaks again, "Stay ... Please?" Harry sighs and sits back, and Zayn snuggles closer to him but he's not smiling, neither of them are.
Niall's words keep running through his head until Zayn's moves to his lap. He's startled for a second as Zayn's lips touch his and it's a light one, something experimentally, like he's not sure if it's right or wrong. Harry has to remind himself that Zayn is drunk so he gently pushes him away, "Zayn, what are you doing?"
"Moving on" but it doesn't come as confident, like he himself doesn't know.
Harry shakes his head, "Zayn, you are not-"
"Thinking straight?" Zayn finished for him but he doesn't move. "I can't not. You're here and it's hard" Again, Zayn's words find their way into Harry's mind, 'someone like you'
"You'll regret this in the morning-"
"I'm not that drunk, Harry" And he isn't lying, he's slowly sobering up and he can actually see clearly for once. Harry is there for him, always have, always will. The one person that is actually helping him, not in that harsh way Niall is using. He's approaching Zayn like he's made of glass, like he's something unique. But he can't help but think of what will go wrong. Liam had been the perfect match for him and he drifted away. He can't help but think the same for Harry.
"I'm scared" He whispers clutching Harry's shirt tightly. Harry isn't like Liam, he knows that part for sure, but his heart is telling him otherwise. "It's like you said. It's not easy, Harry" he buries his face in Harry's neck and Harry could feel the tears.
Harry slowly puts his hands on Zayn's shoulders to pull him away. He does want Zayn, wants to kiss him right now, wants to hold him forever, but Zayn is still having troubles figuring out what he wants, who he wants, and Harry doesn't want an ending where they don't even begin, for both of them.
"Zayn, I want you to think before you act" He cuts him before he starts to protest, "I'll still be here for you whatever your decision is. I'm your friend, always will be" he offers an assuring smile and Zayn sighs wiping his tears away.
How on earth had his previous relationships gone wrong? Harry is so perfect that he knows he doesn't deserve someone like himself. But he's glad. He knows Harry has feelings for him, and he's glad that Harry's previous relationships didn't go well, because he gets to ...
He slowly gets up looking down at Harry. How can he be so blind? All this time he'd been missing the obvious truth. Niall was right, "I'm falling in love with you"
ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ
Sometimes I wake up by the door
That heart you caught must be waiting for you
Even now when we're already over
I can't help myself from looking for you