What you don't know (by oxala): Chapter 02 - Plan revised
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One day had been enough to convince Charles of Plan Invisible's failure. It simply was not viable; it was too lonely. The plan needed revision.
I'll just keep a low profile. I won't say too much. I'll blend in ... act normal.
Charles' last class before lunch was trigonometry. It was one of the few classes he did not share with Eric. This fact had allowed him to escape into the cafeteria unmolested for the past week. But today, Jeff, who sat immediately behind him in trig, asked Charles to join him on the front lawn for lunch. As much as he wanted to refuse, the thought of spending almost an hour sitting alone in the cafeteria again combined with the knowledge that he needed to blend in, persuaded him to accept Jeff's friendly gesture.
Jeff, after informing Charles that everybody brought their own lunch to school and nobody ate in the cafeteria, accompanied him through the greasy food line.
I guess I'll be a halfabody today.
With deep fried wonders in tow, they walked through the courtyard that separated the cafeteria from the main building. Charles noticed that the dozen or so tables did not seem especially crowded. They walked east, out of the courtyard, and turned north, walking around the eastern wall of the large main building and onto the front lawn. Jeff led Charles over to a nice spot under a tree to join two girls. They had already begun eating their sack lunches.
"Charles, this is Liz, this is Amy, girls this is Charles", Jeff said by way of introduction.
"Hi", they returned with no real enthusiasm.
Charles and Jeff sat on the ground next to the girls, the four of them forming a semi-circle looking westward, with most of the expansive lawn in their view. As Jeff chit-chatted with Liz and Amy about people Charles knew nothing about, Charles observed the groups of students spread across the large lawn before him. Most were sitting in small groups of four to seven; some were in couples; some seemed to meander from group to group; there were a few large groups of as many as twenty five clustered together.
Those must be the popular kids and wannabes.
He did not intend to be rude, but he intruded into the light conversation in a tone far too serious for the situation.
"No wonder the cafeteria is so empty."
"What?" Liz replied bluntly.
"The cafeteria ... n-n-not many people eat there", Charles responded awkwardly. A small laugh from Liz was the only response he received as his companions returned to their chit-chat.
Didn't Jeff just tell me "nobody" eats in the cafeteria? Did I just sound like a complete idiot? Why is this so fucking hard? At least I know why the cafeteria is empty.
A lull in the conversation provided Charles with the perfect opportunity to put his foot back into his mouth.
"Liz, why is your hair purple?"
Please don't look at me like that Liz; I am not trying to be rude; I'm just crazy fucking nervous and that angry look on your face is making it worse.
"It's not purple, it fuchsia", she said gruffly, glaring at Charles for a moment longer. And then she smiled, really smiled.
"Excuse me Liz, why is your hair fuchsia", Charles asked with greater confidence, emboldened by that smile. The ice was broken. Over the next several minutes, Charles relaxed a little and even participated less awkwardly in the conversation, getting to know his new friends a little.
Liz is actually pretty friendly, gruff, but friendly. Maybe it's her appearance ... fuchsia hair ... too many piercings ... crappy jeans and combat boots. And she's smart ... all AP classes ... and a sophomore ... that's why I haven't seen her. Amy is quiet, dressed in dark almost drab clothing ... is that goth? ... I'm not going to ask. And she's in my English class and I didn't even know it. Jeff is ok. He looks like he wants to be in a new wave video or something, especially with the way he has hair sticking up on his head ...
"Do you miss your friends?"
"What?"
"Friends, ya know, from your old school ..."
This was precisely the kind of question Charles was trying to avoid. He knew Jeff was just making friendly conversation trying to include him. Charles also understood this would be an easy dodge, a simple lie.
"A little bit."
"What about your old school?"
Charles just stared at him blankly.
How am I supposed to answer fucking questions like that? Truthfully? No Jeff, I don't miss my friends and I don't miss my old school. I got suspended three times last year, almost got expelled. Actually Jeff, I didn't have any friends; there is no one to miss. The few people I did hang out with were only interested in smoking dope and dropping acid, particularly if I was buying.
Just as his nervousness was transforming into panicked anger, Charles was startled by a pair of hands firmly grasping his shoulders from behind. A moment later, Eric was sitting beside him.
"I wondered who you were hangin with during lunch", Eric said smiling.
"I wondered who you were hangin with", Charles said, returning Eric's smile.
After a few minutes and a little small talk, Eric and Charles were walking together toward their next class.
***
"I need to stop in the restroom."
"Good idea, I'll join ya."
What the fuck Eric, girls go to the bathroom together.
After entering the bathroom, Charles really wanted to make sure he didn't have any dirt on his clothes from sitting on the ground, but he didn't want Eric to see him doing it. As Eric made his way to the urinal, Charles walked toward one of the sinks to wash the remnants of grease off his hands. He was almost finished when Eric took position at the sink next to him.
"Are you ok dude?"
"Huh?"
"Are you ok?"
"Yeah, just spacing out a little ... sorry"
Charles was still "rinsing" the soap off his hands as Eric dried his own.
Just spacing out Charles ... bullshit ... the fucking soap won't come off.
Charles steeled himself, turned off the water, and grabbed a paper towel from the dispenser.
"Ready Eric?"
"Are you sure you're ok?"
"Yeah, I'm sure", Charles replied doing his best to smile, doing his best to hide his distress.
Fuck that was close.
***
Sixth period, Eric and Charles had chemistry together. Unfortunately for Charles, today would be the first day in the lab. Of course, the boys were lab partners.
Why the fuck is he looking at me like that?
Charles was not imagining the "looks". All through lab, Eric watched Charles very carefully. Eric did not understand what happened in the bathroom after lunch, but he knew his friend was distraught. Even though he had known Charles just over a week, he liked him, and he was genuinely concerned. Earlier, by the time they settled down together in their fifth period class, Charles had calmed. He seemed fine after class as they walked to the chemistry building together. Within a few minutes of entering the lab, Eric thought Charles was behaving oddly. It was as if he were afraid to touch anything. Eric could not help but notice the slightly contorted expression on Charles' face as he handled an asbestos screen after it had cooled. He could not help but notice the way Charles inquisitively examined his fingers after putting the screen away. He could not help but notice the slight expression of fear as Charles glanced at him while washing his hands after their lab work had been completed.
***
After removing his shirt, Charles locked himself in the bathroom he shared with his little brother and sister. As he washed the remaining weird smells from chemistry and the grime off his hands, he observed his face in the mirror. He felt relief as the day's germs and anxieties dissolved in the lather covering his hands.
I'm going to take my lunch tomorrow. I'll ask Mom to put some extra chips in it; Amy's lunch looked like rabbit food. Can I eat with them again? Maybe I'll find a secluded place on the lawn where I can eat by myself. Maybe I should ask Eric to meet me.
After thoroughly rinsing his hands, he proceeded to wash his face, his mind still trying to make sense of the day.
I didn't cry in the bathroom, did I? Why did Eric ask me if I'm ok? Why was he staring at me in chemistry?
Charles winced as the soap stung his face. He had shaved in the morning. He had carefully, zealously, too zealously, shaved as he did almost every morning before school. His face was irritated by the rigorous washing it had received prior to the application of shaving cream. It was irritated from having been shaved with upward strokes, against the direction of the hairs' growth. The second washing his face received while in the shower, ensuring that he would not be annoyed by the lingering smell of shaving cream, certainly did nothing to sooth his burning skin.
I hate this, fuck, it hurts ... maybe I should get an electric razor ...
Charles put his shirt back on and went downstairs to do his home work.
***
After dinner, he watched television with his little brother. It was more relaxing than most nights. His sister was at some school function. His father was god only knows where. The show was terrible, really stupid, but Zach was giggling and becoming increasingly animated. Zach jumped up excitedly when they heard the phone ringing.
"I bet that's dad."
"Maybe"
Probably not Zach, you heard Mom say he's out with Ron tonight; he won't be home until late and he'll be drunk on his ass when he arrives.
Zach was all excited to tell Dad some latest news, probably something about sports.
"Charles, the phone is for you", their mother called from the kitchen.
Who could possibly be calling me? It's not my birthday. If it were my Aunt, my mother would talk for half an hour before calling me to the phone.
"Hello."
"Hey Charles, this is Eric."
"Eric?"
"Yeah, remember me, we go to school together."
"How did you get my number?"
That sounded paranoid!
"I'm on student council, not hard really."
"Oh ..."
That was articulate!
Charles had no intention of being standoffish, but he had been. Eric was a little unnerved. After a few awkward moments, Charles resumed the conversation with his usual grace.
"What do you want?"
"Ah ... um ... wanna go to game on Sunday?"
"What game?"
"The football game"
"Oh ..."
"You don't like football?"
I don't like football, but what else am I going to do, spend another day sitting in my room?
"No, it's cool, I mean, yes ... yes I wanna go."
"Cool, see ya tomorrow."
"Bye Eric."
That was fucking awkward.
***
After a little more television, Zach and Charles went up to bed. Zach was still a little wound up, so he chatted with Charles a bit more than usual. Charles waited patiently for his brother to fall asleep, and once he heard the gentle rhythmic breathing of sleep, he confided in his brother.
I made three new friends today Zach. Liz has purple hair, but don't tell her that. Jeff asked about my old friends and the school. I almost got angry Zach. And then I almost cried in the bathroom. Eric was looking at me weird. And then he looked at me weird in chemistry.
Descending further into the warm ocean pools of his better subconscious, Charles sleepily continued the one sided conversation a moment or two longer.
I'm going to the football game with him on Sunday. I can't believe he invited me. I hope he likes me Zach.
Before descending deeper still, he mustered a final phrase, a final thought, before entering an entirely better universe.
Sweet dreams little brother ...
Charles dreamt about the expansive front lawn of the high school. He dreamt of Eric.