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I don't know for how long I sit on the window ledge and emotionlessly stare out of the window. Hours, maybe. My body is numb and I can't feel anything, not physically, not emotionally. I just shut it all out, because it's easier like that. If you don't think about it, it doesn't hurt. Right?
It's really late, or early, however you put it when I hear Braden coming back. He tries to be quiet, but I hear every move he makes, taking steps closer to me until he pauses just in front of the bedroom door.
I turn my head to the door and hear when the door opens. His silhouette shows up next, coming quietly and slowly into the room, softly closing the door behind him. He pauses by the bed. I don't think he noticed me, I think he has his head turned to the bed, but I can't see his face to be sure.
I stare at him without saying anything, without feeling anything other than a betrayal of his lies.
I know the exact moment he notices me. His hand is untying his tie, but when he turns his gaze to the window, he stops and freezes.
''Rory,'' he breathes. ''You're up?'' he asks softly, quietly.
I don't answer him. I don't even move. I just continue to look at his silhouette in the dark. When he comes closer, I can see a bit of his face, thankful to the moon shining through the window. He looks too good to be true. Like a Viking in the night.
He stares at me intently, studying me. He touches my leg. ''Why are you still up, baby? Were you waiting for me?''
I move my leg away from his touch and I see confusion cross his face.
''Did you have fun tonight?'' These are the only words that come from me. I make sure my tone gives nothing away and that my expression stays vain of emotions.
''Rory ... I—''
''If you're going to feed me more lies, please shut up now. I don't know how stupid do you think I am, but I'll tell you that I'm not stupid enough for you to lie to me. Ever again.''
Braden looks completely shocked. He sits down on the ledge by my feet and I pull my legs to me, so not even one inch of my body comes in touch with him. His mouth forms a straight line, his hands going through his hair, making his clothes rustle with the movement. ''I'm sorry.''
Those two simple words. They were enough all the previous times he fucked up and apologised and I forgave him, but it's not that simple now. I might be carrying his child and have to think about him, too, but that doesn't mean he can manipulate with me.
''You know what?'' I put my feet on the floor. ''I'm sleeping on the couch tonight.''
Braden sharply inhales. ''No. No way. Please, let's talk now and I'll tell you everything.'' His voice is almost pleading, but it doesn't have the same effect on me as it would have any other time. I literally don't feel anything right now, like my soul just died inside of me.
''I don't think I'm ready to hear more lies. I really do hope you had a great night with your ex. I hope it was worth it.'' My tone is bitchy and bitter. The sarcasm is also strongly presented, just to mask the hurt that's probably buried somewhere deep inside of me. I don't let myself feel it. I'm not going to be weak and break down and forgive him that easily. He has to know he did something wrong.
''God, Rory, stop doing this. You're shutting me out. It's not what it looks like, baby.'' Braden drops down on the knees on the floor, putting his hands on my thighs.
I inhale sharply as the electricity from his touch shocks my body. ''If you don't let me go sleep on the couch, I'll pack my things right now and go back home,'' I threaten. I'm willing to do it. In fact, I was thinking about it before he even came back and now I'm thinking if it would be the right thing to do.
Braden puts pressure down on my thighs. ''Home?'' he says, his voice higher than usual. ''Your home is right here, Rory. With me,'' he adds softly.
I smile bitterly. ''Funny how it doesn't really feel like a home to me.''
''You can't mean that,'' Braden states flatly, but I can hear insecurity in his voice. Funny how he's so terrible at hiding his feelings tonight. Or is he just a really good actor?
I stand up and lose his touch, ignoring him. I start to gather up my pillow on the bed. Braden stops me once again by placing his hands on my arms and spins me around so I face him. ''Stop, Rory. You're not sleeping on the couch. I did intend working tonight, I swear, but Victoria was too persistent to talk to me about the situation.'' Braden shakes his head. ''Meeting her today meant nothing more than a business meeting would. I took her out to eat later, but our conversation was polite and nothing else. I didn't let her talk about anything else that wasn't her business or didn't involve our situation, so you can imagine we haven't talked a lot.''
Now that he told me the whole story, I was standing in the middle of the room, staring at him and not knowing what to say – what to think. I don't think if I should be surprised or relieved or still mad that he decided to spend time with her anyway. ''Okay. Good night.'' Mad it is then.
I turn to grab the blanket from the bed, but Braden stops me again. ''That's it? That's all you're going to say?''
I don't look at him. ''Well, what else do you want me to say?''
Braden groans in pure frustration. ''I don't know! Goddammit, you're driving me crazy right now. I want you to talk to me. Scream, if you're mad. Just don't ignore me like that. I hate it,'' his voice drops down and I swear I can hear the panic in his voice and the despair of not knowing what to do.
''I think ... I think I need some time to myself. Without you.''
A dead silence falls in the room. Braden stands still, not moving an inch. I doubt he's even breathing. ''What?'' he finally whispers after a few minutes.
I purse my lips. ''Yeah.'' I nod my head. ''I suggest we both go to sleep right now and talk in the morning when it's going to be a brand new day.''
Braden makes a choking sound. ''Do you want to leave me, Rory? Is that what you're trying to tell me?''
''I – I don't really know what I want right now. I'm tired, Braden, I just want to sleep.''
Braden places his hands over his face, inhaling shakily. The sound hits me deep. ''You're not going to leave me, Rory. I won't let you. I made a mistake today, I admit it, but you're overreacting. I told you it didn't mean a thing. I don't know what doubts are running through your head, but I love you, Rory, and only you. You're not getting rid of me that easily. I let you go once and I'm not repeating the mistake. I'm not capable of going through that again.''
He throws me completely off guard with his words and the force he speaks them with. I see he means every word he says. I'm not ready to have that conversation right now. The tiredness sweeps into me like a thunder and I can't think about anything else than sleeping right now. ''Please, Braden. I'm too tired right now.''
Braden sighs. He leans down, trying to kiss me on the lips, but I turn my head on the side and he ends up placing a kiss on my cheek instead. His hands fall on my hips and as he leans back and starts walking, he brushes his hand over my stomach, letting it rest there for a moment, before he goes out of the room, leaving me in the dark bedroom, fighting with my feelings.
My mind is such a mess right now, I don't know what to think, what to say, what to feel at the moment.
I lay on the bed and close my eyes, fighting the urge to cry. It's really late and I have to get up for work in few hours, so does Braden, but sleep just doesn't come, no matter how exhausted I feel.
I'm shifting on the bed, failing to get myself comfortable. I always have trouble falling asleep without Braden. It's even worse when we had a fight.
I turn on my back and punch the mattress on the either side of my body in frustration. I need to sleep, dammit.
Our conversation with Braden just keeps replaying in my head over and over, like a broken record, not helping the state.
Did I overreact? A tiny voice at the back of my mind peeks up.
''Meeting her today meant nothing more than a business meeting would.'' Should I believe him? How do you even react when your boyfriend goes out with his model ex?
He said he didn't lie. But he didn't call to inform me of his plans, either.
God, this is exhausting. I hate fighting with him so much. I'm restless, my mind is tired and my eyes are burning, both from the lack of sleeping and the tears that are pooling in them.
I sit up in bed with a frustrated noise, pushing the cover off my body. My body refuses to sleep without Braden, apparently. I can see the night is getting lighter now, preparing for the day to wake up, and I realise I've been in a bed for an hour or so already and not a whisper of sleep came to me. Only doubts of the night eating my insides, chewing them slowly.
I did act like a bitch to Braden. I was hurt, in my defence, but I might have overreacted a bit.
I just don't want to fight with him. That's all.
I go from the bed and exit the bedroom soundlessly. I pause outside for any noise, but it's all quiet and still. I go down the stairs slowly, my heartbeat getting faster and louder in my chest.
When I come to the living room, I stop beside the couch, suddenly unsure of what to do. What if he's sleeping? He should be, at least.
The soft lights from outside that are casting through the windows, along with the moonlight, ignite Braden's face, kissing his features softly. He has his arm thrown over his eyes, laying on his back. He's still in his suit. He looks like he's sleeping.
''Braden?'' I whisper, biting my lip. I don't want to wake him if he's sleeping.
After a few seconds, he slowly removes his arm. A sob somewhere deep in my body escapes from my lips as everything finally crashes down on me. I run to where he's laying and I lay on top of him, our fronts pressed together. ''I'm sorry,'' I sob.
It only takes a moment for Braden to react. He wraps his arms around me. ''It's okay. Don't cry. I'm sorry, Rory.'' He places a kiss on my head and rubs my back softly.
I smirk. ''I did overreact.'' I sit up on him, causing his arms to slide down from my back. ''But, I swear, if you ever lie to me again, Braden, and do something like this, I'll pack and go. I won't tolerate you going out on fancy dinners with your ex, especially without telling me anything.''
Braden pulls me back down in a hug and I don't fight him. ''I made a mistake, baby. It won't happen again, I promise to you. I didn't want to hurt you.''
I nuzzle into his neck. ''And answer your damn phone the next time,'' I murmur.
Braden chuckles and his chest vibrates under me. ''Will do, princess.''
We stay in the embrace – him rubbing my back and kissing my head occasionally, and me kissing his neck a few times, absorbing the warmth from his body.
I don't know when we fall asleep or who falls asleep first, but the next thing I'm aware of is Braden shifting under me, trying to slide away. ''No.'' I try to hold onto his suit, tightening my hold.
Braden places his hands on top of my hands that are holding him in place. ''I need to go to work, baby,'' he says softly.
I groan, not letting him go. I turn my head and open my eyes with a great effort. ''It's still early,'' I comment sleepily. It's not even fully bright outside yet, so it mustn't be more than 6 o'clock.
''I know. Go back to sleep.''
I sigh, nuzzling my cheek into the couch. ''I have to go to work in a few hours,'' I mutter.
I feel Braden caressing my cheek, removing some of the strands of hair that fell on it. ''Stay here and get some rest.''
I mutter something that even I don't understand. ''You can stay here, too. Get some sleep.'' I try to pull him towards me, but I'm too weak for that in my current state. God, I'm so exhausted.
''I have to work today. Go back to sleep. And Rory?'' he pauses. ''I don't want to see you at work today.''
I sigh. His words feel like a blessing to hear, but I'm too stubborn for my own good. ''If you're going, I'm going.'' There. That sounds good, doesn't it? Trying to compromise with him, maybe make him stay with me for a few hours. He needs the rest, too.
Braden sighs. ''Rest. You need it more than me.''
I grunt out a disagreement, making Braden's lips twitch a bit. He looks too good for the morning of sleeping on the couch with me on top of him, his suit wrinkled and his hair tussled. His eyes are tired. But he looks so damn good.
''You need it, too,'' I argue stubbornly. ''You work too much,'' I complain.
Braden chuckles, leans down and places a kiss on my cheek. ''I'll see you in the afternoon, alright? I'll try to come home a bit earlier.''
I smile at that. And I'm asleep before I even hear him walk away.
***
The first thing I feel is a heat and something heavy on my body. The next thing I feel is the trail of a wet tongue over my neck.
I moan softly as my body and all my senses start waking up.
I went to sleep after I came back from work, because, yes, I was stubborn as hell, and, yes, I regretted ever going up from that comfortable couch. But did I mention I'm stubborn?
And after I came home, I just stripped off all my clothes, threw on one of Braden's shirts and just fell face flat on the bed.
Where Braden found me, obviously.
He's laying on top of me, his clothed body shielding mine, barely covered one, placing kisses on my neck.
''What a nice welcome I got. You're not wearing panties,'' Braden comments low in my ear, licking it after. My leg is bent up on my side so I'm sure he got a nice view when he came in the bedroom. I blush at this.
His hand cups my already throbbing clit to make a point, circling his finger around, testing how wet I already am. I moan, shifting my hips. He chuckles.
Braden removes his hand, making me whimper, but then his hand goes up, under the shirt, searching for my breast where he squeezes it. ''No bra either,'' he hums approvingly. His fingers twirl around my already erected bud.
I inhale sharply. ''Braden,'' I moan.
''Mmm. What I like to hear the most,'' Braden murmurs, still playing with my nipple. He pushes his hips against my ass, making me feel his hardened erection straining in his pants. ''Do you feel what you do to me, baby girl? You didn't expect I wouldn't fuck you when you were laying on this bed with nothing but my shirt on, did you?''
I bite down on the sheet, his words and his impossibly low voice, thick with arousal, making me impossible wet. I squirm under him.
His removes his hand from under my shirt, placing it on my ass instead, squeezing it. ''You make me so crazy,'' Braden growls. ''So crazy for you. You have no idea.''
He hikes the shirt up then, removing it with my help so I'm laying completely naked with him still fully clothed on top of me. It gives him the full dominance and it makes me hot to know I'm at his mercy.
His hand goes back down to my wet centre and he starts rubbing my clit, softly and slowly at first, just something to tease me and makes me all horny and hot for him. I'm grabbing the sheet, moaning his name, pleading him to make me come because I need it more than the next breath. He doesn't give me what I want.
He plays with me like I'm his favourite musical instrument. His fingers know what he's doing. He knows my body too well, knows what I like and he knows he's the only one who can give it to me. That takes him in the lead.
I squirm under him, trying to get him to move faster, trying to take what he isn't giving to me. ''Damn you, Braden, let me come for Christ's sake!'' I finally burst and cry out in frustration. My knuckles are white already from gripping the sheet so tight.
It makes Braden chuckle while I'm seconds away from hurting him. Tears well up in my eyes out of pure frustration when he continues his torment, taking away my orgasm as soon as I'm near it, removing his hand, and then bringing it back, repeating this for what feels like an eternity.
Tears fall from my eyes and I bury my head into the bed. ''I really fucking hate you right now,'' I sob into bed.
Braden's hands still completely, making me sob even harder and pushing my hips up, seeking his touch. He spreads his body on top of mine, causing his clothed cock to press right against my needy flesh, making me whimper and grit my teeth together.
''Look at me, baby,'' Braden demands softly, brushing my hair away.
I shake my head , refusing to look at him.
''Look at me, Rory,'' he repeats, this time a bit sharper.
''No,'' I say stubbornly, punishing him back.
He leans his head down to my ear. ''Look at me or I will leave you unsatisfied and go take care of myself.''
This makes me turn my head and look at him so fast, the room spins around for a few seconds.
''There you go,'' he says softly, brushing my hair back. I smirk in response. ''Now tell me; why are you crying?''
At first, I refuse to open my mouth, just continue staring at him stubbornly. He sighs and starts getting up. A panic grips me. ''Because you don't let me come, damn you!'' I blurt out fast and loud.
Braden pauses and looks at me, the corners of his lips lifting up slightly. He, without a doubt, finds this situation funny. Infuriating man!
He traces my back with the two of his fingers, his touch light and caressing, travelling all the way up to my neck. ''It's really easy to make you all hot and needy lately,'' he comments.
It's always been easy to turn me all hot and needy with him. What is he saying? ''It's this damn pregnancy. I swear it makes me horny all of the time. And when I'm not horny, I'm either tired or hungry.''
Braden chuckles, the laugh coming deep out of him, that true laugh that I love so much. ''I'm sorry, princess.'' He kisses my shoulder softly. ''Let me make you feel better ...''
The sound of him unfastening his belt is like a music to my ears. My body tenses up in anticipation, already knowing what's going to come, already preparing for Braden to take it. To take it all, however he wants.
When he drops his pants, he searches for my entrance and pushes his cock deep inside of me. A sound of pleasure and satisfaction leaves my lips, along with a groan of Braden's.
''Better?'' Braden asks, placing a hot kiss on my cheek.
''Make me come,'' I demand seriously, making him laugh.
''Sure. Working on it,'' Braden mocks me. I swear it has me to hit him, but then ... he moves his hips back and then down again, making me forget about everything besides him on top of me and him moving in and out of me, hitting all the spots perfectly.
It only takes him a few thrusts and I'm already shouting his name out in pure ecstasy, my eyes closed, my cheek pressed on the bed, my hands gripping the sheet.
''You feel so good, baby,'' Braden groans, not stopping his movements.
''You feel good, too. Too good, actually,'' I say when I find my voice again.
Braden chuckles, nuzzling his head into my neck, placing kisses on it. He finds my breast once again, kneading it in his hand. ''I love how they're getting bigger. I can feel it.'' He squeezes my breast to make a point, his thrusts getting deeper and faster.
He makes me come two more times before he stills above me and groans out my name as he reaches the final point.
He lays on top of me, careful to keep his weight off my body and doesn't crush me, placing his head on my shoulder, his mouth a whisper away from my neck. ''God, you have no idea how much I needed this,'' he admits, squeezing my sides.
He stays like that for a few minutes before he lays down on the bed, and pulls me in his embrace, sighing contently.
''Long day at work?'' I ask him, nuzzling into his suit covered chest, the fine material of his dress shirt caressing my cheek.
Braden groans. ''You have no idea. I didn't like being away from you after the fight we had.''
I smile at his words, then grimace as I remember the cause of our fight. ''I don't like fighting with you. Especially over your ex,'' I confess.
He kisses the top of my head. ''I hate fighting with you, too. Did you have a nice rest before I came home?'' he asks, caressing my hair.
I nuzzle even deeper into him, closing my eyes. ''Mhm,'' I murmur. ''I think you should rest some, too. You slept about as much as me. You honestly work too much, Braden. I fear it's not healthy,'' I murmur, saying the worries I carry out loud. I don't want him getting sick in any way because of the exhaustion and working too much.
His hand goes down from my hair to caressing my arm, goosebumps erupting immediately all over my naked skin. ''I'm fine, Rory. I've got used to living like this. But I heard you were working today.'' His tone gives nothing away, it's just a statement coming from his lips, but I know that in his head, it's more than just a statement.
I purse my lips. ''Yep. I made a deal with you in the morning. You went, so I went, too.'' I shrug.
Braden suddenly flips us around so I'm laying on my back and he's on top of me, gripping my sides, tickling me lightly. I immediately start to laugh out fully, trying to push his hands away. ''You impossible, stubborn, defying woman. What am I going to do with you?''
I giggle at his face in response, wiggling under him to escape his hands. ''I-I have a p-pretty good idea.'' I shriek when he hits a certain spot, making me laugh even harder. I lift my hips up intentionally, rubbing against him.
His hands pause as he stares down at me. ''Jesus, you're insatiable.''
''And you're doing a real shitty job to satisfy me,'' I pout.
Braden's eyes heat up and I see the flare in them before he attacks me. ''Let's change that, then.''
He makes me shriek for entire other reason after that.
***
I wake up in the morning when it's still dark outside. I think sleeping for a few hours yesterday afternoon does that to a person. Although I've been pretty tired after Braden's devouring that lasted a few hours before he finally had to feed us both before we passed out from the hunger. He ordered us some food – all healthy for him, all unhealthy for me. He grumbled about my eating habits, especially now that I'm pregnant, but he quickly dropped it when I glared at him for solid two minutes while nibbling on my cheeseburger.
Let the damn pregnant girl eat, asshole!
Well, he certainly made up to me for that. Later, in the bed.
I roll over on the bed, certain that Braden left already, but I freeze when I see him sitting on the edge of the bed, his head cradled in his hands. I sit up quickly, sleep long forgotten now. ''Braden?'' I try softly so I don't startle him. ''Is everything alright?''
He grunts, turns his head slightly to look at me and grunts again as if in pain. I'm beside him in a flash of a moment. ''What is it?'' I want to know, searching his body and head for any visible injuries, finding none.
''I have a terrible headache,'' he mumbles quietly, almost a whisper.
I frown. ''Lay down then. Did you take anything for it?'' I rest my hands on his shoulders, massaging them, making him sigh.
''No,'' he replies.
''Lay down,'' I order. ''I'll go search for pills.''
Braden grabs my hands before I can fully step from the bed. ''No, it's okay. I'll grab them on the way.'' He stands up and wince, shutting his eyes slightly. My frown deepens. ''Go back to sleep.'' He leans down and kisses my forehead.
''You can not be serious. You plan on going to work, Braden?'' My tone is hard on the edges, full of disbelief and I'm ready to argue about this.
Braden sighs. ''I have to, Rory. I have two really important meetings today and I can't skip them.''
I go on my knees, cradling his face in my hands, staring him deep in the eyes. ''You're seriously making the job more important than yourself and your health. You're putting it first and I don't like that. I understand that you put work before me, but I don't like you putting work before you.''
Now it's Braden's turn to frown. He puts his thumb on my cheek, caressing it. ''I never put work before you, Rory. You always come first to me, no one else and nothing else.''
''Okay, and you come first to me, you're my first concern, Braden, and I worry about you. Why don't you let me take care of you?'' I demand to know, my anger turning into desperation now.
''Because that's my work.'' Braden kisses my cheek, my nose, and then finally places a full, tongue-involved, toe-curling kiss on my lips. I know he's trying to make me drop it, to make my head spin so much that I forget what we were even talking about. ''Go back to sleep and I'll see you later,'' is his goodbye before he walks out of the door, leaving me staring at him in pure disbelief and annoyance.
Leave it to the fate to bring two stubborn people like us together.
And now I'm going to sit back and wait for you to attack Rory for how weak she is that she forgave the man she loves that easily. No, but seriously.
As you may have seen on my twitter, this story will be completely finished in 9 weeks (there are 9 more chapters, and 5 of them are in Braden's POV). I know right, 5 chapters in Braden's POV?! Wow, huh? That's my gift to you, because you've been wondering a lot what's going through his head, so yep.
Like every Sunday I'll be annoying and tell you to go follow me on twitter (patriciaxbooks) where I post literally everything, including sneak peeks for the next chapters.
I hope you have a lovely Sunday and a great weak! x