"Skip a hit, don't make a sound (It feels better biting down. Breathed so deep I thought I'd drown" - Biting Down
-
I kicked my feet back and forth in my chair, waiting for my name to be called. The waiting room is cold and quiet as usual, but I felt a different kind of aura in place today. The usual air of fear is here of course because what else are you supposed to feel from the woman who has the power to take you away from your family? There's just something new about today, and the fact that I can't figure out whether the new feeling is good or not gave me even more anxiety as usual.
I'm so extra today.
"Adrianna Petersons." There's my cue.
I stood up, waiting for Tabitha to open the door per usual, but instead the secretary appeared from behind the door.
"Go ahead and go to her office, Adrianna. You know the way." Unfortunately.
The fact that Tabitha didn't personally come to the door means that she's probably murder proofing her room right now. It's most likely proving to be a difficult task for her because she knows better than anyone that I can hurt somebody with just about anything. I'm probably going to walk inside and see that she's transformed her office into a white, padded room.
I mean I'd still be able to hurt somebody, it'd just make it a lot less fun.
"Adri, so nice to see you." Tabitha greeted calmly from behind her desk.
My initial and expected hatred for her spread throughout my body at the sound of her voice, but I was able to bring it down by remembering the fact that I promised Kristina that I would behave myself. And because I'm such a lovesick puppy, I have to keep my promise to my girlfriend.
I rolled my eyes at her. "Can't say the same."
I promised that I would behave, not be nice.
While looking for a seat I noticed that even though I've been sitting in front of her desk for the past few sessions, she's moved my chair back to where I used to sit pre-Kristina. It's like she's asking me to revert back to not talking to her or throwing something at her every other session. If she really wants that this bad, I'm willing to cooperate.
No, you're not; remember, you made a promise to Kris. I know that, but she'd never find out if I threw another chair at Tabitha. For some reason, I highly doubt that.
Going for another attempt to be mildly civilized, I picked up my chair and moved it back in front of Tabitha's desk before sitting down. Tabitha, of course, looked surprised, but I just rolled my eyes before training them on a random wall in the room.
"So Adri, about-"
"If you ever call me Adri again, I'm going to cut out-" I stopped myself when I realized that a civilized person wouldn't be saying the things I'm saying right now.
I took a deep breath before starting over. "Look, just don't call me Adri. Only my friends call me Adri and you are probably the furthest thing from a friend to me."
Once again, I never promised that I would be nice.
"Adrianna, we didn't mean for you to find out that way." She explained quietly.
"It honestly wouldn't have mattered where or how you told me. I would've still done the same thing I did two weeks ago. I don't like you." Don't like is an understatement, but she doesn't need to know how I'm really feeling.
"Psychiatrist me is different from just regular me." She tried explaining again, but I just scoffed.
"So normal you doesn't send fragile kids to nut houses in her free time?" I questioned, raising my voice.
"Adrianna-"
"And hey, I have a question. When you sent me to the psych ward all of those times, was it just so that you could get some alone time with my brother?" I asked her in a hysterical voice.
"No Adrianna. I would never do that." For some reason, I highly doubt that.
I watched her for a few moments, before releasing a dejected sigh and sitting back in my seat. She isn't worth getting angry at.
"It doesn't matter, you two can do whatever you want. You make him happy, so I don't care." I care, but no one has obviously cared what I thought in this chain of events.
"It does matter. Your brother wants you to come home." I opened my mouth to speak, but she cut me off. "He wants you to come home more than he wants to be with me." She whispered, her voice breaking.
And for the first time in my life, I almost cared about Tabitha. But really it was only because of what she meant to Cole.
My brother is willing to break up with the girl he (most likely) loves if it meant that I would come back home. My brother has always been self-sacrificing for his family, so I don't know why I didn't see this coming earlier. He's the best person I know and maybe even the best person on this entire planet.
But a piece of me still wants to let him break up with her. I mean, she's the person I hate most in this world and that is unlikely to change. Who cares if she's probably the girl of my brother's dreams?
But that was the mean and heartless piece of me talking and I know better than to listen to them now because of Kristina.
"I'll come home today. You should come over for dinner." I finally decided, before getting up and heading out of the room.
Δ
I watched the ceiling of my room, listening to everything that was going on downstairs.
I know that I'm the one who invited her over for dinner, but I can't be there right now. Existing in this house at the moment is hard enough without her in it and now that she's present it would be a very bad idea to go downstairs.
I would hate to commit attempted murder twice.
I'm tempted to call Kris to tell her to come and keep me company, but that would be selfish. She's at the movie theater with everyone for the first time in weeks; I can handle this on my own.
Right?
You've never been any good at handling anything on your own. Well then now's a good time to get started, isn't it? No, this is the worst time possible to start; the woman you hate most and a 6-year old are downstairs, so you're very probable to mess up and when you do mess up you'll be scaring a child. Don't ever become a cheerleader, you'd be shit at it.
"Adri, dinner is ready." Cole sang cheerfully as he walked into my room. At least Tabitha is doing what she's supposed to be doing, which is making my brother happy. The moment she stops doing that though, I have full reason to commit attempted murder again and have a go at committing voluntary manslaughter.
Cole's face fell slightly when he noticed my facial expression, so I smiled.
I smiled as if I don't want to jump off a cliff right now. I smiled as if I am not ready to puke. I smiled as if my worst nightmare isn't downstairs, in my house.
"I'm not very hungry." Translation: My legs are shaking so bad that I can't move.
Cole pouted. "How are you going to take your sleeping meds if you don't eat?"
"I'll get a granola bar later." Translation: When the demon spawn leaves my house, I'll come downstairs and eat leftovers.
Cole stared at me for a little while longer, leaning on my door frame. "I can ask her to leave-"
"No, I invited her. Just go back downstairs. Have fun." Translation: I don't want to disappoint you.
He walked over to me and placed a small kiss to the top of my head. "Thank you for trying." He whispered into my hair and I relaxed slightly.
"You're welcome, now go away," I muttered before falling back onto my bed.
Cole glanced back at me one more time before leaving my room and heading back downstairs.
What if Tabitha is scaring Ellie? What if she calls Ellie "Elizabeth"? What if she sees the labels on my medicine bottles and sends me off to the psych ward? They are literally labeled 'no killing pill', 'I hate the world pill', 'nightmares and night terrors aren't fun', and so many more.
Even I would send someone to a psych ward based solely on the fact that they have that many prescriptions. Especially if those prescriptions are labeled with mildly homicidal references.
I need Tabitha to leave this house.
She's giving me anxiety about things that I never have anxiety about which sucks because the stuff I already have anxiety about is enough. I've never worried about the names on my prescription bottles because I've only ever allowed the people who know me and who I trust in my house. Tabitha may think she knows me, but all she sees is a crazy little girl who needs help. And I'll admit that I need help.
I just don't need her help.
"Why aren't you downstairs with everyone else?" Speak of an angel. "I mean I'm going to guess it's because the devil herself is downstairs, but are there any other reasons?"
I looked up at Kristina with a genuine smile. "What are you doing here?" I whispered, slowly moving out of my bed.
It's almost unreal for her to show up like this. For her to show up the moment that I need her most, saying something that makes me show an actual smile for the first time all day. Sometimes Kristina does magical things like this, which makes me afraid that she's not real. If it turns out that Kristina is just figment of my imagination, I don't know how I'm going to survive.
"The movie is over and I thought that I'd come to see how my girlfriend is doing after her therapy session with the devil." She spoke, enveloping me in a tight hug. "And when I walked through the front door and saw said devil, I thought 'damn, it's a good thing that I showed up.'"
She's got to be a figment of my imagination.
"I love you, Kristina," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist.
"I know you do Adri." She whispered, rubbing the small of my back soothingly.
I chuckled. "You know that you can say it back. I won't attack you."
"No offense babe, but I'd rather not take my chances. Especially since I think that you need to take out your frustration towards Tabitha on something more than ever right now. I don't want to be that something." She joked, pulling away slightly with a small smile.
I rolled my eyes at her and then pulled completely away from her so that I could pace. At the mention of my frustration, I became a little restless and uneasy.
"Do you want to come back to my house?" She asked, making herself comfortable on my bed.
"No, I need to get used to having demon germs in my house. I've got to build an immune system to it." I muttered, crossing my arms over my chest.
Maybe this is what my life will be like; Kristina living with me to make sure that I don't end up committing a felony. I'm sure she won't mind too much.
"Adrianna."
"What?"
"I love you."
My feet halted in place, and I glanced over at Kristina. My brain racked for reactions for a few moments before it decided to allow my hand to connect with one of my shoes and throw it at Kristina's head.
She ducked out of the way but still threw a look in my direction. There was a smirk hiding in her eyes, most likely because she knew that she was right. But after a few moments, I was finally able to smile back at her.
"I love you too Kristina."