THIS CHAPTER AS A LOT OF CHANGING OF POV'S JUST SO YOU KNOW:)))
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HARRY
When Louis came back downstairs he seemed angry, at what? I didn't know. William and I were still watching TV that I didn't want it to end just to go found out what's wrong with him. As much as I knew I should I just didn't want to. I loved talking and joking with William. I am 26 years old and I don't have anything. I don't have a girl that I can call my own and I don't even have my old child. All I've ever wanted was a family of my own and I feel like that's something I'm never going to get. However sitting here with William I could pretend I had that. See what its like to have a child.
"Harry!" William screamed as I started to tickle him, making me chuckle at how ticklish he was, kind of like April.
"What?" I chuckled at him more, pretending I didn't know what he was on about.
I wanted a child of my own but then I have this feeling inside of me that I wouldn't be a good father. I'm scared I would be like my own father and I didn't want a child of mine to live a life with a father like that.
APRIL
I sat on the spare bed for what seemed like hours but Unfortunely it had only been a couple of minutes. I tried to get to sleep but I couldn't. Not because I wasn't tired because god was I. But because I was too busy thinking about what Louis just said to me. He was right. Harry does deserve to know William is his child but I cant help but feel scared. What if Harry isn't ready for this and abandons us? What if he doesn't what a child? I cant do that to him. It's better this way, at least William doesn't have the disappointment of a father leaving him while he gets to know him. William is so settled round Harry that if Harry left his life now, William would be so sad. The kind of sad I wouldn't be able to fix. The sad that could only be fixed by a father figure. Which is Harry. As much as I am scared about telling Harry I know he needs to know. He needs to know from me and not someone else, like Louis. All this guilt has built up inside of me and I need to get some relief. I need to tell Harry the truth, I cant keep this from him anymore.
I walked down stairs after a while of staying in my thoughts. Deciding I wasn't going to get any sleep soon, I decided to talk to Harry now. All the boys were in the living room once I got to the bottom of the stairs. Everyone was watching TV except Harry and William, as Harry was tickling William to death. He was so ticklish, like me. I smiled at the sight, I couldn't help it. They got on so well. Seeing Harry smiling so widely down at William, who looked like he was about to burst from all the tickling, made me happy. Seeing them together made me realise even more that I needed to tell Harry. He deserved to know that the child that's slowly making his way into Harry's life is actually his son. Not just someone random fuck I had with someone. Not someone else's child but his. As I looked around the room I saw Louis glaring at me. Almost yelling at me to tell Harry now, which I had already decided I was going to do.
I coughed loudly, getting everyone's attention. William and Harry stopped and looked up at me and I could see so much love in William's eyes for Harry it hurt me so much to know that they don't know they are related. However I was shocked Louis was the only one who noticed the similarity because I stared at both of them now, I could see so much that they had in common.
"I thought I told you to get some sleep" Harry spoke as I was too lost in my thoughts to speak first. Too lost looking at the love of my life and our child.
"Harry I need to talk to you, in private" I said, ignoring what he just said.
I had a serious look on my face as the smile dropped from Harry's face and he looked around the room. He looked at all the boys with a serious look before looking back at me and nodded.
"Can I come?" William asked as Harry got up and walked towards me.
"No honey, you stay here and watch TV" I said calmly, smiling at him.
He smiled back before going back to watching TV which I was glad off, as telling Harry his William's father is step one. Telling William about Harry is step two and that step I am the double scared for. I guess we'll see when that step comes when I find out how Harry reacts.
Harry and I walked into the back ground where his mum had a patio with a chair and table set on. I sat down on a chair and fiddled with my hands.
"What's wrong April?" Harry asked, crouching down in front of me and grabbing my hands in his to stop me fiddling. Something he use to do ages ago when I was scared or worried about something.
"I have something to tell you but I'm scared and worried about how you'll take it" I answered honestly and Harry looked shocked.
"Just tell me."
"Ok..." I trailed off, coughing slightly before continuing. I looked into Harry's eyes so he knew I wasn't lying. I could see so much emotion, Happiness, hope, everything. "Harry, William's father didn't leave us when William was born, I left his father when I first found out about being pregnant..." I slowly explained, hoping he would just guess it but he didn't.
"Why are you telling me this? I mean what has this got to do with me?" He asked even more confused but his hands never left mine and I somehow felt safe telling him this now.
"Harry, you're William's father."
As them words came out of my mouth everything seemed to go in slow motion. Harry's eyes went blank and stopped showing any emotion to me, he was shutting me out and shutting himself down. He let go of my hands, I tried to keep hold of him but he was too strong for me to hold on to. He stood up from his crouching position in front of me. He seemed to stand miles away from me but in reality it was only a metre. However I felt so much pain hit me. He was shutting me out and I didn't know what to do. Tears came to my eyes but didn't fall as he run his hand through his hair. He seemed so lost in his thoughts.
"Harry..."
HARRY
"Harry, you're William's father."
As them words came out of her mouth I didn't know what to think or feel. I stood from where I was crouched in front of her and moved away. I didn't want to be so close to her, it didn't feel right, right now. I couldn't help but think about what was just said. I'm a father. I'm William's father. His curly hair resembled mine so well and his green eyes were exactly the same as mine, how could I have not noticed before. His just had a birthday, he turned six. Approximately the same time April left me, plus nine months. How could I have never noticed? I cant be a father. As much as I want a family of my own, I cant do this. Not now.
"Harry..." Her voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"No" I muttered finally looking up at her and not the floor.
She had tears in her eyes but she held them as they didn't fall down her face.
"I cant-" I stopped myself.
"Harry-"
"No!" I raised my voice and she stayed quiet, looking at the ground.
I needed to think for a minute. She came to my mum for help with William, does that mean my mum knew all along? How could she not tell me? I know I haven't seen her probably. To be honest the last time I saw my mum before today was when me and April came to visit her when April was known as Rose. Yes we talk on the phone but never for long. I was too busy trying to find April.
"How could you keep this from me?!" I raised my voice louder, suddenly getting angry with everything and everyone.
"I was going to-"
"When? Huh? When?!" I shouted making her flinch at the sound of my voice.
"I tried to tell you six years ago!" She shouted at me.
"That's why you texted me to meet you. You were going to tell me you were pregnant but Des ruined it with his plan.." I trailed off, understanding finally what she wanted to tell me all those years ago. "You were willing to die that day with our baby in you!"
"I just found out that the boy I loved was in the gang that wanted me die what did you expect me to do! I was alone! I didn't care in that moment if I die or not!" April said frustrated at me.
"You ran away! You ran away and didn't bother to tell me that I was a father of an amazing child!" I said but started again, stopping her from talking. "Don't tell me it was so William could have a normal life because that is bullshit! You know I would've done everything to protect him and get him a normal life!"
"I know but-"
"No you don't know! You cant just spring this on me and expect me to understand your decisions because I don't! You were being selfish! Not telling me I was a father is the worst thing you could've ever done! The girl I fell in love with wouldn't have done that! How could you let me miss out on six years of my sons life! Fuck!" I said frustrated as I pulled at my hair and started pacing around in front of her.
She was now standing up and some tears had escaped but she wiped them away quickly hoping I wouldn't notice, but I did. I don't know what I was feeling right now. I was angry that she kept this from me, that I missed out on my sons life. However there was another part of me thinking how I couldn't be a father. I would be to much like Des and William doesn't deserve a dad like that. I couldn't be a father. How could she drop this on me right now, with everything going on.
"I told you now because seeing you with William made me realise how much he needs a dad and how much you deserve to know about him being your son." April said calmly.
"I don't think I can be that for him..." I trailed off.
APRIL
"I don't think I can be that for him..."
"What?!" I said shocked and confused.
I didn't expect Harry to say that. He was just angry about how he missed out on his son's life but now doesn't want to be apart of it. I knew this was a bad idea. His going to leave us and I don't think anything will hurt more than him leaving me right now, even if we aren't even back together.
"I cant be a father. I wont be a good father to him." He repeated not looking at me but instead the floor.
"What Harry no! William needs you in his life. You will be such a good dad to him what are you on about?!" I panicked saying everything I could to make him change his name.
I stepped towards him, hoping he would finally look at me but when he did I wish he hadn't. His face was blank and his eyes showed no emotions. I didn't know what to say to bring him back. He was so far gone now that I knew that whatever was about to happen it would hurt.
"Please don't leave us Harry" I whispered as I cupped his face in my hands, tears rolling down my face and there was no way of me stopping them.
"I cant." He repeated moving away from me. "I don't want to be like Des."
I couldn't say another word as he marched off inside, but I did run after him. He cant leave like this.
"HARRY!" I shouted as more tears fell.
I ran through the house and got to the front door where he was. He held the front door handle like he was debating whether or not to go.
"Please..." I choked out but he didn't listen because he walked out the door and took everything I had with him.
"What happened?" I heard a voice behind me.
I turned round and saw all the boys standing there.
"YOU!" I said pointing to Louis. "This is your fault. If you just stayed out of my business for once this wouldn't be happening! Now you lot get out there and make sure he doesn't do anything stupid!" I raised my voice, pointing to the door.
They got what I wanted them to do as they walked out the front door to find Harry without saying another word to me.
As the front door shut again I fell to the floor. I couldn't hold my weight up anymore. I was tired physically, mentally and emotionally. My heart was breaking for the last time. The boy I love just walked out the door without a second thought of how I am feeling. I somehow convinced myself that this talk would go better but I knew all along it would end up like this. It was so obvious. Harry left me. Left William. Left us. He doesn't want to be apart of this and he made that quite obvious, however I couldn't help but break everything I had left of me. When Harry walked out of the door he took every sane thing of me with him. As I sat here in the middle of the hallway in front of the door, just hoping he would came back and sweep me off my feet, I knew I wouldn't be the same as soon as I woke up tomorrow. I knew I would become the heartless, emotionless person I was over six years ago. I didn't have anything left for me, except William and protecting him. That's what I was going to do with my life, even if it got me killed, I was going to protect William so he could have a normal life. I stayed sitting in the middle of the hallway in front of the door crying until I had nothing left to cry.
"April?"
I turned round and saw Anne holding William in her arms.
"What's wrong?"
"He left. I told him and he left me." I repeated and Anne seemed to understand as more tears flooded down my face.
"Oh honey" She said sitting on the floor next to me as well as William.
She hugged me and so did William, even though he didn't understand what was happening.
"Cheer up mummy, I don't like seeing you sad" William said kissing my cheek and I gave him a small smile through my tears.
"He'll get over it, April. It's just a shock to him. Give him time" Anne assured me but I shook my head.
"I don't have much time" I answered picking William up. "Anne, I feel myself turning into the person I was years before I met Harry and she wasn't a good person. I want you to promise to keep William away from me then because I don't want him to see me like that" I said and she nodded.
"Ok, I promise love."
"Goodnight" I walked up the stairs with William in my arms but stopped and turned back towards Anne, who was at the bottom of the stairs watching me. "Anne, make sure his ok will you?" I asked and she nodded.
"Of course I will dear. You know Harry..." She trailed off and I nodded.
"Promise me if anything happens to me William goes to Harry or you. I don't want him around anyone else." She nodded again.
"Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way but you will make it through this. All of you will and everything will turn out how its meant to" Anne said giving me some of her wise words that she always seemed to have.
I nodded as I didn't have the strength to do anything. I walked towards my room and laid down with William next to me, already half asleep.
I didn't know how things would turn out but I just hoped it was all ok in the end. I just hope Harry is ok.
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...............HARRY DIDNT REACT SO WELL:o
ANOTHER LONG CHAPTER FOR YOU ALL
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