Chapter 16
The doors to the elevator slid open and the first person I saw standing there waiting for us was the same person I was in no mood to see.
Nate.
"Oh, thank God. You're both alive. I was a bit worried there for a second," Nate nervously chuckled.
Next to him seemed to be an electrician, and behind both, was the hotel manager. I quickly rose to my feet, avoiding eye contact with Chelsea, and bolted out of that elevator.
I mumbled my appreciation to the guys who stared at me with worried eyes, but I didn't stop walking away. I had no idea where to go, if I was even headed towards the right direction of an exit, the only thing solid in my mind was that I needed to get out of there, away from Nate and Chelsea.
Nate and Chelsea.
Nate and Chelsea.
This shouldn't bother me at all. First of all, me and Nate aren't even together. He's a free man allowed to do whatever hell he wants. We hadn't even had a real conversation in the last three years, he didn't owe me anything. Two, Chelsea was also a free woman. I shouldn't be judging her for giving into her needs when I had done the absolute same thing. Plus, who could resist Nate? I didn't put it past her to throw herself onto him. Third, didn't Nate and I confirm the absence of any feelings the night we hooked up? And lastly, we hooked up. Just sex. No emotions or strings attached. I was no better than either of them in that sense.
But despite all the reasons that I shouldn't let this bother me, it still hurt like a bitch. My insides were on fire and I was finding it harder and harder to breathe. I was trying to keep my composure and wait until I was in the safety of my room before I started bawling my eyes out, but when I found an exit door to the stair case, I let all hell break loose. I was sobbing, my chokes echoing in the empty space, slumping down on the top of the stairs and leaning against the handrail.
I don't know why it hurt. Maybe because Chelsea had somewhat clarified the truth of what she'd done? Maybe because Nate had chosen to sleep with her knowing that fact? Maybe because I had always expected him to be loyal to me and this felt like betrayal? Maybe because part of me felt as if he hid this from me?
Yet, why would Nate have to tell me? It was his personal life and his business. He didn't have to confess anything to me, just like I certainly hadn't told him every little thing I had done in the past three years.
My cell phone began to ring.
I wiped away my tears and brushed my bruised pride off to the side and answered it.
"Hello?" I managed to choke out.
"Where are you? I thought you were going to get us a spot by the bar?"
Nicole.
I had completely forgotten about them.
I cleared my throat and tried to sound as normal as possible. "I got stuck in the elevator with Chelsea, had to get rescued by Nate and a bunch of other people-"
I heard Ricky gasp over the phone. "Did she just say Chelsea?"
"Wait, Haley, shut up! Did you drag that bitch to the ground? I swear, if that was me, I'd-"
I didn't want to be reminded more about it so I cut Nicole off. "Where are you? I'm headed to the pool now."
"We managed to steal a spot by the jacuzzi. You better hurry - there are some hot guys from Maxim that are totally checking us out," Nicole said excitedly.
The last thing I wanted to do right now was flirt with anyone. Not when my stomach was in knots and my mind was clouded.
"You know what? I'm not really feeling up for that," I sighed, getting up to turn around and head back towards the exit of the stair case. What I really wanted to do was lie down, sleep away my problems, and wake up in New York far away from this island.
"Why not? Don't let whatever Chelsea told you get to your head, Haley! She's so irrelevant it's not even funny," Nicole groaned.
"And we haven't hung out with you all week!" Ricky added.
I bit my lip. As much as I did want to finally spend some time with them, I also wanted to cry this frustration out as soon as possible. The earlier I did, the faster I'd feel better. It sounded stupid, but the best way to get over something quickly was to allow myself to give into the pain now that way I wouldn't push aside to let it linger and creep up on me later on.
"I'll join you guys later, okay?" I said.
I hung up before they could argue. Luckily, Nicole took a hint and didn't call back. I entered back into the random hallway of rooms and eventually wound up at the elevator again. Once it landed on my floor, I stepped in, praying to God that it wasn't going to get stuck once more, otherwise Nate and the hotel manager would find me in a corner laying in the fetal position.
When I finally got to my floor, I surprisingly bumped into Kevin on my way out.
"Haley! What's up?" He asked as we brushed past each other.
"I'm not feeling well, so I'm going back to my room."
Immediately, he stepped out of the elevator before the doors could close on him. "What's wrong?" He laid a hand on my forehead and felt the absence of warmth. "You're not sick which means it's not a health issue."
I sighed. "I wish it were. But, I'll be fine, Kev. Thanks for the concern."
He gave me a caring smile. "Do you want to talk?"
In my heart, I actually did. I wanted to deal with this and I maybe crying about it to someone who would understand and give me advice would help.
"Sure, want to come to my room?"
He nodded briskly. "I left Tony and Bessa in ours. I certainly don't want to walk into whatever they're doing now."
I shook my head to stop images from flashing. "Okay, let's talk about something else now before I vomit."
"Did you just come back from the beach?" He pointed to my bag that was slung over my shoulder.
I shook my head once we approached my room. "I was actually on my way down there but didn't end up making it. Wasn't feeling it today."
I opened the door to our room and threw the bag down onto the ground before jumping onto my bed. Kevin took a seat at the table across from it and made himself comfortable.
"Where were you going?" I asked.
"Anywhere but our room. Every time Bessa comes in, Tony gives me this look and I just know I have to leave," He chuckled.
"Oh God," I made a wry face. "I love those two to death, but having to deal with that all the time would drive me insane."
"Haley, they do it everyday. I'm not even kidding you. I'm like, best friends with the bartenders down near the pool because I'm always down there trying to avoid them," Kevin shook his head laughing.
Suddenly, I felt really bad for neglecting our friendship. Now that Tony and Bessa were dating, and I had Nicole and Ricky to spend time with, I realized that Kevin was kind of on his own. He had been there for me when I needed him, and now he was here for me again.
"Next time that happens, call me and let's hangout," I told him, meaning my word. "We can drink together and I can make best friends with the bartenders."
His smile was earnest. "I want to hangout with you but I don't want to pull you away from Nicole and Ricky."
I laughed. "They have each other to annoy, we haven't spent much time together here, so let's change that!"
"I'll hold you to that," He nodded accepting my promise. "So, can I ask you something?"
"Of course," I leaned back against the pillows.
"What's going on between you and Nate? And don't even try denying it because even I can see there's something there," Kevin smiled eagerly.
My heart dropped at the sound of Nate's name and it was as if I was reliving being in that hotel all over again. The disturbance must have shown on my face because Kevin immediately froze.
"So, your problem is about him, isn't it?"
Willingly, I opened up to him about the elevator ride and spilled everything that Chelsea had told me, even letting out a few tears. It felt good to get it out. I was just worried that I would be judged for even feeling this way because Nate and I were never a thing.
Was it even possible that we ever could be?
"Damn," Kevin shook his head when I delivered the juiciest part of the story - Chelsea and Nate sleeping with each other. "Is it true?"
I shrugged. "Well, why would Chelsea lie about it?"
"Well...it is Chelsea,"Kevin said hesitantly. "You already know how I feel about her. And you've always had your doubts about her as well. She's not the world's most honest person, she's proven that. What makes you think she's telling the truth?
The second he said that, I started to doubt myself.
Chelsea was the biggest liar I'd ever met. Liars didn't need a reason to lie, they just did it. She had never done anything good the entire time I've known her, how could I trust her word that this was true?
My history with Nate made me immediately go to that dark place and assume that he had slept with her. Nate liked that I saw the best in him, didn't he deserve the benefit of the doubt?
But what if this time, he indulged into the temptation?
And why would it matter to me if I had made it clear I didn't want anything more than just friends between us?
"I don't know what to think," I whispered.
"Then you should talk to Nate and hear him out. I trust his word more than hers," Kevin said.
I do too.
He continued to ask, "If he did sleep with Chelsea, would you be okay with that?"
Of course not. But it's not like I haven't done things or seen other guys during our time apart.
There was just something always tying us back together - a gravity between us that we could never be too far to escape. Which is why I felt this natural inclination to, off the bat, feel as if he betrayed me.
But in reality, we weren't in the position to.
"Truthfully, I don't know. I won't know until I hear it from him," I replied.
"Then you know what to do," Kevin concluded.
It warmed my heart that he was here making me try to slow down and pace my decisions instead of immediately going to the place of resentment towards Nate.
Sure, Nate had hurt me in the past, but there's a reason why it was in the past and why he had worked so hard to regain his image after. I'm also now realizing, he respected my wishes and kept his distance for the past three years. He never initiated anything because I had asked him not to.
On top of that, he confirmed that he didn't have any feelings for me anymore.
Did I still have some for him?
I thought I had none left, but maybe that's because I hadn't stopped to appreciate what he had before. The connection between us was undeniable and I had blamed it before on lust and infatuation, but how could I describe the emotional ties I had to him? He understood me, challenged me, made me think deeply about things, and at the same time, I felt happy whenever I saw him or even thought about him.
There could possibly be underlying feelings I still had towards Nate that I didn't know I had until recent events.
Besides...three years of not seeing each other and little to no contact and we picked up right where we left off. I still got the same breathless feeling around him, excitement in my chest and tingling in my stomach.
Then the image of him and Chelsea sunk in and I felt all my positive thoughts cease to exist.
"You know, Haley, I can see that you really care about Nate, otherwise you wouldn't have been this bothered by that. If you still have feelings for him, just go for it."
I looked up at Kevin in surprise. "What?"
Kevin sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows just above his knees. "I liked you - a lot. The second I became single again, I went for it. And even though we didn't work out, we had the best time those few months we dated and now we're still friends. I'm not saying that it's going to work out that way with Nate, but I don't want you to live in constant wonder of what could happen when he's downstairs and you could easily just find out. If I never took that step and just went for it, I would be sitting here feeling heartbroken that you have feelings for Nate instead of me. But, I'm not. I'm sitting here knowing that we gave it a shot and that we were better as friends. That makes me incredibly happy because you're still in my life. Stop worrying about the consequences or who will talk or what anyone has to say, if you really want it to happen, you won't be happy until it does."
Kevin's concern was appreciated but his advice meant the world to me. Of course, he was right. He put himself out there, took a plunge, and went for it with me. As a true friend, he just wanted me to be happy. I have only ever wanted that for myself and maybe I had been so hypocritical saying that I didn't care what anyone else said when deep down, I did.
The only thing that mattered was what I thought of myself. And I wanted to be happy.
If that meant figuring things out with Nate once and for all, I had to do it.
"Kev...it means so much to me that you're here to help me out right now. You're right. I should just do what makes me happy. Life is too short not to," I concluded.
"Finally she realizes it!" Kevin threw both arms up above him. "You owe me a shot - that Oprah moment took a lot of energy."
I laughed, feeling blessed to have him in my life. "I don't know what I'd do with you Kev."
"Neither do I, frankly," Kevin smiled, a look of satisfaction on him. "Talk to him, Haley. That's the only way you're going to feel better about this."
"I know."
________________________________
I woke up to the sound of Nicole shrieking.
My eyelids fluttered opened. The curtains to our window were open and I could see that the sun was just about to set.
How long had I been asleep for?
And why the hell was Nicole shrieking?
"Haley! Haley! Wake your ass up!"
Suddenly, I felt two bodies jump onto my bed. I lifted the sheets above my head.
"Let me sleep," I grumbled.
Thoughts of Nate and Chelsea consumed me, and I felt the urge to start crying all over again. Even though Kevin had helped me make a breakthrough, there was still a large hurdle we had to get over to move on.
"No, Haley, you don't understand," Nicole hurriedly tried to grab the sheets from me. "You have to see this video of Ricky and one of the hot guys from GQ making out in the jacuzzi!"
Okay, that I had to see. Ricky and I usually left it to Nicole to act wildly in public so whenever one of us did, it was a moment to appreciate. I put my depressing emotions out of the way and ripped the sheets off me, jerking upright. Nicole was sitting directly across from me while Ricky was laying on his side besides me, a bright smile on his newly tanned face.
"Ricky, this is the best news I've heard all day," I said to him, rubbing my eyes open. Nicole flashed me her phone and instantly, a video of Ricky and a very handsome looking man were tongue deep in each other's mouths, Nicole and other writer's from GQ also recording them.
Ricky fanned himself. "That boy knew how to work those lips."
"Even I got turned on watching it," Nicole said to which I laughed in reply.
"How did this even start?" I asked, handing Nicole back her phone.
"The GQ guys joined us in the jacuzzi and after about six rounds of drinks - on them, of course - we started playing spin the bottle but in this case, we were the bottles," Nicole explained.
"What?" I stared at her in confusion.
"Basically, one of us would go in the middle of the jacuzzi, close our eyes, spin around three times and who ever's direction we landed on, we'd have to make out with," Ricky licked his lips mischievously.
That must have been such a scandalous game to play.
"Oh my God, and you landed on him?" I smiled.
"No, that's the best part," Ricky clapped. "It landed on his co-worker but then he stepped in front of his co-worker and said, you'll enjoy me more."
The three of us squealed, similar to the way Nicole did when she first entered the room, and I felt sudden excitement for him. They were drunk, obviously, but they had fun. I couldn't help but feel terrible that I had missed out on this. If there were any two people in the world who could life up my spirits through some fun, it was Nicole and Ricky.
"You should have been there," Nicole read my thoughts. "It was epic."
"I know," I pouted. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. Did you get his number?"
Ricky sighed, still a dreamy smile on his face. "No, but he got mine. If he wants this, he can reach out."
"He'll reach out," Nicole and I both said in unison.
"Ugh," I threw my head back and high-fived Ricky. "Amazing. What a fantastic memory to bring back to New York."
"I'm so pissed that both of you have gotten action and I haven't," Nicole threw her hands in the air.
"What happened on your date with Riley?" I asked. I realized that I never asked her how it went because I was, obviously, distracted with other things.
Nicole shook her head. "Don't even get me started on that guy. Worst date ever! He kept talking about himself and making these arrogant statements about dating, and by the end of the night, I was so annoyed that I got myself a cab and went home."
Ricky and I stared at each other.
"You do realize that you basically had a date with yourself, right?" Ricky spoke the exact thought I had in my mind.
Nicole dropped her jaw and actually looked pissed at that. "What? How dare you compare me to that pile of garbage!"
I snorted. "Nikki...he's right. You talk about yourself all the time and make ridiculously arrogant statements about dating."
"Okay, but I wasn't as bad as he was. It was like talking to the most negative person on the planet wrapped in teenage angst and dusted with narcissism."
Ricky narrowed his eyes. "Again, you basically had a date with-"
"Let's just call it a bad date," I interrupted Ricky before Nicole could direct her anger at us.
Duly noted that if I ever wanted to hangout with Max and his friends again, Nicole was not joining.
"Why do you look like you've been crying?" Nicole asked me, squeezing herself between me and Ricky.
I took a deep, deep breath. "Well, it's actually the reason why I never made it down to join you guys..."
And then I went into full detail recounting the conversation I had with Chelsea. When I got towards the end, my voice quivered a bit but I swallowed the lump in my throat down and managed to finish the story without shedding a single tear.
I didn't feel the pain lessen when I described what happened over again. It was still fresh in my mind and so were the emotions.
Nicole quickly jumped off the bed, strapping her sandals back on. "If you'll excuse me, I have a bitch to kill."
I quickly hopped off the bed and grabbed her before she could leave. I knew Nicole. She was the type of person who would take action on her word. "No! Just calm down. I don't even know if she's telling the truth or not!"
"That doesn't change the fact that she's still a bitch! Even if she is lying, who does that?" Nicole shook me off her and yelled. "What type of low life are you to lie about something like that?"
"But what if she's not lying?" Ricky piped in, also rising up from the bed. "What if they really did sleep together?"
"Then you better not hold me back," Nicole rolled up the sleeves of her oversize denim top.
"If she's lying, then you can kill her," I told Nicole, half-joking, half-serious. "If she's not lying then..."
I slumped over on the bed and sighed. "Then, I don't know. I shouldn't care at all because Nate and I aren't even together. We never were. We're not even dating. So it's not my place to say anything, right?"
"Wrong," Nicole shook her head and crossed her arms. "It's ridiculously obvious you two still have some type of feelings for each other. And if he doesn't, then he's an idiot to lead you on like that."
"Feelings aside, he knows what Chelsea did to you and it's bullshit that he would sleep with her given the fact," Ricky added in, also crossing his arms.
The both of them stood above me like they were my parents scolding me for something I did wrong.
And I did do something wrong.
I did Nate.
But if I learned anything from my conversation with Kevin, it's that I wouldn't figure out my feelings until I spoke with him.
"This is so stupid," I shook my head and collapsed on the bed. "I can't believe I'm going through this type of drama again with Nate."
"Your life is pretty entertaining to watch," Nicole laughed, sliding her body across the bed next to me.
"Okay, let's say Chelsea is lying and they didn't sleep together. What would you do? Fight her?"
I shrugged, throwing my arms over my head. "No. I'm not a fighter. I'll confront her and tell her to stop messing up my life just because hers is so pathetic, but I won't fight her."
"That's okay, I'll fight her for you," Nicole smiled down at me.
Would I stop Nicole from throwing a punch at Chelsea? Probably not. The girl deserved it.
"I'm not opposed to that idea," I stated.
Nicole laughed. "Finally! The green light!"
"Let's say Chelsea isn't lying and they did sleep together," Ricky asked in a softer voice, also laying down on the bed next to me. "What would you do then? Would you forgive Nate?"
Don't I always?
I wasn't innocent. I had done things with guys in the past three years, drunkenly and sober. Nate could do whatever he wants - there was nothing preventing him from doing so. But why did it have to be with Chelsea? Out of all the girls on that floor, why did it have to be her?
"I don't know," I replied, giving him the same answer I gave Kevin just a few hours ago.
"I think the better question is, when you talk to Nate about this, are you going to believe what he says?" Nicole asked.
My initial answer was yes. I would. Because I trusted Nate over Chelsea any day.
"Better than believing what that lying bitch says," Ricky mumbled.
"What he said," I pointed a thumb at Ricky.
"Then talk to Nate," Nicole shrugged. "Simple as that."
Since when was anything with Nate ever simple?