Sharp breaths in, quick exhales. Lev's eyes pried themselves open to be met by darkness. He was dead this time, to be sure. For moments, minutes even—time stretched in blackness—he laid on the cold ground without moving a muscle. He evened his breathing until it was the only sound he could barely hear. Where was he? At the bottom of Fiutte?
Wait—there was something soft beneath him. Blankets. Layers of blankets. He felt around in the darkness as his memories fell back upon his mind. He was in Zora's tower. What time was it? How long had he slept? It had been a long time since he'd had dreams—nightmares. It had seemed too real—though unrealistic, looking back at it. Lev shuddered and pulled his top blanket around his shoulders. He ached from everything he'd been doing. Dull throbbing in all his joints.
Where had the light been? Where was Zora? Did he risk waking her? He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep now. He felt fully awake and as if he'd swallowed far too much water for his stomach, or anything, to handle. He sat for a few moments, contemplating the different routes he could take. One, just wait until morning—whenever that was. Perhaps by chance he'd be able to fall back asleep. But his mind wouldn't stop racing with questions. No, something else had to be done. He opened his mouth—cringing at the sticky sound it made from being so dry—ready to call into the dark. Or, at least, whisper. "Zora?" He waited. And waited. "Zora?" Still no answer. Where had the lamp been? He rolled into a crawling position. Perhaps it had been behind him. Definitely against a wall. He crawled forward, blanket dragging from atop him and getting tangled beneath his knees and feet. He rammed his head into something hard and groaned. Just one more thing to add to the list of pain.
His hand fell on something that felt like stone and somewhat tall. It had to be the pedestal. He reached up, feeling for the lamp. Something cold and vase like-met his fingers. There had to be a switch or something somewhere to turn it on. If only Zora was here. Where was she? Where was her room? He reached up further in desperate need of light. Would he be able to engineer it to turn on automatically? The system she used was surely far different than what he was used to. Nothing he couldn't rightly figure out. A knob was raised out at the bottom of the lightbulb casing and Lev pressed it. All at once he was sitting in the warm glow of the lamp. He sank to the ground and surveyed his surroundings. Everything was the same as the night before, save for a blanket on the couch. Is that where Zora had slept? Where was she? What time was it?
Lev stretched out his legs and massaged them. He never wanted to walk around again. But he would have to. For the answers. His sole objective was to find answers. To hopefully, finally, gain some understanding.
Pulling the blanket close around him, he stood, swayed a bit before gaining his balance, and moved to where the door had been. He pushed back the drape and cracked the door open. Darkness met him, but pink glided upon the horizon. A black lump sat at the edge of the roof. Was that Zora? Lev stepped out, leaving the door open. Looking up, he could still see the stars—faint as they were, but still wildly beautiful. How was it possible that they were easier to see on this side of the river than the other?
His eyes were drawn back to the shape at the end of the panels. It had to be Zora. Right? He inched closer, careful to take light steps, walked right up to the edge, and sat down.He could only just barely make out her face in the darkness. She was staring straight up at the sky and in the blackness she almost looked like the little girl that had sat at his grandparents' table.
Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "It is magnificent, isn't it?"
Lev's eyes were drawn back up. "Yes."
"I often find that if I stare into the galaxy for too long my mind wanders and I begin to float among the stars. When I was a child I used to pretend I was a star."
Lev's heart sped up and words tumbled out of his mouth without his permission. "You are."
Her mouth moved into a half smile of broken dreams. "That is kind of you to say, but I could never shine so brightly as the stars do. My time has passed."
What had gotten into her? Where was the stubborn, go-getter Zora that he had re-become friends with hours earlier? "Don't say that."
"I am merely verbalizing the truth."
"No you're not."
Zora seemed to shrink. She scooted away from Lev. "I apologize for bringing the mood down."
"I just want you to see the truth. You are a star. You burn."
"That is just the thing about burning, Lev. Eventually one has to burn out."
Lev shook his head. "No! You don't have to." He might have—he didn't know if he ever had truly burned, but he was certainly burned out. But others didn't have to burn out. "You can continue burning. An eternal flame. The stars are ever steady and constant. You can keep going."
"I suppose you are right."
"Of course."
Zora snorted and it was a beautiful sound after the gravity of what had just happened. "Are you saying of course you are right?"
"Of course."
"I believe you are utterly ridiculous!"
Lev found his mouth trying to crack into a smile. It was painful.
"You have been on this side of the river for an entire day, Scooter."
His heart constricted and emotion rose to his throat. "Do you think they miss me?"
Zora didn't answer, but turned her face back up to the sky.
Had they given up searching for him? Had they even begun searching for him? Would they repair the fence once they found his shoes? If he ever made it back would they question him? What would they do with him? Put him under surveillance? Did he want to go back? Would it be easier to live here for the rest of his life? Could he make a life here? There was food and acceptance. There was freedom. That was just about enough. Did he truly miss the East side?
"I find, Lev, that when there is an absence that spans over a long period of time, people begin to forget. They begin to move on. I honestly cannot answer as to whether or not your parents miss you. I should hope so." She touched his elbow and offered a consoling smile. "But I believe they now know how valuable you really are."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Birds sang their morning songs with at full throttle. To welcome the day, they didn't hold anything back and it was such a refreshing sight and sound as they fluttered about between trees and flowering bushes. Lev and Zora sat once again at the edge of the roof. Zora, with her strawberry milk carton posed elegantly in her hand as she watched the horizon lighten. Lev with, well, nothing, but watching the sky as the sun came up. Sunrises were different from this side of the river. Of course he never actually saw the sunrise with his own two eyes before. It was magnificent. He almost didn't want to breathe for fear that even the slightest ruffle of air would cause something to go wrong.
Rays of orange and red colored the clouds and sky...Lev sucked a breath of air into his lungs and held it as a fiery ball peeked over the earth. The sun in all its morning glory—seemed almost to beckon him to the ends of the earth (although it was round) and bathe in the brightness and beauty that it was. But of course if that was at all possible—which is wasn't—Lev knew he would get burned. Yet even after acknowledging that fact, Lev was still drawn. Although he was perched on the edge of the roof and was as still as he could possibly be, he still wished he could chase the morning sun. It was a beacon of hope to him that all would be well.
A hollow sipping sound broke Lev's awe. He snapped to look at Zora. She was busy chomping on her straw, wiggling the carton around, and trying to get every last bit of milk.
Lev's mouth pulled down in disgust. What would cause her to break the reverence of such a moment?
Zora's eyebrow quirked up and she looked at him, straw slipping out of her mouth. "Is everything alright?"
He only let a sigh escape his lips and turned back to the sun. It was higher already. The moment had passed.
"I do hope you are alright, Lev. You were not giving me a very friendly look and I daresay it made me quite uncomfortable." Zora sniffed and pushed to her feet, jiggling her empty carton. "I am in need of more strawberry milk and then we shall be off to Berry Straw. The sisters can feed you some scrumpties for breakfast while I attend to some errands I must be out finishing up before the day is done. Once my errands are complete, however, I will endeavor to show you around a bit more."
Lev got up to follow her into the building. "Why can't I explore on my own?"
"Do you really wish to do that?"
"Yes...?"
She shrugged and dropped the drape before the door. "If that is your desire, you may act upon it."
Was she going to change her mind that easily? "Really?"
"Yes...?" She grinned, grabbed a milk carton and stuffed it into the grey jacket she always wore. She hardly ever had it off, but was constantly taking the most random things out of the pockets. Zora flung open the door and they began the descent to the lower levels.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muted rays of sunlight peeked through broken windows and cracks between houses. Zora was busy noisily sipping her strawberry milk and grinning at every single person they passed on their way to Berry Straw. It seemed that every single person they passed knew exactly who Zora was and absolutely loved her.
Twirling her straw with her teeth, Zora looked over to Lev and bestowed upon him one of her famous toothy smiles. "Alright, Scooter. If we're to be on a team together, it's essential we know, at the least, a little something about the other." She stopped talking to smile and nod at a passing young man as Lev avoided eye contact.She turned to face him again. "So tell me about yourself, Lev."
Lev's heart couldn't help it—it began pounding away at the question and attention and having people walk by and look at them. Everything was multiplying all at once and he had to remind himself to breathe deeply a few times. "That question is too broad to answer."
Zora snorted. "Too broad to answer? Why, Lev, that ought to be one of the easiest questions to answer. Here, I shall show you." She spun to face him and walk backwards before him. "I'm Lucky. I enjoy strawberry milk, talking to people, and finding things. You see?" She grinned again, stuck her straw back into her mouth, and spun back to walk normally.
"You make it look easy."
"Exactly as it is."
"What do you want to know?"
She sighed and gestured widely with a hand. "Whatever you wish to tell me, Scooter. I am not going to dictate what you should tell me. You must make the decision yourself."
Lev massaged his forehead. He was never going to get a break from this crazy woman. "Fine." He breathed deeply in and out a few times, avoiding eye contact with everybody Zora waved to, and focusing on passing buildings and the clouds and basically anything human. What was he going to tell her? He'd never really run into this problem before. All people usually cared about was whether or not one had mods and if so what mods were they? So, as he had no idea what to say, he remained quiet.
After some time, Zora spun to face him once again. "Alright, Scooter. What do you like to do?"
"Fix things." That was an easy one.
"Splendid, Lev! Look at you go. You're on your merry way to becoming an expert about yourself! Let us continue, then. What is your favorite color?"
Purple. Purple. Purple. It burned on his tongue. Why was his favorite color purple? That made no sense. The color wasn't the most appealing, yet he knew deep down that it was his favorite. How had that crept into his being? "Purple."
Zora's eyebrows peaked and her mouth twitched. "Intriguing! I prefer silver myself, but you are allowed to your opinion." A full on grin blossomed across her face.
And then something hit Lev. Not physically, but emotionally. Ker. She was the reason his favorite color was purple. Lev furrowed his brow and massaged over the wrinkles he'd put into his forehead. Why was Ker the reason his favorite color was purple? His heart hammered. Zora's eyes burned into him. His breathing became shallow. Ker's face haunted his mind. Did she miss him? Or did she not care? Was she busy getting new mods on her face where her star had once resided?
"Lev? Are you alright?"
He'd stopped to sit on a stair. Zora's hand was on his shoulder. His mouth felt heavy with dryness and talking almost made him choke. He grabbed at his throat with a hand and massaged it, trying to swallow. "I need water."
"We are nearly to Berry Straw. You must endure a bit longer. Once we arrive you shall have as much water as your parched throat desires, never fear."
Swallowing, or trying to, only made him cough. It racked his body and was quite revolting to the dryness caked along his vocal chords. He wouldn't be able to tell Zora anything more.
"Alright, purple is your favorite color. I will be sure to point out everything purple from now on to satisfy your aesthetic tendencies." Zora grabbed his hand, her calluses rough and warm against his skin, and pulled him to his feet. "We shall be there soon. Try to breathe evenly and through your nose."
Lev pulled his hand from her grasp, adjusted his sleeves, and they continued their trek.
"I do sometimes wonder if you shall ever open up to me. It is quite distressing having a companion who hardly utters a word in edgewise. In all my years of living I have come to realize that most people are only quiet as long as they are required to. As soon as there is a pause, they speak up even if only to have their voice heard." She paused as if to test him. As if he would even be able to speak in the first place. Her lips smacked together. "It is utterly ridiculous, but sometimes you just have to let people speak because there is no other way to do it. That is why"—she turned to look at him—"it is excellent that you listen. You can learn quite a lot by listening and observing, Lev. However, I do wonder how healthy it is for you to be in your mind. If you think I have not noticed, believe me, I have, and my own mind tells me you are in need of a break of sorts. I will be sure the sisters put you to work, never fear." Zora grinned—it was always lopsided. Friendly, charming, and mischievous and it made Lev's own lips wish to lift at the corners into an expression of happiness or humor or something other that he wasn't used to. It was strange and new and Lev didn't like it. He rubbed at his face and the urge to smile vanished—drifting to the ground and beneath his moving feet. Into the dust.
What was there to smile about anyway?
He had left Ker on the East side.
He would never be able to forget that.