Chapter 10
When I opened the door to Brady’s bedroom, it dawned on me that I haven’t been in here since we moved from it last time. It was almost hard for me to imagine Brady using this room because all I can think about is my mom living in here. “Brady?” I repeated.
He was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. “What?” He said, maybe a bit too forceful. “I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t mean to make you angry. You’re the last person I need angry with me.” I waited for a response. None.
I made my way over to the bed and sat on it, staring intently at Brady’s expression. Pissed, definitely. At me though? I’m not too sure. Maybe it’s just how the conversation went that is making him so upset.
Brady let out a long sigh, which I felt was quite calming even to me. “I’m sorry.” I repeated in a bit of a whisper this time. The corner’s of his mouth lifted and turned into a small smile. “I know.” He whispered back. He patted the spot on the bed next to him.
I crawled onto the bed and curled up next to him, his arm around me. The heat radiating off his body was intense, but soothing. I breathed in, taking in his scent, and then let out a sigh, closing my eyes. I felt his chest rise and fall under my ear as he breathed at a steady pace.
Even though I just took a nap out in the water, I suddenly felt tired again. His breathing was so relaxing that it almost was a lullaby to put me to sleep. I could feel that I was losing consciousness rather quickly. Before I did though, I remember mumbling a few words that I didn’t even notice I was saying. “I love you.” It may have just been me dreaming it, but I think he may have said “I love you,” back.
AJ’s arms squeezed me, protecting me from the horrible noises that surrounded us. Screams, wails, creepy noises, chainsaws, gun fires. I wanted to scream so badly, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. All I could do was stay in AJ’s arms. Protected. “I will always love you.” He repeated to me over and over again. Just like he said to me before I moved. Finally, getting the courage to actually look up into AJ’s eyes, I saw Brady now. He held me close in his arms, the same way AJ did, but he didn’t say anything. He just held me.
Suddenly, the wails and screams were gone. All the noises left. It was just Brady and I. Standing there, holding each other. He buried his face into my neck and kissed me. Then he mumbled something, that I could not quite make out. I wanted to ask him what he said, but my voice was gone. I couldn’t say a word. Just like I couldn’t scream when those creepy sounds were around me.
Then, Brady let go of me and got carried away by a huge wind gust. Things spun around me, I didn’t know what was going on or what to expect. Next thing I knew I was down at the beach in the Bahamas, right outside my home. The sand felt so real and warm against my skin. “So, this is your home life?” AJ asked. Blinded a bit by the sun, my eyes adjusted to see him standing by me, staring down at me. But something was wrong. His eyes were bloodshot and not warm and welcoming like usual. “AJ?” I said, now regaining my voice. “What are you-” but then the scene changed again
We were at a trailer park now, but AJ and I were still in the same position. Me, lying on the ground and AJ towering over me. At that moment, he turned and entered one of the trailers. I quickly got up and followed him. The trailer stunk badly of smoke and alcohol. It was hard to even see because it was so filled with smoke. Then there he was. AJ. Lying on the couch, smoking what looked like a pipe. He puffed out a ring of smoke and I couldn’t help but cough continuously. “Want to try?” He asked trying to hand me over a pipe. I could see his eyes perfectly now. They were filled with pain and misery. I let out a scream that I couldn’t help and tears started streaming down my cheeks.
Brady hugged me tighter to him, humming a soft tune. “Shhh…you’re okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream.” He whispered, then continued humming. How long was I asleep? I popped up, looking around, confused. “Oh my gosh, I fell asleep! How long was I out?” I asked, almost panicked. But I found myself falling back into Brady’s arms. “It’s okay. Not that long. Maybe an hour or so.” I snuggled back into his chest, trying to forget about my horrible nightmare.
“You did scream a few times in your sleep though. You sure didn’t sleep well. You tossed and turned a lot too. Actually crying a few times.” I felt my face and noticed that my cheeks and eyes were awfully damp. “What the-” I was embarassed. I didn’t even know why, but I was completely embarassed. Who knows what I did in my sleep!
“I’m so sorry! I don’t even know what to say… I had… oh my gosh. I just don’t even know what to say.” Brady laughed. “You don’t have to say anything. You had a nightmare. It’s not a big deal. Why are you freaking out?” That’s a good questions. Why am I freaking out? “I don’t know, to be perfectly honesst. I just…I’m kind of embarassed I guess. Did I really scream?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood again, but I think Brady’s already done that. “Yeah, you did. It kind of scared me a bit actually. But after the third time, I just was kind of used to it. Then I’d just hum this song and you’d settle down.” The trailed still filled my mind along with the wails and screams from my dream. They were so vivid. So…realistic.
“Mmm, what song did you hum?” I asked. Brady didn’t answer at first, and I thought that he didn’t hear me. Just when I was about to repeat myself, he answered. “Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift. I know that sounds weird, but I know how you love Taylor Swift and…it was the only song that I thougth fit for the moment.” I smiled. He remembers that I love Taylor Swift. “You know that’s one of my favorite songs right now? Since it’s brand new and everything, I love it. It makes me cry sometimes.” I don’t know why, but hearing this mad me really happy. How Brady sung me to sleep with one of my favorite songs without him even really knowing it.
“I just…picked a random song and that happened to be the one that popped into my head.” Brady said. We laid in silence for a few moments, until Brady said, “Do you remember what you said before you fell asleep?” He asked. Oh crap. So that wasn’t part of my dream. Do I played dumb? Or answer it truthfully? Or try to do a little of both? “Umm…depends on what you thought I said. I thought I said a lot of things before I fell asleep.” I suck at lying so bad. Brady laughed softly. “The part where you said you loved me?” He asked. I felt my face turn red. How am I going to get out of this one? I dug my own hole here. “Yeah. I think I do remember something like that.” I said.
He nodded. “Hmm…was just wondering.” He said. Again, silence filled the room, when I finally couldn’t take it. I sat up a bit and looked Brady in the eyes. He stared at me back, his big brown eyes hypnotizing me. “I do love you.” I said. Then, without even a second thought I leaned in and kissed him right on the lips. His lips warmed my whole body. It made me feel so good. I thought about when AJ and I would kiss and compared it to now. I’ve never felt this way before, no matter how many kisses AJ and I had, even though they all made me feel wonderful, this kiss was something way more intense.
I wanted more. I wanted this sensation to stay forever. I didn’t dare break away, and I could tell Brady didn’t either. We kept going, enjoying eachother and being together. I wanted him so badly at this moment that everything to do with AJ had vanished. My toes curled, my spine shivered, and my lips kept going.
Brady, for some reason, pulled away then. I didn’t want him to. I was enjoying it too much. The feeling was so surreal, but at the same time so intense I liked it. A lot. I just now noticed that I was on top of Brady, one leg on eachside of his waist. “I’m sorry.” He whispered. I leaned forward and touched my forhead to his. “Don’t be.” I said. We both were panting slightly. I don’t even know how long we were kissing, but it must have been a while because I was out of breath. Brady chuckled slightly and all he could say was “Wow.”
I wanted to second that, but for some reason nothing came out of my mouth. All I did was continue to take short and quick breaths, trying to regain air in my lungs. Brady’s hand went through my hair and held my face securely by his. “I love you too.” He whispered and quickly kissed me one last time, which felt like a quick shock of electricity through my veins. I smiled and giggled slightly. “But you know how much I wish that was enough.” He said. This statement took me aback. I don’t know why, because it shouldn’t have. He’s right. But, it almost made me angry. What kind of person am I turning into? One that is in love with her ex, but goes and makes out with her bestfriend who’s hopelessely in love with her? But I couldn’t help it. Fury was all I felt now.
I got off of Brady, and sat on the edge of the bed again, my lip curled into a scowl and almost pouting. Brady got up off the bed, walked around to where I was sitting and took a seat by me. He didn’t touch me like he usually does, however, he made sure he kept his distance. He’d usually throw his arms around me and comfort me until I felt better. But now he didn’t, he kept a respectable distance. “Look, you know what I want. But, I also know what you want. No matter how much you don’t want me to.” He stated. I gave Brady a look. “You don’t know anything about what I want. I don’t even know what I want anymore.” I scoffed and got up, walking up through the living room, up the stairs, and into my bedroom. Brady, like I knew he would, followed.
“You know what it would have lead to if I didn’t pull away, Amber. Would you really want to go down that path?” He questioned me. I walked over to my closet and stripped my shirt and pants off. Brady’s already seen me in my underwear before, so I don’t think it really matters now. Brady just leaned against my doorframe. “Maybe I did want that. Maybe I did want to go down that path. But I guess it doesn’t matter does it. Even if I did want you, you’d never believe me. And you know that’s true.” I shot back. What was I saying? I was acting like a spoiled brat that isn’t getting what she wants.
“What is up with you Amber? You’re right, I don’t know what you want. You’re in a depression for a year over this guy that you were apparently ‘so in love’ with. Then suddenly, you try to seduce your supposed ‘bestfriend that you feel nothing towards’ into bed and want to have sex? Really Amber? You’re really pissing me off right now.” Brady shook his head and scoffed. “I don’t believe you. What, am I just your little boy toy? Who you just want to use for your personal gain? Friends with benefits?” He rolled his eyes.
Once again, he’s right. Not 100% acuurate, because I do have feelings for him. I just don’t know what feelings yet. But after that kiss… “You’re not my boy toy!” I say defensively. “I just…” I begin, but can’t find the words to complete my sentence. “You just were caught in the moment and wanted to have sex. You weren’t actually thinking about me when you were kissing me I bet. I gaurantee that AJ crossed your mind atleast once or twice. Believe me, I would want to do it too. But the thing is… I can’t. Because I know you don’t truly feel it like I do. You’re just stuck in the moment. When you prove to me that I’m the only guy for you, then we’d be able to. But until then, I won’t believe you. You’re still hung up on that druggie.” Anger flooded his face. I could tell he wanted to too, but he knew it was the right thing to stop.
I was still digging through my closet in my underwear and bra, when I felt Brady’s arms wrap around my waist. I didn’t know what he was doing at first, but then he spun me around and kissed me.
When he let me go, I was a little disappointed. It wasn’t nearly as magical or sensational as our last kiss. It was just…plain. Brady held my shoulders with his hands and stared at me. “Well?” He asked. I just stared back at him, not saying anything, just looking into his eyes. “Well?” He said again, with a bit more force. I shrugged. “See? Nothing. That’s what I was afraid of.” He sighed and paced around in my room. His hands grabbed his hair in aggitation. This was a situation blown out of proportion.
“Hey, I didn’t say I felt nothing! There was something! Just…” He nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Just not as intense as the last one, I get it. Just takes one spark to start a fire. Unfortunately, I was still conscious to actually put that fire out unlike some people.” He eyed me. Now he was making me mad…again. “Look, let’s just forget about this, alright? We’re both going to rip eachother apart by the time the day ends!” I said almost yelling.
“You were the one who brought this thing up, missy. Just in case you forgot.” He reminded. Damn, right again. If we were keeping track I’d be at like negative something and Brady would be at like ten now. “Well, if I started it I can end it. Let’s. Forget. About. It.” I said, emphasizing everyword. Brady shook his head. “That’s it. I’m rescheduling the party to tonight. You need to sort this shit out Amber! I wasn’t kidding when I said that! This is way too big of an issue to hold off until next weekend.” I crossed my arms, my eyes, daggers. “What issue Brady!”
“The issue of you and that loser! Don’t you understand? If he wasn’t involved we’d be still in the Bahamas, we’d most likely be together. But he has to be in your life and fuck things up! I’m sorry, but it’s true!” Without another word, he went downstairs, phone in hand, texting vigorously.
“Ugh!” I growled and threw myself on my bed. Is this what hormones do to you? Jesus. Brady probably wasn’t exaggerating when he said we’d be together. We would, no doubt. Also, if he wasn’t in my life though…I may have died up here and who knows you I would have been with then? So really, the thing that happened was I moved. If I didn’t move…If only I would have never moved…
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